Newbie to the Camino

[garangy]

Hello all. I will be making my Camino soon. Im female and will be walking alone. When i told my husband i wanted to do this walk alone he was slightly miffed and didnt understand why i dont want us to do it together, i explained it has to be my pilgramage and not "ours".
Anyway, my husband is now coming out with negative comments about the dangers i may face as a lone female on this trek, i will be doing the sjpp to santiago. Should i be concerned about anything in particular? Apart from using common sense is there any tips out there for single females i should be aware of ?
I think my hubbys just trying to scare me into not doing it!

 

[Metropolly]

Hello all. I will be making my Camino soon. Im female and will be walking alone. When i told my husband i wanted to do this walk alone he was slightly miffed and didnt understand why i dont want us to do it together, i explained it has to be my pilgramage and not "ours" as i have a cancer which is progressing and although im being treated to try and keep it on an even keel for want of a better word, there is as yet no cure so i know i have to do this now while im still capable.
Anyway, my husband is now constantly coming out with negative comments about the dangers i may face as a lone female on this trek, i will be doing the sjpp to santiago. Should i be concerned about anything in particular? Apart from using common sense is there any tips out there for single females i should be aware of ?
I think my hubbys just trying to scare me into not doing it!

There are no particular problems for the solo female pilgrim. I say this, though, having walked it without the illness that you suffer. I hope you find what you need on your Camino. Your husband's concern is natural, but he should know you will be greatly welcomed by the camino and by your fellow pilgrims. Would you appreciate a visit from your husband at some point, either half way (Leon or thereabouts) or in Santiago? Best wishes

 

[Rod and Barrie]

Bravo Garangy and admire your determination. So sorry for your illness and wish you a beautiful spiritual journey. Getting married end of April and hope to see you on the trail.

KTS (keep the strength),

R&B (Rod and Barrie)

 

[RobertS26]

The Camino is absolutely safe. The most dangerous part of your journey, statistically speaking, will be without a doubt the drive to the airport.

The Camino is now really connected to the internet. Virtually every bar, restaurant, and alberque along the way has wifi (or "wee fee" as they say in Europe). You will be able to post updates to Facebook and other social media to keep your friends and family informed of your progress.

If you choose, you can become a member of a Camino family. These often consist of 5 or 6 individuals of a common language and walking ability who bond together in the first week. You don't necessarily walk with your Camino family during the day, but you tend to stay in the same villages at night and usually have dinner together. Being a member of a Camino family gives you the best of both worlds: companionship when you need and solitude when you need it.

I found that I did my best thinking after walking by myself for a hour or two. The constant rhythm of placing one foot in front of the other almost hypnotizes you. Without the noise of our daily lives (e.g. phones, newspapers, and televisions) you are able to enter into a conscious state of mind where everything becomes so clear and the answer to complex problems become so obvious.

Buen Camino!

 

[november_moon]

it sounds like your husband is still having trouble understanding why you want to do this alone, esspecially with a terminal condition - maybe he wants to spend the time you have together.

 

[OzAnnie]

Hello all. I will be making my Camino soon. Im female and will be walking alone. When i told my husband i wanted to do this walk alone he was slightly miffed and didnt understand why i dont want us to do it together!

Hi garangy.

Happy planning and you'll be safe!!! Travelling solo (at least to start) is pretty common. You will be welcomed to join others to walk and eat and you'll feel part of a group if you so wish. It will always be possible to choose to be alone. The camaraderie on the Way is so good though. End of the day relaxing and chatting over a meal or a vino tinto can be magical times. But you deserve to choose what you do with this time in your life. Though I have witnessed many walkers where they were either 'met' at the end of their chosen stretch whether it is Santiago or not (by loved ones). Most of them loved walking on their own as hubby had other things to do but were so looking forward to meeting hubby at the end. In some cases staying a couple of days in Santiago and even bussing out to finnesterre and Muxia together . Other has travelled together for a short while at the start in order that both can 'see" everything will be fine. One man was interested in history (it was his camino), his wife sometimes walked with him and was part of the camino family that grew around them. (These are usually other walkers who start to recognise each other and choose to join one another when they stop for breaks etc, choose same alburgues), other days she would catch a bus and get their washing done and be there to 'meet' him at the end of a hard walk. No doubt your husband wants to care for you and is very worried about your health more so now?. Think about all the possibilities and talk to him about them. Of course this is only IMHO. ..

Annie

 

[AnnieH61]

I walked from Pamplona to Burgos last year (alone), and am returning to (fingers crossed) walk from SJPdP to Santiago this April. You will be safe and never lonely on your journey. My husband met me at one point and then spent time in Eastern Spain and I took a train across Spain to meet him.
Talk to him about sharing this with you, perhaps training or meeting or any other aspect of it. There is so much to share and still spend your time on the camino. Is he perhaps not against the camino itself but railing against your illness and the thought of losing you? I wish you well and Buen Camino.
AnnieH

 

[joanfromcomox]

Hi Garangy, When I first mentioned my desire to walk the Camino, my husband wasn't full of enthusiasm. Not negative. Just not enthusiastic. I was to travel with my daughter (thus the picture here), but a sudden change in the health of this until-then very healthy man prevented us going at the time we had chosen. The following year, he had recovered and I decided to head off ... this time on my own because my daughter couldn't get time off. That's when "not enthusiastic" shifted to concern. (He had taken comfort in the fact that if anything happened to me, my daughter would be there to make sure I was well cared for.) As time approached, and here's the happy part ... for my birthday my husband said he wanted to buy me the knapsack I would need ... and then a silk sleeping liner. The time for departure arrived (September 4th of last year) and off I went with his blessing. Like your husband, though I am not dealing with illness as you are, he was concerned for my well-being. But all went well. As others have said, you will be cared for. That's one of the many beauties of the Camino ... the kindness of strangers. I experienced and heard so many stories of giving and receiving care that they continue to warm the heart ... five months after returning home.

Some folks have mentioned the possibility of linking up with your partner at some point along the Camino or at the end. I met pilgrims who had made those arrangements and it was a happy scenario for both. Others had made those arrangements, but in quiet moments once on the Way came to realize they wished they hadn't. For me, I met my husband in London. I predicted (and correctly so, as it turns out), that I would want and need some time just "be" at the end of the journey.

A sad piece, for me is that my husband didn't stay in touch with me as I walked. He sent just a couple of messages during the five/six weeks I was away. I know now that he was reading my blog, but that didn't translate into meaningful messages from home. He offered an explanation when I asked him about this upon my return, but a sadness remains. I share this personal piece with you because it was my reality ... and, I believe, the reality for some others. Though certainly not all! Some spouses were "there" ... albeit at a distance of several thousand miles away. The more important piece, though, is that he did send me off with love ... knowing that walking the Camino was very important to me. And for that I'm grateful.

Hopefully, your husband will come to accept and understand your desire to walk ... but perhaps not. But if it's important that you do so, and it sounds like it is, I wish you well in offering him assurances that, based on the experiences of others (men and women) who have walked alone (or, at least, who have started off that way), you will be in the company of kind strangers who will do whatever they can to ensure your well-being. It may get a little tired hearing the saying "the Camino provides" ... but it truly does. Wishing you a wonderful journey ...

 

[CISSA69]

Hi there

I think that it is important to spend time with your loved ones being left behind and work through any concerns, issues and find ways of overcoming them.

1. One way of helping your husband to gain an understanding of the Camino would be to bring him to an Open day hosted by your local Camino organisation, or bring him to your local pilgrim office where they give advice such as the CSJ office in London.
2. Buy two guide books, leaving one behind with your husband. So when you contact him you can make reference to the guide and you can communicate via the book and the maps there in. In a sense he can walk with you as he follows your progress as you walk.
3. Discuss and agree how you want to keep in contact or not during your Camino. The last contributor was upset when her husband did not reply to her e-mails. Don't make assumptions without discussing them with your partner.
4. Be creative. I met a father once on the Camino whose daughter had handed him 30+ letters him to bring on his Camino. Each one was addressed to him and dated. Thus each day he got to open another letter and read his daughters thoughts. So you could do the same or write love letters and post them to him when you can. E-mail is great but not very romantic.
5. Have your husband come out and walk the last 110KMs from Sarria with you.
6. Pose the question to your husband when he raises a concern "if that was not your only concern, then what concern might you have?".
7. Involve your husband in the planning eg buying your gear, creating kit lists, as men like to be involved and they like to be helpful. Find solutions to his concerns eg bring a whistle, walking pole, do a self defence class with him ..... turn his concern into an action or adventure
8. Go on training walks with your husband. Some Camino Associations have walks eg the Korean Association, where past and perspective pilgrims get to walk, talk, eat, drink etc.
9. Focus on the benefits of the Camino. Solved problems tend to get replaced with other problems. Get him to identify the benefits of you walking alone and the benefits of him having time to himself at home. Maybe create a plan for both of you during your Camino so both of you have an adventure/camino/journey. When you contact him you can both compare notes and see how each others plans are coming along
10. Reverse roles, where you get to be the person left behind and he gets to be the Pilgrim. You then get to see each others perspectives.

If you do not get your husband on side then there is likely to be a part of you that is left behind at home thus reducing your Camino experience.

C

 

[Larry from Sydney]

The Camino is a journey that starts when you first hear of it and it becomes part of you - you need to share it with your family - I was going to walk alone and then my wife wanted to meet me at Saria - we started to train and prepare for our Caminos at some stage it turned into our Camino as my wife is now walking from SJ with me - and yes she has fears but has worked through them with me - we did this by communicating about the Camino and sharing our thoughts fears and passion. - so Communicate as you want a free heart and not to be burdened as you explore the Camino as it is Your Way


Sent from my iPhone using Camino de Santiago Forum mobile app

 

[Kathy F.]

I walked solo. My husband had no desire (or time) to walk, and we were OK with this. I guess we've been married too long, LOL!!

Your husband is worried about you, bless his heart. Assure him that, through this forum, you've read countless stories from women who have walked solo and lived to tell the tale.

My DH (Dear Husband) didn't contact me very often while I was walking, although he kept up with my blog, which I was doing while walking. Part of this was because of the cost of keeping in touch internationally, partly because of difficulty in finding wifi at convenient times, partly because we were both busy (yes, you'll be busy on the Camino during your down times). Nevertheless, we knew we were at each other's side every step of the way.

Make sure you are as prepared physically as you can be - sounds like you're ready mentally. Take any medications you need, take hiking poles, pack light, take care of your feet.

I'm Catholic and I said a rosary every day while walking - the nicest 15 minutes of the day. It helped put my mind in a good place for the day. Are you doing this as just a walk or as a pilgrimage of a sort?

For Heaven's sake, assure your husband that, although you may be walking solo, you will very rarely be alone (have you checked the numbers on the CF??). Just sayin'.

Buen Camino

 

[ManyMiles2Go]

Another option is take your hubby with you. You don't actually have to be "together", you can walk separately (miles or even hours apart), but still be able to meet up with each other at night. My wife and I walked together last year, but not always by each others side. We had "our" pilgrimage, but still had our personal time for reflection and sightseeing (like posted above, I loved the architecture over there!). Just an option, but you should have no problems going solo. I would not be afraid of my wife doing it on her own, but I might have had I not been there myself already and know what it is like!

 

[Avenelite]

it

Hello all. I will be making my Camino soon. Im female and will be walking alone. When i told my husband i wanted to do this walk alone he was slightly miffed and didnt understand why i dont want us to do it together, i explained it has to be my pilgramage and not "ours".
Anyway, my husband is now coming out with negative comments about the dangers i may face as a lone female on this trek, i will be doing the sjpp to santiago. Should i be concerned about anything in particular? Apart from using common sense is there any tips out there for single females i should be aware of ?
I think my hubbys just trying to scare me into not doing it!

Hola 'garangy'. Firstly very best wishes for your Camino and for yourself as a person in all aspects of your life. Secondly, thanks for sharing your concerns on this forum; it's a very supportive place. I'm certain that along with the lovely comforting advice you have received, you have also given others [who chose to walk alone for whatever reason], an opportunity to reflect on that choice and the impact it may be having on partners/family members.

I'm heading off alone in April 2014. I believe it is the only way I can walk the Camino as a physical reality and as a metaphor for travelling from one starting point to another. My husband wanted to be involved but did not want to walk the whole way from STJPdP to Santiago [and onwards to Muxia?]. He also did not want to stay in albergues. He suggested various options re walking some parts, meeting up along the way etc. We discussed these and agreed that the journey I needed to undertake did not accommodate them. He understands [knowing me well] and with several months to adjust, is now part of my training and general preparation. I am mindful of his needs, realising that he will be in Australia for the 3 months I will be in Spain. I keep a 'planning' journal to record both the practical and the emotional preparations rather than verbalising every thought and feeling. I do not want to run the risk of over doing it!! I plan to write frequently; letters serving as a diary in themselves. There will be minimal other contact.

My son and daughter [walkers and travellers] were excited by the news when first hearing it in October, unfazed by the 'solo' aspect. Friends and family members are slightly bewildered, the vast majority not having heard of the Camino before. They find the concept of anyone walking the 800 km in Spain disconcerting. The fact that I am going 'by myself' is intriguing to some, for others a real conversation stopper!

This is my story; one among the many. No doubt someone out there shares part of it and someone will find it alien. 'Garangy' your story has touched many people already via this forum. The support you need as a 'solo' walker will be there. I hope that is comforting to both you and your husband.

 

[Phillypilgrim]

He'll be on his own Camino, alone at home without you. That is part of the discomfort, I think. I went alone also, my husband at home. Our deal was, I text him every day to let him know my progress which he followed on a map. He also followed my Facebook postings. I had to remind him every week for one year prior to going, that it was really going to happen. He did get on the same page as me eventually.

 

[tpmchugh]

whether alone or with a group, everyones pilgrimage is their own. I walked the first part to Burgos at Easter time with my son and second part alone from Burgos last September. The biggest regret I have is that due to her poor health, my wife could not and never will be able to come with me. I am envious of all the couples who walk the way together. My camino has been 39 years walking through life with my wife and if it was at all possible for her to do it I would have her on the road tomorrow. Maybe, just maybe reconsider going alone and bring him with you. You can be on the road together but still on your own with your thoughts when you want to

Buen Camino