tillyjones
Active Member
- Time of past OR future Camino
- Frances June 2015
VDLP May 2017
del Norte Sept 2018
For 2024 Pilgrims: €50,- donation = 1 year with no ads on the forum + 90% off any 2024 Guide. More here. (Discount code sent to you by Private Message after your donation) |
---|
I thought I would open a thread on here in the event there are any similar people and/or for the benefit of those who many not be.
I am diagnosed on the Autism spectrum (high functioning - Asperger's in the earlier DSM). For me, and everyone is different, this means highly intelligent, but a bit quirky and not very social. I have lots of traits and symptoms in day to day life - i.e., noise sensitivities, anxiety, difficulty articulating my thoughts, personal sound sensitivies, etc., etc. I don't mind being present among people, but directly interacting with people, for the most part, causes a lot more stress than its worth.
I walk the Camino because I like the solitude and the quiet and the wide open spaces.
As in life, it's frustrating to be in situations, like albergues or intermingling at a lunch spot, where one is expected to be social and if you're not, you're considered to be unfriendly. On my first go, on the CF, I got on the road early to avoid the masses, and ended up getting private accommodations close to every other night, just to avoid the physical, mental and emotional drain that the albergue experience creates.
I very much enjoy one on one, quiet conversations, with people whom don't trigger any of my many anxieties and I very much appreciate when I meet such a person.
I walk the VLDP in May, in hopes of having a more compatible experience.
So perhaps just because I'm having yet another bad day, I thought this could serve as a public service reminder, that just because people don't seem 'friendly' doesn't mean that they're not.
I thought I would open a thread on here in the event there are any similar people and/or for the benefit of those who many not be.
I am diagnosed on the Autism spectrum (high functioning - Asperger's in the earlier DSM). For me, and everyone is different, this means highly intelligent, but a bit quirky and not very social. I have lots of traits and symptoms in day to day life - i.e., noise sensitivities, anxiety, difficulty articulating my thoughts, personal space issues, etc., etc. I don't mind being present among people, but directly interacting with people, for the most part, causes a lot more stress than its worth.
I walk the Camino because I like the solitude and the quiet and the wide open spaces.
As in life, it's frustrating to be in situations, like albergues or intermingling at a lunch spot, where one is expected to be social and if you're not, you're considered to be unfriendly. On my first go, on the CF, I got on the road early to avoid the masses, and ended up getting private accommodations close to every other night, just to avoid the physical, mental and emotional drain that the albergue experience creates.
I very much enjoy one on one, quiet conversations, with people whom don't trigger any of my many anxieties and I very much appreciate when I meet such a person.
I walk the VLDP in May, in hopes of having a more compatible experience.
So perhaps just because I'm having yet another bad day, I thought this could serve as a public service reminder, that just because people don't seem 'friendly' doesn't mean that they're not.
I thought I would open a thread on here in the event there are any similar people and/or for the benefit of those who many not be.
I am diagnosed on the Autism spectrum (high functioning - Asperger's in the earlier DSM). For me, and everyone is different, this means highly intelligent, but a bit quirky and not very social. I have lots of traits and symptoms in day to day life - i.e., noise sensitivities, anxiety, difficulty articulating my thoughts, personal space issues, etc., etc. I don't mind being present among people, but directly interacting with people, for the most part, causes a lot more stress than its worth.
I walk the Camino because I like the solitude and the quiet and the wide open spaces.
As in life, it's frustrating to be in situations, like albergues or intermingling at a lunch spot, where one is expected to be social and if you're not, you're considered to be unfriendly. On my first go, on the CF, I got on the road early to avoid the masses, and ended up getting private accommodations close to every other night, just to avoid the physical, mental and emotional drain that the albergue experience creates.
I very much enjoy one on one, quiet conversations, with people whom don't trigger any of my many anxieties and I very much appreciate when I meet such a person.
I walk the VLDP in May, in hopes of having a more compatible experience.
So perhaps just because I'm having yet another bad day, I thought this could serve as a public service reminder, that just because people don't seem 'friendly' doesn't mean that they're not.
I really think that the Camino is one place where people really do not juge and respect others' choices. And of they don't, just ignore it and certainly don't feel bad at all.
Simply B, I am very confused by your post. All I tried to convey is that noone should feel they are being juged by others when they prefer a quieter experience or setting. Every person has their needs, their personalities, their preferences, and that is to be respected, and I beliece that if there is one place on earth where I find these differences are respected is on the Camino.@Anemone del Camino -
Problem 1. This is wayyy too long of a post on my part.
Problem 2. Your post did not hit a nerve for me but, someone who is unaware of the quick intimacy of the Camino and who is either an Aspy or "constitutional introvert" might be misguided as to potential situations.
Please understand that I will not engage in an argument on this point. I related above my experience which was, ummm, interesting.
Imagine sitting at a looonng table with a group of 8 - 10 others and someone pipes up with "You know, there's something different about you. I think you have Asperger's." Well, knowing that such is the case, I would go along because only me and the inquisitor likely knew what the heck was being discussed. I played along with "20 Questions" to get them confirmed in what I already knew....and to help the other people at table understand what was being discussed. (Maybe, I wasn't being "judged" but a psyche-probe in public is pretty aggressive. If the recipient of the "diagnosis" does not know what is going on, there will likely be damage.)
Bear in mind, I do not consider myself a "victim"...just different. This sentiment is fairly common within the Aspy community from what I can tell. But let's just step it down a level to the "constitutional introvert" (a lot of people with this "problem" don't even know they have it)... here is my opinion, for what it is worth....
If crowd noise, group socializing, etc., is a problem for you - have coping strategies ready.
a. Make sure to get your "alone time" - every dang day!
b. In contrast, open yourself everyday to a one-on-one with any pilg that looks lost, defeated or in distress. It will do wonders for your mood as you bring forth the gifts you have to offer to your Camino neighbors.
c. Try both the albergue life and solitary rooms as you go. There will be a balance that works for you, just give yourself permission to find the right balance as you expand your "comfort zone". You will find people that "get" you. They may be few in number but their contribution to your well-being will be out-sized.
d. And, yes, this makes it a bit difficult BUT - - at group dinners - - forego any more alcohol than you need to cut trail dust and appear sociable. "In vino, veritas." True, but some people will not be able to handle your version of truth. (Perhaps I am wrong, but 'Aspy's/introverts on Camino' are generally looking for meaning and quieting of the mind. Lots of people around you are not on the same mission. No judgement there, just fact .)
And, from the "For What It's Worth Department", that's all I've got -
B
Anyone who would make an amateur diagnosis in a public place has a few issues of his own. I hope you also prepare yourself with a ready response to such presumption. Something along the lines of: "If I was on the Asperger's spectrum, it wouldn't be anyone's business but my own."
I thought I would open a thread on here in the event there are any similar people and/or for the benefit of those who many not be.
I am diagnosed on the Autism spectrum (high functioning - Asperger's in the earlier DSM). For me, and everyone is different, this means highly intelligent, but a bit quirky and not very social. I have lots of traits and symptoms in day to day life - i.e., noise sensitivities, anxiety, difficulty articulating my thoughts, personal space issues, etc., etc. I don't mind being present among people, but directly interacting with people, for the most part, causes a lot more stress than its worth.
I walk the Camino because I like the solitude and the quiet and the wide open spaces.
As in life, it's frustrating to be in situations, like albergues or intermingling at a lunch spot, where one is expected to be social and if you're not, you're considered to be unfriendly. On my first go, on the CF, I got on the road early to avoid the masses, and ended up getting private accommodations close to every other night, just to avoid the physical, mental and emotional drain that the albergue experience creates.
I very much enjoy one on one, quiet conversations, with people whom don't trigger any of my many anxieties and I very much appreciate when I meet such a person.
I walk the VLDP in May, in hopes of having a more compatible experience.
So perhaps just because I'm having yet another bad day, I thought this could serve as a public service reminder, that just because people don't seem 'friendly' doesn't mean that they're not.
Simply B., I think I now understand. You were talking about your own experience whereas I was refering to this:@Anemone del Camino -
Apologies for any distress you might feel on account of my post. It was not a personal attack.
What I think you might be missing is the context of "being judged" versus "being publicly diagnosed". (The situations feel equivalent....to me, anyway.)
If one knows where they fit - personality wise, they may (may!) be able to laugh off the experience. Some people likely will not, and, I am speaking to them.
The Camino is one of the best things thing that ever happened to me and, as you relate, one of the places most free of the BS we find in the workaday world. I am just noting that it is not completely free of BS. I do not want to have people like me carry unrealistic notions/expectations onto the Way. It works out well for no one.
B
. I wanted her to know that she does not have to be sociable, nor is she being considered unfriendly. People walk these routes for different reasons, and we all need to be respectful of that and what it may imply.where one is expected to be social and if you're not, you're considered to be unfriendly.
This is good advice for anyone. The experiences are different but everyone can grow by exploring both.Try both the albergue life and solitary rooms as you go. There will be a balance that works for you
@tillyjones -
I understand 1000%.
What amazed me on my first walk of the CF was how many psychotherapists were on it at the same time! I did not even make it past Puente la Reina before I was voluntarily "diagnosed" at dinner. Then again at Burgos, then at Carrion, again at Ventas...and Triacastela...and Olveiroa.
The next time out I was "guiding" a friend of 40 years who is suffering neurological damage, information he freely shared. However, as information filtered around us, most people thought it was I who had the problem! By the end, I was wondering if I should just wear a placard (lightweight, of course) or carry "explanation cards".
I'll be interested in how you fare on the VDLP. At first glance, it seems like a good strategy.
Buen Camino!
B
I am looking forward to getting walking in May!
Been there; am like that. People don't understand!I thought I would open a thread on here in the event there are any similar people and/or for the benefit of those who many not be.
I am diagnosed on the Autism spectrum (high functioning - Asperger's in the earlier DSM). For me, and everyone is different, this means highly intelligent, but a bit quirky and not very social. I have lots of traits and symptoms in day to day life - i.e., noise sensitivities, anxiety, difficulty articulating my thoughts, personal space issues, etc., etc. I don't mind being present among people, but directly interacting with people, for the most part, causes a lot more stress than its worth.
I walk the Camino because I like the solitude and the quiet and the wide open spaces.
As in life, it's frustrating to be in situations, like albergues or intermingling at a lunch spot, where one is expected to be social and if you're not, you're considered to be unfriendly. On my first go, on the CF, I got on the road early to avoid the masses, and ended up getting private accommodations close to every other night, just to avoid the physical, mental and emotional drain that the albergue experience creates.
I very much enjoy one on one, quiet conversations, with people whom don't trigger any of my many anxieties and I very much appreciate when I meet such a person.
I walk the VLDP in May, in hopes of having a more compatible experience.
So perhaps just because I'm having yet another bad day, I thought this could serve as a public service reminder, that just because people don't seem 'friendly' doesn't mean that they're not.
Not at all. It's just real--and I think a number of us have learned something. Those of us who are introverts might have a vague sense of what you experience, but there's no way in a million years anyone who isn't in your shoes could begin to understand, without your open and very clear post.But all of this is too somber for this site I suppose.
If I see you on the way I will remember and respect your issuesI am looking forward to getting walking in May!
Was the person drunk ?
I would have been tempted to come back with a 'Churchillian' style response such as....
"And you are an intrusive, insensitive loudmouth.....but at least I am aware of my condition"!
Before leaving the table to find better company, if only my own.
Thank you so much for sharing. I also have a lot of the same issues and have been a little nervous since a lot people comment on the social aspect of the Camino.I thought I would open a thread on here in the event there are any similar people and/or for the benefit of those who many not be.
I am diagnosed on the Autism spectrum (high functioning - Asperger's in the earlier DSM). For me, and everyone is different, this means highly intelligent, but a bit quirky and not very social. I have lots of traits and symptoms in day to day life - i.e., noise sensitivities, anxiety, difficulty articulating my thoughts, personal space issues, etc., etc. I don't mind being present among people, but directly interacting with people, for the most part, causes a lot more stress than its worth.
I walk the Camino because I like the solitude and the quiet and the wide open spaces.
As in life, it's frustrating to be in situations, like albergues or intermingling at a lunch spot, where one is expected to be social and if you're not, you're considered to be unfriendly. On my first go, on the CF, I got on the road early to avoid the masses, and ended up getting private accommodations close to every other night, just to avoid the physical, mental and emotional drain that the albergue experience creates.
I very much enjoy one on one, quiet conversations, with people whom don't trigger any of my many anxieties and I very much appreciate when I meet such a person.
I walk the VLDP in May, in hopes of having a more compatible experience.
So perhaps just because I'm having yet another bad day, I thought this could serve as a public service reminder, that just because people don't seem 'friendly' doesn't mean that they're not.
@tillyjones -
What amazed me on my first walk of the CF was how many psychotherapists were on it at the same time! I did not even make it past Puente la Reina before I was voluntarily "diagnosed" at dinner.
Hi Tilly,I know that there was no ill intent, but I was sort of triggered by a comment that was made and thought I would give a bit more of a picture of my reality.
I am considered by most, except the rare person who takes the time and has the patience to see past the external presentation, to be a real bitch. I'm not, that's just my condition.
I probably won't give you a smile and engage with you when we encounter one another on the trail, because of the risks that come with that. You might be a person who triggers any of my anxieties. I don't do well in environments where I don't know what is about to happen and if I don't know what type of person you are, I feel panicked around you. I will go so far as to avoid eye contact to make sure that I don't have to engage with you and also because eye contact can be really uncomfortable. So I look like an unfriendly bitch. My reality is that I need an opportunity to 'evaluate' people before I can engage with them. I.e., size up what their personality is like, so that I know what to 'expect' of them and know if they are a person that I can feel comfortable around. It takes me observing someone over a few occasions to evaluate their personality style before I can feel comfortable engaging with them.
I probably won't laugh along with a group conversation, because, well, my facial expression is pretty flat most of the time. Also, I usually don't find what certain people find funny, funny. So I look like an unfriendly bitch. But I have a great sense of humour, with people who share the same humour, and I love to laugh, when I have the right person and circumstances to do so.
I will avoid, like the plague, having to participate in a group activity such as a meal or outing. Imagine the panic that comes with being unsure about what one person would be like, times however many people are there. Plus I have noise sensitivities. The noise and chaos of many people talking causes me extreme anxiety. Plus I just can't do casual small talk. I truly can't bare it. And so I look like a bitch. Sometimes I feel like an analogy would be like in those movies where someone has a gun to someone's head and there is a knock at the door and the person is told to answer the door and 'talk normal', all the while there is a person with a gun to their head. I try to sit in these environments and force a smile to my face and pretend to be polite and interested in these conversations, all the while I am consumed with panic and an insatiable need to run screaming from the room. But I enjoy having a quiet, one on one conversation with people, especially similar quiet, introverted people.
Yes, I will be the one loner who goes off to a private room and doesn't have the 'camino experience' in the albergue, but I need to do that for the sake of my mental health as I simply can't bare the noise and commotion and obligatory socializing and what not that comes with the albergue.
I have heard 'you should smile more' and 'don't be so serious' hundreds and hundreds of times. Why? Who says I should smile more? Why do I need to smile more? Just because I don't smile enough (according to you) does that mean I don't deserve to be treated with dignity and respect?
So, yes, people naturally evaluate what they see, which is an unfriendly and unapproachable person. And that is understandable. It is frustrating to be evaluated that way, though, when there is much more to it and I am perfectly friendly in the kinds of environments and around the kind of people who are 'safe' for me. I really don't want to be a complete social outcast. Once assessed as unfriendly, then that's that. i.e., If a person is kind enough to invite me along with a group of people going out for dinner, I will likely decline, and if I've declined a time or two, I probably won't be asked again. But what they don't know if they asked if I wanted to join them, alone, for breakfast, I would happily accept. Just because I can't operate socially in the same way that others do, I sort of get tossed in the reject pile. And it's a frustrating way to live.
But all of this is too somber for this site I suppose.The point, I guess, is to remember that not everyone is as they seem.
I am looking forward to getting walking in May!
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?