We are the sum of our experiences

[Al the optimist]

I have always held the belief that we are the sum of our experiences, good or bad ones. If we regret any of them we regret who we are. I hope this doesn't sound pompous or less than self-effacing. I have been very fortunate in my life that I think most (nearly all) of those have been good experiences. The Camino is up there with the best of them and has certainly changed me for the better (I hope). Thanks to everyone on the forum who helped me plan successfully enough to gain what I gained from my Caminos. I hope that the spirit of the forum continues to inspire and help others seek and gain the Camino's gifts.

 

[MendiWalker]

You are so right Al and may I add........ you´re a good man too. Please don´t change.

Buen Camino!

 

[Joni40]

Nice Post Allan--
I think of my time walking with you on the camino often, and I miss the camino everyday. It was also life-changing for me, and I hope to return soon to walk again, although I have other "bucket list" experiences I want to try to accomplish. I agree with you, that our life experiences, good or bad, make us who we are, and my camino experience was an important one in my life.

 

[julie]

I have always held the belief that we are the sum of our experiences, good or bad ones. If we regret any of them we regret who we are. I hope this doesn't sound pompous or less than self-effacing. I have been very fortunate in my life that I think most (nearly all) of those have been good experiences. The Camino is up there with the best of them and has certainly changed me for the better (I hope)

Well put Al. I had an interesting conversation with another pilgrim when he asked me what I would change if I could live my life again. He didn't believe me when I said "nothing". Everything in my life had led to my being at that place at that time, why would I want to change any of it?

 

[stevenjarvis]

Well put Al. I had an interesting conversation with another pilgrim when he asked me what I would change if I could live my life again. He didn't believe me when I said "nothing". Everything in my life had led to my being at that place at that time, why would I want to change any of it?

I think it is wonderful that you, Althe Optimist and many others feel this way. I appreciate the positive, forward thinking optimism. At the same time, I try and appreciate that others negotiate their daily pilgrimage haunted and diminished by past experiences, including regret for past actions. The fact that they can do nothing to change those actions does not alter the pain they feel.

 

[Al the optimist]

Hi Joni. I think of our few days walking as well. And your birthday dinner in Leon. You, a "yank", me a "limey", the German girl I had who I had asked to take a photo for me when I arrived in Leon earlier in the day before meeting up with you again and who had to give up in Astorga because of blisters, the Swiss guy with her, and the Finnish woman I had seen along the way and who we met in the street earlier in the day (Eva?). Remember the Australian woman who turned around in the Cathedral and said she recognised me from the forum? (She's still on here somewhere) I hope she (a nurse like you?) and her husband (a doctor?) are OK as I think they live in New South Wales where all the bad fires are. And just to keep you up to date, Maria and I are still an item! Obviously she is a woman with no taste! Hope you and John get to walk again soon and hope he can do more this time and doesn't leave you alone and depressed from missing him walking with you. Though of course he will find it hard to keep up with the new fast walking you!

 

[Joni40]

I'm glad for you- that you have found someone. And- no I am not surprised. Why don't you come on over to visit John and I and bring her? Maybe after the holidays. A little Florida with boll weevils and all, might be what you need.
take care- have a great week. I'm doing a little camino talk on Sunday, so excited about that.

 

[StuartM]

I think it is wonderful that you, Althe Optimist and many others feel this way. I appreciate the positive, forward thinking optimism. At the same time, I try and appreciate that others negotiate their daily pilgrimage haunted and diminished by past experiences, including regret for past actions. The fact that they can do nothing to change those actions does not alter the pain they feel.

Yep, I probably fall into that category. I'd have to agree that we are the product of our experiences but I also think we need to regret some things or we continue making the same mistakes. Where mistakes have only been detrimental to me then it is easy to view it all as experience, however I'm one of those people whose mistakes have badly affected others and I'd change it in a second if I could. Lack of regret may be highly hurtful to others too. Also those mistakes may even be preventing you from being where you want to be. The easy answer is change where you want to be but life sometimes plays you a harder hand.

To live a life that you would not do differently is probably the aim of the game but unfortunately there is a lot that I would change. If what happens from here on can make those mistakes worthwhile then I'm headed the right way. You don't get to call it until the end I don't think.

 

[stevenjarvis]

Stuart, thank you for your incredibly honest openness. I will read your book.

 

[Al the optimist]

Sorry, I may not have been as clear as I would have liked Stuart. I agree with you about recognising our errors, especially where they have affected others. When I say I don't regret anything in the past I meant it in that hopefully they have positively affected the way I am now. Sorry I am not as good a word-smith as I would like to be. Thanks for your giving me a chance to express it a little more clearly (I hope).

 

[Al the optimist]

Thanks for the invite again Joni. Time together and holidays can be difficult to arrange as we never know her flight schedule until the end of a month and then everything has to fit in at short notice. And she doesn't like flying! Well not for leisure. I don't suppose she can be blamed after 25 years of globe trotting. AND then everything has to be arranged around her taking most of her leave for a Camino next year! Lots of love and say hi to John. Maybe we will all meet on the way next year! Who knows, my life has always been full of coincidences.

 

[Jnlee99]

Just returned from my two weeks in Camino! One of the best experiences of my life! I hope to return in next couple of years to complete the Walk.

 

[StuartM]

Sorry, I may not have been as clear as I would have liked Stuart. I agree with you about recognising our errors, especially where they have affected others. When I say I don't regret anything in the past I meant it in that hopefully they have positively affected the way I am now. Sorry I am not as good a word-smith as I would like to be. Thanks for your giving me a chance to express it a little more clearly (I hope).

Hi Alan,

I get what you mean now.

And I agree completely. Reaching a point where past "sins" (not meant in any religious sense) can be seen to be "worthwhile" (maybe not the best choice of words but I hope you know what I'm getting at) is a good place to be. I may have reacted with a bit of cynicism as I'm not quite at that place yet, maybe even thought I was until I learned different.

You don't get philosphical debates like these in golf I can remember discussions on the trail that ranged from the metaphysical and existentialist musings on the nature of life to why Spanish chips are so pale (my theory is olive oil burns at a lower temp than veg oil/proper chip fat), often in the space of ten minutes.

Cheers,

Stuart

 

[julie]

Yep, I probably fall into that category. I'd have to agree that we are the product of our experiences but I also think we need to regret some things or we continue making the same mistakes. Where mistakes have only been detrimental to me then it is easy to view it all as experience, however I'm one of those people whose mistakes have badly affected others and I'd change it in a second if I could. Lack of regret may be highly hurtful to others too. Also those mistakes may even be preventing you from being where you want to be. The easy answer is change where you want to be but life sometimes plays you a harder hand.

You can regret your actions but still accept them. Part of moving forward is accepting that you cannot change the past. You can, however, go some way towards making amends by owning up to your mistakes and that means facing the people you may have hurt along the way. Sometimes that's not possible because the people concerned are not contactable and the best you can do is accept that you did the wrong thing, that you regret having done it but you have learnt from the experience and can now let it go. It helps nobody if you are debilitated by the past. We are all a work in progress and sometimes things get a bit messy along the way. Carrying the lessons rather than the regret lightens the load and helps you to face whatever else comes your way.

I'm not suggesting this is an easy thing to do. Meditation works for me, counselling for others, the Camino for most of us.

 

[karenfromcali]

I think that's what most of us are on the camino for. To look at our lives, the good and the bad, past and present, and to come to terms with where we are now and where we want to go from here. If I was asked the same question I would have to say yes, there are things I would definitely change. Not necessarily all that has been what you would call 'bad' as many of the things that are hard to cope with we later find have made us stronger. But I personally have a hard time realizing that my actions have sometimes harmed others.

 

[stevenjarvis]

You can regret your actions but still accept them. Part of moving forward is accepting that you cannot change the past. You can, however, go some way towards making amends by owning up to your mistakes and that means facing the people you may have hurt along the way. Sometimes that's not possible because the people concerned are not contactable and the best you can do is accept that you did the wrong thing, that you regret having done it but you have learnt from the experience and can now let it go. It helps nobody if you are debilitated by the past. We are all a work in progress and sometimes things get a bit messy along the way. Carrying the lessons rather than the regret lightens the load and helps you to face whatever else comes your way.

I'm not suggesting this is an easy thing to do. Meditation works for me, counselling for others, the Camino for most of us.

Thank you Julie for putting it so clearly.

 

[dougfitz]

I have always held the belief that we are the sum of our experiences, good or bad ones. If we regret any of them we regret who we are. I hope this doesn't sound pompous or less than self-effacing. I have been very fortunate in my life that I think most (nearly all) of those have been good experiences. The Camino is up there with the best of them and has certainly changed me for the better (I hope). Thanks to everyone on the forum who helped me plan successfully enough to gain what I gained from my Caminos. I hope that the spirit of the forum continues to inspire and help others seek and gain the Camino's gifts.

I have been wondering about the responses that this post generated, because I think it would be a real pity if we were merely the sum of our past experiences. I think it is part of being human to be more than that, and to learn from our experiences, expand our understanding and share that with others. In doing that, we grow, and those we share with grow. By integrating other's experiences and understanding when we accept that sharing, we grow to be more than just some aggregate of the collection of our individual experiences.

 

[Al the optimist]

Well said Doug. Life and the forum providing an opportunity to share own's own feelings and solicit that of others in a positive way could not have been said in a better way.