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Which got me thinking of the times when I've 'hit the wall.' and how different it feels to walk day after say as opposed to undertaling a shorter, limited duration event like (say) a marathon or triathlon. It's easier to persevere in the latter two, because when it's over, it's over. But the camino has a relentessness that can really wear on you.The Meltdown symptoms can range from a mild exasperation with a prolonged sit-down to gather thoughts.
What an image.Never will I forget the look that one très correct French woman drinking champagne from a crystal flute, no plastic for her, gave me as I trudged past exhausted!
Maybe you're naturally resilient and positive?I certainly get cranky, upset, angry, fed up at times, on or off the camino. I often have a prolonged sit down to gather thoughts.
But I don't do meltdowns
Hmmm. Good question, @Kiwi-family. What you say makes a lot of sense.I presume (perhaps mistakenly) that people who are prone to meltdowns in “normal life” may be more inclined to experience them on the Camino....and people who revel in challenge might be less likely to melt????
I have walked that stretch twice, but in the opposite direction from Muxia to Finesterre. I always spend the night in Lires, which helps for a more relaxed ending...I love walking out to their beach!For me it was between Fisterre and Muxia on the old path which was vaguely marked. I'd gone off alone at dawn from the hostel and by 11 I had not seen a marker in an hour, and my shin splints and blisters appeared in full bloom after lying dormant for a few days. I had a really creepy encounter with a guy dressed in old St. James Pilgrim cape, hat and beard just before the only path into Lira. I was behind him and when I went around the corner where you can see the path along the sea - no one was there! Which meant he was hiding in the bracken, or had somehow got behind me or . . . ??? I spent the rest of the day looking over my shoulder and into the forest, ended up lost and in Merexo, and pathetically limping into the Muxia hostel only to find I didn't have a stamp from the night before - the hostel worker accepted a river crossing pic from my camera as proof of travel. If I could have airlifted out any time that day, I would have done it!
I must be weird, tooThe first time I walked from El Acebo to Molinaseco... I called it my two hours of horrible. I don't like heights and there were a few times when we were walking quite close to the edge (not scary for most but for me it was terrifying) I also don't like steep downhill. It was like a perfect storm of all the things I dislike... and it had been raining and it was damp and slippery. After an hour or so i just wanted to sit down on the path and cry. I didn't cry but I wanted to.
The last time I walked that section my friend fell and we had to take a taxi to Molinaseco... I'm not glad she fell but I was pleased to be in that taxi.
My dear friend @nidarosa says that this section is one of her favourites... I think she's weird
p.s. a crazy high bridge on the Via de la Plata came a close second... and the field of bulls... and the dogs... this is becoming quite a list
Strangely enough, after a bad experience at the Cruz de Ferro, this section was one of the loveliest and memorable days of my 2012 Camino.The first time I walked from El Acebo to Molinaseco... I called it my two hours of horrible. I don't like heights and there were a few times when we were walking quite close to the edge (not scary for most but for me it was terrifying) I also don't like steep downhill. It was like a perfect storm of all the things I dislike... and it had been raining and it was damp and slippery. After an hour or so i just wanted to sit down on the path and cry. I didn't cry but I wanted to.
The last time I walked that section my friend fell and we had to take a taxi to Molinaseco... I'm not glad she fell but I was pleased to be in that taxi.
My dear friend @nidarosa says that this section is one of her favourites... I think she's weird
p.s. a crazy high bridge on the Via de la Plata came a close second... and the field of bulls... and the dogs... this is becoming quite a list
Some say there are no such things as Camino Angels! Your story proves different!Thank you for bringing this topic up.
My meltdown happened in the Parador in Leon.
Understand, I had been staying in donativo and municipal albergues from SJPP up until that point. Somewhere around Belorado I started to feel pain in my right knee that turned into full blown tendonitis and I was walking on shin splints as well. I was literally picking up one foot at a time(very consciously) painfully making my Way very slowly. I could not have made it without my sticks to support me. One of my "camino family" members is a physician and she knew the kind of pain I had been walking with and in Boadilla, I think, she said to me, " I have a suite reserved at the Leon Parador and would like to offer for you to stay with me there." At first I said no, as it was out of my imagination to stay in a place like that as a pilgrim and then I finally accepted with grace. So, many days later, I hobbled in extreme pain to the Parador on a Sunday. The place was filled with Spanish families celebrating baptisms and were dressed to the nines. I felt them staring at me, this disheveled pilgrim who could barely walk. While waiting for her, I found a spot to sit away from the crowd. As I waited, my meltdown began. I realized I could not continue walking with this pain. I had walked every step and carried my pack as I had expected I would. There it was...my expectations. Face to face with my expectations and my inability to meet them was just too much. It started with a whimper and turned into great sobs that took up all the tissues I was carrying. How could I fail so badly? I had prepared meticulously for many months before my pilgrimage and thought I had the right shoes, pack and supplies to get me all the way to Compostela. All this came crashing down in this moment and I melted into a dusty puddle of tears in a corner of the Parador lobby. And then it happened. I felt my better angels smack me in the face. Forget all those expectations that burdened you as you walked and take care of yourself! Anyway, I ended up taking at least 4 decadent luxurious bubble baths in that Parador and stayed until they kicked me out the next day. I found a beautiful Spanish family to stay with for 5 days in Leon while I rested, convalesced and let go of my unrealistic expectations. This lovely young family cared for me, nurturing me back to the place where I could continue walking without that knife sharp pain in my knee. I was humbled and made a plan. I took the train over the mountains from Leon to Sarria and then walked into Santiago, once again, meeting up with my camino family members. I was still dealing with some "guilt" and "shame" for not walking every step as well as sadness for missing that section of the Frances. This motivated me to return the following year to walk from Leon to Santiago to cover the section I had missed. Being in Leon on my second Camino feeling strong and healthy allowed me to heal some of those leftover emotional wounds.
I will never forget that meltdown moment in the Parador, as it shifted something big in me...blowing my expectations to bits. Humility. I am forever grateful. I made my fifth pilgrimage this past September and continue to grow emotionally and spiritually with every step I take on these ancient roads.
Humbly yours
Ultreia! elle
For sure!! I have ample evidence! But that's a whole new LONG paragraph!! ❤Some say there are no such things as Camino Angels! Your story proves different!
Thanks, Sabine, for sharing such a personal story. I lost both my parents ten days apart and although I have siblings, the majority of their care and paperwork was left in my hands, not to mention I truly felt like an orphan. Had I known about the camino at that time I probably would have hightailed it to Spain...just saying.My most serious Camino-related meltdown happened on my second Camino in 2012.
The year before my dad passed away quite unexpectedly , leaving me to deal ( as an only child ) with taking care of mum and handling lots of paperwork.
So when those hectic months were over I thought it would be a good idea to walk the Camino del Ebro and a part of the Frances.
Aside from one other pilgrim on the del Ebro I did not meet anyone else ( so a good thing I could engage in some talks with locals ).
So I bussed and continued on the Frances.
Maybe I expected the same good vibes as on my first Camino the year before but I only met loud pilgrims in big groups ( drinking excessively ).
There was one other female pilgrim whom I had a good connection with and when it worked out we shared a private room to avoid the loud group ( they always seemed to stop where we stopped).
In terms of physical issues it was the easiest Camino of all.
But my emotions ran away with me. Tiredness and grief from the year before combined with my overreaction to the loud fellow pilgrims were the reasons I had a good meltdown in Rabe de las Calzadas.
It was a Sunday and I entered the church for some quiet contemplation only to find the local choir in full rehearsal for Mass later.
That was when I started crying and sobbing! Uncontrollably.
I will never forget how one of the ladies of the choir came over to me and quietly sat next to me and patted my back.
Just a human being making connection with another human being.
It was of an intensity and generosity I will never forget.
I continued walking , feeling much more at ease with the situation but in Carrion de los Condes I decided to stop and I had some regular holiday time before heading home.
Thankfully, this one rather negative experience didn't set you back permanently.May 2015. Having walked from Somport to Leon, then on to Oviedo (on the Salvador), my meltdown happened on the second day of the Primitivo, leaving Escamplero. There was a mean looking dog obstructing the path, I then decided to contuinue on the main road, but after 10 minutes returned to the path to try again. Unfortunately the dog was still there. I can normally deal with my fear of dogs, but this time I could not, and suddenly I just felt so fed up with the Camino and started questioning the whole point of continuing to Santiago. And so I just decided to walk back to Oviedo and return home. To this day, I still can not grasp the panic and lack of purpose I felt. To complete the story. A few days after coming home, my father suddenly died. Still feel very grateful I was able to be there with him. Had it not been for the dog, I would not have been there (but would have been wandering on the Primitivo instead). So I guess meltdowns happen for a reason ...
If everyone has a meltdown point I haven't been to that point yet. I'm with @RJM . Even on difficult days on the Camino I'm still happy that I'm on the Camino. And I always know that my next day will bring me new vistas and people to meet.On further reflection.....Davenugg’s original assertion was that everyone has a Meltdown Point. This may well be true and those of us who have not yet encountered that moment perhaps have something to be grateful for - something we weren’t even aware of.
Which is not to say meltdowns are bad - if we do experience one, it might be the significant turning point that they appear to be for many.
Amen!If everyone has a meltdown point I haven't been to that point yet. I'm with @RJM . Even on difficult days on the Camino I'm still happy that I'm on the Camino. And I always know that my next day will bring me new vistas and people to meet.
Me too...If everyone has a meltdown point I haven't been to that point yet. I'm with @RJM . Even on difficult days on the Camino I'm still happy that I'm on the Camino. And I always know that my next day will bring me new vistas and people to meet.
Me three...Me too...
Cant say as how I ever had one. Closest maybe was the morning walking out of Logroño. I just felt so lethargic. My son kept telling me about this little café by a lake but the long flat trail was really grating on my nerves. Got to the lake and settled down in the sun for a café con leche. A Dutch friend said it was so pleasant there that we should have a second coffee. Then off we went and the morning walk out of town was forgotten.In another thread Dave posted this:
Which got me thinking of the times when I've 'hit the wall.' and how different it feels to walk day after say as opposed to undertaling a shorter, limited duration event like (say) a marathon or triathlon. It's easier to persevere in the latter two, because when it's over, it's over. But the camino has a relentessness that can really wear on you.
On day 2 of one of my early journeys on the Frances I was in a lot of pain from some mysterious foot complaint. So somewhere between Zubiri and Pamplona I just sat down on the verge of the road, and angrily threw my boots off onto the dirt like a 2 year-old having a tantrum. The hissy-fit only lasted a few minutes, then I just felt ridiculous. So I changed my shoes, got up, and just kept walking - and all was well in the end. I learned that day that meltdowns are definitely temporary...
Which didn't stop me several days later from pouring myself into a bar in Atapuerca and just collapsing into self-pity. That day, the weather felt like a combination of a firehose and a wind turbine an I'd had it!
But these moments seem to happen less and less the more the camino 'breaks me in.' Each walk has been different, but meltdowns don't happen so much anymore, if at all. Which is only a blessing that I don't assume to be permanent...
I wonder if I'm the only one. What's your meltdown point, what does it look like, and has it become a moving target?
A few times there was frustration when the first albergues I went to were completo and I had to keep looking, and even just shelled out for a private room or just kept walking to the next town. All those are simply inconveniences
That is why I recommend carrying a ground pad. It gives you the confidence and piece of mind knowing that if the unlikely situation occurs that you do not find accommodation you can simply sleep on the ground. In a breezeway. In the front of a church. Sleeping outside or semi outside is an inconvenience, hardly worthy of having a meltdown over. Many pilgrims do it anyway out of choice.This is easy to say, but if you have not got the strength left to walk a few more km to the next town because there was only one albergue and it was completo and there were no private rooms to be had. And the next town is miles away.....
By the way I have never had a meltdown, but can easily imagine one on the caminos I have walked. Been lucky! Have not yet walked the CF.....
I carry a credit card, so I can sleep in a hotel if necessary.That is why I recommend carrying a ground pad. It gives you the confidence and piece of mind knowing that if the unlikely situation occurs that you do not find accommodation you can simply sleep on the ground. In a breezeway. In the front of a church. Sleeping outside or semi outside is an inconvenience, hardly worthy of having a meltdown over. Many pilgrims do it anyway out of choice.
lol...well there is that tooI carry a credit card, so I can sleep in a hotel if necessary.
I cannot agree more. 'Meltdown' is such a pejorative word, but really it's just where we go past the current edge of what we are able to bear without losing inner balance. Some people express that and some don't. In order to strengthen resilience, inevitably we have to go over that edge, but then regain a deeper balance.Which is not to say meltdowns are bad - if we do experience one, it might be the significant turning point that they appear to be for many.
Please.For sure!! I have ample evidence! But that's a whole new LONG paragraph
We posted at the same time...thanks, Chris!VNwalking, I am loving this thread. It's interesting to read stories of the hard experiences some of our forum members have gone through while walking the camino.
You have a wonderful "way with words"...just saying.I cannot agree more. 'Meltdown' is such a pejorative word, but really it's just where we go past the current edge of what we are able to bear without losing inner balanced. Some people express that and some don't. In order to strengthen resilience, inevitably we have to go over that edge, but then regain a deeper balance.
I was lucky on my first camino that I had no meltdown point... sometimes it was hard... in the meseta when I ran out of water "in the damn summer sun"... or "unfair"... when my municipal albergue had no dryer for de-bedbugging my equipment and the hospitalero in the next albergue in the village did not allow me to use (and pay for) his dryer if I did not sleep there....Everyone has a ‘Meltdown’ threshold....
Amazing, isn't it?!Two of the best days ever!
Poetry, and I can feel the rain dripping down my neck when I read your post! But laughter is the meltdown antidote...especially when you can giggle at a meltdown in process. So how many kms did that end up being?we set in the smirrs of rain
Me four!Me three...
I also had meltdown point there, it was my very first day on Camino, and I started around 10, so soon it turned out to be quite hot without any shade and I felt exhausted. Luckily, there was a sign on the road to an albergue running by a Dutch girl, with some fellow piligrims already inside. I remember that first minutes I couldn’t even say anything. They really helped me!on the Camino Portugues heading from Tomar to Alvaiazere
In another thread Dave posted this:
Which got me thinking of the times when I've 'hit the wall.' and how different it feels to walk day after say as opposed to undertaling a shorter, limited duration event like (say) a marathon or triathlon. It's easier to persevere in the latter two, because when it's over, it's over. But the camino has a relentessness that can really wear on you.
On day 2 of one of my early journeys on the Frances I was in a lot of pain from some mysterious foot complaint. So somewhere between Zubiri and Pamplona I just sat down on the verge of the road, and angrily threw my boots off onto the dirt like a 2 year-old having a tantrum. The hissy-fit only lasted a few minutes, then I just felt ridiculous. So I changed my shoes, got up, and just kept walking - and all was well in the end. I learned that day that meltdowns are definitely temporary...
Which didn't stop me several days later from pouring myself into a bar in Atapuerca and just collapsing into self-pity. That day, the weather felt like a combination of a firehose and a wind turbine an I'd had it!
But these moments seem to happen less and less the more the camino 'breaks me in.' Each walk has been different, but meltdowns don't happen so much anymore, if at all. Which is only a blessing that I don't assume to be permanent...
I wonder if I'm the only one. What's your meltdown point, what does it look like, and has it become a moving target?
Just finished VF thru Switzerland. It definitely had its days, but at the end, I was very happy.The day after entering Switzerland on the Via Francigena I walked in thick mist for hours. I could only see about 5 metres and only heard cow bells. I don't know what happend, but I started crying like a 5 year old and could not stop myself. The weather didn't help also, it had been raining non stop, soaking everything I had on me. I kept on crying for two days. I made a plan to get myself home when I reached Lausanne. But the minute I entered Lausanne, I suddenly felt so happy and light! Even though nothing had changed. Still raining, stil misty.
I did not go home, but just kept on walking. Some of my best days came after that, crossing the Alpes in the most glorious weather.
Even now I if I hear cow bells, the remind me of those horrible days.
The day after entering Switzerland on the Via Francigena I walked in thick mist for hours. I could only see about 5 metres and only heard cow bells. I don't know what happend, but I started crying like a 5 year old and could not stop myself. The weather didn't help also, it had been raining non stop, soaking everything I had on me. I kept on crying for two days. I made a plan to get myself home when I reached Lausanne. But the minute I entered Lausanne, I suddenly felt so happy and light! Even though nothing had changed. Still raining, stil misty.
I did not go home, but just kept on walking. Some of my best days came after that, crossing the Alpes in the most glorious weather.
Even now I if I hear cow bells, the remind me of those horrible days.
Wow. That's a meltdown. Actually, it's a step beyond, into the realm of losing it.Eventually I just shook out the entire bag on the street, screaming. My belongings fell out and I found the tent poles.
Sounds like a meltdown to me. Egressing and [taking your ball] going home is a meltdown. Lucky for you this never happened on one of your Caminos and caused you to execute your meltdown plan.I have walked the Frances and the Portugues, multiple times. I have never had a meltdown or hit a wall. How could I? I am on holiday. If anything about walking the Camino affected me so much that I was on the verge of a meltdown, I would simply go home, or say of it was physical, just take a couple days off, bus ahead a wee bit and carry on. Come to think of it, I can honestly say I never had an actual "bad day" whilst walking the Camino. Sure, knees and feet get sore. A minor blizzard I found myself in was a bit hairy. A few times there was frustration when the first albergues I went to were completo and I had to keep looking, and even just shelled out for a private room or just kept walking to the next town. All those are simply inconveniences. Not life or death. Nothing worth getting dramatic over and like I said, you can always just egress and go home or somewhere else. It is not a death march.
In another thread Dave posted this:
Which got me thinking of the times when I've 'hit the wall.' and how different it feels to walk day after say as opposed to undertaling a shorter, limited duration event like (say) a marathon or triathlon. It's easier to persevere in the latter two, because when it's over, it's over. But the camino has a relentessness that can really wear on you.
On day 2 of one of my early journeys on the Frances I was in a lot of pain from some mysterious foot complaint. So somewhere between Zubiri and Pamplona I just sat down on the verge of the road, and angrily threw my boots off onto the dirt like a 2 year-old having a tantrum. The hissy-fit only lasted a few minutes, then I just felt ridiculous. So I changed my shoes, got up, and just kept walking - and all was well in the end. I learned that day that meltdowns are definitely temporary...
Which didn't stop me several days later from pouring myself into a bar in Atapuerca and just collapsing into self-pity. That day, the weather felt like a combination of a firehose and a wind turbine an I'd had it!
But these moments seem to happen less and less the more the camino 'breaks me in.' Each walk has been different, but meltdowns don't happen so much anymore, if at all. Which is only a blessing that I don't assume to be permanent...
I wonder if I'm the only one. What's your meltdown point, what does it look like, and has it become a moving target?
It's amazing how many replies this has evoked, and how varied they are! Thank you, everyone.
I cannot agree more. 'Meltdown' is such a pejorative word, but really it's just where we go past the current edge of what we are able to bear without losing inner balance. Some people express that and some don't. In order to strengthen resilience, inevitably we have to go over that edge, but then regain a deeper balance.
Please.
Walking out of Logrono felt endless to me. And walking into Burgos through the mistaken path through the city! Walking onto Burgos I stopped at a shoe store and bought slippers to wear the rest of the way in.Cant say as how I ever had one. Closest maybe was the morning walking out of Logroño. I just felt so lethargic. My son kept telling me about this little café by a lake but the long flat trail was really grating on my nerves. Got to the lake and settled down in the sun for a café con leche. A Dutch friend said it was so pleasant there that we should have a second coffee. Then off we went and the morning walk out of town was forgotten.
Cannot say I ever had a meltdown plan as the concept of having a meltdown while walking the Camino never entered my mind. How can I have a meltdown on a holiday from work? lol....The only thing I really plan when I walk the Camino is my airplane tickets. when I go and when I come back, lol.Sounds like a meltdown to me. Egressing and [taking your ball] going home is a meltdown. Lucky for you this never happened on one of your Caminos and caused you to execute your meltdown plan.
The Camino can serve as a lesson for life, a mirror if you will. Where else in your life do you have an egress and go home plan for when life gets tough?
Good introspection, I think. Thanks for sharing this.
Actually, that’s not true.... Oops. Just read Sabine’s post and her griefMe four!
Misjudging what was realistic during training in Oregon and in reality what happened the first 6 days!!! 13-17 projected miles that turned into 4 days in a row of between 22-26 miles!!! Not used to a pack- especially one that heavy and had to tell myself that this is what I wanted- this is what I planned for 3 years(actually 4!!).In another thread Dave posted this:
Which got me thinking of the times when I've 'hit the wall.' and how different it feels to walk day after say as opposed to undertaling a shorter, limited duration event like (say) a marathon or triathlon. It's easier to persevere in the latter two, because when it's over, it's over. But the camino has a relentessness that can really wear on you.
On day 2 of one of my early journeys on the Frances I was in a lot of pain from some mysterious foot complaint. So somewhere between Zubiri and Pamplona I just sat down on the verge of the road, and angrily threw my boots off onto the dirt like a 2 year-old having a tantrum. The hissy-fit only lasted a few minutes, then I just felt ridiculous. So I changed my shoes, got up, and just kept walking - and all was well in the end. I learned that day that meltdowns are definitely temporary...
Which didn't stop me several days later from pouring myself into a bar in Atapuerca and just collapsing into self-pity. That day, the weather felt like a combination of a firehose and a wind turbine an I'd had it!
But these moments seem to happen less and less the more the camino 'breaks me in.' Each walk has been different, but meltdowns don't happen so much anymore, if at all. Which is only a blessing that I don't assume to be permanent...
I wonder if I'm the only one. What's your meltdown point, what does it look like, and has it become a moving target?
great post, I remember the day when I was walking pass the Iron Cross, at sunrise a great start to a beautiful day. About 3 hours later, I remember going through this very small town, seemed deserted. then going down this small rocky path, starting from large boulders to small stones. I knew the stones would be tearing up my feet,; I had just recovered from some large blisters from the week before. I was angry, exhausted and sad to say, cussing out load-thinking I deserve better; It seemed like it was never going to end. This day was my worst day, harder then the first day from SJPP. In my mind, I knew there was going to be an end, I really had no justification for feeling that way, and was acting like a spoiled brat, knowing others had it worse then that. Also, somewhat ashamed for my thoughts and cussing out load.In another thread Dave posted this:
Which got me thinking of the times when I've 'hit the wall.' and how different it feels to walk day after say as opposed to undertaling a shorter, limited duration event like (say) a marathon or triathlon. It's easier to persevere in the latter two, because when it's over, it's over. But the camino has a relentessness that can really wear on you.
On day 2 of one of my early journeys on the Frances I was in a lot of pain from some mysterious foot complaint. So somewhere between Zubiri and Pamplona I just sat down on the verge of the road, and angrily threw my boots off onto the dirt like a 2 year-old having a tantrum. The hissy-fit only lasted a few minutes, then I just felt ridiculous. So I changed my shoes, got up, and just kept walking - and all was well in the end. I learned that day that meltdowns are definitely temporary...
Which didn't stop me several days later from pouring myself into a bar in Atapuerca and just collapsing into self-pity. That day, the weather felt like a combination of a firehose and a wind turbine an I'd had it!
But these moments seem to happen less and less the more the camino 'breaks me in.' Each walk has been different, but meltdowns don't happen so much anymore, if at all. Which is only a blessing that I don't assume to be permanent...
I wonder if I'm the only one. What's your meltdown point, what does it look like, and has it become a moving target?
This thread has some really great posts for thought. Let me re-post how I defined 'Meltdown' within the thread I started about the Camino Ingles.
"The Meltdown symptoms can range from a mild exasperation with a prolonged sit-down to gather thoughts, to a full-blown crumbling into a gooey mass of sobbing and surrender, leading to bailing out and heading for home. Sometimes the Meltdown is primarily psychological in origin, and sometimes it is primarily physical. There is usually a mixture of both components."
'Meltdown', as I used the term has a wide variation of causes and symptoms, but I did not use the term to mean a singular, one-size-fits-all bad thing. Perhaps a better word could have been chosen.
Yeah. I bet.Vexed, in fact.
Funny, isn't it, how the mind is so easily distractable?Yeah, that lasted long (like I said, less than a minute), then it was "Oooh, look, shiny thing!"
I love this!This last one happened to us both, in Santillana del Mar, sitting on a stone bench eating ice cream, and we both started laughing and crying at the same time and saying "what the hell" over and over; it struck home that we were in the middle of Spain, had gotten there on foot, and had to get out on foot.
This too. Oh, my...I can imagine.Not our finest moment as a family but we can laugh about it now.
Just...wow. What a vulnerable place to have to learn to rest in!Complete heartache with not knowing my future... a real lesson in letting go.
A spiritual journey isn't just sweetness and light but also heartbreak and horror. And though that bullrun would have been horrible to witness...it's what inspired deepening kindness and compasson.I had a hard time reconciling myself with the fact that I should be experiencing the torture of an animal while on a spiritual journey.
dam... as my daughter used to say....just shoot me know...you really had a tough time...My hats off to you!3 times on the Camino Frances:
1. After my first round of bed bug bites, and then an infected blister with many other blisters... the final straw was seeing blood in my urine and wondering "what the hell is next????"
2. After my second round of bed bug bites, ending up in the hospital from a kidney stone in Leon and not knowing if I was going to be flown to Switzerland (where my family was) or back to Canada (where my insurance was) or being treated in Spain and was I even going to finish the camino?? Complete heartache with not knowing my future... a real lesson in letting go.
3. Finishing said camino only to be greeted that night after a beautiful hot shower with over 100 bed bugs bites (my 3rd and final round)... at least I had finished but it felt like a final fuck you at the time.
4. Arriving back to Switzerland and realizing that I didn't pass the kidney stone as the hospital in Leon thought, then not being covered by insurance (because the hospital discharged me) and possibly having to go back to Canada for surgery, followed by 3 more weeks of pain and ending up in the hospital AGAIN. Sigh... (stone passed on it's own 5 weeks after initial diagnosis in Leon thank goodness!)
I learned that things will always get better, and bad and better, and bad and better REPEAT!
Yeah. I bet.
Wow, the wonderful replies keep coming - this is a goldmine of inspiration!
Funny, isn't it, how the mind is so easily distractable?
If we're present, that can be so useful when it begins to get gnarly...
I love this!
This too. Oh, my...I can imagine.
Just...wow. What a vulnerable place to have to learn to rest in!
A spiritual journey isn't just sweetness and light but also heartbreak and horror. And though that bullrun would have been horrible to witness...it's what inspired deepening kindness and compasson.
Challenge may cause meltdowns (however you define them), but it is such a gift. Here's someone who can articulate that much better than I:
KINDNESS
Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.
Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.
Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.
Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to gaze at bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend.
--Naomi Shihab Nye
Certainly, but "meltdown" is a word that implies serious drama, beyond "Have you ever had a bad day/hour/minute?"For those that want to contest the term itself, I actually think "Have you ever experienced a meltdown"? is more manageable...[than..]
This is a much better term, thank you @C clearly . It captures more clearly what we're talking about.Thus, the friendly challenge to the word choice. In any case, the discussion of "breaking points" is a good one.
In another thread Dave posted this:
Which got me thinking of the times when I've 'hit the wall.' and how different it feels to walk day after say as opposed to undertaling a shorter, limited duration event like (say) a marathon or triathlon. It's easier to persevere in the latter two, because when it's over, it's over. But the camino has a relentessness that can really wear on you.
On day 2 of one of my early journeys on the Frances I was in a lot of pain from some mysterious foot complaint. So somewhere between Zubiri and Pamplona I just sat down on the verge of the road, and angrily threw my boots off onto the dirt like a 2 year-old having a tantrum. The hissy-fit only lasted a few minutes, then I just felt ridiculous. So I changed my shoes, got up, and just kept walking - and all was well in the end. I learned that day that meltdowns are definitely temporary...
Which didn't stop me several days later from pouring myself into a bar in Atapuerca and just collapsing into self-pity. That day, the weather felt like a combination of a firehose and a wind turbine an I'd had it!
But these moments seem to happen less and less the more the camino 'breaks me in.' Each walk has been different, but meltdowns don't happen so much anymore, if at all. Which is only a blessing that I don't assume to be permanent...
I wonder if I'm the only one. What's your meltdown point, what does it look like, and has it become
Prayer might have helped
Prayer might have helped
Like...we weren't? Thete's no way of knowing that.Prayer might have helped
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