The circle of life and death

[SWi]

Coming home after a Camino people often ask: ‘what did it bring to you?’ After five walks I finally have a clear answer to that question: I have to be back, and back, and back in Spain. And I have found a way to achieve that. But this story is not about me. What I want to share is one of the magic stories that where revealed on and after the Camino, it’s actually the one story that made me find the answer. It goes back to June 2015:

My friends picked her up by the side of the road on our first Camino day, heading for Roncesvalles. A woman in despair, hurt feet - hurt soul. She wanted to give up and return home. But home was filled with grey grief, her loved one had passed away. A new relationship didn’t flourish. We walked for 17 days together. Her mourning was felt by everyone, so we needed to talk a lot. And she had difficult calls with her boyfriend at home. We shared a ritual to leave more behind. Slowly she came back to earth, back into the sun, back to a trust that life goes on. Then it was time to part ways. She walked on and returned home later. The other day I received a message from over the ocean. Something had whirled into the circle of life and death. New life had been born. She is a mother now.

 

[MCFearnley]

Beautiful! We meet amazing people on the road. I was also the recipient of a gift from a pilgrim on a chance meeting. These meetings whether carried over days or for just 15 minutes are priceless treasures.

 

[don88]

Beautiful things happen on the Camino. In 2015 just outside of Salcedo I was approached by a woman who asked if I was OK. It seems I was staggering some. After offering me some water, we got to talking. It came out that she knew my father who had passed 25 years earlier. It was a beautiful moment for me, and a lasting memory.

 

[IngridF]

Beautyfully said Simon and remembering that evening at Acacio and Oriettas when you gifted us with the poem.
Blessings to you and your loved ones during yuletide. Ingrid

 

[Waka]

Coming home after a Camino people often ask: ‘what did it bring to you?’ After five walks I finally have a clear answer to that question: I have to be back, and back, and back in Spain. And I have found a way to achieve that. But this story is not about me. What I want to share is one of the magic stories that where revealed on and after the Camino, it’s actually the one story that made me find the answer. It goes back to June 2015:

My friends picked her up by the side of the road on our first Camino day, heading for Roncesvalles. A woman in despair, hurt feet - hurt soul. She wanted to give up and return home. But home was filled with grey grief, her loved one had passed away. A new relationship didn’t flourish. We walked for 17 days together. Her mourning was felt by everyone, so we needed to talk a lot. And she had difficult calls with her boyfriend at home. We shared a ritual to leave more behind. Slowly she came back to earth, back into the sun, back to a trust that life goes on. Then it was time to part ways. She walked on and returned home later. The other day I received a message from over the ocean. Something had whirled into the circle of life and death. New life had been born. She is a mother now.

Very touching, thank you for sharing.

 

[Diane Kinney]

Thank you for this thread. It brings back snippets of stories from people I met.
One my first Camino, I met a man from Belgium who was a cancer survivor. He had walked once or twice before his cancer and I think this was his second walk after his recovery. Earlier during that walk he walked for a time with a woman who had just received word from home that her husband was diagnosed with the same cancer and she was understandably worried. The few hours she spent with the man from Belgium reassured her that there is hope. That was the only time they came across each other.
That same Camino, while waiting to receive my compostella, I was speaking with a woman from America who was very emotional. She and her husband had walked about four year previously when they had to stop as he became ill. The illness was cancer and he passed away about six months later. She wanted to return to finish the walk and tried a few years later but couldn't. The year I met her she had. Friends, knowing what she was doing, surprised her along the way and joined her to support her in finishing the walk she was making for herself and her late husband.
Finally on my last Camino I met a young woman also from California carrying the ashes of her sister. She and her sister had always planned on doing this together but fate intervened and her sister passed away. This young woman wanted to fulfill the promise by walking "with her".
There are so many other stories one hears first hand, or shared among Camino families but those three have stayed with me very acutely. I suppose there are other places where intimacy is established so easily but I haven't found them. For me the Camino is that place.
Buen Camino
Diane

 

[Gareth Griffith]

I met a very beautiful young lady on the Camino, she would have been in her early 20's. We shared a coffee and tostada in a busy, small café. She had just nabbed the last empty table just before me! She motioned to me that I could share her table and we sat down together.
She told me that her name was Cara and that she was from Surrey. She was pleased that I was English and knew where Surrey was, as she explained most people thought she was saying "Sorry" instead of Surrey.
Cara was wearing a pair of distinctive trousers/pantaloons that made me notice her in the Espíritu Santo albergue in Carrión de los Condes a day or so previously. They were made up of coloured bands that were hard to miss in comparison with the black hiking trousers that most people wore.
Cara and I got chatting and she told me that she was fed up with walking and also fed up with being turfed out of Albergues at 8 a.m. She was thinking about jacking it in. I gently asked whether she had not considered that these points were what the Camino was all about. I suggested that perhaps she should choose a private albergue where she would get a better nights kip and could perhaps have a lie-in in the morning.
Cara said that funds would not allow her to have that luxury as funds were running low. I suggested that perhaps the bank of Mum and Dad would help out. She explained that her Dad had been ill and subsequently died, her mother had taken leave from work to look after husband and for that reason, there were no funds available to help her.
I felt sorry for her father missing seeing how beautiful his daughter had become and how proud he would have been of her. Cara had a lovely personality, quietly spoken, a beautiful face and a great figure, a daughter that any father would have been proud of. I was surprised that she was walking alone.
I considered/debated with myself or whether I should persuade her to continue. In the end I thought to myself it has to be her decision.
I happily paid for her breakfast and wished her well and continued on my journey.

Ever since I have thought I could have done so much more to provide her with some support. There was so much I could have done and I didn't do it. The lesson I learnt was that sometimes people don't ask for help, but they do need it. I should have picked up on the signals and provided more help than I did.
My Dad said that you learn by your mistakes but it is easier and cheaper to learn by other peoples mistakes. Please learn by my mistake.

 

[JennyH94]

I met a very beautiful young lady on the Camino, she would have been in her early 20's. We shared a coffee and tostada in a busy, small café. She had just nabbed the last empty table just before me! She motioned to me that I could share her table and we sat down together.
She told me that her name was Cara and that she was from Surrey. She was pleased that I was English and knew where Surrey was, as she explained most people thought she was saying "Sorry" instead of Surrey.
Cara was wearing a pair of distinctive trousers/pantaloons that made me notice her in the Espíritu Santo albergue in Carrión de los Condes a day or so previously. They were made up of coloured bands that were hard to miss in comparison with the black hiking trousers that most people wore.
Cara and I got chatting and she told me that she was fed up with walking and also fed up with being turfed out of Albergues at 8 a.m. She was thinking about jacking it in. I gently asked whether she had not considered that these points were what the Camino was all about. I suggested that perhaps she should choose a private albergue where she would get a better nights kip and could perhaps have a lie-in in the morning.
Cara said that funds would not allow her to have that luxury as funds were running low. I suggested that perhaps the bank of Mum and Dad would help out. She explained that her Dad had been ill and subsequently died, her mother had taken leave from work to look after husband and for that reason, there were no funds available to help her.
I felt sorry for her father missing seeing how beautiful his daughter had become and how proud he would have been of her. Cara had a lovely personality, quietly spoken, a beautiful face and a great figure, a daughter that any father would have been proud of. I was surprised that she was walking alone.
I considered/debated with myself or whether I should persuade her to continue. In the end I thought to myself it has to be her decision.
I happily paid for her breakfast and wished her well and continued on my journey.

Ever since I have thought I could have done so much more to provide her with some support. There was so much I could have done and I didn't do it. The lesson I learnt was that sometimes people don't ask for help, but they do need it. I should have picked up on the signals and provided more help than I did.
My Dad said that you learn by your mistakes but it is easier and cheaper to learn by other peoples mistakes. Please learn by my mistake.

Hi Gareth -

Thank you so much for sharing your story - it really touched my heart. By sharing your story here on the Forum, the lesson you've learned will make a difference to pilgrims on the Camino (and in life) who do need help but are reluctant to ask for it, as your story will be remembered by Forum members.

I think in these situations all you can do is follow your gut feel - your intuition - and do what you feel is best. You did consider her position and you did gently state that the long hours of walking and the early starts were "just part of the territory" where the Camino's concerned and that being out of our comfort zones and our regular lives on the Camino is an experience we learn from and grow from. It was a kindness to pay for her breakfast - Cara would have really appreciated it.

Perhaps the only additional thing you could have done is to give Cara your mobile number and email address - to let her know she could phone or email you if she needed help in any way; that you would go and help her, or if she was continuing to feel down you'd be happy to talk if she needed a friendly ear to listen about how she was feeling.

I think you did as much as you could have - these chance meetings are exactly that and we can't rehearse what may happen and whether advice or help may be needed. Please know that your discussion and your kindness would given her food for thought that day and for the days to come and that may have made a real difference; that it may have given her the strength to make it to Santiago.

While writing, my thanks to Simon for this beautiful and interesting thread - it's exactly this kind of thread that makes the Forum wonderful.

Cheers from Oz -

Jenny

 

[Al the optimist]

All I can say is "Thank you for sharing this."

 

[Saint Mike II]

I met a very beautiful young lady on the Camino, she would have been in her early 20's. We shared a coffee and tostada in a busy, small café. She had just nabbed the last empty table just before me! She motioned to me that I could share her table and we sat down together.
Cara said that funds would not allow her to have that luxury as funds were running low. I suggested that perhaps the bank of Mum and Dad would help out. She explained that her Dad had been ill and subsequently died, her mother had taken leave from work to look after husband and for that reason, there were no funds available to help her.
I felt sorry for her father missing seeing how beautiful his daughter had become and how proud he would have been of her. Cara had a lovely personality, quietly spoken, a beautiful face and a great figure, a daughter that any father would have been proud of. I was surprised that she was walking alone.
I considered/debated with myself or whether I should persuade her to continue. In the end I thought to myself it has to be her decision.
I happily paid for her breakfast and wished her well and continued on my journey.

Ever since I have thought I could have done so much more to provide her with some support. There was so much I could have done and I didn't do it. The lesson I learnt was that sometimes people don't ask for help, but they do need it. I should have picked up on the signals and provided more help than I did.
My Dad said that you learn by your mistakes but it is easier and cheaper to learn by other peoples mistakes. Please learn by my mistake.

Gareth - as pilgrims (or at least attempted pilgrims) we often meet others who are in, shall we say less fortunate circumstances. Your actions of paying for her breakfast was a noble gesture. If you had been sharing an albergue that night it would have been a little easier to make the attempt at further communication. It was not a mistake - circumstance does not always provide those opportunities.

I was fortunate to be in a similar circumstance last year. The young woman had forgotten to stop at an ATM and was blaming herself for being so misguided. She did have available funds - she could not access them from the place we stayed at that night. I don't think she was asking for assistance - I think she was just letting off a little steam.
Being a bit older, perhaps wiser, I do that forward planning so was able to help her out. I used that somewhat trite phrase "the Camino will provide". It was a communication between us, so that she was not made to feel embarrassed. We have had a few emails & text since that day and happily her life is going great. Will I ever see her again - unlikely. Had I been fortunate enough to have a daughter (who was in similar circumstances) I would like to think that a caring soul would help her also.

I feel certain that Cara's mum would have appreciated your efforts. Best wishes.

 

[David]

Good posts and a good thread. This is an aspect of Camino that is so often glossed over with discussions on backpacks and boots .... the thing is - and apologies to our aetheist Camino friends - the Camino is a pilgrimage, a Pilgrimage.

It calls people in pain, it calls people whose lives are empty, it calls people who are angry and on the reverse of that coin it calls people who see life as only a blessing, a miracle, and wish to give thanks.

The main cause of pain that people feel - whatever they think it is caused by - is 'merely' a dissonance .. the internal view they hold of external reality has diverged from what actual external reality is .. the pain is due to wanting the world to be one way and finding out that it is another way ...... in that sense the benefit of pilgrimage, especially over such terrain and for so long a time, is that life becomes utterly simple and one learns to deal with the universe as it manifests and as one (if one!) surrenders into this then the pain disappears as one is living life 'as it is', the internal image and the external reality have become the same .. if one wishes to step into the religious aspect of it all then one finds one is surrendering to what is clearly revealed as an all-pervading benevolent energy upholding and manifesting this, that we move and breathe within (that we religious choose to name 'God').

Here then there is healing, a process ..... an added aspect is that one can start to think of others, help others, put oneself last - and the strange thing is that by putting ourselves last we somehow put ourselves first, in the healing and love aspects. By giving ourselves we find ourselves, by finding it within us to love (for that is what it is when we help another, laugh with another, cry with another) what are essentially strangers love grows and flowers within us... so, let us remember that the Camino is a Pilgrimage, first and last, a Pilgrimage.

If we go because of our pain then we will meet pain, both inside ourselves and outside ourselves, one has to be ready for this - there will be tears - but our best healing happens when we learn to think first of others.

The direct command by Yeshua at the end of the parable of the Good Samaritan is "Then go, Ye, and do likewise" ... and there is more healing in living this command than in a library full of ego-centric, selfish self-centred self-help books.

As humans we cannot get it right all the time - how could we? - but we can try, and even if we think that we did not do enough, as Gareth obviously feels, we don't actually know this .. his simple meeting and talk with that woman may just have nudged her into a new direction.
I think it important only to remember not to walk by .... it is the Camino, it is a pilgrimage, we are not accidentally placed there - there is purpose, and within that purpose, within the surrender to and acceptance of that purpose (even though we don't know the script!!) All is Well.

Buen Camino

 

[David]

Mind you, if one does do the ego-centric thing instead of the surrender to others thing and is going to "find oneself" well, one may not be too happy with what one finds

 

[SWi]

@David thank you for this compliment and your beautiful answer and thoughts. I must confess here, speaking of 'the Good Samaritan' ... I wasn't the first one to pick up this woman on the road... she refused to come with us at first and I thought.. well, let her be... (@Gareth Griffith!) but my friends persisted and she finally came along. The comparisons with the bible are endless, speaking of 'aetheism'. A good friend of mine once said: Simon, whether you believe in god or go to church or not, you are a christian.... it is in our way of thinking in the western world. I believe this friend was right. So, the Camino is a christian way, not in the sense of belonging to a believe, or to a church, but in being part of the heritage of the western world. Also, therefore, it is filled with what we are struggling with. A main part of what we struggle with is loss, grief, guilt... I have often noticed it - and it is being confirmed by the stories in this thread - the Camino is often a means to cope with loss: loosing your loved one, your faith, your partner, your friend, your work, your believe in a a once certain future... and I do believe, as David pointed out to: there is always a reason you are on the Camino. There is always a reason why you meet certain people on the road. And I do believe -it is my own experience- it is very important what happens on the first day(s) of your Camino. Whom do you meet, what happens then? Think about it, remember it.

 

[SWi]

Beautyfully said Simon and remembering that evening at Acacio and Oriettas when you gifted us with the poem.
Blessings to you and your loved ones during yuletide. Ingrid

Thank you Ingrid, a very beautiful memory indeed.