- Time of past OR future Camino
- Frances 15,16,18
VdlP 23, Invierno 23, Fisterra 23
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To characterize ourselves strictly on the one-dimensional introvert-extrovert scale is too simplistic. Your suggestions are all good, for everyone to consider as they go about their lives!
For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....
Thanks so much for the advice. I walked The Frances last year and never had a moment of loneliness. Starting in St Jean was helpful as you see the same people every couple of days. There was always someone to talk to if you felt disconnected. I'm in Santiago now and have finished the Camino Portuguese. I have never felt so alone. Everyone is already grouped together and I spent every single day walking alone and eating alone and then felt like I didn't exist during hours spent at albergues. I am due to stay until the 5th of June walking from wherever to wherever again. The thought of doing this alone makes me sick. Even worse is the thought of returning home. I saved every nickle for a year to get here and don't want to go home. I feel something here remains to be seen or felt or accomplished. I am ashamed to say how sad I feel when so many people would kill to be in my place. I also had my wallet stolen so I must stay in Santiago awaiting a new bank card praying the funds I do have will be sufficeient. It should be fine and it isn't my big worry. It's more like being alone for another month and a half or regretting going home because I'm so lonley. I feel stupid even telling all you all but it I suppose I have nothing to lose by admitting what I feel like sitting in such a beautiful place.A recent thread on this topic was closed (quite rightly) as it started to get a bit judgemental, but I think it could be useful for some members, if we can just keep it to tips!
We're all different. For example I'm one of those wierd Extrovert / Introvert types. I'm happy to give a talk to 1,000 people but find 10 noisy people at dinner a real challenge. (partly due to hearing and ADD)
I loved my days walking alone on the CF, but enjoyed company too. I loved dining with small groups, or one on one. But I dined 18 out of 40 days alone. Not usually by choice.
Was I lonely at times. Heck Yes...... Never so lonely as in a crowd .... quite often...
So maybe we could share some tips for those who are more on the Introvert end of the scale, and yearn for company, but struggle to find it? Here are mine to kick things off. They worked for me.
You may need to step out of your comfort zone just a little. If you are feeling lonely, don't expect others to 'draw you in' because they may just assume you want to be alone.
There's a bit of a theme here I think. Try to help another lonely person........and in doing so you will be helping yourself
- If going into a place for dinner, maybe look for a Pilgrim sitting alone and ask if you can join them. Trying to join an established group is a lot harder and takes a lot more courage. And not so worth it, in my experience....
- When walking or resting if you see someone who is looking a bit lonely, stop and say Hi.... Walk with them a while. I met some awesome people like this.
- If you see someone struggling, maybe up a steep hill, fall into step with them. Say Hi. You just being there will give them moral support and usually a conversation will start.
- Share a snack at a rest break.
- Ask a question..... Wow, how old do you think that Church is?
I never actually had anyone say "get Lost I want to be Alone!"Quite the opposite in fact.
For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....
BTW. I'm starting another thread on couples...........purely to get tips for myself
Thanks so much for the advice. I walked Tv he Frances last year and never had a moment of loneliness. Starting in St Jean was helpful as you see the same people every couple of days. There was always someone to talk to if you felt disconnected. I'm in Santiago now and have finished the Camino Portuguese. I have never felt so alone. Everyone is already grouped together and I spent every single day walking alone and eating alone and then felt like I didn't exist during hours spent at albergues. I am due to stay until the 5th of June walking from wherever to wherever again. The thought of doing this alone makes me sick. Even worse is the thought of returning home. I saved every nickle for a year to get here and don't want to go home. I feel something here remains to be seen or felt or accomplished. I am ashamed to say how sad I feel when so many people would kill to be in my place. I also had my wallet stolen so I must stay in Santiago awaiting a new bank card praying the funds I do have will be sufficeient. It should be fine and it isn't my big worry. It's more like being alone for another month and a half or regretting going home because I'm so lonley. I feel stupid even telling all you all but it I suppose I have nothing to lose by admitting what I feel like sitting in such a beautiful place.
Thanks
Jennifer
Look I am like you BUT we are not anyone's responsibility ....
Thanks for theSo sorry to hear that you feel so lonely Jennifer. But I understand how that can be. Just keep taking that first step to say Hi to peopleIt annoys by wife no end when we travel. I'm always saying hi to strangers and helping them out if I can... But Hey, that's how we meet people....at least that's how I do.
Thanks so much for the advice. I walked Tv he Frances last year and never had a moment of loneliness. Starting in St Jean was helpful as you see the same people every couple of days. There was always someone to talk to if you felt disconnected. I'm in Santiago now and have finished the Camino Portuguese. I have never felt so alone. Everyone is already grouped together and I spent every single day walking alone and eating alone and then felt like I didn't exist during hours spent at albergues. I am due to stay until the 5th of June walking from wherever to wherever again. The thought of doing this alone makes me sick. Even worse is the thought of returning home. I saved every nickle for a year to get here and don't want to go home. I feel something here remains to be seen or felt or accomplished. I am ashamed to say how sad I feel when so many people would kill to be in my place. I also had my wallet stolen so I must stay in Santiago awaiting a new bank card praying the funds I do have will be sufficeient. It should be fine and it isn't my big worry. It's more like being alone for another month and a half or regretting going home because I'm so lonley. I feel stupid even telling all you all but it I suppose I have nothing to lose by admitting what I feel like sitting in such a beautiful place.
Thanks
Jennifer
A recent thread on this topic was closed (quite rightly) as it started to get a bit judgemental, but I think it could be useful for some members, if we can just keep it to tips!
We're all different. For example I'm one of those wierd Extrovert / Introvert types. I'm happy to give a talk to 1,000 people but find 10 noisy people at dinner a real challenge. (partly due to hearing and ADD)
I loved my days walking alone on the CF, but enjoyed company too. I loved dining with small groups, or one on one. But I dined 18 out of 40 days alone. Not usually by choice. (some were due to remote locations etc)
Was I lonely at times. Heck Yes...... Never so lonely as in a crowd .... quite often...
So maybe we could share some tips for those who are more on the Introvert end of the scale, and yearn for company, but struggle to find it? Here are mine to kick things off. They worked for me.
You may need to step out of your comfort zone just a little. If you are feeling lonely, don't expect others to 'draw you in' because they may just assume you want to be alone.
So.. if you find yourself feeling a bit lonely on Camino........try these:
There's a bit of a theme here I think. Try to help another lonely person........and in doing so you will be helping yourself feel less lonely
- If going into a place for dinner, maybe look for a Pilgrim sitting alone and ask if you can join them. Trying to join an established group is a lot harder and takes a lot more courage. And not so worth it, in my experience....
- When walking or resting if you see someone who is looking a bit lonely, stop and say Hi.... Walk with them a while. I met some awesome people like this.
- If you see someone struggling, maybe up a steep hill, fall into step with them. Say Hi. You just being there will give them moral support and usually a conversation will start.
- Share a snack at a rest break.
- Ask a question..... Wow, how old do you think that Church is?
I never actually had anyone say "get Lost I want to be Alone!"Quite the opposite in fact.
For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....
BTW. I'm starting another thread on couples...........purely to get tips for myself
...
The best way to solve a) is to make eye contact, and smile or nod. That's it, just make it clear that you are receptive to talk. ...
The best way to solve b) is to say something. Say anything to anyone or to no-one. ...
tell the river it is noisy, ...
I have to agree. Isn't an introvert a person who is more at ease on one's own rather than one who blossoms in a social environment? In that case, wouldn't they run screaming from extroverts and their tentacles trying to embrace them and bring them in into the social side?When I clicked on this thread, I was thinking the advice would be in the opposite direction... As an introvert I'm much more worried about how to avoid over-exposure to people than under-exposure on the Camino.
As for feeling lonely on the Camino, I believe it is a question of managing expectations. For me, by nature the Camino is about solitude: few people spread over long distances. If one was lucky to meet a few people of interest then it's a bonus, but not what one should expect from a Camino.
I have to agree. Isn't an introvert a person who is more at ease on one's own rather than one who blossoms in a social environment? In that case, wouldn't they run screaming from extroverts and their tentacles trying to embrace them and bring them in into the scocial side
A final suggestion: If you are from a smaller country, wear your nation's flag somewhere visible. Its always a great way to get someone to tell you about the time they got lost in Belgium, confuse you with an Australian, or to ask you if that's the flag of the Czech Republic!
When I clicked on this thread, I was thinking the advice would be in the opposite direction... As an introvert I'm much more worried about how to avoid over-exposure to people than under-exposure on the Camino. But, of course, both are a concern -- we all need our right balance of "people time" vs. "alone time" and it can be very frustrating when we're off too far in either direction. I guess we're all looking for different things from the Camino, but I'm looking forward to some nice time alone (or alone in a crowd). Away from my wife, family and friends. I'll be happy to meet and chat with people as they come and go of course, but that's not what I'm going for.
Hi Jennifer, these are just a few suggestions that might enable you to meet up with other people in Santiago. Go to the English-speaking Mass held in a side chapel in the cathedral. In the two I have attended, everyone was asked to introduce themselves, then afterwards we were invited to join others for coffee at a place adjacent to the cathedral. Directly opposite is La Hospaderia San Martin Pinario, it is a very grand looking building which is also a hotel BUT it has rooms on the top floor for pilgrims and the low price includes breakfast. You can also have breakfast there if you are not a resident, you have to pay of course, and another good way to meet fellow pilgrims, as is making use of the large room next to the refectory where breakfast is served open to all pilgrims with comfortable seating a bar, and a television and very convivial. Finally, there is the wonderful Pilgrim House where you will be welcomed and can join in meetings there.
Of Course! But I think the OP was soliciting tips for introverts who WANT to have social contact in some limited way, or at least that was my interpretation.
I wasn't quite finished but my fingers thought differently. I think my point is made. I'm happy and safe and in the company of people that gathered me up and made me feel at home.Fabulous ideas. I've been to three mass (or is it masses) in two days. None of which were English. I did hear a little bit about this hotel in which you mentioned. I didn't know where it was located but I do now.
I would like everyone to know I had a great day, fabulous even. I met some folks in line for the second mass. We began talking and ended up having lunch afterwards. These weren't pilgrims, but really good people that made me feel like I belonged. Also, during this long wait in line I was able to witness the Easter Day Procession marching through the plaza. for a moment there I felt like the luckiest little girl in the world. I feel back in my old skin and the Camino doesn't seem so lonely anymore. I'm staying at Roots and Boots albergue and met a couple other solo pilgrims. So it seems as though, at least for now, that I've steadied this rocking boat and hopeful for smooth sailing in the future days. Thank you all for coming to my aid as I felt like giving up or giving into my
Fabulous ideas. I've been to three mass (or is it masses) in two days. None of which were English. I did hear a little bit about this hotel in which you mentioned. I didn't know where it was located but I do now.
I would like everyone to know I had a great day, fabulous even. I met some folks in line for the second mass. We began talking and ended up having lunch afterwards. These weren't pilgrims, but really good people that made me feel like I belonged. Also, during this long wait in line I was able to witness the Easter Day Procession marching through the plaza. for a moment there I felt like the luckiest little girl in the world. I feel back in my old skin and the Camino doesn't seem so lonely anymore. I'm staying at Roots and Boots albergue and met a couple other solo pilgrims. So it seems as though, at least for now, that I've steadied this rocking boat and hopeful for smooth sailing in the future days. Thank you all for coming to my aid as I felt like giving up or giving into my
What a perfect quote indeed. I fancy that idea of going back to the beginning of it all, but I don't think I'll ever walk from St Jean again. Beautiful place and no regrets in walking it, but I found it to be a bigger challenge than I care to take on again. I have nothing but respect for those who conquer those routes over the Pyrenees. That's an entirely different topic so I'll just say this@Forestgirl Hi Jennifer, I'm so sorry you are feeling down. Just a suggestion, drop in at the Pilgrim House and say hello to Faith, one of our moderators, and then get a train to Madrid, a train to Pamplona, a bus to St-Jean-Pied-de-Port - and start walking again. You have plenty of time, and you don't need to make it all the way to Santiago. One of the wisest things anyone has said on this forum is @Rebekah Scott: "When in doubt, a pilgrim walks".
You've done it before but so what? I've walked the Camino Frances five times and that is still not enough!
Jennifer, 528 people have read this thread (so far) and my guess is every one of us who read your message wants to reach out and give you a big hug. I hope you can feel the love from all over the world.
Me too!!!Great to hear that things have 'perked up' for you
@Bradypus. I really appreciate that you and @Stets have raised this important distinction, and I note that @Robo has responded to it. I really have no idea whether I am an introvert - it might be more correct to say that on a spectrum I tend to that. What is clear to me is that while helping someone who is lonely is a laudable thing to do, it is possible to be alone without being lonely.I think that people who are naturally gregarious sometimes have trouble in making the distinction between loneliness and solitude. Not the same thing by any means. My first Camino was very quiet. On most days I saw no other pilgrims between the refugios. For something like 1/3 or even 1/2 of my nights in the refugios I was entirely alone. Although I did not keep a count I would be surprised if I met more than 30 other pilgrims in total between St Jean and Santiago - walking in July and August. When I returned home to the UK a friend asked if I had not found it lonely. For a few seconds I simply could not understand the question. The idea had never once crossed my mind.
Hi Jennifer, these are just a few suggestions that might enable you to meet up with other people in Santiago. Go to the English-speaking Mass held in a side chapel in the cathedral. .
Jennifer, I'm coming late to the thread but chiming in to wish you all the best--and am very glad to know the overcast sky has cleared. Buen Camino, wherever you end up walking......when in doubt, a pilgrim walks. God bless!!
It's good to know, but I can't press 'like' because I don't.The Dean of the cathedral, in his wisdom, has suspended the Camino Chaplaincy English Masses at the side chapel.
@Bradypus. I really appreciate that you and @Stets have raised this important distinction, and I note that @Robo has responded to it. I really have no idea whether I am an introvert - it might be more correct to say that on a spectrum I tend to that. What is clear to me is that while helping someone who is lonely is a laudable thing to do, it is possible to be alone without being lonely.
What did surprise me was the suggestion that @Robo had never been told by anyone that they wanted to be alone. It may not have been my mantra, but I would regularly tell people 'I think I would like to walk alone for a while' or 'I think I will have a break for a few minutes, why don't you walk on'. Perhaps others are less willing to make such a statement, but for those attempting to save us from our 'loneliness', please, please be sensitive to the messages that we don't need your company right now.
The Camino provides a golden opportunity to meet yourself; and the more isolated you are, the more golden the opportunity. In the lonely fastness of the Camino, when there is only you and the mountain and that unbelievable blue Spanish sky, you will meet someone that you probably haven't met for a while: and that is yourself.
Rebekah here. If you still want to walk, turn around and walk to here, the Peaceable Kingdom, in Moratinos. We are hermits. We will talk to you much as you like, but we know how to leave you alone, too.
You can stay in your own room, pet animals, help out in the garden and with the occasional pilgrims and feel the quiet of a meseta village in spring.
I feel fortunate to be more on the quiet side, to be honest.Or perhaps, you are one of those fortunate, social individuals who have no idea what I'm talking about.
Yes, yes, and yes. That's the bottom line.It seems to me the best we can do for each other is to be kind.
Rebekah here. If you still want to walk, turn around and walk to here, the Peaceable Kingdom, in Moratinos. We are hermits. We will talk to you much as you like, but we know how to leave you alone, too.
You can stay in your own room, pet animals, help out in the garden and with the occasional pilgrims and feel the quiet of a meseta village in spring.
The Dean of the cathedral, in his wisdom, has suspended the Camino Chaplaincy English Masses at the side chapel. The cathedral supposedly will provide English-language ministry of its own, but I've not heard when, where, or how. Perhaps our friends in Santiago know?
Fabulous ideas. I've been to three mass (or is it masses) in two days. None of which were English. I did hear a little bit about this hotel in which you mentioned. I didn't know where it was located but I do now.
I would like everyone to know I had a great day, fabulous even. I met some folks in line for the second mass. We began talking and ended up having lunch afterwards. These weren't pilgrims, but really good people that made me feel like I belonged. Also, during this long wait in line I was able to witness the Easter Day Procession marching through the plaza. for a moment there I felt like the luckiest little girl in the world. I feel back in my old skin and the Camino doesn't seem so lonely anymore. I'm staying at Roots and Boots albergue and met a couple other solo pilgrims. So it seems as though, at least for now, that I've steadied this rocking boat and hopeful for smooth sailing in the future days. Thank you all for coming to my aid as I felt like giving up or giving into my
If someone else has not already suggested this, go to the Pilgrim House at Rua Nova 19. They will fix you up in a jiffy...
I hope this helps.
Thanks so much for the advice. I walked Tv he Frances last year and never had a moment of loneliness. Starting in St Jean was helpful as you see the same people every couple of days. There was always someone to talk to if you felt disconnected. I'm in Santiago now and have finished the Camino Portuguese. I have never felt so alone. Everyone is already grouped together and I spent every single day walking alone and eating alone and then felt like I didn't exist during hours spent at albergues. I am due to stay until the 5th of June walking from wherever to wherever again. The thought of doing this alone makes me sick. Even worse is the thought of returning home. I saved every nickle for a year to get here and don't want to go home. I feel something here remains to be seen or felt or accomplished. I am ashamed to say how sad I feel when so many people would kill to be in my place. I also had my wallet stolen so I must stay in Santiago awaiting a new bank card praying the funds I do have will be sufficeient. It should be fine and it isn't my big worry. It's more like being alone for another month and a half or regretting going home because I'm so lonley. I feel stupid even telling all you all but it I suppose I have nothing to lose by admitting what I feel like sitting in such a beautiful place.
Thanks
Jennifer
This. As an introvert, I find the Camino Francés a bit overwhelming. So many people that I can feel rather lonely in the crowds. Chatting with so many different strangers costs me a lot of energy. I tend to butterfly around groups, disappear and show up again. I have difficulties making all these kinds of arrangements: to which albergue do we go? Where will we meet for lunch? At the same time I sometimes feel jealous at these groups. People who meet in SJPP and stick together until Santiago. I saw people becoming friends for life. But I know it would be too exhausting for me to stick to a group like that.Although it seems at first sight paradoxical, I have found easier to meet people and have my bit of social life in lonely roads and stages. We are few, so people tend to approach each other in the auberges.
This. As an introvert, I find the Camino Francés a bit overwhelming. So many people that I can feel rather lonely in the crowds. Chatting with so many different strangers costs me a lot of energy. I tend to butterfly around groups, disappear and show up again. I have difficulties making all these kinds of arrangements: to which albergue do we go? Where will we meet for lunch? At the same time I sometimes feel jealous at these groups. People who meet in SJPP and stick together until Santiago. I saw people becoming friends for life. But I know it would be too exhausting for me to stick to a group like that.
I was so lucky on the VdlP. About 20-25 seasoned pilgrims a day. Different ages, different nationalities, almost all of them came alone, almost all of them preferred to walk alone. At the albergues we didn't arrange things, we just met and talked. Or not. I remember a moment I joined a Danish woman at a terrace. 'Please sit down,' she said, 'and please, let me write in my diary.' I grinned, sat down, and put my own diary at the table.
I do enjoy company. But not too many people and not for too long. I need the feeling of freedom, to join and to leave.
Same here! It took me a long time to discover that there was a name for my behaviour. For a long time I thought I was just being immature: why can't I just hang out with people like other people do? By now I am not forcing myself anymore and that is a big relief. We introverts have a lot of good qualities too. I have started to appreciate them.It just gives me so much comfort to read of people who experience the same things I do. It has always seemed that I'm quite alone.
Same here! It took me a long time to discover that there was a name for my behaviour. For a long time I thought I was just being immature: why can't I just hang out with people like other people do? By now I am not forcing myself anymore and that is a big relief. We introverts have a lot of good qualities too. I have started to appreciate them.
Thanks so much for the advice. I walked The Frances last year and never had a moment of loneliness. Starting in St Jean was helpful as you see the same people every couple of days. There was always someone to talk to if you felt disconnected. I'm in Santiago now and have finished the Camino Portuguese. I have never felt so alone. Everyone is already grouped together and I spent every single day walking alone and eating alone and then felt like I didn't exist during hours spent at albergues. I am due to stay until the 5th of June walking from wherever to wherever again. The thought of doing this alone makes me sick. Even worse is the thought of returning home. I saved every nickle for a year to get here and don't want to go home. I feel something here remains to be seen or felt or accomplished. I am ashamed to say how sad I feel when so many people would kill to be in my place.
I was so lucky on the VdlP. About 20-25 seasoned pilgrims a day. Different ages, different nationalities, almost all of them came alone, almost all of them preferred to walk alone. At the albergues we didn't arrange things, we just met and talked. Or not. I remember a moment I joined a Danish woman at a terrace. 'Please sit down,' she said, 'and please, let me write in my diary.' I grinned, sat down, and put my own diary on the table.
Interesting, kinnear. I view Caminos in a similar way. It's a chance to work on all sorts of little rough edges. My husband is not a hiker (or really a traveler). I find that my shortcomings show up in the most glaring ways in this pared-down, role-free setting with people from all over the world, but it's been very strengthening in terms of real self-reliance without the usual props to depend on....local mores, belonging to set groups with norms, etc.. It's also been an exercise in self-acceptance and utilizing intuition instead of ignoring it, and improving decision making. So many interesting people with their own interesting stories out there doing it! Buen Camino to you in September!It has been interesting to reflect on this subject. Thinking about my own reasons for walking the camino a second time, 10 years on from the first. I'm about to retire, a relatively introverted type myself, though a psychologist by profession and married to an extreme introvert who has little need for social interaction ( autism spectrum) . I'm walking solo for numbers of reasons including developing more comfort about aloneness in the midst of many. Hmmm....
Thank you. Must admit as I start reflecting on departure in 5 months I find I need to hold the reality of 7 months until I return in mind!
A recent thread on this topic was closed (quite rightly) as it started to get a bit judgemental, but I think it could be useful for some members, if we can just keep it to tips!
We're all different. For example I'm one of those wierd Extrovert / Introvert types. I'm happy to give a talk to 1,000 people but find 10 noisy people at dinner a real challenge. (partly due to hearing and ADD)
I loved my days walking alone on the CF, but enjoyed company too. I loved dining with small groups, or one on one. But I dined 18 out of 40 days alone. Not usually by choice. (some were due to remote locations etc)
Was I lonely at times. Heck Yes...... Never so lonely as in a crowd .... quite often...
So maybe we could share some tips for those who are more on the Introvert end of the scale, and yearn for company, but struggle to find it? Here are mine to kick things off. They worked for me.
You may need to step out of your comfort zone just a little. If you are feeling lonely, don't expect others to 'draw you in' because they may just assume you want to be alone.
So.. if you find yourself feeling a bit lonely on Camino........try these:
There's a bit of a theme here I think. If YOU are lonely, maybe try to help another lonely person........and in doing so you will be helping yourself feel less lonely
- If going into a place for dinner, maybe look for a Pilgrim sitting alone and ask if you can join them. Trying to join an established group is a lot harder and takes a lot more courage. And not so worth it, in my experience....
- When walking or resting if you see someone who is looking a bit lonely, stop and say Hi.... Walk with them a while. I met some awesome people like this.
- If you see someone struggling, maybe up a steep hill, fall into step with them. Say Hi. You just being there will give them moral support and usually a conversation will start.
- Share a snack at a rest break.
- Ask a question..... Wow, how old do you think that Church is?
I never actually had anyone say "get Lost I want to be Alone!"Quite the opposite in fact.
For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....
As an introvert (determined by Myers-Briggs) I am interested in this topic and have been considering other routes, besides the Frances, just to ensure that I have enough personal space and alone time. That is exactly what the introvert in me craves. I could easily walk from SJ to Santiago and never talk to another person. There is, though, another dimension to consider that is related, shyness. Most, if not all of the conversation here is really about shyness vs. introversion. My opinion and experience is that it is very difficult to be a shy extrovert, and there have been some excellent tips given here for that type of person. I think, though, based on reading here that the challenge on the Frances for the introvert is finding enough personal space and alone time.A recent thread on this topic was closed (quite rightly) as it started to get a bit judgemental, but I think it could be useful for some members, if we can just keep it to tips!
We're all different. For example I'm one of those wierd Extrovert / Introvert types. I'm happy to give a talk to 1,000 people but find 10 noisy people at dinner a real challenge. (partly due to hearing and ADD)
I loved my days walking alone on the CF, but enjoyed company too. I loved dining with small groups, or one on one. But I dined 18 out of 40 days alone. Not usually by choice. (some were due to remote locations etc)
Was I lonely at times. Heck Yes...... Never so lonely as in a crowd .... quite often...
So maybe we could share some tips for those who are more on the Introvert end of the scale, and yearn for company, but struggle to find it? Here are mine to kick things off. They worked for me.
You may need to step out of your comfort zone just a little. If you are feeling lonely, don't expect others to 'draw you in' because they may just assume you want to be alone.
So.. if you find yourself feeling a bit lonely on Camino........try these:
There's a bit of a theme here I think. If YOU are lonely, maybe try to help another lonely person........and in doing so you will be helping yourself feel less lonely
- If going into a place for dinner, maybe look for a Pilgrim sitting alone and ask if you can join them. Trying to join an established group is a lot harder and takes a lot more courage. And not so worth it, in my experience....
- When walking or resting if you see someone who is looking a bit lonely, stop and say Hi.... Walk with them a while. I met some awesome people like this.
- If you see someone struggling, maybe up a steep hill, fall into step with them. Say Hi. You just being there will give them moral support and usually a conversation will start.
- Share a snack at a rest break.
- Ask a question..... Wow, how old do you think that Church is?
I never actually had anyone say "get Lost I want to be Alone!"Quite the opposite in fact.
For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....
It really depends on the time of year. In March to early-April and in late-October through November, you should have no difficulty achieving considerable personal space and alone time, but still have the option of socializing when you choose. Of course, if you really want to be alone virtually all the time, a different route might be better.I think, though, based on reading here that the challenge on the Frances for the introvert is finding enough personal space and alone time.
As an introvert (determined by Myers-Briggs) I am interested in this topic and have been considering other routes, besides the Frances, just to ensure that I have enough personal space and alone time. That is exactly what the introvert in me craves. I could easily walk from SJ to Santiago and never talk to another person. There is, though, another dimension to consider that is related, shyness. Most, if not all of the conversation here is really about shyness vs. introversion. My opinion and experience is that it is very difficult to be a shy extrovert, and there have been some excellent tips given here for that type of person. I think, though, based on reading here that the challenge on the Frances for the introvert is finding enough personal space and alone time.
It is not really so hard to be alone in a dorm, if you are confident in yourself and don't feel you need to please/interact with everyone. Everybody is minding their own business, and there is a certain anonymity in the crowd. Communal dinners are a bit more demanding of interaction.The walking aspect is easy enough to be alone. But how do you cope in the evenings? Staying in an Albergue must be hard?
A recent thread on this topic was closed (quite rightly) as it started to get a bit judgemental, but I think it could be useful for some members, if we can just keep it to tips!
We're all different. For example I'm one of those wierd Extrovert / Introvert types. I'm happy to give a talk to 1,000 people but find 10 noisy people at dinner a real challenge. (partly due to hearing and ADD)
I loved my days walking alone on the CF, but enjoyed company too. I loved dining with small groups, or one on one. But I dined 18 out of 40 days alone. Not usually by choice. (some were due to remote locations etc)
Was I lonely at times. Heck Yes...... Never so lonely as in a crowd .... quite often...
So maybe we could share some tips for those who are more on the Introvert end of the scale, and yearn for company, but struggle to find it? Here are mine to kick things off. They worked for me.
You may need to step out of your comfort zone just a little. If you are feeling lonely, don't expect others to 'draw you in' because they may just assume you want to be alone.
So.. if you find yourself feeling a bit lonely on Camino........try these:
There's a bit of a theme here I think. If YOU are lonely, maybe try to help another lonely person........and in doing so you will be helping yourself feel less lonely
- If going into a place for dinner, maybe look for a Pilgrim sitting alone and ask if you can join them. Trying to join an established group is a lot harder and takes a lot more courage. And not so worth it, in my experience....
- When walking or resting if you see someone who is looking a bit lonely, stop and say Hi.... Walk with them a while. I met some awesome people like this.
- If you see someone struggling, maybe up a steep hill, fall into step with them. Say Hi. You just being there will give them moral support and usually a conversation will start.
- Share a snack at a rest break.
- Ask a question..... Wow, how old do you think that Church is?
I never actually had anyone say "get Lost I want to be Alone!"Quite the opposite in fact.
For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....
If I'm not mistaken, the communal dinners are mainly encountered in the albergues, if the albergue is equipped to provide meals; some are not. Sometimes there are groupings of small tables, which are more manageable, and sometimes everyone is seated at one long table. Being an introvert, I found the latter quite difficult as I felt it was expected that one should contribute to the merriment..... Communal dinners are a bit more demanding of interaction.
Yes, that's true. Most albergues do not provide a communal meal.If I'm not mistaken, the communal dinners are mainly encountered in the albergues, if the albergue is equipped to provide meals; some are not.
This article has some great advice and insight. Thanks.A recent thread on this topic was closed (quite rightly) as it started to get a bit judgemental, but I think it could be useful for some members, if we can just keep it to tips!
We're all different. For example I'm one of those wierd Extrovert / Introvert types. I'm happy to give a talk to 1,000 people but find 10 noisy people at dinner a real challenge. (partly due to hearing and ADD)
I loved my days walking alone on the CF, but enjoyed company too. I loved dining with small groups, or one on one. But I dined 18 out of 40 days alone. Not usually by choice. (some were due to remote locations etc)
Was I lonely at times. Heck Yes...... Never so lonely as in a crowd .... quite often...
So maybe we could share some tips for those who are more on the Introvert end of the scale, and yearn for company, but struggle to find it? Here are mine to kick things off. They worked for me.
You may need to step out of your comfort zone just a little. If you are feeling lonely, don't expect others to 'draw you in' because they may just assume you want to be alone.
So.. if you find yourself feeling a bit lonely on Camino........try these:
There's a bit of a theme here I think. If YOU are lonely, maybe try to help another lonely person........and in doing so you will be helping yourself feel less lonely
- If going into a place for dinner, maybe look for a Pilgrim sitting alone and ask if you can join them. Trying to join an established group is a lot harder and takes a lot more courage. And not so worth it, in my experience....
- When walking or resting if you see someone who is looking a bit lonely, stop and say Hi.... Walk with them a while. I met some awesome people like this.
- If you see someone struggling, maybe up a steep hill, fall into step with them. Say Hi. You just being there will give them moral support and usually a conversation will start.
- Share a snack at a rest break.
- Ask a question..... Wow, how old do you think that Church is?
I never actually had anyone say "get Lost I want to be Alone!"Quite the opposite in fact.
For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....
Lunch and breakfast were also times where it was pretty clear who was a pilgrim and who wasn't. The difference is that wine was not usually flowing.
My dear departed father-in-law, a former merchant marine, frequently said when offered a drink, "Yes, the sun's over the yardarm." Sometimes he would bend that rule a bit, rationalizing that at some place in the world, the sun was over the yardarm. Perhaps your two pilgrims were operating on that premise..........one time I stopped at 9am for a hot chocolate and two pilgrims were already drinking beer. Amazing.
YES! I am definitely not shy but after eight days sharing my bedroom, bathroom, clothesline, and life, my introverted self had to book a private room one morning at 9:30 am and except for lunch and laundry, I stayed in there all day and night.As an introvert (determined by Myers-Briggs) I am interested in this topic and have been considering other routes, besides the Frances, just to ensure that I have enough personal space and alone time. That is exactly what the introvert in me craves. I could easily walk from SJ to Santiago and never talk to another person. There is, though, another dimension to consider that is related, shyness. Most, if not all of the conversation here is really about shyness vs. introversion. My opinion and experience is that it is very difficult to be a shy extrovert, and there have been some excellent tips given here for that type of person. I think, though, based on reading here that the challenge on the Frances for the introvert is finding enough personal space and alone time.
On my first Camino I felt very much alone the first 3 weeks in spite of putting myself out there and meeting many wonderful people. I longed for someone who "knew" me.
My last 2 weeks I became part of a small Camino family who stayed together all the way to Santiago and my whole experience changed.
It was my first time traveling alone and one of the most amazing experiences ever.
I want to travel again, alone, but cannot shake the fear of feeling the loneliness I had before. My debate... go alone and be open to the adventures that await and risk the deep feelings of loneliness, or take someone who can share it with me.
I'm not afraid to step outside my comfort zone but apparently do fear having no one to witness the adventure.
Any advice from more seasoned travelers?
Monica
Yes. You are right, it probably depends on what I am looking for. My first was between me & God. My second Camino- from Santiago to Finesterre- was with a friend; her first. Very different for me but still good as we have some great shared memories.That's a tough call Monica. My most profound experiences were when walking alone. But I had times of deep loneliness too.
On my second Camino, (short trial one from Sarria) I took someone with me. My wife.
That was great too, but a totally different experience.
I think it's hard to get the right balance, because alone and accompanied are so very different in every way.
Ultimately I suppose it depends on what you seek from the experience.
IMHO, if it's time for contemplation, spiritual connection, a bit of soul searching perhaps. Alone wins ... hands down.
But at times you are lonely. Which perhaps.......merely helps to deepen the experience? Perhaps.
I talked to HIM a lot when I was lonely
Yes. You are right, it probably depends on what I am looking for. My first was between me & God. My second Camino- from Santiago to Finesterre- was with a friend; her first. Very different for me but still good as we have some great shared memories.
It is good to know that others have had similar experiences. I felt like I was just being a whiner, but the loneliness is real and good when it takes you to a profoundly deep place.
Thank you! Monica
Is the C. About anything else? For the "Real Wives of... " perhaps, but for the rest of us..."Embrace the Suck...?
Is the C. About anything else? For the "Real Wives of... " perhaps, but for the rest of us...
Even at its (my) worst, I appreciated the journey.I don't know why, but an expression popped into my head. Which sounds awful I know. (Military slang I think)
"Embrace the Suck"
That's kind of what I did a few times on my first (alone) Camino.
The times that my day or series of days 'really sucked', I tried to step back from it all, and....
Look for the good amongst the 'suck'.
Or maybe seek what lesson I was learning from it.
or sometimes give myself a metaphoric give up the backside.
I usually bounced back, better for it.
Maybe it's all part of the broader experience? Expect it, embrace it, and learn/grow from it.........?
I finished my Camino Frances on May 10 and really enjoyed the community of people I met. Unfortunately, I lost them while waiting for friends and family in Sarria. I never thought it would affect me, but I was sad not to be with my Camino family at the end. As I daydream about going again, I keep returning to the same route in my mind, ,so that I might have that communal experience again. I wonder if the other routes would have such diversity? Perhaps. Sorry to hear of your loneliness... and maybe it is hard to make new connections at the end. SYates is in Santiago and soliciting Pilgrims to drop by. She always has helpful words on this forum. I wish you wellThanks so much for the advice. I walked The Frances last year and never had a moment of loneliness. Starting in St Jean was helpful as you see the same people every couple of days. There was always someone to talk to if you felt disconnected. I'm in Santiago now and have finished the Camino Portuguese. I have never felt so alone. Everyone is already grouped together and I spent every single day walking alone and eating alone and then felt like I didn't exist during hours spent at albergues. I am due to stay until the 5th of June walking from wherever to wherever again. The thought of doing this alone makes me sick. Even worse is the thought of returning home. I saved every nickle for a year to get here and don't want to go home. I feel something here remains to be seen or felt or accomplished. I am ashamed to say how sad I feel when so many people would kill to be in my place. I also had my wallet stolen so I must stay in Santiago awaiting a new bank card praying the funds I do have will be sufficeient. It should be fine and it isn't my big worry. It's more like being alone for another month and a half or regretting going home because I'm so lonley. I feel stupid even telling all you all but it I suppose I have nothing to lose by admitting what I feel like sitting in such a beautiful place.
Thanks
Jennifer
I heard this documentary on the radio yesterday and it reminded me of this thread. I think introverts will enjoy it. http://www.rte.ie/radio1/doconone/2017/1115/920223-the-little-mouse-in-the-corner/
If you're not an introvert, well, maybe if you can shut up for an hour you might learn something!
A recent thread on this topic was closed (quite rightly) as it started to get a bit judgemental, but I think it could be useful for some members, if we can just keep it to tips!
We're all different. For example I'm one of those wierd Extrovert / Introvert types. I'm happy to give a talk to 1,000 people but find 10 noisy people at dinner a real challenge. (partly due to hearing and ADD)
I loved my days walking alone on the CF, but enjoyed company too. I loved dining with small groups, or one on one. But I dined 18 out of 40 days alone. Not usually by choice. (some were due to remote locations etc)
Was I lonely at times. Heck Yes...... Never so lonely as in a crowd .... quite often...
So maybe we could share some tips for those who are more on the Introvert end of the scale, and yearn for company, but struggle to find it? Here are mine to kick things off. They worked for me.
You may need to step out of your comfort zone just a little. If you are feeling lonely, don't expect others to 'draw you in' because they may just assume you want to be alone.
So.. if you find yourself feeling a bit lonely on Camino........try these:
There's a bit of a theme here I think. If YOU are lonely, maybe try to help another lonely person........and in doing so you will be helping yourself feel less lonely
- If going into a place for dinner, maybe look for a Pilgrim sitting alone and ask if you can join them. Trying to join an established group is a lot harder and takes a lot more courage. And not so worth it, in my experience....
- When walking or resting if you see someone who is looking a bit lonely, stop and say Hi.... Walk with them a while. I met some awesome people like this.
- If you see someone struggling, maybe up a steep hill, fall into step with them. Say Hi. You just being there will give them moral support and usually a conversation will start.
- Share a snack at a rest break.
- Ask a question..... Wow, how old do you think that Church is?
I never actually had anyone say "get Lost I want to be Alone!"Quite the opposite in fact.
For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....
A recent thread on this topic was closed (quite rightly) as it started to get a bit judgemental, but I think it could be useful for some members, if we can just keep it to tips!
We're all different. For example I'm one of those wierd Extrovert / Introvert types. I'm happy to give a talk to 1,000 people but find 10 noisy people at dinner a real challenge. (partly due to hearing and ADD)
I loved my days walking alone on the CF, but enjoyed company too. I loved dining with small groups, or one on one. But I dined 18 out of 40 days alone. Not usually by choice. (some were due to remote locations etc)
Was I lonely at times. Heck Yes...... Never so lonely as in a crowd .... quite often...
So maybe we could share some tips for those who are more on the Introvert end of the scale, and yearn for company, but struggle to find it? Here are mine to kick things off. They worked for me.
You may need to step out of your comfort zone just a little. If you are feeling lonely, don't expect others to 'draw you in' because they may just assume you want to be alone.
So.. if you find yourself feeling a bit lonely on Camino........try these:
There's a bit of a theme here I think. If YOU are lonely, maybe try to help another lonely person........and in doing so you will be helping yourself feel less lonely
- If going into a place for dinner, maybe look for a Pilgrim sitting alone and ask if you can join them. Trying to join an established group is a lot harder and takes a lot more courage. And not so worth it, in my experience....
- When walking or resting if you see someone who is looking a bit lonely, stop and say Hi.... Walk with them a while. I met some awesome people like this.
- If you see someone struggling, maybe up a steep hill, fall into step with them. Say Hi. You just being there will give them moral support and usually a conversation will start.
- Share a snack at a rest break.
- Ask a question..... Wow, how old do you think that Church is?
I never actually had anyone say "get Lost I want to be Alone!"Quite the opposite in fact.
For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....
Please know that introversion does not mean being shy or not enjoying being with people. Rather, it means that someone gets energy from being alone or with 1-2 people they know well. Many introverts love spending time with people but introverts will need more time than extraverts to recharge themselves after spending time with people or in a stimulating environment. That's where the time alone comes in.
I will use the above tips when I walk from Le Puy to Conques in September. Thanks for them!
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