For 2024 Pilgrims: €50,- donation = 1 year with no ads on the forum + 90% off any 2024 Guide. More here. (Discount code sent to you by Private Message after your donation) |
---|
It hasn't happened to me, personally, but I've witnessed it. Anyone who has watched "The Camino Documentary: Six Ways to Santiago" has seen it, too. One of the six stories they follow is of a mother who is walking with her child and brother. Half way through she decides/discovers that her brother's style of pilgtimage is not compatible with hers, so they separate from that point.I (female, 40yrs old) have been preparing for CF for the last two years and looking forward to starting my journey next week!
But in the last two weeks, all of a sudden, things changed: a friend that I went to highschool with whom I haven't really connected much for over 20yrs invited herself to the camino to walk with me. We used to be good friends but we've been living in different continents for 20 yrs. I sense that she has problems at home and want to escape for a month. Which I understand.
But I just learned that she's having an affair and invited her lover to join us in the middle of the camino. I'm really shocked and regret that I said OK to her joining the trip without really knowing her that well. I also realized that I'm being used as an "alibi" to her husband.
If I realize that we are incompatible during the camino, I'm thinking about splitting and making a detour or going ahead with the bus for some sections so that I don't have to walk with her. What i'm worried though, is that she doesn't speak a word English nor Spanish. I would kind of feel guilty to dump her in the middle.
Do you have any similar experience of relationships going sour and splitting during the camino? I'd love to hear.
I doubt that she actually wants to spend time with you, so why don’t you become the adult and say grow up, make your own excuses, have your own life and walk away.This, IMO is not the way to start your camino.
If you are uncomfortable, now, with the circumstances why don’t you be honest with her before you start.
Also trying to walk with someone who may have a different pace or rhythm or a different level of fitness is not a good idea! That in itself is a good reason to walk alone!
you could offset starts by a week or two.
I (female, 40yrs old) have been preparing for CF for the last two years and looking forward to starting my journey next week!
But in the last two weeks, all of a sudden, things changed: a friend that I went to highschool with whom I haven't really connected much for over 20yrs invited herself to the camino to walk with me. We used to be good friends but we've been living in different continents for 20 yrs. I sense that she has problems at home and want to escape for a month. Which I understand.
But I just learned that she's having an affair and invited her lover to join us in the middle of the camino. I'm really shocked and regret that I said OK to her joining the trip without really knowing her that well. I also realized that I'm being used as an "alibi" to her husband.
If I realize that we are incompatible during the camino, I'm thinking about splitting and making a detour or going ahead with the bus for some sections so that I don't have to walk with her. What i'm worried though, is that she doesn't speak a word English nor Spanish. I would kind of feel guilty to dump her in the middle.
Do you have any similar experience of relationships going sour and splitting during the camino? I'd love to hear.
She needs a therapist. She has chosen you. She will fill your days with her problems. Do not let her. Do not let her ruin your Camino.....But I just learned that she's having an affair and invited her lover to join us in the middle of the camino. I'm really shocked and regret that I said OK to her joining the trip without really knowing her that well. I also realized that I'm being used as an "alibi" to her husband.
And that applies to many, many situations.Someone told me a few years ago, "If it's not a complete 'yes' it's a 'no'." Since then, this has saved me a lot of grief. I agree wholeheartedly with what others have told you; deal with it before you go.
If the three of you DO end up setting out together I'd be surprised if the other two didn't break away to do whatever very quickly indeed.
Exactly. So why even let it get that far. Nip it in the bud right now, and enjoy the rest of your preparations.You don't even have to do anything, she has invited herself along but has she actually prepared herself physically? Chances are she's in for a shock and won't want to go on repeating it day after day, and for the bit on the side he will probably feel the same, their interests will lie elsewhere and it won't be going through the stages with you. If they do hack, it doesn't mean they will want to stay with you, they will be on their own adventure and 3 might be a crowd.
I (female, 40yrs old) have been preparing for CF for the last two years and looking forward to starting my journey next week!
But in the last two weeks, all of a sudden, things changed: a friend that I went to highschool with whom I haven't really connected much for over 20yrs invited herself to the camino to walk with me. We used to be good friends but we've been living in different continents for 20 yrs. I sense that she has problems at home and want to escape for a month. Which I understand.
But I just learned that she's having an affair and invited her lover to join us in the middle of the camino. I'm really shocked and regret that I said OK to her joining the trip without really knowing her that well. I also realized that I'm being used as an "alibi" to her husband.
If I realize that we are incompatible during the camino, I'm thinking about splitting and making a detour or going ahead with the bus for some sections so that I don't have to walk with her. What i'm worried though, is that she doesn't speak a word English nor Spanish. I would kind of feel guilty to dump her in the middle.
Do you have any similar experience of relationships going sour and splitting during the camino? I'd love to hear.
I did the same!Before I walked my first Camino I told an old friend about what I was going to do, and her first reaction was "I want to go with you!" I flat out told her that I was going alone, that was part of the appeal to me - to get outside my comfort zone, and navigate the Camino on my own.
High SherylC - for me it sounds as though your Camino has already begun, with this dilema. As you're asking for advice, I would say that its your Camino, no one should be allowed to hijack it for personal and selfish reasons, but you have something to learn for yourself from this experience. I find it remarkable what pops-up before, during and after Camino, all a part of the learning and growing. Perhaps this is the same for you, there's something in this which is unique and special to you, even if its difficult. This is your first Camino, and it is already looking as though its going to be special in many ways for you.
Yes, I met a young woman at an alberque who needed to talk to someone, and I happened to be around: her fiancé had been treating like an absolute ####! and finaly dumped her half way through the CF without so much as a by-your-leave - the suspision being that he'd met someone along the way. Our paths crossed again in Santiago and the whole experience had done her the world of good and she felt renewed.
Its your descision, your Camino, and always expect the unexpected at any time and some wonderful experiences. Love, Light & Nature to you along the Way.
[QUOTE="SherlyC, post: 663271, member: 72576] What i'm worried though, is that she doesn't speak a word English nor Spanish. I would kind of feel guilty to dump her in the middle
She is not trained at all. She doesn't hike nor does long walks. And she just bought a new pair of hiking shoes last week.
Good....I will not let her or her situation influence me. I will remember that she does not have that much importance in my life. She is just a visitor to the camino, and a passerby too. We will start the journey together catching up on old times, but I will just treat her as another peregrina passing by. I speak many languages, so i'll freely engage with others and make new friends as I go. And if I feel any moment that her presence or behavior is bothering my camino, I will tell that to her clearly and go separate ways.
Hi SherlyC - you've worked out a sensible way through this - would it be an idea to watch your friend in an objective, detached way, as closely as you wish, rather like someone who works with a lot of people - doctors, therapists, etc, who listen and respond, then move on without burdening themselves with someones problems. You really don't want to 'lose sleep' over ths, do you. In my humble opinion, I think your friend is on Camino for special reasons she may not even be aware of, yet. And you have a role to play in this, in your own special way. I suspect you are a good listener (?) Your friend sounds as though she is searching for something, is unhappy and seeking another path, and this is her chance. I can't be sure, this is just hypothetical, but a lot of people go on camino or whatever for just such reasons, to search for answers and a renewal to their life, an alternative to what they have. Either that or they may simply be selfish and self-centred and still in search of more meaning to their life. But she needs to be there too, and even if she doesn't complete the CF, there may well be good things for her to find, and she may go back one day to complete the Camino. And I hope something good comes from the experience for you, too. Best wshes and good luck.Hi everyone,
Thanks so much for sharing your insights and experiences and wisdom! Really amazing how much you all care about my trip and sincerely wishing well for me. I really can't thank you enough!
I read all of your comments and thought about it all day today. My friend's flight is booked (long distance, she's flying 12 hrs from Asia) and I've already booked the short flight Paris-Biarritz for her (some days before she told me about the lover). I think this is what i'll do:
I will not let her or her situation influence me. I will remember that she does not have that much importance in my life. She is just a visitor to the camino, and a passerby too. We will start the journey together catching up on old times, but I will just treat her as another peregrina passing by. I speak many languages, so i'll freely engage with others and make new friends as I go. And if I feel any moment that her presence or behavior is bothering my camino, I will tell that to her clearly and go separate ways.
As @Isca-camigo mentioned above, I have a feeling that she physically won't be able to do the camino very long. She is not trained at all. She doesn't hike nor does long walks. And she just bought a new pair of hiking shoes last week. I'm guessing that within a week she'll change plans.
Thanks again so much for all your lovely concerns. If I could, I would like to give you all a big hug!
I'll make sure to give an update later during the camino.
Well, perhaps you were looking forward to seeing the person she used to be, when you were closer?I think I was looking forward to seeing her.
Hi everyone, thanks for all your replies! I have an update to this situation.
I wrote an email to her yesterday with clear boundaries. I told her that I'm disappointed at her inviting her lover to this trip as it is not a trip to disney land. However she is free to do whatever she wants, because it is her camino as much as it is mine. I closed the email saying that we'll be walking together but we should respect each others time and goals for this trip.
This morning I found an email from her saying that she won't be joining the trip. The major reason being that i'm too cold and direct (!) and she feels that she is not prepared for the 800km walk.
I have mixed feelings: I feel relieved but also a bit sad. I think I was looking forward to seeing her.
But I think it's good it ended this way. I can 100% focus on the camino and its magic
Hi everyone, thanks for all your replies! I have an update to this situation.
I wrote an email to her yesterday with clear boundaries. I told her that I'm disappointed at her inviting her lover to this trip as it is not a trip to disney land. However she is free to do whatever she wants, because it is her camino as much as it is mine. I closed the email saying that we'll be walking together but we should respect each others time and goals for this trip.
This morning I found an email from her saying that she won't be joining the trip. The major reason being that i'm too cold and direct (!) and she feels that she is not prepared for the 800km walk.
I have mixed feelings: I feel relieved but also a bit sad. I think I was looking forward to seeing her.
But I think it's good it ended this way. I can 100% focus on the camino and its magic
Hi everyone, thanks for all your replies! I have an update to this situation.
I wrote an email to her yesterday with clear boundaries. I told her that I'm disappointed at her inviting her lover to this trip as it is not a trip to disney land. However she is free to do whatever she wants, because it is her camino as much as it is mine. I closed the email saying that we'll be walking together but we should respect each others time and goals for this trip.
This morning I found an email from her saying that she won't be joining the trip. The major reason being that i'm too cold and direct (!) and she feels that she is not prepared for the 800km walk.
I have mixed feelings: I feel relieved but also a bit sad. I think I was looking forward to seeing her.
But I think it's good it ended this way. I can 100% focus on the camino and its magic
Hi everyone, thanks for all your replies! I have an update to this situation.
I wrote an email to her yesterday with clear boundaries. I told her that I'm disappointed at her inviting her lover to this trip as it is not a trip to disney land. However she is free to do whatever she wants, because it is her camino as much as it is mine. I closed the email saying that we'll be walking together but we should respect each others time and goals for this trip.
This morning I found an email from her saying that she won't be joining the trip. The major reason being that i'm too cold and direct (!) and she feels that she is not prepared for the 800km walk.
I have mixed feelings: I feel relieved but also a bit sad. I think I was looking forward to seeing her.
But I think it's good it ended this way. I can 100% focus on the camino and its magic
Well Sheryl, the problem is solved. I had a chuckle when I read your post about the e-mail that you received. Life is so much better when there is no drama in relationships. Have a fantastic time and meet some more great like-minded people!Hi everyone, thanks for all your replies! I have an update to this situation.
I wrote an email to her yesterday with clear boundaries. I told her that I'm disappointed at her inviting her lover to this trip as it is not a trip to disney land. However she is free to do whatever she wants, because it is her camino as much as it is mine. I closed the email saying that we'll be walking together but we should respect each others time and goals for this trip.
This morning I found an email from her saying that she won't be joining the trip. The major reason being that i'm too cold and direct (!) and she feels that she is not prepared for the 800km walk.
I have mixed feelings: I feel relieved but also a bit sad. I think I was looking forward to seeing her.
But I think it's good it ended this way. I can 100% focus on the camino and its magic
I see the "dig" at you as her trying to turn the tables on you, so that she doesn't feel guilty for her own behaviour.This morning I found an email from her saying that she won't be joining the trip. The major reason being that i'm too cold and direct (!) and she feels that she is not prepared for the 800km walk.
At the end of it all, well done you for speaking up! Have a great camino!I (female, 40yrs old) have been preparing for CF for the last two years and looking forward to starting my journey next week!
But in the last two weeks, all of a sudden, things changed: a friend that I went to highschool with whom I haven't really connected much for over 20yrs invited herself to the camino to walk with me. We used to be good friends but we've been living in different continents for 20 yrs. I sense that she has problems at home and want to escape for a month. Which I understand.
But I just learned that she's having an affair and invited her lover to join us in the middle of the camino. I'm really shocked and regret that I said OK to her joining the trip without really knowing her that well. I also realized that I'm being used as an "alibi" to her husband.
If I realize that we are incompatible during the camino, I'm thinking about splitting and making a detour or going ahead with the bus for some sections so that I don't have to walk with her. What i'm worried though, is that she doesn't speak a word English nor Spanish. I would kind of feel guilty to dump her in the middle.
Do you have any similar experience of relationships going sour and splitting during the camino? I'd love to hear.
You are a harsh manArriving late to the party. I was squirming in my chair, blood pressure rising while reading through this thread but when your old "friend" wrote back canceling her trip I took a deep relaxing breath and felt the stars realign in balance again. I am SO HAPPY you will now have the opportunity to experience YOUR camino.
The advise to politely confront and set the terms, or better yet tell her your plan was to walk alone was excellent advise. Every day of the Camino is precious, but especially the early ones!!! I'm so happy you will not be throwing them away by spending even a minute with this emotional parasite.
This old friend has changed over time as we all do in 20 years. But in her case, her blatant, transparent selfishness is off the charts for an adult as is her lack of self awareness. The words narcissism and entitlement and toxic seem to define this person from her preliminary actions and assumptions. I can only imagine after defining up front who she is and what her intentions were and you accepting it, once on the trail with you, the behavior bar would have sunk even lower even though that seems impossible (she must be learning from some world leader out there). I actually feel bad for this person because she has tough times ahead of her when she is forced to grow up.
In general, the camino is self selecting when it comes to the type of people it attracts. I'm sure she had no interest in doing the camino, it was merely a ploy, to use the reputation of the Camino and her old friend (you) to achieve her means...arranging her fling.
Your actions toward her is obviously some tough medicine for her to swallow but when dealing with childish behavior you have to set limits that they don't like but will ultimately help them in the future. Maybe your actions cancelled her rendezvous with her boyfriend too, maybe your actions will result in her taking another look at herself?...I doubt it but I hope so.
I am so relieved you are starting this camino without all that ugly baggage, you made the right decision to let her know she was not running the show. And just that little bit of pushback confirmed what you were in for when she responded. I'm sure if you started walking with her you would have gladly traded her for a sleeping bag full of bedbugs. The breakup, that would have surely happened in the first 3 days would have been very messy and tainted your whole Camino and possibly others who had the misfortune of witnessing it.
You will enjoy your camino, wishing you the best.
Tim
You seem very light-hearted now. I am very happy for you now. For reasons you you do not know yet, but will find out along your Way.I'm just so excited and can't wait to start walking this weekend. I've been packing and unpacking, trying on my shoes, socks, pants, drinking from the newly bought hiking water bottle during the day at work and home. I even started to sleep in my sleeping bag with the small blow up pillow on my bed.
You are a harsh manI like you.
Good one!!!A bad friend is like your shadow: When the sun shines, it is impossible to get rid of him/her. On a cloudy day, he/she never shows up...
I hope that you let us know how it works out. A real Camino soap opera in the making.Hi everyone,
Thanks so much for sharing your insights and experiences and wisdom! Really amazing how much you all care about my trip and sincerely wishing well for me. I really can't thank you enough!
I read all of your comments and thought about it all day today. My friend's flight is booked (long distance, she's flying 12 hrs from Asia) and I've already booked the short flight Paris-Biarritz for her (some days before she told me about the lover). I think this is what i'll do:
I will not let her or her situation influence me. I will remember that she does not have that much importance in my life. She is just a visitor to the camino, and a passerby too. We will start the journey together catching up on old times, but I will just treat her as another peregrina passing by. I speak many languages, so i'll freely engage with others and make new friends as I go. And if I feel any moment that her presence or behavior is bothering my camino, I will tell that to her clearly and go separate ways.
As @Isca-camigo mentioned above, I have a feeling that she physically won't be able to do the camino very long. She is not trained at all. She doesn't hike nor does long walks. And she just bought a new pair of hiking shoes last week. I'm guessing that within a week she'll change plans.
Thanks again so much for all your lovely concerns. If I could, I would like to give you all a big hug!
I'll make sure to give an update later during the camino.
I (female, 40yrs old) have been preparing for CF for the last two years and looking forward to starting my journey next week!
But in the last two weeks, all of a sudden, things changed: a friend that I went to highschool with whom I haven't really connected much for over 20yrs invited herself to the camino to walk with me. We used to be good friends but we've been living in different continents for 20 yrs. I sense that she has problems at home and want to escape for a month. Which I understand.
But I just learned that she's having an affair and invited her lover to join us in the middle of the camino. I'm really shocked and regret that I said OK to her joining the trip without really knowing her that well. I also realized that I'm being used as an "alibi" to her husband.
If I realize that we are incompatible during the camino, I'm thinking about splitting and making a detour or going ahead with the bus for some sections so that I don't have to walk with her. What i'm worried though, is that she doesn't speak a word English nor Spanish. I would kind of feel guilty to dump her in the middle.
Do you have any similar experience of relationships going sour and splitting during the camino? I'd love to hear.
I’m on vacation, only have access to my phone and only saw this post because the forum sends me “ most read posts”. I hardly ever click on it due to time and nothing else. I share all that because today, from the comfort of bed I clicked and saw this post.I (female, 40yrs old) have been preparing for CF for the last two years and looking forward to starting my journey next week!
But in the last two weeks, all of a sudden, things changed: a friend that I went to highschool with whom I haven't really connected much for over 20yrs invited herself to the camino to walk with me. We used to be good friends but we've been living in different continents for 20 yrs. I sense that she has problems at home and want to escape for a month. Which I understand.
But I just learned that she's having an affair and invited her lover to join us in the middle of the camino. I'm really shocked and regret that I said OK to her joining the trip without really knowing her that well. I also realized that I'm being used as an "alibi" to her husband.
If I realize that we are incompatible during the camino, I'm thinking about splitting and making a detour or going ahead with the bus for some sections so that I don't have to walk with her. What i'm worried though, is that she doesn't speak a word English nor Spanish. I would kind of feel guilty to dump her in the middle.
Do you have any similar experience of relationships going sour and splitting during the camino? I'd love to hear.
I never signed a contract to read through all posts ...Did the last few posters read @SherlyC's post #47?? She has already got it worked out and will be walking alone.
Agreed! A Camino started this way will not be a calm, simple experience. You are part of a lie she won’t take responsibility for....not your job.This, IMO is not the way to start your camino.
If you are uncomfortable, now, with the circumstances why don’t you be honest with her before you start.
Also trying to walk with someone who may have a different pace or rhythm or a different level of fitness is not a good idea! That in itself is a good reason to walk alone!
Should have read the update , before replying. So glad that you spoke your mind and the problem simply went away. Now you are free to have your own Camino!Hi everyone, thanks for all your replies! I have an update to this situation.
I wrote an email to her yesterday with clear boundaries. I told her that I'm disappointed at her inviting her lover to this trip as it is not a trip to disney land. However she is free to do whatever she wants, because it is her camino as much as it is mine. I closed the email saying that we'll be walking together but we should respect each others time and goals for this trip.
This morning I found an email from her saying that she won't be joining the trip. The major reason being that i'm too cold and direct (!) and she feels that she is not prepared for the 800km walk.
I have mixed feelings: I feel relieved but also a bit sad. I think I was looking forward to seeing her.
But I think it's good it ended this way. I can 100% focus on the camino and its magic
I had someone who wanted to join me too 1-month before I left, she was having problems with boyfriend etc... I actually just said, no. I told her that I was on a journey and wanted to start that on my own. I'm so glad I stood up for myself. I did tell her that on my next Camino, maybe.I (female, 40yrs old) have been preparing for CF for the last two years and looking forward to starting my journey next week!
But in the last two weeks, all of a sudden, things changed: a friend that I went to highschool with whom I haven't really connected much for over 20yrs invited herself to the camino to walk with me. We used to be good friends but we've been living in different continents for 20 yrs. I sense that she has problems at home and want to escape for a month. Which I understand.
But I just learned that she's having an affair and invited her lover to join us in the middle of the camino. I'm really shocked and regret that I said OK to her joining the trip without really knowing her that well. I also realized that I'm being used as an "alibi" to her husband.
If I realize that we are incompatible during the camino, I'm thinking about splitting and making a detour or going ahead with the bus for some sections so that I don't have to walk with her. What i'm worried though, is that she doesn't speak a word English nor Spanish. I would kind of feel guilty to dump her in the middle.
Do you have any similar experience of relationships going sour and splitting during the camino? I'd love to hear.
I (female, 40yrs old) have been preparing for CF for the last two years and looking forward to starting my journey next week!
But in the last two weeks, all of a sudden, things changed: a friend that I went to highschool with whom I haven't really connected much for over 20yrs invited herself to the camino to walk with me. We used to be good friends but we've been living in different continents for 20 yrs. I sense that she has problems at home and want to escape for a month. Which I understand.
But I just learned that she's having an affair and invited her lover to join us in the middle of the camino. I'm really shocked and regret that I said OK to her joining the trip without really knowing her that well. I also realized that I'm being used as an "alibi" to her husband.
If I realize that we are incompatible during the camino, I'm thinking about splitting and making a detour or going ahead with the bus for some sections so that I don't have to walk with her. What i'm worried though, is that she doesn't speak a word English nor Spanish. I would kind of feel guilty to dump her in the middle.
Do you have any similar experience of relationships going sour and splitting during the camino? I'd love to hear.
I (female, 40yrs old) have been preparing for CF for the last two years and looking forward to starting my journey next week!
But in the last two weeks, all of a sudden, things changed: a friend that I went to highschool with whom I haven't really connected much for over 20yrs invited herself to the camino to walk with me. We used to be good friends but we've been living in different continents for 20 yrs. I sense that she has problems at home and want to escape for a month. Which I understand.
But I just learned that she's having an affair and invited her lover to join us in the middle of the camino. I'm really shocked and regret that I said OK to her joining the trip without really knowing her that well. I also realized that I'm being used as an "alibi" to her husband.
If I realize that we are incompatible during the camino, I'm thinking about splitting and making a detour or going ahead with the bus for some sections so that I don't have to walk with her. What i'm worried though, is that she doesn't speak a word English nor Spanish. I would kind of feel guilty to dump her in the middle.
Do you have any similar experience of relationships going sour and splitting during the camino? I'd love to hear.
Count yourself lucky. You dodged a bullet. And now, Buen Camino!Hi everyone, thanks for all your replies! I have an update to this situation.
I wrote an email to her yesterday with clear boundaries. I told her that I'm disappointed at her inviting her lover to this trip as it is not a trip to disney land. However she is free to do whatever she wants, because it is her camino as much as it is mine. I closed the email saying that we'll be walking together but we should respect each others time and goals for this trip.
This morning I found an email from her saying that she won't be joining the trip. The major reason being that i'm too cold and direct (!) and she feels that she is not prepared for the 800km walk.
I have mixed feelings: I feel relieved but also a bit sad. I think I was looking forward to seeing her.
But I think it's good it ended this way. I can 100% focus on the camino and its magic
Good for you!! And as sad as it is your free and clear to go ahead with your trip. Enjoy every moment. Buen Camino!Hi everyone, thanks for all your replies! I have an update to this situation.
I wrote an email to her yesterday with clear boundaries. I told her that I'm disappointed at her inviting her lover to this trip as it is not a trip to disney land. However she is free to do whatever she wants, because it is her camino as much as it is mine. I closed the email saying that we'll be walking together but we should respect each others time and goals for this trip.
This morning I found an email from her saying that she won't be joining the trip. The major reason being that i'm too cold and direct (!) and she feels that she is not prepared for the 800km walk.
I have mixed feelings: I feel relieved but also a bit sad. I think I was looking forward to seeing her.
But I think it's good it ended this way. I can 100% focus on the camino and its magic
I would split from her/them if it was me as it’s YOUR Camino and you should enjoy it to the best of your ability. What your “friend” has done is deceitful and not your responsibility. I started walking with two people this year & we went our seperate ways after 3 weeks. I just said that I preferred to be on my own and they were fine. You actually get to talk to & meet more people when your walking by yourself. Go for it! Enjoy your CaminoI (female, 40yrs old) have been preparing for CF for the last two years and looking forward to starting my journey next week!
But in the last two weeks, all of a sudden, things changed: a friend that I went to highschool with whom I haven't really connected much for over 20yrs invited herself to the camino to walk with me. We used to be good friends but we've been living in different continents for 20 yrs. I sense that she has problems at home and want to escape for a month. Which I understand.
But I just learned that she's having an affair and invited her lover to join us in the middle of the camino. I'm really shocked and regret that I said OK to her joining the trip without really knowing her that well. I also realized that I'm being used as an "alibi" to her husband.
If I realize that we are incompatible during the camino, I'm thinking about splitting and making a detour or going ahead with the bus for some sections so that I don't have to walk with her. What i'm worried though, is that she doesn't speak a word English nor Spanish. I would kind of feel guilty to dump her in the middle.
Do you have any similar experience of relationships going sour and splitting during the camino? I'd love to hear.
I've done the Camino solo and I've done it with my son and I've seen people walking it with people they met on the Camino. And you know what? They were all really Caminos. And every one done by a person who considered themself a pilgrim was really a pilgrimage. Everyone walks their own Camino and what makes it real is the experience of walking it, not whether you walk it solo or not.I 100% agree with what another pilgrim told me, is that it's really not a camino/pilgrimage unless you do it solo.
It sounds it could be a toxic relationship. I think your intuition is sending you a warning.I (female, 40yrs old) have been preparing for CF for the last two years and looking forward to starting my journey next week!
But in the last two weeks, all of a sudden, things changed: a friend that I went to highschool with whom I haven't really connected much for over 20yrs invited herself to the camino to walk with me. We used to be good friends but we've been living in different continents for 20 yrs. I sense that she has problems at home and want to escape for a month. Which I understand.
But I just learned that she's having an affair and invited her lover to join us in the middle of the camino. I'm really shocked and regret that I said OK to her joining the trip without really knowing her that well. I also realized that I'm being used as an "alibi" to her husband.
If I realize that we are incompatible during the camino, I'm thinking about splitting and making a detour or going ahead with the bus for some sections so that I don't have to walk with her. What i'm worried though, is that she doesn't speak a word English nor Spanish. I would kind of feel guilty to dump her in the middle.
Do you have any similar experience of relationships going sour and splitting during the camino? I'd love to hear.
Hi everyone, thanks for all your replies! I have an update to this situation.
I wrote an email to her yesterday with clear boundaries. I told her that I'm disappointed at her inviting her lover to this trip as it is not a trip to disney land. However she is free to do whatever she wants, because it is her camino as much as it is mine. I closed the email saying that we'll be walking together but we should respect each others time and goals for this trip.
This morning I found an email from her saying that she won't be joining the trip. The major reason being that i'm too cold and direct (!) and she feels that she is not prepared for the 800km walk.
I have mixed feelings: I feel relieved but also a bit sad. I think I was looking forward to seeing her.
But I think it's good it ended this way. I can 100% focus on the camino and its magic
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?