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Virtual Camino Is that Virtual Camino just not realistic enough for you?

2020 Camino Guides

Jeff Crawley

Veteran Member
Camino(s) past & future
Currently on a "Virtual" Camino and striding out across Navarra!
A few suggestions on how to "improve" your experience and make it a touch more realistic.

Clothing:
  • Choose 3 tee-shirts, 3 sets of underwear, 3 pairs of socks. Choose wisely, these will be the only clothes you will be wearing for the next month.
  • Trousers, two pairs. If you live in a cold climate one pair may be zip-offs.
  • Hand wash your clothing every night and hang it out to dry somewhere where it won’t have completely dried by morning.
  • Except socks, wear the same pair of socks for two days (three if you’re brave) in a row to get that authentic “stiffness”.
  • Bandana, worn like a cowboy bank robber (or a Buff) for when you have to open the door to the postman.
  • Fray one of your boot/shoe laces so that it has a better chance of snapping when you least expect it.
Equipment:
  • Select the biggest rucksack you have, we’re going for bulk not weight here, and then stuff it with pillows. Walk around your house/flat/apartment trying not to knock ornaments off of shelves
  • You may have a spork, a cup, a plate for eating with.
  • One ear plug.
  • For cooking choose just your largest saucepan and your smallest frying pan – if you can unscrew the handles from these so much the better.
  • Take your sharpest kitchen knife and rub the edge against a stone to blunt it.
  • If you normally walk with a hiking pole then carry one around the house with you especially if you are lucky enough to have stairs.
Accommodation:
  • Strip off all bedding except a mattress cover. You will be sleeping in your choice of bedding – sleeping bag/throw/blanket (1)/sleep sack. NO pillows!
  • The next time you trim your toenails save the end product and sprinkle it around the bedroom.
  • Leave all curtains drawn, blinds up, shutters wide – you will want to waken at the first light of dawn.
  • If you normally like to sleep in a cool room close the windows tightly; if you prefer to sleep warm and snug every window must be wide open.
  • Keep a plastic bag by the side of your bed – on waking you can scrunch this in the morning as your reveille.
  • If, like many, you need to make trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night then arrange your rucksack across the foot of the bedroom doorway – straps should be left loose.
  • Boots, it goes without saying, should be left outside the back door/on the balcony/in the fridge to keep them fresh overnight.
Personal Hygene:
  • Yes you must shower every day but only in cold water and with the smallest sliver of soap.
  • Bathroom windows should be left open.
  • Use the smallest towel you have available to dry yourself.
  • If you are able to get out and walk during the day, even if it’s just a kilometre or two, consider not showering for a couple of days so that when you do, finally, shower you feel so clean.
  • Feet – take care of your feet. If you normally suffer from hotspots and blisters then liberally apply duct tape, preferably the silver one, and leave it in place for two or three days. If you don’t normally blister then do it anyway: smallest toes, heel of foot, ball of foot.
Food:
  • Breakfast – café con leche, tostadas, mermelada, zumo de naranja (every day)
  • Lunch – bocadillo, your choice: queso, jamón, jamón cocido, chorizo. If you fancy a yogurt fine but you must hide your spork. (every day)
  • Dinner – ensalada mixta, some sort of unidentified meat in a rich sauce and fries. Small tub of ice cream, the cheapest bottle of Rioja your supermarket can provide. (every day)
  • If you are cooking for yourself you may only use the smallest ring on your stove top at half heat
  • Place a bowl of water in the microwave – this is somebody else’s meal – you must not touch it!
  • Bottled water may be a problem – you’ll have to make do with water from the tap (faucet)
Food (for vegetarians - courtesy of @kdespot )
  • Breakfast – café con leche, tortilla, yogurt eaten with plastic knife
  • Lunch – tortilla, lime Fanta
  • Dinner – tortilla, with bolillo... any large, dry, stale bread roll will do... the cheapest bottle of Rioja your supermarket can provide.
Social interaction/entertainment:

This could be a problem so try:
  • Standing at your window and saying “Hola!” “Buen Camino!” and “Ultreia!” to anybody who passes
  • If you’re lucky enough to live on a road with passing taxis then shake your fist and proclaim “REAL Pilgrims walk all the Way!”
  • Tune your radio in to a station in a language you do not understand. If you have two or more radios then pick different languages and play them all simultaneously. If English is not your native tongue them one of the languages must be English.
  • Find a battered old paperback and remove every 20th page, page 53 and the last three pages. The latter is especially good if the book is a detective story.
  • Keep a journal updating it every 15 minutes.
  • Practice mispronouncing the names of Spanish towns.
  • Take a standard card deck of 52 cards. Select one at random and hide it. Play solitaire.
  • If it’s sunny then stand outside in your poncho/Altus and scan the skies for clouds
  • If you get bored with that stand in the shower, fully dressed, in your poncho and see if you can find any leaks.
  • Sprinkle some small black seeds (Nigella? Chia?) along the seams of your mattress and go searching for bed bugs before you go to sleep
Remember, some people pay a fortune for an authentic "Taste of the Camino" - you can get it for a fraction of the price!

Any further contributions gratefully accepted.

Ultreia!
 
Last edited:

AndreaCT

Active Member
Camino(s) past & future
Fall 2016 Camino Frances to Leon
Fall 2017 Camino Frances to Finisterre
May 2019 Portuguese
Jeff, I am laughing so hard at this delightfully written piece! If I had taken a sip of coffee when I read about the nigella or chia seeds, I would have spat it out all over my computer. Thank you for my first laugh of the day!
 

Camino Chrissy

Take one step forward...then keep on walking..
Camino(s) past & future
Frances 2015;
Norte/Primitivo 2016;
Frances 2017;
Le Puy 2018;
Portuguese/FishermanTr. 2019
Jeff, you have a creative mind that refuses to give up in self isolation...keep those juices flowing...and keep entertaining us!
 

kdespot

Active Member
Camino(s) past & future
Francés SJPP-SdC Sept-Oct 2016
Hilarious! Since you recruited further contributions:

Food (for vegetarians):
  • Breakfast – café con leche, tortilla, yogurt eaten with plastic knife
  • Lunch – tortilla, lime Fanta
  • Dinner – tortilla, with bolillo... any large, dry, stale bread roll will do... the cheapest bottle of Rioja your supermarket can provide.
 

Sue127

Active Member
Camino(s) past & future
French Camino in 2020
Hilarious! Since you recruited further contributions:

Food (for vegetarians):
  • Breakfast – café con leche, tortilla, yogurt eaten with plastic knife
  • Lunch – tortilla, lime Fanta
  • Dinner – tortilla, with bolillo... any large, dry, stale bread roll will do... the cheapest bottle of Rioja your supermarket can provide.
Wonderful - I know what to expect then!
 

gschmidl

sator arepo tenet opera rotas
Camino(s) past & future
Kumano Kodo (11/2018), Camino Sanabres (4/2019)
I have not been this amused in a good while. "Thanks, I hate it" is the phrase, I think.
 

Jeff Crawley

Veteran Member
Camino(s) past & future
Currently on a "Virtual" Camino and striding out across Navarra!
Hilarious! Since you recruited further contributions:

Food (for vegetarians):
  • Breakfast – café con leche, tortilla, yogurt eaten with plastic knife
  • Lunch – tortilla, lime Fanta
  • Dinner – tortilla, with bolillo... any large, dry, stale bread roll will do... the cheapest bottle of Rioja your supermarket can provide.
Noooooooo! It must be Kas Limon! ;) Otherwise spot on although the Spanish do have a dish for Pilgrims who don't eat meat . . . chicken!
 

Jeff Crawley

Veteran Member
Camino(s) past & future
Currently on a "Virtual" Camino and striding out across Navarra!
I could record my snoring and share it with you all, you can have it playing at night and have a genuine dorm room experience.
You could release a CD of your all time greatest snores:

Roncando en Roncesvalles 3:52

Nostrils Blocked at Najera 4:25

Septum Deviation in Sahagun 6:13

Mouth Snorers of Old Manjarin 3:45

OSA in O Cebreiro 7:25

Allergies in the Air at Arzua 4:26

The Hayfever Hustle in . . . . . . .

maybe not
 

Isca-camigo

Active Member
Camino(s) past & future
Various ones.
You could release a CD of your all time greatest snores:

Roncando en Roncesvalles 3:52

Nostrils Blocked at Najera 4:25

Septum Deviation in Sahagun 6:13

Mouth Snorers of Old Manjarin 3:45

OSA in O Cebreiro 7:25

Allergies in the Air at Arzua 4:26

The Hayfever Hustle in . . . . . . .

maybe not
Since most of my most memorable snoring episodes usually take place after very sociable evenings where alcohol may have been consumed I will adjust the titles del Norte style.

Intoxicated in Irun
Mellow in Markina
Sozzled in Santander
Legless in Llanes( this is one is not just a play on words🤫)
Merry in Muros de Nalon
Rozzled in Ribadeo
Mullered in Miraz ( see note on Llanes)
Slautered in Santiago
 

Jeff Crawley

Veteran Member
Camino(s) past & future
Currently on a "Virtual" Camino and striding out across Navarra!
Since most of my most memorable snoring episodes usually take place after very sociable evenings where alcohol may have been consumed I will adjust the titles del Norte style.

Intoxicated in Irun
Mellow in Markina
Sozzled in Santander
Legless in Llanes( this is one is not just a play on words🤫)
Merry in Muros de Nalon
Rozzled in Ribadeo
Mullered in Miraz ( see note on Llanes)
Slautered in Santiago
For the Frances - Orujo'd in O Cebreiro (thanks to Jim from Portugal because it wasn't his birthday)
 

Djimbo

Member
Camino(s) past & future
Camino Frances, Leon to Santiago in Sept.- Oct. (2016)
...solo, and again in 2019 with my wife.
Finally... a chance to use my Spork!
 

Jeff Crawley

Veteran Member
Camino(s) past & future
Currently on a "Virtual" Camino and striding out across Navarra!
Finally... a chance to use my Spork!
ALWAYS carry a Spork with me. Just before I retired I went along to a Trade Convention in the big hall they've just converted into a hospital in London.
Security was tight and my Mountainsmith lumber pack that I use as a day satchel had to go through the x-ray machine and so, of course, the Spork set the alarm off. Did I mention it was the titanium version?

"What the hell is that?" the security guard asked.
"It's so I can eat my lunch."
Guard looked at the Spork, looked at me and just said "Well just don't hurt yourself with it!" and let me in.
 
Camino(s) past & future
Frances(2006) Portugues(2013)
San Salvador (2017) Ingles (2019)
Jeff, how did I manage to miss this? You are such a tonic, gin not required. Thanks for a great laugh.
 

Kiwi-family

Veteran Member
Camino(s) past & future
Past: (2012, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2018)-Frances, Baztan, San Salvador, Primitivo, Fisterra,VdlP, Madrid
This thread should be made a sticky just after travel restrictions are lifted to dissuade prospective pilgrims from such a stupid undertaking. Better yet, send it to the NY Times and Guardian and Daily Mail......
 

pam287

New Member
Camino(s) past & future
Plan to walk August or September 2017
Thank you! I love this....laughing so much. Brought back so many memories!
 

hel&scott

Veteran Member
Camino(s) past & future
2004 St Jean - Santiago, 2008 &18 Seville - Finesterre, 2010 Ferrol - Lisbon, 2012 from Cartehenga.
You forgot that for the really authenticity touch to your virtual Camino , take a hammer and smash it on your toes for the first week and then on random days after that. This will mean you can add watching your toenails pop off to your daily foot care.
 

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