A little concerned (or am i just being daft)

[steve392]

I’ve been reading the threads and accounts of women who have had incidents/unwanted attention from men on the Camino and as a man I find it disgusting. It horrifies me that women have to feel on edge whilst walking the Camino and following what in no doubt has been a dream for them. It has also raised a couple of concerns.

I’ll be walking the Camino on my own in Sept 16 and am by no means afraid for my safety. I’m 6’ 2” tall, quite big built with a shaved head and some people would say that I can look quite intimidating. But those who really know me would agree that I am a “gentle giant” (for want of a better phase). I can be quite shy with people who I have just met and certainly am around big groups of people who I don’t know. I certainly try to be a gentleman and be courteous towards women and would be the first to intervene if I see a woman in trouble.

My concern comes when I think that I may (and probably will) come across a women walking alone on the Camino with no one else around. If I am aware that some women have been having some problems, how do I know that I can greet them without fear of upsetting them, causing alarm or making them feel uncomfortable? This is the last thing that I would want to do. Also, how can I put their mind at ease and deal with the situation if I do unintentionally upset them? After all they won’t know me at all.

I would hate to think that I would negatively affect anyone’s Camino, woman or man, in anyway at all and wouldn’t be happy with myself if I did.

Am I being a little over cautious or do I have a genuine concern? I’d be grateful for your thoughts and honest opinions.

Cheers
Steve

 

[Phillypilgrim]

Probably "just being daft". Buen Camino!!

 

[Magwood]

Definitely over cautious. It will be obvious if someone, male or female, wants to make conversation, as you draw up and say Buen Camino. Most pilgrims are expecting people to be friendly rather than dangerous. Just be yourself and you will have an amazing time.
Buen Camino!

 

[C clearly]

If you are wearing a backpack (obviously a pilgrim) and have a modest but friendly manner, then women will be happy to see you on the path. At that time of year there will probably be so many pilgrims that there will usually be others around, anyway.

If I am walking in the local park, alone in a forested section, I try to be aware of approaching people. If a man is walking a dog on a leash, or jogging in appropriate clothes, then I tend to relax because they are behaving appropriately for the context. If he were skulking in the bushes, I'd act differently!

Some people might disagree with this suggestion, but... If you need to step off the path to use "the facilities", leave your backpack visible to people approaching. Then they won't be startled to see you coming out of the bushes.

 

[Cecy]

I’ve been reading the threads and accounts of women who have had incidents/unwanted attention from men on the Camino and as a man I find it disgusting. It horrifies me that women have to feel on edge whilst walking the Camino and following what in no doubt has been a dream for them. It has also raised a couple of concerns.

I’ll be walking the Camino on my own in Sept 16 and am by no means afraid for my safety. I’m 6’ 2” tall, quite big built with a shaved head and some people would say that I can look quite intimidating. But those who really know me would agree that I am a “gentle giant” (for want of a better phase). I can be quite shy with people who I have just met and certainly am around big groups of people who I don’t know. I certainly try to be a gentleman and be courteous towards women and would be the first to intervene if I see a woman in trouble.

My concern comes when I think that I may (and probably will) come across a women walking alone on the Camino with no one else around. If I am aware that some women have been having some problems, how do I know that I can greet them without fear of upsetting them, causing alarm or making them feel uncomfortable? This is the last thing that I would want to do. Also, how can I put their mind at ease and deal with the situation if I do unintentionally upset them? After all they won’t know me at all.

I would hate to think that I would negatively affect anyone’s Camino, woman or man, in anyway at all and wouldn’t be happy with myself if I did.

Am I being a little over cautious or do I have a genuine concern? I’d be grateful for your thoughts and honest opinions.

Cheers
Steve

You doing the CF?

I believe that one can sense if someone approaches you that might not be a fellow pilgrim or is out there looking for something else. I would hope I met someone like you during my Camino since I will be going solo!

Thanks for your concern, Sept 16 will come sooner than we think! !

Buen Camino

 

[simply B]

@steve392 -

I think that you have a legitimate concern but I would not let it be a worry. @C clearly has great advice for you to heed. There is not much more to add, IMHO.

Based upon my experience, it should not surprise you, if on multiple occasions, some solo peregrinas align their schedules to yours.

B

 

[CaminoDebrita]

I’ve been reading the threads and accounts of women who have had incidents/unwanted attention from men on the Camino and as a man I find it disgusting. It horrifies me that women have to feel on edge whilst walking the Camino and following what in no doubt has been a dream for them. It has also raised a couple of concerns.

I’ll be walking the Camino on my own in Sept 16 and am by no means afraid for my safety. I’m 6’ 2” tall, quite big built with a shaved head and some people would say that I can look quite intimidating. But those who really know me would agree that I am a “gentle giant” (for want of a better phase). I can be quite shy with people who I have just met and certainly am around big groups of people who I don’t know. I certainly try to be a gentleman and be courteous towards women and would be the first to intervene if I see a woman in trouble.

My concern comes when I think that I may (and probably will) come across a women walking alone on the Camino with no one else around. If I am aware that some women have been having some problems, how do I know that I can greet them without fear of upsetting them, causing alarm or making them feel uncomfortable? This is the last thing that I would want to do. Also, how can I put their mind at ease and deal with the situation if I do unintentionally upset them? After all they won’t know me at all.

I would hate to think that I would negatively affect anyone’s Camino, woman or man, in anyway at all and wouldn’t be happy with myself if I did.

Am I being a little over cautious or do I have a genuine concern? I’d be grateful for your thoughts and honest opinions.

Cheers
Steve

Your consideration of others is wonderful.

I was often glad on desolate stretches to see a guy with a pack. It made me feel more comfortable about things.

One of my good Camino friends was a huge guy named Mik, who wore funny short trousers and carried a small pack. He too was a gentle giant. We walked together for one day, then I never saw him again. Great guy, but intimidating in size! He was a pilgrim, and he caused me no concern.

Having the right attitude is great. If you are considerate to all, you will do fine.

 

[Sheilajg]

Thank you for caring about this. Your thoughtfulness is appreciated and will be welcomed on the camino.

 

[karenfromcali]

I think its really awesome that you are even thinking this through and thank you for that. It is the life of women that we need to be careful, and sometimes we may feel uncertain when meeting men alone so it is very kind of you to try and put us at ease. But I think c Clearly has a good point. Your clothing and pack will identify you as a pilgrim and your kind personality will quickly show itself. So try not to worry. Have a wonderful time! I'm sure you will make many pilgrim friends, male and female, along the way.
Buen Camino

 

[Susan hopes]

I wish I had met you when I was on Camino. I could have used a friendly word of encouragement. Don't be afraid to tip your hat and say "Buen Camino" when passing a gal. And thank you for being so considerate.

 

[steve392]

Thanks you all for your comments and great advise.
Maybe I am overthinking this a little but it does come from the heart. Without going into detail, my step daughter was raped a few years ago and even though her mother and I have split up since, I do still feel guilty that I wasn't there to protect her. I know that I couldn't do anything as I wasn't there but that sense of guilt still exists. I'm sure ever parent will understand this. So now the thought of women being attacked appals me more than ever.
I hadn't thought of the fact that I will be standing out as a pilgrim and not just some random guy. I try not to worry any further about this.
Cheers.
Steve.

 

[steve392]

You doing the CF?

Hey cecy.
Yes I am doing the CF. Arriving at St Jean on Sept 5th. I see your doing yours then too. Which route?
Steve

 

[Returning2TheTrail]

Definitely Daft. there is the risk of something negative happening everywhere. I'm 6'4" myself (but no shaved head or Tatts),

get comfortable with the situation. If you are comfortable, everything will be comfortable.

A polite "Buen Camino" as you walk past is always welcomed, and a bit of small talk. If her pace drops, pick up yours. That will avoid any 'uncomfortable' situations. Actually that advice is for everyone. whoever you meet on the circuit, you can't assume that they want to be drawn into a conversation. It will happen if it happens. and vice versa.

But most peregrino's are a friendly bunch, so a smile will get you everwhere

Buen Camino

 

[nonami]

Ummm, mainly daft but do consider the possible effect on other pilgrims. I am the same height as you and around 100kg. I happen to walk quickly and generally very softly so people do not know i am approaching. I live near a mountain reserve with lonely paths and i sometimes encounter females walking solo early in the morning. I just make sure i make a little noise and demonstrate that i am giving them a wide berth. It helps; along with a smile. "Buen Camino" helps in Spain as others have mentioned.
Separately I leave SJDPD two days after you. Depending on your plans I might catch up with you sometime on the Camino. I'll be the big old Aussie bearing down on you.
Nonami.

 

[Cecy]

Hey cecy.
Yes I am doing the CF. Arriving at St Jean on Sept 5th. I see your doing yours then too. Which route?
Steve

Hi Steve
Figures lol i am doing CP from arriving in Porto, staring in Valenca, work contraints. Seems loke everyone is doing the CF. Maybe one day I will be able to walk the entire Camino.

Cecy

 

[Cecy]

Thanks you all for your comments and great advise.
Maybe I am overthinking this a little but it does come from the heart. Without going into detail, my step daughter was raped a few years ago and even though her mother and I have split up since, I do still feel guilty that I wasn't there to protect her. I know that I couldn't do anything as I wasn't there but that sense of guilt still existence. I'm sure ever parent will understand this. So now the thought of women being attacked appals me more than ever.
I hadn't thought of the fact that I will be standing out as a pilgrim and not just some random guy. I try not to worry any further about this.
Cheers.
Steve.

Sorry to hear that, I can honestly understand feeling helpless when trying to protect our children and the intense feeling of guilt associated with it. My daughter didnt get raped but is still in a toxic relationship and is being emotionally abused and been hit (once that I know of) its been very hard for me to see her so broken and not be able to do a thing about it.

I hope our Camino will allow us to shed those feelings of guilt and any other baggage we carry.

Buen Camino

 

[gypsywind]

I’ve been reading the threads and accounts of women who have had incidents/unwanted attention from men on the Camino and as a man I find it disgusting. It horrifies me that women have to feel on edge whilst walking the Camino and following what in no doubt has been a dream for them. It has also raised a couple of concerns.

I’ll be walking the Camino on my own in Sept 16 and am by no means afraid for my safety. I’m 6’ 2” tall, quite big built with a shaved head and some people would say that I can look quite intimidating. But those who really know me would agree that I am a “gentle giant” (for want of a better phase). I can be quite shy with people who I have just met and certainly am around big groups of people who I don’t know. I certainly try to be a gentleman and be courteous towards women and would be the first to intervene if I see a woman in trouble.

My concern comes when I think that I may (and probably will) come across a women walking alone on the Camino with no one else around. If I am aware that some women have been having some problems, how do I know that I can greet them without fear of upsetting them, causing alarm or making them feel uncomfortable? This is the last thing that I would want to do. Also, how can I put their mind at ease and deal with the situation if I do unintentionally upset them? After all they won’t know me at all.

I would hate to think that I would negatively affect anyone’s Camino, woman or man, in anyway at all and wouldn’t be happy with myself if I did.

Am I being a little over cautious or do I have a genuine concern? I’d be grateful for your thoughts and honest opinions.

Cheers
Steve

Steve, thank you, from a soon to be solo woman pilgrim, for your gracious concern. I wish we were walking at the same time, because I do have my concerns. But, as others have said, if I see you with a backpack, looking like you have been walking too, I would look at you as another pilgrim, and be happy to see you, even if only for a moment to wish a buen camino and have you leave me in your dust. Embrace your sensitive humanity, it will be felt and noted by all pilgrims you encounter.

 

[gypsywind]

Sorry to hear that, I can honestly understand feeling helpless when trying to protect our children and the intense feeling of guilt associated with it. My daughter didnt get raped but is still in a toxic relationship and is being emotionally abused and been hit (once that I know of) its been very hard for me to see her so broken and not be able to do a thing about it.

I hope our Camino will allow us to shed those feelings of guilt and any other baggage we carry.

Buen Camino

Cecy, I am a former DV advocate, if you have not spoken to anyone, we can swap email addresses, I have worked with many families of DV survivors, and would be happy to chat with you. I leave on April Fools Day from StJPP solo.

 

[zzotte]

I’ve been reading the threads and accounts of women who have had incidents/unwanted attention from men on the Camino and as a man I find it disgusting. It horrifies me that women have to feel on edge whilst walking the Camino and following what in no doubt has been a dream for them. It has also raised a couple of concerns.

I’ll be walking the Camino on my own in Sept 16 and am by no means afraid for my safety. I’m 6’ 2” tall, quite big built with a shaved head and some people would say that I can look quite intimidating. But those who really know me would agree that I am a “gentle giant” (for want of a better phase). I can be quite shy with people who I have just met and certainly am around big groups of people who I don’t know. I certainly try to be a gentleman and be courteous towards women and would be the first to intervene if I see a woman in trouble.

My concern comes when I think that I may (and probably will) come across a women walking alone on the Camino with no one else around. If I am aware that some women have been having some problems, how do I know that I can greet them without fear of upsetting them, causing alarm or making them feel uncomfortable? This is the last thing that I would want to do. Also, how can I put their mind at ease and deal with the situation if I do unintentionally upset them? After all they won’t know me at all.

I would hate to think that I would negatively affect anyone’s Camino, woman or man, in anyway at all and wouldn’t be happy with myself if I did.

Am I being a little over cautious or do I have a genuine concern? I’d be grateful for your thoughts and honest opinions.

Cheers
Steve

I think your are a little too concern, I think even as a men one knows when its time to change tables so to speak do you know what I mean? He is my take when you come across a lady alone on the trail, if you are passing her pass already don't linger (I hate lingers) LOL make noises discreetly and approach from the sides and just say buen camino and move on its best to have the lady behind you then you following her too close even with your best intentions, and besides you don't want to get whacked in the head with trek poles either LOL so always gives her a choice to get out of the situation without neither of you freaking out.

Buen Camino
Zz0tte

 

[Cecy]

Cecy, I am a former DV advocate, if you have not spoken to anyone, we can swap email addresses, I have worked with many families of DV survivors, and would be happy to chat with you. I leave on April Fools Day from StJPP solo.

No, i tried to help myself but couldnt get her to leave.
Sure, we can do that, I havent pushed the issue anymore, there is a lot more to her story things are a calmer than they were.

 

[steve392]

I think your are a little too concern, I think even as a men one knows when its time to change tables so to speak do you know what I mean?

no

 

[zzotte]

Ok let me explain, most Spanish men Italians, Latinos they think they are god gift to women and some of then are not bashful, one can interfere when its obvious but the ultimate decision comes from the lady to say "Basta" or just walk way sort of removing one self from the problem being proactive even if. Now for men this is not an issue but other safety concern may arise therefore once again be proactive removing one from the situation to avoid another if at all possible. It's a shame that woman has to do that, but what are you left with? Do you feel like taking action? I do, it irritates the hell out me but as you will find out most ladies can take care themselves really good without our help it's not they first time around the block, I don't have a problem jumping in if I see the need especially with some of the men that don't know when to quit.

Zzotte

 

[C clearly]

@zzotte I know what you are saying, but think this goes well beyond what the OP was asking. He wondered if women walking alone would be frightened when they see him on the path, because he is a big man with a shaved head. We have reassured him that this generally won't be the case because of his polite manner and pilgrim outfit. Whether he will earn respect, be liked, and make friends is another question.

 

[steve392]

@zzotte I know what you are saying, but think this goes well beyond what the OP was asking. He wondered if women walking alone would be frightened when they see him on the path, because he is a big man with a shaved head. We have reassured him that this generally won't be the case because of his polite manner and pilgrim outfit. Whether he will earn respect, be liked, and make friends is another question.

Thank you.

 

[AlwynWellington]

how can I put their mind at ease

Lots of good advice above.

Being aware that women, especially alone, can find a man overtaking from behind worrisome, I have rehearsed in my mind a way that might work for me to lighten the moment. The advantage: English is assumed.

As suggested above, at the approach make some gentle noise to announce my presence. On drawing alongside offer a greeting. Judging the situation I might say something like: I am going to so and so and would appreciate company to make the journey quicker. And, no, I don't want to know where you are going. Depending on the reply either fall into step and chat or say goodbye and stride ahead.

I haven't had any opportunity to use this but it is a comfort to me that I had thought about this situation.

As many parliamentarians have said: the impromptu off the cuff remark has to be carefully prepared beforehand.

 

[steve392]

Lots of good advice above.

Being aware that women, especially alone, can find a man overtaking from behind worrisome, I have rehearsed in my mind a way that might work for me to lighten the moment. The advantage: English is assumed.

As suggested above, at the approach make some gentle noise to announce my presence. On drawing alongside offer a greeting. Judging the situation I might say something like: I am going to so and so and would appreciate company to make the journey quicker. And, no, I don't want to know where you are going. Depending on the reply either fall into step and chat or say goodbye and stride ahead.

I haven't had any opportunity to use this but it is a comfort to me that I had thought about this situation.

As many parliamentarians have said: the impromptu off the cuff remark has to be carefully prepared beforehand.

Thanks Alwyn, it's nice to know that i'm not the only one who has had this concern.
Buen camino for this year.

 

[SYates]

... My concern comes when I think that I may (and probably will) come across a women walking alone on the Camino with no one else around. If I am aware that some women have been having some problems, how do I know that I can greet them without fear of upsetting them, causing alarm or making them feel uncomfortable? This is the last thing that I would want to do. Also, how can I put their mind at ease and deal with the situation if I do unintentionally upset them? After all they won’t know me at all...

Additionally to all the good input others have left: Most of the women will know you after a couple of days. Pilgrims with the same rhythm end up walking the same (or similar) stages and you will see the same pilgrims frequently during the day and in the evening - and they you. Buen Camino, SY

 

[Seabird]

@steve392 - You are NOT daft, but clearly someone who is sensitive to others and wants to spread good cheer, not bad vibes. I commend you for it! And I think the fact that you are asking suggests that you do not and will not give women that "gut check" feeling, that "creepy-crawly" feeling that something/someone isn't right. The suggestions already made are good for avoiding startling someone, but I think you are otherwise unlikely to frighten someone.

 

[Urban Trekker]

I’ve been reading the threads and accounts of women who have had incidents/unwanted attention from men on the Camino and as a man I find it disgusting. It horrifies me that women have to feel on edge whilst walking the Camino and following what in no doubt has been a dream for them. It has also raised a couple of concerns.

I’ll be walking the Camino on my own in Sept 16 and am by no means afraid for my safety. I’m 6’ 2” tall, quite big built with a shaved head and some people would say that I can look quite intimidating. But those who really know me would agree that I am a “gentle giant” (for want of a better phase). I can be quite shy with people who I have just met and certainly am around big groups of people who I don’t know. I certainly try to be a gentleman and be courteous towards women and would be the first to intervene if I see a woman in trouble.

My concern comes when I think that I may (and probably will) come across a women walking alone on the Camino with no one else around. If I am aware that some women have been having some problems, how do I know that I can greet them without fear of upsetting them, causing alarm or making them feel uncomfortable? This is the last thing that I would want to do. Also, how can I put their mind at ease and deal with the situation if I do unintentionally upset them? After all they won’t know me at all.

I would hate to think that I would negatively affect anyone’s Camino, woman or man, in anyway at all and wouldn’t be happy with myself if I did.

Am I being a little over cautious or do I have a genuine concern? I’d be grateful for your thoughts and honest opinions.

Cheers
Steve

Greet with "Buen Camino". Smile. Be polite. Be a gentleman. If the situation calls for it, open the door. Buen Camino

Happy Trails

 

[Parisian]

I’ve been reading the threads and accounts of women who have had incidents/unwanted attention from men on the Camino and as a man I find it disgusting. It horrifies me that women have to feel on edge whilst walking the Camino and following what in no doubt has been a dream for them. It has also raised a couple of concerns.

I’ll be walking the Camino on my own in Sept 16 and am by no means afraid for my safety. I’m 6’ 2” tall, quite big built with a shaved head and some people would say that I can look quite intimidating. But those who really know me would agree that I am a “gentle giant” (for want of a better phase). I can be quite shy with people who I have just met and certainly am around big groups of people who I don’t know. I certainly try to be a gentleman and be courteous towards women and would be the first to intervene if I see a woman in trouble.

My concern comes when I think that I may (and probably will) come across a women walking alone on the Camino with no one else around. If I am aware that some women have been having some problems, how do I know that I can greet them without fear of upsetting them, causing alarm or making them feel uncomfortable? This is the last thing that I would want to do. Also, how can I put their mind at ease and deal with the situation if I do unintentionally upset them? After all they won’t know me at all.

I would hate to think that I would negatively affect anyone’s Camino, woman or man, in anyway at all and wouldn’t be happy with myself if I did.

Am I being a little over cautious or do I have a genuine concern? I’d be grateful for your thoughts and honest opinions.

Cheers
Steve

Hi Steve. You are very kind. I understand your thoughts and will just write about my response. First, everyone greets each other with Buen Camino. Some people will respond Buen Camino and keep walking. They perhaps are meditating and need the silence. If you get a friendly comment back, you might ask a question .. How are you doing? Take your cues from her.

I am a woman of a certain age and have walked 2 casinos solo: the French and the Portuguese. I stay aware especially in towns but I am not paranoid. You will find the albergos a good place to chat freely. Lots of times, you find a band of people walking your pace and you have company for a bit. So Buen Camino to your way. Elin

 

[Angie94]

My concern comes when I think that I may (and probably will) come across a women walking alone on the Camino with no one else around. If I am aware that some women have been having some problems, how do I know that I can greet them without fear of upsetting them, causing alarm or making them feel uncomfortable?

interesting thread...I will offer up my two cents and experience - I wouldn't say I am paranoid but I would say that I have an over exaggerated startle response, meaning I jump out of my skin when someone comes up behind me and I am not aware they are there. I have always been that way. When I first started doing my training hikes (in a large park area with trails, woods etc..) and someone would come up from behind me to pass me I usually jumped or gasped a bit (it was automatic and very embarrassing and they were apologetic)...but the more I became accustomed to it the better I felt and that automatic response started to settle down. I was so grateful. Then people actually would actually start a brief conversation or just say hello and I began to imagine that it is much that way on the camino. Not only has the training helped my physically but it has also helped me get over this annoying startle response!
I think, as others have mentioned on here, women will recognize you are a pilgrim and a brief hello or generic comment will put them at ease. If a woman does not want company or would like to walk alone these situations are good practice for setting boundaries and/or asking for what they need.
Buen Camino and enjoy your journey!

 

[Peter Fransiscus]

I’ve been reading the threads and accounts of women who have had incidents/unwanted attention from men on the Camino and as a man I find it disgusting. It horrifies me that women have to feel on edge whilst walking the Camino and following what in no doubt has been a dream for them. It has also raised a couple of concerns.

I’ll be walking the Camino on my own in Sept 16 and am by no means afraid for my safety. I’m 6’ 2” tall, quite big built with a shaved head and some people would say that I can look quite intimidating. But those who really know me would agree that I am a “gentle giant” (for want of a better phase). I can be quite shy with people who I have just met and certainly am around big groups of people who I don’t know. I certainly try to be a gentleman and be courteous towards women and would be the first to intervene if I see a woman in trouble.

My concern comes when I think that I may (and probably will) come across a women walking alone on the Camino with no one else around. If I am aware that some women have been having some problems, how do I know that I can greet them without fear of upsetting them, causing alarm or making them feel uncomfortable? This is the last thing that I would want to do. Also, how can I put their mind at ease and deal with the situation if I do unintentionally upset them? After all they won’t know me at all.

I would hate to think that I would negatively affect anyone’s Camino, woman or man, in anyway at all and wouldn’t be happy with myself if I did.

Am I being a little over cautious or do I have a genuine concern? I’d be grateful for your thoughts and honest opinions.

Cheers
Steve

Hi Steve, be yourself and there will be no problem what so ever.
Wish you well and a Buen Camino, Peter.

 

[MaxfromMO]

I haven't read all the posts, so someone may have already touched on this, but here goes anyway. First, a cheery Buen Camino as you walk by at a natural pace probably won't frighten a lone woman. Second, speaking for myself, there are just times when you can "feel" someone is just not right. There is just an uneasiness around someone. I've been quite at ease amongst the large tattooed biker lookin' guys and felt a real sense of threat from someone who looks like a choir boy. Yes, I do let myself tap into that sixth sense, and maybe it's partly their body language as well. Most, maybe not all, but most women will probably feel no threat from you because you will not be unconsciously revealing a threat to them, by your manner or speech. Be yourself, I think you will be well received by all you meet.

 

[Anniesantiago]

I pass many single men on the Camino, and am passed by many.
"Buen Camino!" and that's all there is to it.
Don't worry - and "what everyone else said."

 

[AlwynWellington]

Then people actually would actually start a brief conversation or just say hello

On two of my training routes I often encounter cattle beasts or horses (not to mention sheep). The cattle seldom see people while the horses often see people and cars. I find this technique makes me feel comfortable and often keeps the cattle beasts stationary.

As soon as I see the cattle or horses I start a monologue in an even tone discussing the weather or wondering what the grass is like today or any other small talk that occurs. And I continue this idiocy until well past. Sometimes the cattle take umbrage and scatter. But usually they just turn to face me.


With @Angie94 experiences in mind I might consider starting a pertinent (and not idiotic) monologue, say, 20 metres before coming alongside anyone where s/he and I are the only ones in the immediate area.

And, as many other have said above, try to understand, and then appropriately act, on the cue(s) given. And understanding I might be in need of company at that time.

Buen Camino, Kia Kaha

 

[C clearly]

I start a monologue in an even tone discussing the weather or wondering what the grass is like today or any other small talk that occurs. And I continue this idiocy until well past.

That would definitely be reassuring!

 

[AlwynWellington]

That would definitely be reassuring!

Yes. To me. It is my way of focussing on all the cattle beasts, including those that may to the side or behind. And the even tone helps calm me.

Now you are making me give away all my secrets.

Something I find often works with curious dogs, deer and llama/alpaca is to hold a hand or fingers out to be smelt or licked. It seems to form a bond and an indication of non-aggression. I find, once the dogs have licked off any salts from the skin, they lose interest. I've not tried this particular technique with people, so far.

With people I suspect an even tone heard from behind might minimise the element of surprise and startlement that @Angie94 experienced.

 

[Angie94]

Something I find often works with curious dogs, deer and llama/alpaca is to hold a hand or fingers out to be smelt or licked. It seems to form a bond and an indication of non-aggression. I find, once the dogs have licked off any salts from the skin, they lose interest. I've not tried this particular technique with people, so far.

HAH! good one ~ love it...

 

[Terri B]

I'm starting the CF around the same time as you Steve and will be travelling solo, so it's reassuring to know help will be at hand if anything untoward happens and also just to chat to if I get sick of my inner dialogue!
Buen Camino

 

[steve392]

I'm starting the CF around the same time as you Steve and will be travelling solo, so it's reassuring to know help will be at hand if anything untoward happens and also just to chat to if I get sick of my inner dialogue!
Buen Camino

Hey Terri,
Would be great to see you on the way. Keep a eye out for the big bloke with the UK patch on his rucksack.
Steve

By the way have you seen the following thread?

https://www.caminodesantiago.me/com...eptember-october-peregrinos-departures.38003/

 

[kerrychick]

I’ve been reading the threads and accounts of women who have had incidents/unwanted attention from men on the Camino and as a man I find it disgusting. It horrifies me that women have to feel on edge whilst walking the Camino and following what in no doubt has been a dream for them. It has also raised a couple of concerns.

I’ll be walking the Camino on my own in Sept 16 and am by no means afraid for my safety. I’m 6’ 2” tall, quite big built with a shaved head and some people would say that I can look quite intimidating. But those who really know me would agree that I am a “gentle giant” (for want of a better phase). I can be quite shy with people who I have just met and certainly am around big groups of people who I don’t know. I certainly try to be a gentleman and be courteous towards women and would be the first to intervene if I see a woman in trouble.

My concern comes when I think that I may (and probably will) come across a women walking alone on the Camino with no one else around. If I am aware that some women have been having some problems, how do I know that I can greet them without fear of upsetting them, causing alarm or making them feel uncomfortable? This is the last thing that I would want to do. Also, how can I put their mind at ease and deal with the situation if I do unintentionally upset them? After all they won’t know me at all.

I would hate to think that I would negatively affect anyone’s Camino, woman or man, in anyway at all and wouldn’t be happy with myself if I did.

Am I being a little over cautious or do I have a genuine concern? I’d be grateful for your thoughts and honest opinions.

Cheers
Steve

Hi Steve ,its great to hear that you are concerned and aware of upsetting people but please don't be put off being yourself and if you pass a fellow pilgrim male of female a cheery "buen camino "and a smile will be greeted with the same response ,if you feel like having a conversation you will know if the other person is willing to engage with you by their body language .I have met many new friends this way so i encourage you to be happy and enjoy the whole experience and buen camino .

 

[Jodoug]

I’ve been reading the threads and accounts of women who have had incidents/unwanted attention from men on the Camino and as a man I find it disgusting. It horrifies me that women have to feel on edge whilst walking the Camino and following what in no doubt has been a dream for them. It has also raised a couple of concerns.

I’ll be walking the Camino on my own in Sept 16 and am by no means afraid for my safety. I’m 6’ 2” tall, quite big built with a shaved head and some people would say that I can look quite intimidating. But those who really know me would agree that I am a “gentle giant” (for want of a better phase). I can be quite shy with people who I have just met and certainly am around big groups of people who I don’t know. I certainly try to be a gentleman and be courteous towards women and would be the first to intervene if I see a woman in trouble.

My concern comes when I think that I may (and probably will) come across a women walking alone on the Camino with no one else around. If I am aware that some women have been having some problems, how do I know that I can greet them without fear of upsetting them, causing alarm or making them feel uncomfortable? This is the last thing that I would want to do. Also, how can I put their mind at ease and deal with the situation if I do unintentionally upset them? After all they won’t know me at all.

I would hate to think that I would negatively affect anyone’s Camino, woman or man, in anyway at all and wouldn’t be happy with myself if I did.

Am I being a little over cautious or do I have a genuine concern? I’d be grateful for your thoughts and honest opinions.

Cheers
Steve

It is a great shame that you think these things (which shows your gentlemanly consideration for women) and that I feel I have to try to write a few helpful words.
It is a great shame that you think these things (which shows your gentlemanly consideration for women) and that I feel I have to try to write a few helpful words.
I don't want to sound corny or shallow, and I am not an expert but can only suggest
I don't want to sound corny or shallow, and I am not an expert but can only suggest
The obvious and often stated phase: "There is only one chance to make a first impression," is true. Soften the image. Maybe grow your hair, wear cheerful colours and not dark somber colours. Sounds maybe a bit shallow, but people do react to these things. Everyone has fixed images (often wrong) of what certain appearances mean. I am sure that a friendly smile will get you through.
Jo

 

[Kurt5280]

When I was traveling solo on a mountain bike through the Meseta a week before Denise Thein's body was found near Astorga...so my experience was that most solo women Pilgrims were afraid of any solo man even if it was obvious that they are a Pilgrim...most of the women I passed never said responded "Buen Camino", never smiled, and some even looked extremely afraid...when I started I would ask any Pilgrim that looked distressed if they needed help but after a while I stopped even looking at solo women Pilgrims as I passed...and most of the time I passed solo women Pilgrims I was pushing my mountain bike uphill and was in clear view of other Pilgrims on the hiking trail...although to the contrary I had many solo women Pilgrims initiated conversations with me in towns, cafes, stores, rest areas, etc...also from SJPDP to Logrono I had multiple older women Pilgrims hit on me but this was not in my plans as a married man on a religious Camino...and during my Camino I saw many romantic relationships blossom mostly in the under 30-years old and over 60-years old solo Pilgrims...Buen Camino...while on the hiking trail in the Meseta I only had one woman Pilgrim talk to me and she started the conversation and later while we were talking I realized that her husband was hiking at a faster pace about 100 meters ahead...we talked about our shared cancer experiences in Seattle and we talked for about an hour and I never saw her before or again...I beleive on the Camino most Pilgrims are lonely and away from family and friends so it is easy to get into very personal conversations about things that you would never talk to anyone in the real world (religion and spirituality, traumatic life experiences, difficult personal relationships, sex and sexuality, medical issues, drug and alcohol use, and many more) but this is about trust and intimacy which is different than wanting to initiate any type of sexual relationship...also during my Camino I had many solo women Pilgrims hug me but it was because I took the time to help or listen to them which added another personal dimension to my Camino experience...the Camino teaches you that the two most important things in life are relationships and how to forgive yourself for making mistakes...but based on my experience I will never travel the Camino Frances through the Meseta again because of the unwarranted reactions of the solo female Pilgrims which I felt was contrary to my intended purpose of a religious Pilgrimage.

 

[steve392]

The obvious and often stated phase: "There is only one chance to make a first impression," is true. Soften the image. Maybe grow your hair, wear cheerful colours and not dark somber colours. Sounds maybe a bit shallow, but people do react to these things. Everyone has fixed images (often wrong) of what certain appearances mean. I am sure that a friendly smile will get you through.
Jo

Hey Jo.
I appreciate your thoughts but it is a bit difficult to grow my hair where none exists (going bald ). So rather than a comb over, I prefer to just get rid of it. Cuts down on the cost of shampoo too .

 

[C clearly]

I will never travel the Camino Frances through the Meseta again because of the unwarranted reactions of the solo female Pilgrims

As you pointed out at the beginning, this was while Denise Thiem's fate was unknown, so I expect women would have been more nervous, especially about a quickly approaching lone cyclist. I'm not sure that their reactions were so unwarranted, but am still surprised if they were so hostile that you would "never" travel that area again.

 

[steve392]

When I was traveling solo on a mountain bike through the Meseta a week before Denise Thein's body was found near Astorga...so my experience was that most solo women Pilgrims were afraid of any solo man even if it was obvious that they are a Pilgrim...most of the women I passed never said responded "Buen Camino", never smiled, and some even looked extremely afraid...when I started I would ask any Pilgrim that looked distressed if they needed help but after a while I stopped even looking at solo women Pilgrims as I passed...and most of the time I passed solo women Pilgrims I was pushing my mountain bike uphill and was in clear view of other Pilgrims on the hiking trail...although to the contrary I had many solo women Pilgrims initiated conversations with me in towns, cafes, stores, rest areas, etc...also from SJPDP to Logrono I had multiple older women Pilgrims hit on me but this was not in my plans as a married man on a religious Camino...and during my Camino I saw many romantic relationships blossom mostly in the under 30-years old and over 60-years old solo Pilgrims...Buen Camino...while on the hiking trail in the Meseta I only had one woman Pilgrim talk to me and she started the conversation and later while we were talking I realized that her husband was hiking at a faster pace about 100 meters ahead...we talked about our shared cancer experiences in Seattle and we talked for about an hour and I never saw her before or again...I beleive on the Camino most Pilgrims are lonely and away from family and friends so it is easy to get into very personal conversations about things that you would never talk to anyone in the real world (religion and spirituality, traumatic life experiences, difficult personal relationships, sex and sexuality, medical issues, drug and alcohol use, and many more) but this is about trust and intimacy which is different than wanting to initiate any type of sexual relationship...also during my Camino I had many solo women Pilgrims hug me but it was because I took the time to help or listen to them which added another personal dimension to my Camino experience...the Camino teaches you that the two most important things in life are relationships and how to forgive yourself for making mistakes...but based on my experience I will never travel the Camino Frances through the Meseta again because of the unwarranted reactions of the solo female Pilgrims which I felt was contrary to my intended purpose of a religious Pilgrimage.

Thanks for your input.
I can understand fully anyone, male or female, being on edge at the time of poor Denise's demise. It does sound to me though that you had both positive and negative experiences on your camino. It's just a shame that you seem to have taken a negative away with you as a lasting memory (I hope I'm wrong).

 

[Kurt5280]

As you pointed out at the beginning, this was while Denise Thiem's fate was unknown, so I expect women would have been more nervous, especially about a quickly approaching lone cyclist. I'm not sure that their reactions were so unwarranted, but am still surprised if they were so hostile that you would "never" travel that area again.

I have a wife and mother and I suggest that every woman use caution when traveling alone in a foreign county but the Camino in Spain was the most honest and safe journey that I have ever made in any country including my travels in the USA...yes there are well reported instances of thefts, robberies, sexual assaults, and more on the Camino Frances but in none of these instances that I am familiar with was the instance initiated by a Pilgrim male or female...because as Pilgrims we are all in the difficult daily situation and Denise Thien was tricked off the Camino by fake arrows and refuse to pay a stranger bribe money to direct her back to the Camino...so then why treat male Pilgrims as suspect when they are only doing what every Pilgrims is doing every day...if a solo woman Pilgrim feels unsafe on the Camino then I suggest finding a hiking partner or traveling near other groups of Pilgrims or just be aware of your surrounding...but during my travel from Logrono to Astroga I did not appreciate the prejudicial treatment I received as a solo male pilgrim based on either profiling or personal fears...and I had a long discussion with my wife regarding this issue when I returned home...so just remember the Golden Rule "One should not treat others in ways that one would not like to be treated."

 

[C clearly]

I did not appreciate the prejudicial treatment I received as a solo male pilgrim

There is no excuse for anyone to treat you badly when you have done nothing wrong. However, the women are not under any obligation to interact with you. Surely personal fear is a forgiveable reason. And the "being aware of your surrounding," that you suggest, always involves profiling. You and the OP, Steve, have both made a good point that men are almost always well intentioned and they deserve courtesy. It is easy to say that if women are so afraid that they can't summon up simple courtesy, then they shouldn't walk alone. But fears don't work quite so logically, and the camino is meant to be a learning experience - for all of us.

 

[Jodoug]

Hey Jo.
I appreciate your thoughts but it is a bit difficult to grow my hair where none exists (going bald ). So rather than a comb over, I prefer to just get rid of it. Cuts down on the cost of shampoo too .

Thin on top... I know the feeling. However, let me add that I walked the Camino last May. I encountered ladies of all ages walking alone. None of them showed fear or anxiety. I would hate some reports to inflame feelings an wories about one of the sfetst places I know. Where else do nearly a quarter of a milluon people congregate with so little crime? A city of half that population in the western world has far far more crimes against women. The women I talked to also stated that at home, after stating their intentions to friends and family receive, almost without exception, the comment "What, you're walk as a woman alone!?!?" Their answer was "Yes", and they did. So well done girls! Remember there are far more risks in walking through parks and some neighbourhoods in your own countries. I suppose this is a message to women, but guys should not get disheartened about being needlessly suspect.
The remark that a cyclist was pushing his bike and was obviously harmless, makes me think that, possibly, just possibly, cyclist feel great in the saddle cruising good distances, but, for the "Footies" they can be seen as a nuisence and a potetial source od being run down. Over the years, most deaths are heart attack, but the second is traffice and half of those cyclists, so molestation is quite a way down the list of dangers. Buen camino, mine was wonderful...
Jo

 

[steve392]

Cheers again all.
Brilliant response and some great advise and opinions.
I'll certainly take some of it on board. Though maybe not the advise given to me by a member (who'll remain nameless) who sent me a message saying I should take a duck call with me and use it when I walk up behind someone......????????
Best wishes to you all and Buen Camino.
Steve.

 

[Donna Sch]

. The women I talked to also stated that at home, after stating their intentions to friends and family receive, almost without exception, the comment "What, you're walk as a woman alone!?!?" Their answer was "Yes", and they did. So well done girls! Remember there are far more risks in walking through parks and some neighbourhoods in your own countries. I suppose this is a message to women, but guys should not get disheartened about being needlessly suspect.

And that other question: "Who are you going with?". To which the answer was "Just me". Then came the look of disbelief.

And on the Camino itself: "You're so brave!"
Bravery is not just facing anxieties; it's acting according to your values even when there is a risk of negative consequences. Putting one foot in front of the other isn't hard. Keeping an eye out and being observant isn't anything I wouldn't do normally when walking in a new place. Benefits far outweighed risks in every respect so bravery never came into it. Stubborness on the other hand...

 

[SaraB]

This topic is very interesting. I will be walking on my own and I can't deny I am a bit scared. From the responses on here, I have realised that it isn't other pilgrims I should fear... (a very silly observation after you've experienced the camino, I guess, but not as a first-timer!)

 

[Kurt5280]

I have realised that it isn't other pilgrims I should fear...

@SaraB...this was one of the most difficult posts for me to respond to because of my personal experience...but in a way all Pilgrims are scared on the Camino...I personally never believed that I would make it to Santiago or even farther to the sea...but even though I am a big guy being sleep deprived tired and physically exhausted it would not take much for someone to take advantage of me...so when it comes to safety we all are vulnerable so don't hesitate to ask any Pilgrims for assistance male or female...my first day on the Camino I adopted two older women Pilgrims that were physically struggling and helped them to safety and the next day they both called me their "angel"...and several more times I put myself between women Pilgrims and individuals along the Camino trying to get their attention for unknown reasons...I just asked myself how would I handle this situation if that was my wife or mother...and the last time I did it the women Pilgrims thanked me but I still don't know what the issue was or even what language the women Pilgrims were speaking...I think you will be fine and but remember that I have encountered more weird situations on a average Friday night walking the 16th Street Mall in downtown Denver going to night school than I did on my entire 1,000 km Camino...just use common sense and be aware of your surroundings and you will be fine. Buen Camino

 

[rometimed]

In my experiences you don't have to worry too much. In fact big guys tended to be the gentler type. You will get closed off people on the Camino, and VERY OPEN people on the Camino. Just act with respect and all is good. I don't recall anyone ever being afraid of me approaching and I hadn't shaved or cut my mangy hair or beard in 16 months lol.