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Dear all,
I’ve first signed up for this forum a decade ago, shortly before walking the CF. Since then, I have only had one opportunity to come back to Spain - walking the VdlP just before Covid. Now it looks like I’ll be leaving Europe again for the foreseeable future, but before I would like to experience the Salvador and the Primitivo.
My partner is a passionate long-distance hiker but never walked - or thought - much about the Camino. Yet, he does enjoy what I’ve told him of the two vastly different Caminos that I walked.
Have you introduced a partner/friend to the Camino while you already have pre-conceived notions and preferences? I already *know* that I prefer less-crowded routes, early starts and staying in simple albergues. But what about him? How can we walk this way jointly without me influencing this too much.
So, how did this go for you? Any experiences are appreciated!
Planning.
Undertake joint planning. You both need to 'own' the plan.
Types of accommodation, dining options, how far you plan to walk etc etc.
Any Plan B that you might have.
I‘m happy it went well for you guys! We‘ve been on a lot of long-distance hikes (obviously different to the Camino but that’s all I can compare it to atm) and I very much get what you mean with „bonding opportunity“.Yes, I have! I walked with my girlfriend of one year; in 2021, and then again in 2022. So to go twice it must have been successful. I had consistently shared my prior experiences with her and when I decided to go again in 2021, I asked her if she was interested. She didn't hesitate to accept. I think the fact that she was fit and we enjoyed hiking had a lot to do with our successful journeys. I did not doubt that she would be able to handle it. I knew that there would be a few other challenges as you mention. We overcame all of those to have a real bonding experience. The majority of the time we walked together, sometimes she walked ahead, or I would walk ahead. Once she was up to speed on the Camino, we shared responsibilities. We had a rare chance to talk about virtually everything and grew closer as a result. We are still together today and have some amazing memories!
Thank you so much for the thoughtful reply!Further thoughts......... Things I will do better on our next joint Camino.
Others have mentioned these in other threads over the years I think.
Planning.
Undertake joint planning. You both need to 'own' the plan.
Types of accommodation, dining options, how far you plan to walk etc etc.
Any Plan B that you might have.
In the past I did it all, and so it becomes my task to 'manage' everything and my problem to 'fix' any issues that arise.
So for example Pat and I are discussing our first day out of Le Puy.
I know that unless she trains for it, she'll find 23 kms over a high hill, quite hard for day 1. Very hard.
But to break up Day 1 means staying in shared accommodation, which she feels very uncomfortable about.
So we'll bounce around ideas on how we might tackle that day.
Rotate Daily Tasks / Roles.
Small things, like doing laundry, navigation, doing the accommodation booking, check-in, etc etc.
Again, so that you both get to 'own' all aspects of the journey.
Walking Pace.
This is the hardest of all. I'm sure you realise.
It's very rare, that you will have the same walking pace or the same needs for short breaks, pee stops etc.
I stop a lot to shoot videos, take photos, chat to people.
Pat likes to just keep moving.
We also walk at very different speeds.
So we tend to walk in sight of each other, not together as such.
Walking with Others.
I'm sure you have experienced this.
On my last Camino I walked quite a few days with other people.
Usually just 'within' site of each other, at our own pace.
But one guy, who walked faster than me, would insist on waiting for me to 'catch up'.
We had to have words about it
I would see him 500 - 700 metres ahead, taking a break, only to set off again when I was within 200 metres or so. It was done with the best of intentions. He was a great guy and great company.
But I basically had to say.........
Don't wait for me. At all!
I know where I'm going, I won't get lost.
Seeing you waiting for me just causes me to feel rushed, and it makes me walk faster than I want to, because I don't want to hold you up.........
Little things like this can cause friction, so it's best to discuss upfront how you and your partner will walk together.
On the flip side, I have held back a bit to wait for someone who was having a difficult / emotional day.
Sometimes we need to just 'be' with someone, even if no words are spoken.
They were very grateful.
I guess it's about being 'in tune' with those that we walk with.
Thanks for saying this. That's exactly where I'm feeling the uneasiness at the moment. A relative asked to go on Camino with me - they want to do it, but are afraid of going alone. All good, I love Caminos.
But I have not yet seen efforts from them in doing any research, getting to know the trail, how to sort extra luggage, etc. It feels a bit like they will just turn up for the walk and are expecting me to sort everything.
Any tips on how to engage in the conversation of how to actually do it? I have tried the "why do you want to walk a Camino?" but got very vague answers.
Have you ever traveled with this relative? Has this relative ever been in Europe?Thanks for saying this. That's exactly where I'm feeling the uneasiness at the moment. A relative asked to go on Camino with me - they want to do it, but are afraid of going alone. All good, I love Caminos.
But I have not yet seen efforts from them in doing any research, getting to know the trail, how to sort extra luggage, etc. It feels a bit like they will just turn up for the walk and are expecting me to sort everything.
Any tips on how to engage in the conversation of how to actually do it? I have tried the "why do you want to walk a Camino?" but got very vague answers.
It certainly is for some people's journey. Other people have different journeys with different challenges and learnings. Some Caminos are more about confronting problems as a couple or team and the challenges that traveling in company can bring. They are equally valid Caminos.I don't think the Camino works with someone as a backup upfront. Confronting yourself with the problems that traveling alone brings with it and dealing with what you have to think about and what to expect is part of the journey. Maybe you can start the conversation like this
For me it will be the first time in August and it is so important for me. I keep noticing that the journey in my head has long begun
I would gently explain I prefer a solo adventures. It’s not up to you to rescue others. They need to put in the effort to grow from the experience.Thanks for saying this. That's exactly where I'm feeling the uneasiness at the moment. A relative asked to go on Camino with me - they want to do it, but are afraid of going alone. All good, I love Caminos.
But I have not yet seen efforts from them in doing any research, getting to know the trail, how to sort extra luggage, etc. It feels a bit like they will just turn up for the walk and are expecting me to sort everything.
Any tips on how to engage in the conversation of how to actually do it? I have tried the "why do you want to walk a Camino?" but got very vague answers.
Thanks for your impulse. You are absolutely right and I appreciate your point of view.It certainly is for some people's journey. Other people have different journeys with different challenges and learnings. Some Caminos are more about confronting problems as a couple or team and the challenges that traveling in company can bring. They are equally valid Caminos.
When I walked with my teenage son, I did mist of the organizing. I might discuss things with him sometimes (e.g. "if you are ready to walk an extra 7 km today, there will be an albergue with these advantages") but he pretty much left the organizing up to me. It wasn't that he wasn't interested in going. It was his suggestion. It was that we left pretty much right after his exams so he hadn't as much time to research as I had and he trusted my decision making. I don't think he ever second guessed me or complained about my decisions (although some could have been better, of course).Thanks for your impulse. You are absolutely right and I appreciate your point of view.
But in this case I have the feeling that it shouldn't be a joint challenge, but rather someone who wants to be a beneficiary of the experience of the thread creator and doesn't feel like part of a team.
Yes and yes, but always in groups. I think the issue is their fear in being alone and not knowing what to do. They asked me to go with them, not to piggyback in one of my trips, to be exact. Some convfersations have to be had soon....Have you ever traveled with this relative? Has this relative ever been in Europe?
Indeed it was me, and apologies for taking part of the thread on a tangent. But I do feel quite benefice3nt towards this person, although I also predict some hard work.don't think it was the thread creator who was talking about walking with someone who wants to be a beneficiary but Anamya, farther down the thread. In that case, I think, it depends on how beneficent you are feeling. I was quite happy to gift my son with the experience.
Have you introduced a partner/friend to the Camino while you already have pre-conceived notions and preferences?
If they are different then one person will need to surrender a little, or maybe a lot, to the needs and preferences of the other.
Or
Plan and prepare more separately, travel to the starting point together, and take it one day at a time.
Buen Camino
PS. I would never walk a Camino with someone who is afraid to go alone. I would suggest they book with a group. Maybe at the same time you are walking - you could catch up from time to time along the way.
Yes and you are a kind and considerate partner in balancing both your needs. I was thinking more of friends and extended family members.I think that last part is very insightful.
Pat would never walk a Camino alone.
I recognise that, so I 'surrender' part of my normal Camino experience to her......
So far it's worked......
I just need some 'alone' Caminos from time to time.
Or a long remote one she does not want to do
You know what you like but is wasn't clear if you had asked your partner if she has a preference for, or was willing to try, the many things that need to be considered before walking.?Dear all,
I’ve first signed up for this forum a decade ago, shortly before walking the CF. Since then, I have only had one opportunity to come back to Spain - walking the VdlP just before Covid. Now it looks like I’ll be leaving Europe again for the foreseeable future, but before I would like to experience the Salvador and the Primitivo.
My partner is a passionate long-distance hiker but never walked - or thought - much about the Camino. Yet, he does enjoy what I’ve told him of the two vastly different Caminos that I walked.
Have you introduced a partner/friend to the Camino while you already have pre-conceived notions and preferences? I already *know* that I prefer less-crowded routes, early starts and staying in simple albergues. But what about him? How can we walk this way jointly without me influencing this too much.
So, how did this go for you? Any experiences are appreciated!
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