R U OK? Day

[Wokabaut_Meri]

Here in Australia it's nearing midnight and I've just finished a few emails to some dear friends who are journeying through difficult times emotionally and financially. They're swamped during the day and email gives them the luxury of reconnecting when they are able. We phone chat when we can and visit occasionally as they are scattered at various distant points of this continent.

Today is also R U OK? Day. It's co-ordinated by a not for profit organisation on the second Thursday of September each year to prompt us to check in on family, friends and colleagues who might be struggling in some way.

Reading through the Forum last thing tonight, I was moved by exactly how often this happens on the Camino and here on our virtual (donativo) albergue.

Staying connected and having meaningful conversations is something we can all do. You don't need to be an expert - just a great mate and a good listener. So, if you notice someone who might be struggling along the Way - start a conversation. Ask them R U OK?

 

[AcrossTheWater3008]

I am not ok for the last week...... can I have a non Camino rant please? I have talked everybody to death but am still cross!

 

[good_old_shoes]

On the one hand, I think: What a nice idea, this R U OK day (never heard of it before)! On the other, I wonder: shouldn't it be the normal thing to do? Everyday, not only once a year? With everyone, not only friends, family, colleagues?


While on the Camino, it seems to be such a normal thing to ask others (complete strangers!) whether they need help, to be observant and interested in other people's wellbeing in general. But, very recently, I was again reminded how different that is in so called "real life":

A few weeks ago, while waiting for a train, I noticed a woman waiting for the same train, who was apparently very distressed, close to tears. Nobody cared. So many people around, but really, nobody cared, people walked by as if she was invisible, not there at all. That made me horribly sad. I'm not good with such things, but couldn't help it, and asked that woman exactly that one simple question: Are you ok?

Of course, she wasn't (why else would someone cry in the middle of a train station!). Couldn't help much, only listen, but she was so grateful that someone had asked, at all. It was the genuinely asked question that seemed to matter the most to her. The fact that someone saw her, saw she wasn't ok and found her important enough to ask and then listen.


What kept going through my head all the time was, that on the Camino, almost everyone passing her would have asked, would have wanted to help. And there, in "real life", nobody did.


I'm starting to think that, maybe, it's the other way around, and the Camino is the real life, or at least how it should be, not this cold, uncaring and often even cruel thing we're conditioned to see as "reality".

In a camino documentary I once watched, there was a quote of someone who said that maybe „the camino is god's dream of how people should be when they're with each other“. For some reason, even for an agnostic like me, that made sense, somehow.

 

[VNwalking]

Reading through the Forum last thing tonight, I was moved by exactly how often this happens on the Camino and here on our virtual (donativo) albergue.

What kept going through my head all the time was, that on the Camino, almost everyone passing her would have asked, would have wanted to help. And there, in "real life", nobody did.

Wow. Right on both of you.

The world is often not an easy place to be these days, so I wonder how many people in that train station were near the edge of their own personal meltdowns without showing it? No-one can help anyone else from a place of just having their head above water, there's just no energy.

On the Camino we only have to walk--which opens the door to natural caring and compassion.
Hopefully we can all remember that and in some small way (as you did, @good_old_shoes) find a way to bring it into our 'regular lives,' treating even strangers as though they were fellow pilgrims. Because they are.

 

[JeepsNRoses]

I am not ok for the last week...... can I have a non Camino rant please? I have talked everybody to death but am still cross!

Go for it! Start a conversation with me if you don't want your rant public.

 

[Icacos]

......The world is often not an easy place to be these days, so I wonder how many people in that train station were near the edge of their own personal meltdowns without showing it? No-one can help anyone else from a place of just having their head above water, there's just no energy.

On the Camino we only have to walk--which opens the door to natural caring and compassion.
Hopefully we can all remember that and in some small way (as you did, @good_old_shoes) find a way to bring it into our 'regular lives,' treating even strangers as though they were fellow pilgrims. Because they are.

Thank you for your empathy @Viranani. But I know that even on the Camino one can find those who are teetering on the edge of their emotional strength who may have nothing left to offer someone more obviously in need of help. It's so important not to judge people, and so easy to judge them when we don't know the whole story. That's why I love the stickie my daughter has on her fridge, "Be kind, for everyone is carrying a heavy burden."

 

[Wokabaut_Meri]

What kept going through my head all the time was, that on the Camino, almost everyone passing her would have asked, would have wanted to help. And there, in "real life", nobody did.

I'm starting to think that, maybe, it's the other way around, and the Camino is the real life, or at least how it should be, not this cold, uncaring and often even cruel thing we're conditioned to see as "reality".

In a camino documentary I once watched, there was a quote of someone who said that maybe „the camino is god's dream of how people should be when they're with each other“. For some reason, even for an agnostic like me, that made sense, somehow.

Beautiful observations. Perhaps the Camino makes better people of us all.

I totally agree with @Viranani though that the Camino gives us the internal space to be more aware and capable of caring and compassion. Maybe it's because we are all kindred spirits experiencing the trials and tribulations of a shared journey to the same destination... we are dependent on others for way marking, food and shelter... a journey impossible to accomplish alone...

WINTER HARVEST
from CONSOLATIONS: The Solace, Nourishment & Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words

But no matter the medicinal virtues of being a true friend
or sustaining a long close relationship with another,
the ultimate touchstone of friendship is not improvement,
neither of the other nor of the self,
the ultimate touchstone is witness,
the privilege of having been seen by someone
and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another,
to have walked with them and to have believed in them,
and sometimes just to have accompanied them,
for however brief a span,
on a journey impossible to accomplish alone.

R U K? Day is a suicide prevention charity started by Gavin Larkin, a man who tragically lost his father and decided to champion the phrase. R U OK? Day is just a way of drawing attention - and much needed funds - to their cause which believes that a conversation has the power to help people struggling with life.

Gavin Larkin died of cancer in 2011, his legacy endures.

 

[Wokabaut_Meri]

Thank you for your empathy @Viranani. But I know that even on the Camino one can find those who are teetering on the edge of their emotional strength who may have nothing left to offer someone more obviously in need of help. It's so important not to judge people, and so easy to judge them when we don't know the whole story. That's why I love the stickie my daughter has on her fridge, "Be kind, for everyone is carrying a heavy burden."

A very valid point @Icacos. You cannot help anyone if you don't help yourself first but isn't that the wonder of the Camino that you can be strong and offer help at one moment and then be humbled and receiving help at the next?

 

[VNwalking]

I know that even on the Camino one can find those who are teetering on the edge of their emotional strength who may have nothing left to offer someone more obviously in need of help. It's so important not to judge people, and so easy to judge them when we don't know the whole story. That's why I love the stickie my daughter has on her fridge, "Be kind, for everyone is carrying a heavy burden."

The Camino is such a great leveler--because of the places where the only option is to surrender...and to slowly begin to get it that I'm not the only one who struggles. Everyone's in the same boat, no matter how fast or slow. It's the best.

isn't that the wonder of the Camino that you can be strong and offer help at one moment and then be humbled and receiving help at the next?

Yes...it's wonderful!

the ultimate touchstone is witness,
...on a journey impossible to accomplish alone.

Exactly. And we are all simply pilgrims, not identities or nationalities or ages or genders or or or.....
So we learn to help each other and to simply ask the fellow pilgrim sitting under the tree on a hot day, "Are you OK?"

 

[AcrossTheWater3008]

Hey all

Sorry I got some of you worried! Just a problem wt a friend which then delayed all my plans!

Sorry ladies... jz a silly minor problem in the wake of whats been happening in the world and in the Camino!

Take care and may all be safe in this current uncertain world..

Ginette x

 

[movinmaggie]

It has been written in so many different ways......walking connects us to the heart.

 

[smj6]

Go for it! Start a conversation with me if you don't want your rant public.

Maybe others sent PMs to @AcrossTheWater3008, if not then it would appear that only @OhSuziq responded to Ginette's cry for support
Glad to hear, however, that things are not so bad after all, Ginette. Although 'a problem shared, is a problem halved'.
Ultreia to fellow pilgrims.
Suzanne