Walking with one's Spouse

[ramble-on]

I'm new to this forum, but I'm impressed with how much really good information there is in the various threads. I hope this isn't too inflammatory a topic :!: , but one thing I haven't seen much on is the pros/cons of walking with your wife/husband. I'm really looking forward to spending time with my wife (we're starting in SJPP April 14/'10), but there could be some things which are going to be difficult to some extent. For one thing, my "natural" walking pace is quicker than her's, and I think it'll be a bit hard to adjust to a pace that's comfortable for both of us. Can anyone share their experiences on walking the Camino with his/her spouse?

Thanks to all.

 

[newfydog]

Many guys ask me the secret to hiking harmoniously with their wife/girlfriend. I tell them I have a sure fire method to getting along. They all seem eager to hear it.

Then I tell them that when I hike with my wife I let her go first and set the pace. Horrors! For some reason, few guys seem to like that idea. They'd rather hike alone than let someone else dictate the pace. If one really finds it is that hard to walk at some else's pace, they should probably go alone.

In our case, I figure I can adjust, and we enjoy each others company. Sometimes, I am the slow one, and I'm not afraid to admit it. My wife then lets me set the pace. Rarely, we both find a knee or something hurts at the wrong pace, and then we do split up for a hard uphill/downhill or difficult segment. In the end, it all comes down to communicating, and respecting how your partner feels.

 

[lynnejohn]

Kudos to you! I think you're on to something!

My husband and I discovered this phenomenon as well during our first camino. Something good happens in our relationship in each camino. We do become more solicitious of one another, more respectful, and more interested in one another. Similar to your practice, whichever of us is hurting or tired is the one who decides the pace and where and when to stop. In addition, I'm a lot shorter than my husband, but I'm also a faster walker. So to walk side by side, even if I slowed down, was difficult. I was injuring myself trying to take strides as long as his but that were unnatural for my body. Now he shortens his stride and I slow down. We have both concluded that we become better people and better partners as pilgrims.

lynne

 

[annakappa]

We have both concluded that we become better people and better partners as pilgrims.

Definately. I agree with you Lynne. It has never been the case of who walks faster than the other with us. I am the one who gets tired first and I really feel it in very hot weather. But somehow, we became tuned into each others needs. Stopping in some bar in a village, sitting on a rock out in the countryside, because I wanted to take my boots off and give my feet an airing (something that my husband never did) and after a while, found ourselves walking at a very acceptable pace for each other. We arrived at Santiago the day before our 45th Wedding anniversary and it was a very emotional moment for both of us! Grievances? Not many - I would have loved that he did the daily hand wash once in a while - however - that was not to be :cry: This Pilgramage was something to share. Anne

 

[sillydoll]

In Africa it is tribal custom for the man to walk ahead of his woman so that he can ward off wild animals and other dangers. (African men will go through a doorway or enter a lift ahead of the women, not because they are rude, but because that is the custom.)
My husband is the competitive one, ex-rugby player, cricket captain etc., and he wasn't happy to be trailing behind everybody else. But I am the faster walker so I always let him set the pace and once I gave him one of my sticks to walk with he was away.
Washing? We each did our own - together at the same wash basin.
Bunk beds? He let me sleep on top ( :wink: ) because I get a bit claustrophobic in confined spaces.

 

[giorgio]

Me and my wife Elisa discovered by pure chance the Camino in year 2000...started from SJPP thinking of doing a long walk....
As you might imagine ,we quickly discovered that there was a lot more than that....and since then every year we couldn' t resist the call to go back....we've walked all caminos since then and this year we plan to walk the Camino de Levante....
During all the days we've been walking, difference in pace is certainly the last of your concerns, no matter who's ahead or behind,no matter who's fast or slow you'll discover that you're never been SO CLOSe together and being far from everyday's routine and habits allows both to re-discover each other's toughts and emotions to a great extent.....
Start walking , and let each one of you follow the pace dictated by your legs , body and mind....
don't worry , the other is there, with you, on the CAMINO.....
Giorgio

 

[Tia Valeria]

Last year Terry walked alone, partly because I realised that my walking speed and ability would hold him back. This year we plan to walk part of the Camino Primitivo together, some that Terry thinks I will manage. Then we'll walk the Camino Inglés together in 2011 if it works OK for us this year. It is being able to plan and walk together this time that is important, but that does not mean we have to walk at the same pace all the time.
In practise walks we have found a pace that suits both of us - on the level and down hill. However uphill we have different ways of walking so we each walk at our own pace, while aiming to keep one another in sight/shouting distance in case of problems. Terry walks uphill fast, but may stop for a quick rest, while I plod along but once 'wound-up' keep going to the top or until I can take a proper break. This is working well so far. Also we can share some items of packing (eg only 1 medical kit) which helps to keep weight down and Terry is carrying my towel and sheet so I have a lighter pack, which in turn means I can walk more easily.
So - make your plans and try to find the best way for you as a couple
Buen Camino
Tia Valeria

 

[Rebekah Scott]

Patrick and I walked together in 2001, only the first ten days, Roncesvalles to Logroño. Then he went home. He was a miserable whining pain in the *** almost the whole way. Once he left, I felt like my Real Camino could finally begin.

The following year he went back and walked the entire thing himself and apparently had a good time. We were married two years later, and decided to move together to a place on the Camino!

We have walked many many miles together since, sometimes side by side, sometimes with one far ahead and the other trailing back, and usually with Dog accompaniment. I am walking the Big Camino again this year, on my own. But I will meet Paddy in the middle, at home, for a nice break. We like being together. We need sometimes to be apart.

As in life, so it is on the Camino.
That said, I have met some couples who are honeymooning on the Camino... :shock:

 

[annakappa]

I have met some couples who are honeymooning on the Camino... :shock:

Yes, last September we met a young Irish couple, Miles and Sarah, who we then came met on various occasions along the Way. They were married in May 2009 and left Dublin to walk the Camino about 7/8 weeks later, in July. They arrived in Santiago a few days before us (mid October). Anne

 

[pat.holland]

Ellen and I have been walking the Camino for three years now, two weeks at a time. Our paces differ, she starts off fast and I start off slow. Trying to keep up with her gave me an inflamed tendon one morning. We tend to meet at the first coffee stop and thereafter keep closer, hunting for albergues/shops etc together later in the day. It can be nice sometimes to walk on your own, or walk and talk with a stranger, it can be nice to walk together . It all depends.

Can I suggest that the most important thing is to talk about it. There is nothing worse than seeing some man/woman dragging their beloved up a mountain not realising that they hate every minute of it. Ask each other how you like to walk, fast slow, together alone etc. Its ok to look for some quiet space or a break from each other. ITs ok to walk together. What ever you both want. But can I also respectfully suggest be able to say I want to walk fast/slow/alone/whatever without either or both feeling guilty/bad.

We have really enjoyed doing the Camino together and having space and time together, now that family time is not so pressing. I have also enjoyed talking to other walkers and walking on my own.

 

[Tangaa]

I walked from Astorga with my girlfriend and two other friends three years ago. In Sarria she couldn´t walk anymore because of pain in her knee. She and one of our friends took the bus to Santiago and waited there.
We had talked about such a situation before we went to Spain, and I´m glad we did. We both agreed that should something happen to one of us, the other should continue the camino.
Ofcourse we were lucky that one of our friends joined her- and the other joined me, but my advise would be to talk about it before you go... What if one of us breaks - what do we do?
(seriuos injuries is of course a different matter!!!)
And be honest with eachother!

 

[grayland]

I walked from Astorga with my girlfriend and two other friends three years ago. In Sarria she couldn´t walk anymore because of pain in her knee. She and one of our friends took the bus to Santiago and waited there.
We had talked about such a situation before we went to Spain, and I´m glad we did. We both agreed that should something happen to one of us, the other should continue the camino.
Ofcourse we were lucky that one of our friends joined her- and the other joined me, but my advise would be to talk about it before you go... What if one of us breaks - what do we do?
(seriuos injuries is of course a different matter!!!)
And be honest with eachother!

This is very good advice. I strongly recommend that those walking with others consider what they will do if the situation arises. There are several alternatives. Go all the way foward to Santiago and wait....or just catch a bus to the next nights stopping point each day. This has the advantage of still being together each night.

 

[Bridget and Peter]

sitting on a rock out in the countryside, because I wanted to take my boots off and give my feet an airing (something that my husband never did)

It's just the same with us when walking - I like to air my feet and he doesn't!

We cycle together more than we walk, and again it's a matter of adapting to each other's strengths and weaknesses. I am the more confident route finder, so I go in front much of the time. But when it comes to walking up hills, I can't pace myself right - I set off at too fast a speed and have to keep stopping for my breath. But Peter knows just the right pace for me, and he moves forward, (having dismounted before he needed too, probably) and sets exactly the perfect pace which will get me to the top of the hill. Bless him! He also recognises the signs when I am flagging from hunger and calls a halt for re-fueling - usually bananas and a square of chocolate!

 

[Portia1]

Last fall I met many married couples on the Camino. I agree that letting the less fast/injured one set the pace seemed to be one of the best indicators that it was going to work. But more than that, that EACH ONE really wanted to do the Camino for themselves. I witnessed some marriages unraveling because one spouse or the other had come at the urging of the other but wasn't commited. When it's tough, when you are tired and hurting and the weather is a beast, it is nigh on impossible to keep on if you don't want this for yourself. I saw husband's carrying their wife's pack and/or items she insisted on bringing that were too heavy. I saw wives tenderly caring for husbands whose feet hurt or who were reluctant to admit they needed to rest. I also saw husband's berrating their wives for being so slow or having blisters or whatever didn't fit with the husband's plan. I met one woman whose feet were like hamburger because she was trying to keep up with her husband who was a competative sort and she was paying the price and feeling worse and worse that she couldn't keep up. It was a beautiful thing to witness married couples who had really worked things out--whether agreeing to stop for a night or two in a hotel or to share a good meal or to walk at their own pace--and who genuinely seemed to enjoy one another's company. They might walk together sometimes and other times not but they seemed to be very comfortable with their choices. The more you talk about it and come to some agreement on the options, the better your Caminos will be.