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Would you prefer instead of flying to Santiago, he went there on a flash mountain bike with 30 gears from Sarria in one day, in order to make it a 'legal' pilgrimage? An easy ride. But, again what is your point?
so, you're lightly to have a different "change" experience if you walked the (1) "last 100 into Santiago" hotel hop with your 10 best buddies in the summer holidays, or (2) if you walked solo from Sevilla in the dead of winter
? will the Pope consider one better than the other? - mmm
Not sure about the Pope - he has just been to Santiago - as a pilgrim - and only walked to the driveway to get into his tour-mobile.
daesdaemar said:I tend to believe that the experience of the Camino cannot change who you are as a person. I believe it can be a profound experience for some that can change their view of the world and their place within it. Alas, for some it might be just another "vacation."
emilene said:real, lasting changes have taken place in their lives after walking the camino
emilene said:I'm fascinated to know if people feel real, lasting changes have taken place in their lives after walking the camino.
I was surprised at how drawn I was to the fellowship of other pilgrims. Meeting and sharing with others often tests my tolerance. This is very good for me and perhaps is at the root of some of the changes I’ve started to make. But I realise this is now a life-long task and so the pilgrimage has to continue.
I had no expectations when I started my Camino. I just wanted a "me" time to reflect on the events that happened in my life from raising 4 children then losing my eldest & only daughter to colo-rectal cancer. She was a school teacher who loved to reward her middle school students with backpacking & hiking trips. I have always wondered why she loved hiking & backpacking. She told me once " being out there , Mom , is so liberating & so good for the soul". I never understood what she meant since my thinking at the time was it seems to be physical punishment. ( I was born & raised in a big city). My life, as I examined it while walking the Camino, was a big blur ( working, rushing, raising a family, no time to catch my breath). I also had issues with Hazel's passing- though I was born, raised Catholic, I questioned God for taking her when she could have done a lot more good on this world and the guilt that follows that I really cannot accept "God's will". But when I arrived at Cruz de Ferro & laid a stone with her picture & prayer request on that hill, for some inexplicable reason, I felt a big burden was lifted off my shoulders. I said my prayers and thanked God for that glorious feeling . My Camino showed me a different kind of inner peace, it taught me to be humble & to appreciate every thing that God has created from the humble slug trying to cross the path and the spider sitting peacefully in the middle of its web to the beautiful churches & Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela. It restored my faith & trust in the innate goodness of my fellowmen. Did the Camino change my life? I'd say YES with a big smile. Buen Camino to all pilgrims, past, future & present.This thread has been edites since it was way off track and on topics that I feel does not belong in this forum.
Please continue on with the "Has your camino experience changed who you are as a person?" question
Saludos,
Ivar
Thank you indyrem, that was a very beautiful and powerful account of something so very personal. What profound healing the Camino brought you in your grief. (And I think many of us become friends with the slugs crossing our paths!)But when I arrived at Cruz de Ferro & laid a stone with her picture & prayer request on that hill, for some inexplicable reason, I felt a big burden was lifted off my shoulders. I said my prayers and thanked God for that glorious feeling . My Camino showed me a different kind of inner peace, it taught me to be humble & to appreciate every thing that God has created from the humble slug trying to cross the path and the spider sitting peacefully in the middle of its web to the beautiful churches & Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela. It restored my faith & trust in the innate goodness of my fellowmen.
Thanks, Kevin. Yes, pilgrimage can be a form of conversion, or better, perhaps, emergence.Freescot, I have started reading your blog and just wanted to say what an honest and thought provoking account you give of the changes brought about by pilgrimage - thank you for making it available and I will now get back to it
Warm regards - K
Good for you! Buen camino!I to have posted this question.... I work at a supermarket and a customer told me she had done the French way and 2yrs later did the Portuguese Way. She said you come back a different person, I was hooked. 3yrs ago I wanted to do this and my husband wanted to do Kokoda and he said go. I had never done anything on my own. 12mths ago he left me. You don't realise how much you depend on someone till their gone... So on the 25th august 2015 I will regain my independence and travel and walk on my own (Portuguese Way) I know this will not get him out of my head or heart (who knows maybe) But its a start to becoming the new me.. I am not in the slightest bit nervous or scared( yet) As I am travelling from Australia with 3 stop overs before I get there phew... So heres to the new me....
Regards Deb
Maybe. Certainly the "enlighten" felt on the way gets diluted, as have experiences in humanitarian aid etc. for many. But I still show up, 4th year in a row coming up in May. But I will get back to you about this tomorrow (1:30 am, but do not want to miss the conversation, hence the post).I'm fascinated to know if people feel real, lasting changes have taken place in their lives after walking the camino. There is so much expectation and reading various blogs, some people seem to arrive with so much enthusiasm, only to give up after a few days and others can't wait to start their next walk after spending weeks on the road.
I'd love to hear how the experience affected you - good or bad!
Where did you start your Camino?Hi Emilene,
That's a really good question, and something I've been thinking a lot, especially since talking to a student who is writing her thesis on a related topic.
The Camino has changed my life in that I want to go back. Any extra money goes into my Camino fund. It's had enough of an effect on my life that I started a Camino blog, partly to process the experience--almost two years after my walk. And I've never been athletic, so it's amazing to know that my body is capable of astounding things like walking 1500km.
But I suspect I'm not particularly more spiritual, or necessarily nicer, or (much) better at dealing with life than I was pre-Camino. When I got home, I wasn't any closer to knowing what I really wanted to do with my life.
But then again walking the Camino has made me look at these things more, and maybe to some extent in a different way. So it continues to affect my life, I suspect often in ways I don't realize. Judging by myself and my Camino friends (although we could be abnormal), a lot of people don't have huge epiphanies on the Camino. But I think the experience can keep working away in our lives if we let it.
Walking the Camino for almost three months was an incredible experience for me. I went through some miserable times, physically and emotionally, but the whole time I had this feeling of rightness--that this was where I was meant to be. But it's hard to bring that back into regular life.
Sorry if this is disjointed. I'm thinking of doing a blog post somewhere along the lines of "Will the Camino Change Your Life?", but I haven't got my thoughts completely sorted yet.
I hope this helps!
Anna-Marie
The very minute I stepped out my front door. It ended at the arrivals gate at the airport where my wife and daughter welcomed me home.Where did you start your Camino?
I'm sure...but what I was wondering was where in Europe...your post says you walked 1500km so I was just interested what point you started from on the actual road.The very minute I stepped out my front door. It ended at the arrivals gate at the airport where my wife and daughter welcomed me home.
Jim
I would love to hear how the significant others feel when their partners return home? I have felt many emotions which are not good ones. My husband’s 6 week pilgrimage looked more like a vacation.This thread has been edites since it was way off track and on topics that I feel does not belong in this forum.
Please continue on with the "Has your camino experience changed who you are as a person?" question
Saludos,
Ivar
I used to be normal.
I used to buy holiday clothes - smart new ones for each holiday.
I used to like going on holidays and staying in nice hotels with room service and a cocktail hour and entertainment.
I used to like buying souvenirs from each place I visited.
I used to like trying a different location each time we went away.
Now when I look at clothes I try to assess the weight and whether or not it will fit into my backpack!
I am a camino-addict and yearn for sandy paths, a basic albergue with no electricity or running water.
I dream camino dreams - I am on a 'groot trek' with just a small pack and one change of clothing, sitting on plastic chairs outside a pueblo cafe-bar laughing and speaking "Frangish" (French-German-Spanish-English) to other peregrinos.
Thank you for your response. Why it didn’t feel good was because I feel six weeks is a long vacation from your wife.Walking a Camino or any other long distance hike is a vacation, a break from work, home, neighbors, politics, paying bills etc. Escaping 'real life' has been a reason for walking since pilgrimage first began 2000 years ago. Perhaps it was a pilgrimage to himself! Not long after pilgrims get home to their complicated life they start yearning for the simple life on the Camino.
Are you thinking of him or you? Was he a better man when he returned?Thank you for your response. Why it didn’t feel good was because I feel six weeks is a long vacation from your wife.
I to have posted this question.... I work at a supermarket and a customer told me she had done the French way and 2yrs later did the Portuguese Way. She said you come back a different person, I was hooked. 3yrs ago I wanted to do this and my husband wanted to do Kokoda and he said go. I had never done anything on my own. 12mths ago he left me. You don't realise how much you depend on someone till their gone... So on the 25th august 2015 I will regain my independence and travel and walk on my own (Portuguese Way) I know this will not get him out of my head or heart (who knows maybe) But its a start to becoming the new me.. I am not in the slightest bit nervous or scared( yet) As I am travelling from Australia with 3 stop overs before I get there phew... So heres to the new me....
Regards Deb
That’s an excellent question. I do think he’s softened and time can only tell. Is he a better person because of the Camino or has he been changing for the better because I was so angry once he returned. I may never know.Are you thinking of him or you? Was he a better man when he returned?
The Camino has changed him. You will benefit. Give it some time. Let him tell you about his experience, freely.That’s an excellent question. I do think he’s softened and time can only tell. Is he a better person because of the Camino or has he been changing for the better because I was so angry once he returned. I may never know.
Thank you for your encouraging words. I am getting help to try and process the pain this has caused me.The Camino has changed him. You will benefit. Give it some time. Let him tell you about his experience, freely.
It has been six weeks since his return and at this point I do not want to hear about what a great experience it was.Thank you for your encouraging words. I am getting help to try and process the pain this has caused me.
I changed much during/after my first Camino (for the better, I presume. It feels like it). And each new Camino enforces the change.Thank you for your encouraging words. I am getting help to try and process the pain this has caused me.
Are you jealous? Maybe try to walk a (your own) Camino without him? Karma! Revenge! And understanding...It has been six weeks since his return and at this point I do not want to hear about what a great experience it was.
Lol. I never thought of that! Jealous no. My husband traveled weekly for work. He retired in April then took off for the Camino in August. During the Camino he texted daily but did not call. My soul dog died during the Camino he did not call. He did not bring me back a thing. Not even a sea shell. Yet he posted daily on Facebook his adventure.Are you jealous? Maybe try to walk a (your own) Camino without him? Karma! Revenge! And understanding...
This forum is the best way to plan it...!
Maybe he brought back a new/better man?He did not bring me back a thing.
Ok. I will try to focus on that since you have brought that point up twice now instead of all my resentments. Thank u. Maybe in time I will be able to. There is a part of me that knows the Camino is forever in our lives. I just want it to go away.Maybe he brought back a new/better man?
You can't. Welcome to the club.There is a part of me that knows the Camino is forever in our lives. I just want it to go away.
Ok. I will try to focus on that since you have brought that point up twice now instead of all my resentments. Thank u. Maybe in time I will be able to. There is a part of me that knows the Camino is forever in our lives. I just want it to go away.
I will respond to this in a bit. Have to get on a call. Thanks.That may never happen. It can be very hard I think for a Partner left behind.
If you asked my wife, was I changed, for the better? She would answer Yes and No.
The +ve? I am calmer, more balanced, more considerate.
The -ve? I'm quieter, more distant perhaps, very comfortable alone. I'm no longer as focused on material things. (not great for a business owner) And I'm always planning my next Camino.
Would she wish I never went? It's probably 60/40 +ve in her mind.
What helped? She came with me on a short 100 km Camino (#2) and really enjoyed it. She 'got it' and wanted to try a longer one. She walked 800 kms this year with me. It wasn't a walk in the park. It tested our relationship a bit! But she's talking about another.........
I don't know what the answer is. I just know that many, maybe most people, do change........ And that can be hard for others to deal with.
I added a bit..........I will respond to this in a bit. Have to get on a call. Thanks.
Thanks for sharing about your wife’s experience— that helped. Why do you think there was a part of her that didn’t want you to go? I do see a change in my husband for the better since he’s returned. The problem now is for me and trying to get over the fact that he left for six weeks. I’ve been on a spiritual path for a few years now. I wouldn’t think of leaving for six weeks. Like I said seeing his postings on Facebook it looked like a vacation instead of a pilgrimage and a six week vacation apart did not feel good! I would never have been supportive of that. How many men would like to see there wives leave them for six weeks?I will respond to this in a bit. Have to get on a call. Thanks.
Thanks for sharing about your wife’s experience— that helped. Why do you think there was a part of her that didn’t want you to go? I do see a change in my husband for the better since he’s returned. The problem now is for me and trying to get over the fact that he left for six weeks. I’ve been on a spiritual path for a few years now. I wouldn’t think of leaving for six weeks. Like I said seeing his postings on Facebook it looked like a vacation instead of a pilgrimage and a six week vacation apart did not feel good! I would never have been supportive of that. How many men would like to see there wives leave them for six weeks?
Thanks for your sharing. For me it would feel a lot different if my husband was visiting family like Pat does. I would be more accepting of that. After he retired then he goes off for six weeks—did/does not feel good. You and Pat have better communication skills—something we are working on as a result of the Camino. I did feel abandoned. I will be working on my abandonment issues. I totally understand time alone especially for personal growth and reflection. I felt his decision to go was unilateral. I would have never agreed to a six week vacation in Europe apart. After he retired we could have celebrated with a trip together. He could have done a shorter version of the Camino. Now he lives with his decision. A very unhappy wife. The way I feel is a lot like someone going thru grief. I do great for awhile then feelings of anger and sadness arise. Thank you for listening. I have only a counselor to talk to about this.I can understand that there could be a feeling of being abandoned. And all relationships are different.
I was married previously to the mother of my children, who had to put up with me being away months at a time in a war zone. She gave birth to one of our children during that, though I managed to get home for 3 days for the birth.
I only mention this, as 'that' relationship had to deal with the demands of my job at the time and we both came to the relationship with open eyes.
My current marriage of 20 years now, is very different. It's cross-cultural and my wife is from a culture whereby the marriage partners are expected to live in each others pockets! It was like being subjected to a Vulcan 'mind meld' at first and felt very claustrophobic! But we have both adapted.
On my first Camino in 2015 my wife was going to come with me, but her heart wasn't really into it and she bailed out of the preparations early. Then her Father got sick. We discussed whether I should still go and agreed I should. Part way through that Camino her Father needed heart surgery! I felt like 'crap' and said I should come home.
No Way she said. You can't help, your're not a Heart Surgeon. Don't give up now. Finish the Camino for Us. And pray for my Father along the way. She had her family around her and coped well. Dad is fine.....
That was really the first time we had been apart for more than a night or two.
Now we are comfortable being apart for a while. Pat will sometimes visit family in Bangkok for 4-6 weeks and leave me at home in Sydney. But we talk daily. I realise she needs that 'space' to reconnect with her culture, language and family. It's her 'Camino' in a way.
Sorry I'm rambling a bit. And I'm certainly No Expert on relationships. Far from it. But I think it comes down to trusting each other, recognising the other partner needs 'space' sometimes, and being able to communicate...... For Us anyway.
Does Pat 'like' me going away for 6 weeks to walk a Camino? No. She would rather have me at home. But she recognises that I lead a very 'driven' life at work, 6-7 days a week, and that I kind of need the Camino to bring me sanity and balance.....
Like I recognise she needs time away too....... I miss her when she is away, but feel good inside that she is having fun and doing all the stuff she enjoys! Like eating great Thai food, catching up with friends and family, shopping!
Bit of a ramble.............sorry.........
Deirdre, that's an act of courage and wisdoem.Thank you for your encouraging words. I am getting help to try and process the pain this has caused me.
I respect your questions and I will work on them. Of course I have not shared all the issues that we have gone thru for the last 33 years of marriage— issues that were not resolved but certainly got stirred up in me as a result of the Camino so I can’t expect you to totally understand my feelings. I reached out initially to see how other people who did not go on the Camino felt about their partner going and to perhaps better understand the Camino. I don’t see the Camino as an opportunity one deserves. the issue i have trouble with is trust.Deirdre, that's an act of courage and wisdoem.
I hope you can keep the door open both to what you're experiencing and to the possibility that this may have been beneficial for your husband (and I don't mean 'fun,' but just good in deeper sense of the word). And (actually) it may end up being beneficial for you, too, since it has clearly caused you to acknowledge and face whatever is in the heart that is 'unfinished business.'
I thought the Camino was just another religious pilgrimage with a significantly challenging aspect...I really did not understand the Compostela Pilgrims that wrapped there life around the Camino...but tonight I am doing two or three Camino presentations to future Pilgrims...and I am planning my third Camino now...but I still don't understands what keeps drawing me back to the Camino.
I'm pretty sure my wife was happy to have me back and missed me while I was gone after both of my Caminos, a two month Camino in 2016 with my son (leaving her with our daughter and her father) and a three week Camino earlier this year (again leaving her with the same people, as our son was off in college). It is not easy to be a single parent. I am also sure that they both looked like vacations. They were vacations. That they were also pilgrimages doesn't prevent them from being vacations.I would love to hear how the significant others feel when their partners return home? I have felt many emotions which are not good ones. My husband’s 6 week pilgrimage looked more like a vacation.
Thank you for sharing!I'm pretty sure my wife was happy to have me back and missed me while I was gone after both of my Caminos, a two month Camino in 2016 with my son (leaving her with our daughter and her father) and a three week Camino earlier this year (again leaving her with the same people, as our son was off in college). It is not easy to be a single parent. I am also sure that they both looked like vacations. They were vacations. That they were also pilgrimages doesn't prevent them from being vacations.
That said, unlike the situation you describe in later postings, neither Camino was undertaken without her knowledge and consent.
She knew when she met me that international travel was a passion of mine. I had just come back from a year and a half in Europe and was about to head off to Africa. After I got back from Africa, that passion lay dormant for over twenty years of our relationship. Although we talked about taking trips before we got married and had kids, it never happened. Afterwards, with a family, it seemed too expensive. Our trips were often drives to spend time with friends and relatives rather than the kind of travel that had been my life before I met her. It wasn't until the two of us took a trip to Berlin (staying with a cousin of mine who was charge d'affaires at the Embassy there - still staying with relatives!) for our fifteenth wedding anniversary that the spark of my earlier passion was rekindled.
I had always talked about taking a trip with each of our children when they were sixteen. I figured that was about as late as I could leave it and have them still wanting me around. I guess it was always sort of assumed that it would be just me having this bonding time with them, partially because (at least for the first) someone would need to be home for the rest of the family and partially because she is not as interested in travel as I am. She will regularly take a week or a weekend to spend time with her distant friends, but she travel's to see people not places and anything longer than that she starts being too long for her.
A few years after that trip to Berlin, it was my eldest's turn for his trip and he wanted to walk the Camino with me for his trip. We booked two months for that trip, with some cushioning for unexpected delays on the Camino and/or tourism in Spain afterwards. I can't say she was happy about it. She can't say that she didn't know it was coming and we hadn't talked about it a lot beforehand. I guess the word I would use is "resigned".
As soon as I got back, it was clear to everyone that if I had my druthers this wouldn't be my last Camino. A year or so after that I started talking about looking for cheap flights to Portugal to walk the shorter Camino there. So when I called her from work one day to say that I had found a cheap flight and could I go walk again, she wasn't completely taken by surprise. And again, while she wasn't happy, she did recognize its importance to me and gave permission to book the flights. But if I hadn't got that permission, I wouldn't have bought the plane tickets. On the other hand, I can't imagine anyone who really loved me not giving that permission.
Coming up, she knows I've got a trip planned for 2020 with my daughter. She knows I want to do a lot more travel after I retire (say, a couple of trips a year). She knows that she is welcome to join my on my travels. I'd love to walk a Camino with her! On the other hand, since at the moment she finds it difficult to contemplate ever taking a trip for more than a couple of weeks, I think we both know that a lot of these trips will be without her.
Both you and her could have it a lot worse. Think of poor Sara Dhooma's husband: https://www.cbc.ca/player/play/1385033795558
I'm fascinated to know if people feel real, lasting changes have taken place in their lives after walking the camino. There is so much expectation and reading various blogs, some people seem to arrive with so much enthusiasm, only to give up after a few days and others can't wait to start their next walk after spending weeks on the road.
I'd love to hear how the experience affected you - good or bad!
Stop telling others about it! It's getting too crowded
My speech titles are..."Camino del Norte by Mountain Bike…The Who, What, & Why"...."Camino Muxia & Finisterre by Mountain Bike…The Quick Picture Tour"...&..."So You Don’t Think You Can Do the Camino?...My Personal Experience"...so maybe I can get future Pilgrims to try something other than the Camino Frances.
Get a few of them to walk tooOOps.
In 2003 I was riding the RTD Light Rail to work when a woman on a cellphone drove through a red light derailing the train...I spent 5-years in reconstructive orthopedic surgeries...and I was told that I would never walk again without a limp or ride a bike...until the Camino Frances mountain bike from SJPdP to Muxia in 2015...and again the Camino del Norte mountain bike from Bayonne to Finisterre in 2018.
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I respect your questions and I will work on them. Of course I have not shared all the issues that we have gone thru for the last 33 years of marriage— issues that were not resolved but certainly got stirred up in me as a result of the Camino so I can’t expect you to totally understand my feelings. I reached out initially to see how other people who did not go on the Camino felt about their partner going and to perhaps better understand the Camino. I don’t see the Camino as an opportunity one deserves. the issue i have trouble with is trust.
Thank you for your kind response andHello Deidre. If you can access my posts from March and June this year, you will see that I understand how you are feeling. I got through it with the help of my husband and a few very good friends who I could confide in. We eventually emerged with an even stronger marriage and commitment to each other (it has been good for 35 years), but I can honestly say it was the most stressful part of our marriage.
What I found particularly difficult were people who told me he would come back a changed man, when in fact I loved the person he already was. In fact he is still the same lovely person - just a bit fitter! We both recognise that we don't want to be apart for that amount of time again.
However the next chapter is that we are going back to SdC next year to walk together to Muxia and Finisterre.
(I found some of the responses to me on my thread were particularly unhelpful and lacked empathy. Please believe that there are people who understand)
All the very best
thank you for your kind response and support. How do I find your March and June post?Hello Deidre. If you can access my posts from March and June this year, you will see that I understand how you are feeling. I got through it with the help of my husband and a few very good friends who I could confide in. We eventually emerged with an even stronger marriage and commitment to each other (it has been good for 35 years), but I can honestly say it was the most stressful part of our marriage.
What I found particularly difficult were people who told me he would come back a changed man, when in fact I loved the person he already was. In fact he is still the same lovely person - just a bit fitter! We both recognise that we don't want to be apart for that amount of time again.
However the next chapter is that we are going back to SdC next year to walk together to Muxia and Finisterre.
(I found some of the responses to me on my thread were particularly unhelpful and lacked empathy. Please believe that there are people who understand)
All the very best
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