Family Guy, or not

[JustJack]

One aspect of the camino that I found interesting during the 3 years I spent planning and researching, was this notion of "camino families". The idea seemed nice, and also seemed to be quite important to many pilgrims. But I did worry a little bit leading up to my departure. Will I meet others and form a "family"? What if I don't?

After walking the CF this spring, my thinking around camino families has evolved a bit, no doubt based almost solely on my own personal experience.

I didn't stop in Orrison, or attend any communal dinners for the first few days, so that may have been a factor in my not hooking up with a group of people at the beginning. But I suppose that beyond that it's also a simple fact that I'm not always the most social or outgoing of people, and tend to be a bit introverted. So I never formed a "family", however I did of course tend to bump into some of the same people over and over, and therefore developed a bit of a friendship with them individually.

Some of the so-called families that I met along the way also put me off on the notion of belonging to such a group. One in particular that I kept running into for the first couple weeks were a bit cringey... And by that I mean they were just a little bit over-the-top at the albergues with regards to the fact that they were walking together (like they were in some sort of bubble where the rest of the people didn't exist). Shades of high school cliques all over again...

And there were a couple times that I met someone while making up my bed at the albergue, and invited them to have dinner together, only to be advised that they'd love to, but they have to wait for the rest of their "family" to arrive so that they can decide together where they are going to eat. Again, shades of high school cliques.

I did meet some pilgrims who were walking with much less rigid family rules, in which they had a loose group of people that they kept in touch with along the way, usually by Whatsapp, but they didn't necessarily stay at the same albergues or eat their meals together. That to me seemed like a much better situation.

Please note I'm not knocking the notion of camino families, and I get that for many it's perhaps the best part of their camino. But I suspect there are others that haven't yet walked who are concerned - like I was - about this aspect of the camino. To those I would say don't sweat it, and don't feel like there's a requirement to form a group. Plenty of pilgrims (most?) don't walk with a camino family, so it certainly isn't required.

 

[Bradypus]

The "Camino family" has never been a feature of my own walks. First-timers can sometimes have an exaggerated idea of its importance and stress about not being included. I read a startling post online a few years ago when someone asked if you were allowed to choose your Camino family or were you simply assigned to one in SJPDP....

 

[JustJack]

The "Camino family" has never been a feature of my own walks. First-timers can sometimes have an exaggerated idea of its importance and stress about not being included. I read a startling post online a few years ago when someone asked if you were allowed to choose your Camino family or were you simply assigned to one in SJPDP....

Indeed, it's this exaggerated idea of the importance for first-timers that I'm hoping to address. I remember stressing about this, wondering if/how/when I would find my family... So silly in retrospect.

 

[SabsP]

I applaud this post @JustJack ! You described it perfectly. Nothing to add.

I remember a particular day where I was invited by an older Australian couple to have dinner with them , only to be completely " ghosted " by one of their younger " Caminofamily " members. It was indeed high school all over.

 

[lovelyshell]

On my first Camino on the CF I saw families but I didn’t have the interest because I don’t like having to make a group consensus on when to stop/where to stay/where to eat. I did walk my first two weeks with the same person so I guess we were a family but it was a very natural and easy partnership. Unfortunately he was only going to Burgos because he was doing the Camino in stages. But we formed a great friendship. He went home to his wife who in turn invited me to come to England after my Camino. I have since visited again. Maybe you can find that same connection with a group but I preferred the 1:1 connection.

 

[mspath]

Remember
“The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.”
– Henry David Thoreau,
Walden, 1854

and/et

" Jamais je n’ai tant pensé, tant existé, tant vécu, tant été moi-même, si j’ose ainsi dire, que dans les voyages que j’ai faits seul ou à pied. "
Jean Jacques Rousseau
Les Confessions, 1782, livre IV

 

[J Willhaus]

My niece walked with a Camino Family a few years ago and has many friends from around the world that she continues to travel with even today. I have met lots of really nice people on the Camino and my husband Phil has lots of friends from the Camino that he corresponds with regularly. I like to make my own decisions about where to eat or stay when walking although I have sometimes had others ask if they could tag along. Neither of us has ever walked with or wanted to join a Camino Family other than each other and we are actual family. It works for some people and not for others, it seems.

 

[Kiwi-family]

Well articulated @JustJack. When I am walking next year, it will partly be in celebration of nearly thirty years of raising a family - my youngest will turn 18 while I am gone. I am leaving my family behind - husband, eight kids, father-in-law, parents - if I were on the Frances, I would actively resist joining a family. As it is, I'm planning the Mozarabe to Merida, Via de la Plata to Astorga, only a couple of days on the Frances to get me to the Invierno and then on out to Muxia. My troubling thought is that there will be just one other pilgrim walking the same stages I do when I am looking for a solitary walk. I really don't want to feel compelled to be sociable in the evenings when I'd rather be writing! It feels selfish to state it so blatantly like that, yet if I frame it that I'm working on a project and I need this space to be able to work, somehow it feels not quite so bad. And at the same time I am conflicted with the thought of wanting it to be solo - I want to be open to whatever comes my way. Complicated beings!

 

[trecile]

On my first Camino I was part of a loosely knit Camino "family." I don't think that anyone in the group felt obligated to stick together or eat every meal together. But we did watch out for each other. However, loosely knit groups tend to unravel due to different wants and needs, and after Logroño I was walking on my own. I missed the "family" occasionally, but met many other interesting pilgrims to walk and socialize with. Eventually I found myself in a couple of other loosely knit groups that I was able to move in and out of. I like the freedom of being on my own, but it's nice to know that I have friends on the trail.

 

[Peterexpatkiwi]

Justjack, your entire post is really well written.Thank you.

did meet some pilgrims who were walking with much less rigid family rules, in which they had a loose group of people that they kept in touch with along the way, usually by Whatsapp, but they didn't necessarily stay at the same albergues or eat their meals together. That to me seemed like a much better situation.

On both my Caminos this year I ended up part of such groups, the first it was I that bought the various people together, the second, an Italian woman that was the 'glue'. I don't think we saw ourselves as a family (although others might have), it was just that we all liked each other, occasionally walked together (in various combinations) and often ended up stopping in the same cafe's. Often some - but not all - of us would meet for dinner. And yes, we definitely looked out for each other. But then, complete stranger's also look out for other pilgrims on the trail, too.
We certainly weren't exclusive - I would have left if that had happened. We frequently invited others to join us, especially single's. On the Inglès, two became 4 became 6 - and on the last night, (when we DID all get together)there were 10 of us at dinner!
That, to me , was the embodiment of the 'spirit of the Camino '.

 

[Jarrad]

I blame the English language. We lack a word that captures the whole range of relationships and and quality of bonds (acquaintances to life-long friends to something even more). Family is loaded with freight, inadequate, and better than any other word I can think of. Camino relations? Camino kinfolk? Clan of loose associations? Bah, I got nothin'.

 

[CWBuff]

I guess my "true" Camino Family did not materialized as such until very end. IIRC all of them started in Sarria and somewhere along the line we hooked up, starting at Ferreiros. We never planned anything together "as a family" but somehow weirdly enough we were hitting same stages. Sometimes (actually more often then not) we wound up in the same albergues, some others - different albergues but still in the same town\village. This carried on into Santiago and couple of days we all spent there "recuperating" I guess. Again, everyone was doing their own thing during the day but we all got together at night for dinners... and we do still keep in touch

 

[Saint Mike II]

I suppose the concept of a "camino family" goes back more than 500 years when walking many sections of the Camino was fraught with danger so travelling in groups had a safety aspect and distances walked each day very similar.
The modern concept, again my opinion, stems from those walking "on their own" seeking some travelling company. Whether these are largish groups - say more than 5 or 6, or just two or three pilgrims who walk at similar pace and have similar interests. On my two caminos - 2015 and 2017 - I formed informal associations with two very much younger women. By mutual comment I became their "camino grandfather". Now more than 6 years later I am still in loose contact with both. So whether you call it a family or just a group of "fellow travellers" is, again my opinion, very much up to the relevant pilgrims. Buen Camino.

 

[WalkinRon]

Early on as I walked the Camino Frances, I was amazed at how friendly my fellow pilgrims were. At every bar and cafe that I stopped at, people would greet me and invite me to sit at their table! I had no idea who they were... Later it dawned on me that, of course, they had all passed me earlier that day and we had exchanged "Buen Camino's"... They were probably thinking: "Wow! That really slow old guy made it!"

They were genuinely happy to see me.

 

[dougfitz]

One aspect of the camino that I found interesting during the 3 years I spent planning and researching, was this notion of "camino families". The idea seemed nice, and also seemed to be quite important to many pilgrims. But I did worry a little bit leading up to my departure. Will I meet others and form a "family"? What if I don't?

I never felt any pressure to be part of a camino family before any of my pilgrimage walks, but I think it is one of those things that I regularly see mentioned on this forum. And I think you are right that these discussions might create an expectation that this needs to be part of one's camino experience. Clearly many don't. I have walked with others with mixed results, and have shared some of the ups and downs of that over the years. Suffice to say that I enjoy the company of fellow pilgrims when we are together in albergues, cafes and the like, and find it a great treat to meet up with them again in the Praza do Obradorio if we are there together.

I do hope that this thread achieves what seems a quite worthwhile purpose alerting aspiring pilgrims and others that there are other patterns of walking, and that they won't be unusual should they follow one that doesn't involve walking with a 'camino family'.

 

[OZAJ]

The closest to a Camino family that I have experienced was on the VF. For about the last two weeks I spent time with a French lady, a Spanish family of 3 and an Italian couple. We didn't walk together during the day, but did share the same accommodation and sometimes ate together. It was neither planned nor expected. These were the only people walking the same section of the VF at the same time.

On other routes I have walked with others for a day or two, but I wouldn't class this as a family. Of the very many people I have met on various routes, I have only kept in touch with one, a Dutchman I met on the Voie de Vezelay. We have walked together for a week or two on several occasions.

For me, Camino families are of no importance to the Camino experience, but they can be fun I guess.

 

[RibbonRomanceAuthor]

Last year I ended up walking on three different Camino routes to escape the heat and fires first and then to finish in a reasonable time. Had I formed a family on the CF, I would have left them on the CN and would have left again for the CI. That said, I have friends with whom I'm in touch from both the CF and the CN. It just happened that way and that's good enough for me. There's no wrong way to do this.

 

[bullingtonce]

One aspect of the camino that I found interesting during the 3 years I spent planning and researching, was this notion of "camino families". The idea seemed nice, and also seemed to be quite important to many pilgrims. But I did worry a little bit leading up to my departure. Will I meet others and form a "family"? What if I don't?

After walking the CF this spring, my thinking around camino families has evolved a bit, no doubt based almost solely on my own personal experience.

I didn't stop in Orrison, or attend any communal dinners for the first few days, so that may have been a factor in my not hooking up with a group of people at the beginning. But I suppose that beyond that it's also a simple fact that I'm not always the most social or outgoing of people, and tend to be a bit introverted. So I never formed a "family", however I did of course tend to bump into some of the same people over and over, and therefore developed a bit of a friendship with them individually.

Some of the so-called families that I met along the way also put me off on the notion of belonging to such a group. One in particular that I kept running into for the first couple weeks were a bit cringey... And by that I mean they were just a little bit over-the-top at the albergues with regards to the fact that they were walking together (like they were in some sort of bubble where the rest of the people didn't exist). Shades of high school cliques all over again...

And there were a couple times that I met someone while making up my bed at the albergue, and invited them to have dinner together, only to be advised that they'd love to, but they have to wait for the rest of their "family" to arrive so that they can decide together where they are going to eat. Again, shades of high school cliques.

I did meet some pilgrims who were walking with much less rigid family rules, in which they had a loose group of people that they kept in touch with along the way, usually by Whatsapp, but they didn't necessarily stay at the same albergues or eat their meals together. That to me seemed like a much better situation.

Please note I'm not knocking the notion of camino families, and I get that for many it's perhaps the best part of their camino. But I suspect there are others that haven't yet walked who are concerned - like I was - about this aspect of the camino. To those I would say don't sweat it, and don't feel like there's a requirement to form a group. Plenty of pilgrims (most?) don't walk with a camino family, so it certainly isn't required.

You define yourself as to who you truly are; do not let others or the outside world attempt to define you. Stay true to yourself and do not concern yourself with 'conforming.'

 

[El Cascayal]

It was indeed high school all over.

No, thanks!

 

[John Crawford Howell]

I echo Doug Fitz's sentiments about the joy of meeting fellow pilgrims in albergues and elsewhere. However, for the walking part of the experience, I prefer to be by myself. At my pace. My time of day. Stopping to watch clouds go by. Waiting for the cuckoos cry. Looking for trout in a stream below. For the most part I succeeded. It's not possible to know when I may pass this way again, so I savor every moment on the trail on my terms and socialize at the end of the day on everyone else's terms.

 

[Keith H]

The "Camino family" has never been a feature of my own walks. First-timers can sometimes have an exaggerated idea of its importance and stress about not being included. I read a startling post online a few years ago when someone asked if you were allowed to choose your Camino family or were you simply assigned to one in SJPDP....

Sounds more like basic training

 

[HappyValerie]

I mostly walked the CF & Fisterra on my own, which was totally fine. I did however have a few experiences of being part of a few Camino families, even if only for a dinner. I felt a "family" connection on several occasions, even with only 2 or 3 other pilgrims for a meal or a day or two, or, more often, re-meeting a familiar face at a rest stop ( like meeting a long lost cousin). Having walked CF twice, I never was part of a "long term" family, but I don't feel I missed out. The value of my Camino did not hinge on it at all.

 

[VNwalking]

Couldn't say it better, @JustJack .
Gracias.

 

[LTfit]

I cringe at the thought of being attached at the hip to a large group while walking but that's not to say that I only walk alone. On occasion I've serendipitously met up with one or two others while walking and it clicked. We liked to walk the same distances, tempo was similar and we preferred to stay in albergues. And yes, in the end we did walk for a couple of weeks together. The difference I guess is that none of us were under any obligation to continue together. It just happened.

Camino time for me is feeling free to walk as I see fit, without attachment. In the end it is usually alone but I'm certainly up for a drink or meal at the end of the day when the occasion arises.

 

[Rita Flower]

Well articulated @JustJack. When I am walking next year, it will partly be in celebration of nearly thirty years of raising a family - my youngest will turn 18 while I am gone. I am leaving my family behind - husband, eight kids, father-in-law, parents - if I were on the Frances, I would actively resist joining a family. As it is, I'm planning the Mozarabe to Merida, Via de la Plata to Astorga, only a couple of days on the Frances to get me to the Invierno and then on out to Muxia. My troubling thought is that there will be just one other pilgrim walking the same stages I do when I am looking for a solitary walk. I really don't want to feel compelled to be sociable in the evenings when I'd rather be writing! It feels selfish to state it so blatantly like that, yet if I frame it that I'm working on a project and I need this space to be able to work, somehow it feels not quite so bad. And at the same time I am conflicted with the thought of wanting it to be solo - I want to be open to whatever comes my way. Complicated beings!

I found the people on the Via were more like me - looking for a more solitary Camino. So it was very easy stay solo.

 

[Rita Flower]

I blame the English language. We lack a word that captures the whole range of relationships and and quality of bonds (acquaintances to life-long friends to something even more). Family is loaded with freight, inadequate, and better than any other word I can think of. Camino relations? Camino kinfolk? Clan of loose associations? Bah, I got nothin'.

Last year on the Via I walked for a few days with a group of Spaniards - they called themselves ‘ ‘companiaros’ which somehow sounded and felt more meaningful than the English translation- companions.

 

[longwayhome]

I blame the English language. We lack a word that captures the whole range of relationships and and quality of bonds (acquaintances to life-long friends to something even more). Family is loaded with freight, inadequate, and better than any other word I can think of. Camino relations? Camino kinfolk? Clan of loose associations? Bah, I got nothin'.

I call them Companions of the Way.