A Different Perspective - Buying pepper spray in Madrid

[SilentNight]

The OP of the original thread was derided, even apparently by a moderator. It is not an uncommon practice on this forum to ask an earnest question or provide information, and be insulted, scorned for even inquiring or sharing, and some commenters projecting their own thoughts onto the OP, and even advising the OP to either not go on pilgrimage, or to be avoided. Thankfully, some commenters are generous souls, who try to be helpful and answer the question earnestly.

Please consider the OP’s perspective, which is at variance from what most may experience along the Camino, let alone on their home turf and in their lifetime.

Most folks are not drop dead gorgeous, so they have no idea what a young, beautiful female traveling solo will encounter on any given day of unwanted attention.

I was only kinda cute when I was young a long, long time ago. Yet everywhere I went, and though I studiously avoided eye contact (you school yourself), men approached me and asked me out. The great majority were good guys, and took my no politely. Some began frequenting my fav haunts and trying to kindle something, anything with me. A few were creepy, and followed me home. That’s awful and frightening.

I was stalked twice. Consider how you might feel if someone, with whom you have said no to repeatedly, keeps focusing on you. As a young woman raised to be polite and genteel, you become scared and unsure what to do when someone bigger, faster, and stronger than you insists on touching your legs, wrapping his arm around your waist, or brushing against you. I still remember my heart in my throat. It is not a good feeling.

Unwanted advances make those who receive them every day very uncomfortable. When a stranger fixates romantically on someone they barely know, it’s creepy and horrifying to the intended. You look over your shoulder in case he has followed you. Your peace and equanimity are disturbed. You do not feel safe anywhere.

So if a young, attractive woman traveling solo feels that a bit of security is warranted to fend off unwanted advances from a man, who can easily overpower her or at the least disturb her peace …
why do you feel the need to criticize, say it’s ridiculous because it never happened to you, or say to the OP to google it?

 

[C clearly]

This thread has been closed, as it is re-opening the very discussion that was just closed on another thread.

We close threads when they become argumentative in a way that does not seem constructive, given the mission of the forum. Some topics lead to very heated discussion that cannot be resolved on an internet forum like this, and a "time out" is needed. The moderators felt that the original thread had reached the point. It does not mean that we think the topic is unimportant.

It is not an uncommon practice on this forum to ask an earnest question or provide information, and be insulted, scorned for even inquiring or sharing, and some commenters projecting their own thoughts onto the OP, and even advising the OP to either not go on pilgrimage, or to be avoided.

Yes, this is a common problem that we need to deal with. Answers to unasked questions often lead to wonderful discussions and new perspectives. On the other hand, they can sometimes go off track, as you describe. We do not wish to have a strict rule that people must answer the question and only the exact question - so, there are many times when the thread will wander to one person's delight and another person's dismay.

We try to find a generally acceptable middle ground. It isn't easy, especially on a sensitive topic - sometimes closing the thread seems to be the only solution since purging individual posts can get very tricky.

if a young, attractive woman traveling solo feels that a bit of security is warranted to fend off unwanted advances from a man, who can easily overpower her or at the least disturb her peace …

We do not need a discussion of whether cute/young women need pepper spray more than ugly/old ones, nor at which point of an unwanted advance, pepper spray might be warranted. We are all sympathetic to the safety concerns of female pilgrims and we want to help women find ways to walk comfortably. That process includes weighing of risks, understanding our own risk tolerance, considering what controls are appropriate for those risks.

The OP of the original thread was derided, even apparently by a moderator.

No, this is not true. If you read the thread carefully, you will see that the comments by a moderator were directed quite specifically to statements (quoted) by other people, not the OP. Furthermore, the moderator was challenging the factual basis of these statements, and attempting to help the readers put the risks into perspective.

Moderators are allowed to have opinions, even strong ones, just as other members are. A strong contrary opinion is not the same as derision or insult.

If anyone wants to continue this discussion, feel free to start a private Conversation with me and/or other moderators.