Friends: Post Camino

[Shefollowsarrows]

So have any of you come home to find that you don't relate at all to some of your friends that you were close to prior to the Camino? I'm just realizing how different, on so many levels, my best friend and I are and there are certain unhealthy toxic choices she makes with her life that have caused me to now think to myself 'I can't believe this is my best friend!! Why was I able to shake it off and chalk it up to her life and her choices before the Camino and now I don't want to associate anymore with her?'
It's really awkward and I feel really bad for feeling like this. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not judging her, I'm just questioning if I want her so close to me anymore.

I learned on the Camino to walk on...

Have any of you had friendships affected so profoundly after you returned? If so, how did you handle it?

 

[mralisn]

Hi TammyLynn,

Excuse the ramblings here. There is much to say after a long day. I'd like to try.

Many of us could experience the same no matter best friend, sibling, even parent or spouse. Yes, different levels. The Camino brings us to different levels which we can not entirely explain to one who has not walked.

There are those of us who have made unhealthy, toxic decisions ourselves. However, we thankfully find ourselves while walking enough to see what we're doing to our own lives. Just the same, we see that in others and realize they have no room in our lives as we've stopped walking their path, walked ahead, walked away. What I mean to say is it's quite difficult to re-enter our "normal" lives post-Camino, and having such people in our lives makes it even worse especially when it is someone we hold dear, close to heart.

I too have had your awkward feeling and it does feel incredibly horrible. It is a contradiction of sorts as we've come home with an entirely different way of thinking, yet there are those who suck the life out of us no matter how supportive we are. Perhaps these loved ones are worth really fighting for, but we all know what it's like to fight for one who doesn't want to fight on his/her own to see the beauty in life. It's good to question. You are questioning your own quality of life without unnecessary angst.

It doesn't seem as if you are judging at all. I like how you are fighting for yourself; the person you may have found on the Camino.

Keep a smile,
Simeon

 

[Tumbleweed]

]Yes TammyLynn,
] I too am experiencing the distance between my best girlfriend and myself since I've been home (just over 1 month now). I regret to say this, but I'm pretty sure our 20+ year relationship is over. She lives in another state so ending the relationship is like at the end of a good movie when everything fades to black. It's just over, sadly.

There are those at work who I don't speak to anymore and those who don't speak to me, not losing any sleep over this one. I'm thinking they can see or sense the change in me. I like the change because I know myself better, I know the kind of people I want to be around and some of the old members of the gang just don't fit the bill anymore. It's like wiping the slate clean. A refreshing new start in so many areas.

I like what Simeon said - I couldn't have said it any better......

"There are those of us who have made unhealthy, toxic decisions ourselves. However, we thankfully find ourselves while walking enough to see what we're doing to our own lives. Just the same, we see that in others and realize they have no room in our lives as we've stopped walking their path, walked ahead, walked away. What I mean to say is it's quite difficult to re-enter our "normal" lives post-Camino, and having such people in our lives makes it even worse especially when it is someone we hold dear, close to
]All we can do is to just walk on.....................

Peace be with you TammyLynn and my the Lord guide your steps.

 

[wayfarer]

I didn't find this after the Camino so much but I did find it several times in my life after long trips away. I don't know if it was me changing or me being away from the daily contact and influence of the other person/friend that gave me a more "removed" perspective of the friendship. Either way I was more choosy in making close friends in latter years and I suppose those that I have made were strong enough to survive my changes on the Camino. I also made new friends on the way and would still be in contact with them regularly on FB, some of the people I met it seemed that I knew already even though that was not possible, it was like continueing a previously started conversation.

 

[freescot]

Hello TammyLynn and thanks for this brave post. Tumbleweed above has on her footer,
"Within the crucible that is pilgrimage a remarkable alchemical reaction takes place that burns away the dross we have collected in our lives - so that, over time, only the purest gold will remain". Brierley
Tumbleweed

To me your experience is not too surprising. If we burn away "the dross we have collected in our lives", even a little, we have more space within to recognise the toxic. I also know from my own experience that I used to be attracted to toxicity because it was a good environment for my own toxicity. The Camino draws us towards our own authenticity, our own emptiness, our true self and the attraction of the toxic slips away. Good for you, walk on......

Each Camino has changed me and there is just a chance that I'm reaching the point where I can live with the toxicity close by without collaborating with it or having it damage me because, sometimes, out of love, that is what we may be called to do.

Walk on, TammyLynn..........

 

[Shefollowsarrows]

Wow, I knew if I just asked, I would receive, but I am really touched by the time you all took to write a honest and helpful response to my question!
I am walking on, and after bouncing it off of you all I feel it is the right choice for me. Nothing changes, if nothing changes, right? My Camino lessons weren't so visible to me during the Camino, but since I've been home for 2 months they are unfolding day by day. Thank you and bless you all for your support!

 

[mralisn]

Nothing changes, if nothing changes, right?

Whoa, this is perfect. Such simplicity yet powerful.

Yes, unfolding day by day. One step at a time.

 

[simply B]

I can say this after being home a year now.

The Camino experience has affected friends, family and business associates. It is not because I talked about it very much either. I regarded the whole experience as a very private matter and said very little.

Exactly "what" the "problem" is, I have no clue but they must be manifest to others.

There is no possible reason for me to "change back" though, even I knew how.

I love life now and, if someone cannot accept that, then it is best for me to walk on.

simply B

PS. Loved the other responses... and do not expect Camino changes to stop any time soon.

 

[JohnMcM]

So have any of you come home to find that you don't relate at all to some of your friends that you were close to prior to the Camino? I'm just realizing how different, on so many levels, my best friend and I are and there are certain unhealthy toxic choices she makes with her life that have caused me to now think to myself 'I can't believe this is my best friend!! Why was I able to shake it off and chalk it up to her life and her choices before the Camino and now I don't want to associate anymore with her?'
It's really awkward and I feel really bad for feeling like this. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not judging her, I'm just questioning if I want her so close to me anymore.

I learned on the Camino to walk on...

Have any of you had friendships affected so profoundly after you returned? If so, how did you handle it?

Hi Tammy,

Maybe it'll be ok if you accept that you may be different now and that your closest friend hasn't been as fortunate as you?

After all they are the same person you left behind and what you liked about them is probably still there and that you may need to look harder to find those things again.

It must be nice to have a new perspective on life.

It could be argued that our new perspective is ours alone and we need to remind ourselves each person makes their own choices in life that are not our responsibility.

Just a thought and not preaching.

 

[IngridF]

TammyLynn, give it some time. I felt some of that too and then realized that you might not need them, but they might need and benefit from you being in their life. Relationships are not always equal in rewards. Walk your path and just like on the Camino, invite them to walk with you for a while and then walk on. Buen Camino

 

[Deleted member 3000]

there are certain unhealthy toxic choices she makes with her life

That thought did not come to you on the Camino. You already knew it. Maybe the walk allowed you time to see how you are an enabler, and why that might be a bad role for you. Just a thought.