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Hy , as SY said . I also think you have to wake up , and do this for yourself. I wish you an happy and a Buen Camino, Peter.Do any of you have a spouse or significant other that really doesn't understand the need to do a Camino more than once, twice, three+ times...or even at all? My husband very reluctantly supported my dream of walking the Camino in 2013. Due to injury I only made it to Leon (started in Pamplona) After home, and injury healed, I wanted to go back and start in SJPP this time. He somewhat supported it, but we didn't talk for a week after I discussed my 'need' to return. I went back June 2014 and finished in July 2014. One of the best experience of my life... as I have been a mother, wife, and step parent since I was 18 years old and never had the desire or opportunity to leave my family for a month. All kids are raised now, I'm 43, and full of ambition to do the things I couldn't before. My issue now is...I want to go back again. He has no desire to walk the Camino, I've tried that route! I know this is going to make my husband very upset because he worries about me...I know he will get over it...but it will leave me feeling selfish. That drains the excitement of returning. Does anyone else have an otherwise wonderful spouse/significant other who just doesn't get the whole Camino experience and the desire to return? How have you handled it? I'm so torn and it is making me sad and quiet lately...feels like depression..feels like I should let the Camino go in order to make my husband happy...but then I won't be...doesn't settle well with me. I feel it's 'my turn' to do the things I've wanted to do after supporting our children and him my entire life...and he got very comfortable with that...
I know you aren't marriage therapists, but you do 'get it' when it comes to the Camino and I wonder if I'm the only one in this group who has this going on within them and around them. Thanks.
tammy - hope you won't get discouraged by your husband not 'understanding' or getting it. or even by your own 'fear' of being 'selfish'.Do any of you have a spouse or significant other that really doesn't understand the need to do a Camino more than once, twice, three+ times...or even at all? My husband very reluctantly supported my dream of walking the Camino in 2013. Due to injury I only made it to Leon (started in Pamplona) After home, and injury healed, I wanted to go back and start in SJPP this time. He somewhat supported it, but we didn't talk for a week after I discussed my 'need' to return. I went back June 2014 and finished in July 2014. One of the best experience of my life... as I have been a mother, wife, and step parent since I was 18 years old and never had the desire or opportunity to leave my family for a month. All kids are raised now, I'm 43, and full of ambition to do the things I couldn't before. My issue now is...I want to go back again. He has no desire to walk the Camino, I've tried that route! I know this is going to make my husband very upset because he worries about me...I know he will get over it...but it will leave me feeling selfish. That drains the excitement of returning. Does anyone else have an otherwise wonderful spouse/significant other who just doesn't get the whole Camino experience and the desire to return? How have you handled it? I'm so torn and it is making me sad and quiet lately...feels like depression..feels like I should let the Camino go in order to make my husband happy...but then I won't be...doesn't settle well with me. I feel it's 'my turn' to do the things I've wanted to do after supporting our children and him my entire life...and he got very comfortable with that...
I know you aren't marriage therapists, but you do 'get it' when it comes to the Camino and I wonder if I'm the only one in this group who has this going on within them and around them. Thanks.
As I'm the only one that seems to see your husbands perspective on this scenario, I'm bracing myself for the verbal abuse that likely will be hurled my direction.
Oh the joys of being a retired divorcee! (I might add that I encountered the Camino after such an event.) But I can easily empathise with the various situations posted. My only input is that I am grateful for the inner peace that it Caminos have helped me attain. The changes wrought in me affect my relationship with others (as all changes do), especially those near and dear. I truly believe that these changes I have experienced are positive ones and for the betterment of us all. Did you also change after the first time? Did your husband like any such changes? Is he frightened, not just for your safety, not just for himself, but maybe for your future relationship? Maybe he loves you so much he is scared. May you be wise in your decisions and in your approach to the resolution of your dilemma. God bless.[/QUOTE
Very wise Al
if the husband was writing the post, and his wife was at home having difficulty with his 3rd camino, I would be agreeing with the wife.That is a little unfair.
I think the "perspective" remains the same whether we are talking of the husband or the wife.
I think, in nearly every comment here, you could reverse the genders (husband/father, wife/mother) in those comments and the suggestions/advice would remain the same
The deal is, my husband is a workaholic who doesn't take time for even a vacation some years. He has lost 4 weeks of vacation in the last 2 years because he doesn't like leaving his accounts to anyone to manage.
Tammy Lynn,Do any of you have a spouse or significant other that really doesn't understand the need to do a Camino more than once, twice, three+ times...or even at all? My husband very reluctantly supported my dream of walking the Camino in 2013. Due to injury I only made it to Leon (started in Pamplona) After home, and injury healed, I wanted to go back and start in SJPP this time. He somewhat supported it, but we didn't talk for a week after I discussed my 'need' to return. I went back June 2014 and finished in July 2014. One of the best experience of my life... as I have been a mother, wife, and step parent since I was 18 years old and never had the desire or opportunity to leave my family for a month. All kids are raised now, I'm 43, and full of ambition to do the things I couldn't before. My issue now is...I want to go back again. He has no desire to walk the Camino, I've tried that route! I know this is going to make my husband very upset because he worries about me...I know he will get over it...but it will leave me feeling selfish. That drains the excitement of returning. Does anyone else have an otherwise wonderful spouse/significant other who just doesn't get the whole Camino experience and the desire to return? How have you handled it? I'm so torn and it is making me sad and quiet lately...feels like depression..feels like I should let the Camino go in order to make my husband happy...but then I won't be...doesn't settle well with me. I feel it's 'my turn' to do the things I've wanted to do after supporting our children and him my entire life...and he got very comfortable with that...
I know you aren't marriage therapists, but you do 'get it' when it comes to the Camino and I wonder if I'm the only one in this group who has this going on within them and around them. Thanks.
TammyLyn, your concerns sound so much like mine did in the beginning. I know well the feeling of guilt that wanting to go off by yourself after so many years of caregiving elicits as well as the feeling that you are upsetting someone you love. However, this is outweighed by the feeling that you are divesting the layers with which you've covered yourself and, in the process, discovering so much about yourself and your place in your relationships and in the world in general.I think the Camino threatens him to be completely honest. I think he thinks I will meet someone who enjoys the same things as I do and I will leave him. The last thing I have looked for on my Caminos is finding love with someone else. I don't believe it is possible to find what I am looking for on the Camino if I'm being dishonest or deceitful. I have seen it happen on the Camino and all I could think was that I've come to let go of some of the trauma I've had and bad choices I have made in my 43 years and the last thing I want is to load my pack with stuff I'd feel bad about. Counterproductive in my opinion. But to each their own. I've communicated this to him in length. Eventually, he has driven me to the airport both times, sending me off with a kiss and a smile. In the end he's supported me, but it's the getting there that's tough. He's not used to this person. And neither am I! But I love her! I am confident I will be back to the Camino, I can't ignore the pull. I just need to let go of the fear of conflict this will cause for a week or so. He knows I love him, and he knows how much I really miss him when I'm gone, and he knows I'm not looking to find someone else. It'll work out, I have faith.
(as an aside: is it a typo or just an interesting slip: "....after taking care of others (happily) for so many tears ." ?!?)Tammy Lynn,
I have always loved the serenity of the outdoors and nature but I married a city boy born and raised in Detroit and definitely not a naturalist by a long shot. Like you for the last 27 years I have taken care of him, raised my 2 daughters, and taught elementary school for 17 years. I've loved every minute, but when we were done raising the kids I wanted to concentrate on what I wanted for the rest of my days. My husband has been a loyal husband and dad but the only outdoor activity I got was on the golf course. I've had strong desires to return to the adventure seeking of my youth for the last several months. I'm a catholic also who loves learning about the history of the Faith so when I read about the Camino I became obsessed. I was afraid to tell my husband and still haven't told my girls but since he takes an extensive golf trips with his guys for the last 27 years he was open to it. I don't think he believed I'd do it, but he also knew what I'd say if he said no. I booked my flight today. If you are not happy, neither will your family be. I really believe el Camino is a calling. And since so many pilgrims return again and again, it obviously is also an experience of healing as well. Women need time to get in touch with themselves again after taking care of others (happily) for so many tears . Go. You deserve it, and it will be best for your husband. He will appreciate you all the more each time you go, Buen camino. Ladywalkwe1
Haaaa. That's so funny. It was a typo of course, but even tough I happily took care of all of us for so many "years"-it was with plenty of tears as well. Thanks for the good wishes.(as an aside: is it a typo or just an interesting slip: "....after taking care of others (happily) for so many tears ." ?!?)
happy to read that tickets are booked and soon you'll be off...walking, being a pilgrim inside out
very best wishes!
Thank you ALL for taking the time to respond to my post...It really means a lot to me. I should have been a bit more clear about my husband and his lack of interest in joining me on the Camino. While he has no desire to do it, he also has no opportunity either because of the work he does. He is working 6 days a week/10 hour days while I have been on the Camino and I think the stress of that combined with me being gone brings out some jealousy and resentment in him. Naturally, right?! The first Camino I went on I called home a couple times a week and that seemed to be enough. I really made it clear to my entire family I needed this space and time for me and contact would be spotty. The second time I went I blogged every day and called home once a week. My family enjoyed that, since they were assured every morning when they woke up that I was ok. The deal is, my husband is a workaholic who doesn't take time for even a vacation some years. He has lost 4 weeks of vacation in the last 2 years because he doesn't like leaving his accounts to anyone to manage. He is an amazingly hard worker who has provided so much for our family and I am truly grateful I married such a good, reliable man. I have been understanding when it comes to his work...but now that I don't have children home, I'm not willing to give up my dreams for my work (I work full time for a boss that encourages me to do things like the Camino!) or my husband. If he doesn't want to go, that doesn't mean I shouldn't. I think the Camino threatens him to be completely honest. I think he thinks I will meet someone who enjoys the same things as I do and I will leave him. The last thing I have looked for on my Caminos is finding love with someone else. I don't believe it is possible to find what I am looking for on the Camino if I'm being dishonest or deceitful. I have seen it happen on the Camino and all I could think was that I've come to let go of some of the trauma I've had and bad choices I have made in my 43 years and the last thing I want is to load my pack with stuff I'd feel bad about. Counterproductive in my opinion. But to each their own. I've communicated this to him in length. Eventually, he has driven me to the airport both times, sending me off with a kiss and a smile. In the end he's supported me, but it's the getting there that's tough. He's not used to this person. And neither am I! But I love her! I am confident I will be back to the Camino, I can't ignore the pull. I just need to let go of the fear of conflict this will cause for a week or so. He knows I love him, and he knows how much I really miss him when I'm gone, and he knows I'm not looking to find someone else. It'll work out, I have faith. Thank you so very much for your heartfelt comments...there are some really wonderful people in this group..I knew I asked the the right people when I opened up this post this morning and began reading. It actually gave me strength and brought tears to my eyes all at the same time!
My wife and I have yet to make our Camino journey. We intend to do it together however, we tend to prefer being together. I like to use the reference of the television. She has shows that she likes to watch and I have shows that I like to watch, but sometimes they do not co mingle. When we are together, I frequently hear the question "is there anything on that we both like?"
We don't get truckloads of vacation time. We both work hard and when we do have our 14 allocated days of vacation, we've found that there are so many adventures still left in this world that "we both like", that we nearly always choose one that allows us to share the moment. We are not tied at the hip by any means. We frequently are out on our own having dinner or drinks with our individual friends, but working 50 weeks a year so that we can have two weeks off has made the short vacations so precious that we have typically chosen each other over individual desired quests.
As I'm the only one that seems to see your husbands perspective on this scenario, I'm bracing myself for the verbal abuse that likely will be hurled my direction.
Do any of you have a spouse or significant other that really doesn't understand the need to do a Camino more than once, twice, three+ times...or even at all? My husband very reluctantly supported my dream of walking the Camino in 2013. Due to injury I only made it to Leon (started in Pamplona) After home, and injury healed, I wanted to go back and start in SJPP this time. He somewhat supported it, but we didn't talk for a week after I discussed my 'need' to return. I went back June 2014 and finished in July 2014. One of the best experience of my life... as I have been a mother, wife, and step parent since I was 18 years old and never had the desire or opportunity to leave my family for a month. All kids are raised now, I'm 43, and full of ambition to do the things I couldn't before. My issue now is...I want to go back again. He has no desire to walk the Camino, I've tried that route! I know this is going to make my husband very upset because he worries about me...I know he will get over it...but it will leave me feeling selfish. That drains the excitement of returning. Does anyone else have an otherwise wonderful spouse/significant other who just doesn't get the whole Camino experience and the desire to return? How have you handled it? I'm so torn and it is making me sad and quiet lately...feels like depression..feels like I should let the Camino go in order to make my husband happy...but then I won't be...doesn't settle well with me. I feel it's 'my turn' to do the things I've wanted to do after supporting our children and him my entire life...and he got very comfortable with that...
I know you aren't marriage therapists, but you do 'get it' when it comes to the Camino and I wonder if I'm the only one in this group who has this going on within them and around them. Thanks.
Honestly, I thought you just sounded exhausted.
I get the long hours; I'm a teacher. I get the short vacation time; I'm an American, and we don't get much, do we?
All that said, my husband retired four years ago, and in the time he's been retired, he's gone on many a trip on his own, and I've been on a few of mine. Some we do together. We are exceptionally fortunate, and have those options--and I'm glad.
All that said, I always prefer to be with him. He is going on a three-day wilderness trip, leaving tomorrow. I've been kind of ill, and am staying back. It's okay. It is what it is, for this time.
He is not called to walk the Camino, but absolutely supports my journey and is eagerly reviewing maps, telling me what to wear, and critiquing my workouts (or lack of enough, ha ha!). I'll retire soon--June 10th. There will be plenty of time for them.
Anyway, just a quick shout out and hello, and to each their own. Cheers to the solo walkers, and cheers to the couples.
Deb:
I'm sorry you've been ill. Take care of yourself. You don't want to collapse into retirement too sick to enjoy it.
I don't know enough to judge (not that I would if I did) but I'm troubled at the idea that your interests are so divergent that he has NO interest in something so important to you. Personally, just me, I wouldn't be interested in the Camino without my wife. But I also can't imagine my wife not wanting to Camino with me, nor I with her
It's nice to hear that just because my husband and I don't share some of the same interests means our marriage is in trouble!! I have enjoyed many years of different interests than my husband and in my opinion it has made us more interesting. We have things to talk about at the end of the day because we aren't joined at the hip. It works for us, and in July we will have been together 18 years...to each their own! I will return to the Camino with his blessing and support, just not this year. Thank you all for your support...the Camino calls me every day and those who have been called seem to be the only ones who truly understand that pull!
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