sebastienbrideau
New Member
- Time of past OR future Camino
- Frances (2021)
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I don't know what I want from the Camino.
What a beautiful touching story - thank you for sharing@trecile has excellent advice, take it!
I was sitting by myself in the bus belonging to a tramping (hiking) club that I was a member of when two sisters sitting in the seat ahead of me started talking about a walk that they were planning in Spain. The walk had a funny name that I had never heard of before.
As I listened to their plans something reached out to me and in that moment I knew that I needed to find out more about this walk and that there was something there for me.
Three months later I was in St. Jean Pied de Port with an overweight backpack, one night's accommodation booked, a credit card in my wallet and no real idea of how to get to Santiago de Compostela from where I was other than I needed to cross the ranges in front of me and then turn West.
By the time that I got to Pamplona I knew that I needed to jettison half the items in my backpack and post them on to Santiago de Compostela.
I was in a transition point in my life.
My best friend, fishing mate, fellow adventurer, sounding board and brother from another mother of fifty two years had died suddenly and unexpectedly. My start-up business had crashed and burned, my second and third options for what I would do for a job if my business failed disappeared and for the very first time in my adult life no one seemed to want my technical expertise. I was almost broke and at one of the lowest points of my life.
I knew that something needed to change but I wasn't sure what or how.
I guess that if you would have asked me why I was walking the Camino, and in the beginning a lot of people did ask me, then I would have said that I was doing one last great adventure with my friend as my way of saying good bye to him. That he was walking beside me in spirit and that I planned to let him go at Cruz de Ferro.
I had used almost all of my meager savings to get to Europe and I thought that this would be my last visit. I booked my return ticket for three days short of three months and had some vague ideas about having a last catch up with friends in France, UK and Sweden before I returned home to Aotearoa New Zealand.
Well things didn't go the way that I hoped.
I had really built my expectations of how I was going to say goodbye to my friend at Cruz de Ferro but unknown to me at the time, I had caught Legionella in an albergue in Sahagun and I was seriously ill by the time I ascended to the Cruz.
I thought that I was just suffering from a heavy dose of influenza or a bad cold. I really struggled up what is a relatively gentle slope and when I got to the cross I was exhausted, tired from lack of sleep and a local tourist who was "performing" for his friends and taking selfies while hanging off the cross completely spoilt the moment for me and so I walked on in deep despair, shutting myself off from the world around me.
For the first time on the Camino the descent troubled me, probably due to my exhaustion and inattention, and I was slipping and sliding on the loose stones. I decided to leave the Camino trail and walk down via the road.
A couple of kilometres down, at this inauspicious point I stopped to rest on the side of the road.
View attachment 163069
I was so exhausted, tired and in such despair that I gave up and decided to end my Camino by waiting on the side of the road for a car to come past which I intended to flag down, hitch a ride to the nearest town with a bus or a train, get back to Madrid and fly home.
It is a lonely road with little traffic and so while I sat on the side of the road waiting for a vehicle I fell asleep.
While I slept, I dreamt.
In my dream my friend came to me and in his own imitable style told me to get over my self pity, get up and get going and so when I awoke that is what I did.
I kept walking until just after O Cebrerio, where the Legionella finally got the better of me and I collapsed in a tiny bar where I had stopped to rest.
The caring locals in the bar called an ambulance for me which carted me off to Lugo hospital, initially following the Camino route. As I rode the ambulance I looked out the rear window, noticing the other pilgrims as we sped past with sirens blaring and I again thought to myself that this surely was the end to my Camino.
At the hospital they diagnosed the Legionella and severe dehydration. It took an experienced nurse nine goes to get a drip into one of my veins and they said that if I had of managed another day walking then my kidneys would have packed up and stopped working because of the dehydration.
They have excellent medical care in Spain and so five days later, at my insistence, they discharged me into the care of a good friend who drove up from Portugal to pick me up and take me back to his home to fully recover.
After recovering in Portugal for a week my friend drove me back to O Cebrerio and I continued my Camino, finishing in Santiago de Compostela on the 20th of July.
Did I get what I expected from my Camino?
Good question, I certainly had a grand adventure but I didn't say goodbye to my friend, I finally did that when I returned last year to walk the Camino Madrid, when I stopped for a picnic lunch at the spot where I fell asleep. I had lunch there, took some photos, meditated for a while and then said goodbye to my friend.
As it transpired, that 2019 trip wasn't my last because I returned last year and hopefully will continue returning in the future until I am physically incapable of walking a Camino.
I did get something from that first Camino though. I learnt that I am a stubborn old b**stard and that even when all seems hopeless a little bit of time and effort on my part will see me through.
As @trecile says, best to go without expectations and get what you get.
I knew that something needed to change but I wasn't sure what or how.
Your story went straight to my heart. Thank you for sharing your story@trecile has excellent advice, take it!
I was sitting by myself in the bus belonging to a tramping (hiking) club that I was a member of when two sisters sitting in the seat ahead of me started talking about a walk that they were planning in Spain. The walk had a funny name that I had never heard of before.
As I listened to their plans something reached out to me and in that moment I knew that I needed to find out more about this walk and that there was something there for me.
Three months later I was in St. Jean Pied de Port with an overweight backpack, one night's accommodation booked, a credit card in my wallet and no real idea of how to get to Santiago de Compostela from where I was other than I needed to cross the ranges in front of me and then turn West.
By the time that I got to Pamplona I knew that I needed to jettison half the items in my backpack and post them on to Santiago de Compostela.
I was in a transition point in my life.
My best friend, fishing mate, fellow adventurer, sounding board and brother from another mother of fifty two years had died suddenly and unexpectedly. My start-up business had crashed and burned, my second and third options for what I would do for a job if my business failed disappeared and for the very first time in my adult life no one seemed to want my technical expertise. I was almost broke and at one of the lowest points of my life.
I knew that something needed to change but I wasn't sure what or how.
I guess that if you would have asked me why I was walking the Camino, and in the beginning a lot of people did ask me, then I would have said that I was doing one last great adventure with my friend as my way of saying good bye to him. That he was walking beside me in spirit and that I planned to let him go at Cruz de Ferro.
I had used almost all of my meager savings to get to Europe and I thought that this would be my last visit. I booked my return ticket for three days short of three months and had some vague ideas about having a last catch up with friends in France, UK and Sweden before I returned home to Aotearoa New Zealand.
Well things didn't go the way that I hoped.
I had really built my expectations of how I was going to say goodbye to my friend at Cruz de Ferro but unknown to me at the time, I had caught Legionella in an albergue in Sahagun and I was seriously ill by the time I ascended to the Cruz.
I thought that I was just suffering from a heavy dose of influenza or a bad cold. I really struggled up what is a relatively gentle slope and when I got to the cross I was exhausted, tired from lack of sleep and a local tourist who was "performing" for his friends and taking selfies while hanging off the cross completely spoilt the moment for me and so I walked on in deep despair, shutting myself off from the world around me.
For the first time on the Camino the descent troubled me, probably due to my exhaustion and inattention, and I was slipping and sliding on the loose stones. I decided to leave the Camino trail and walk down via the road.
A couple of kilometres down, at this inauspicious point I stopped to rest on the side of the road.
View attachment 163069
I was so exhausted, tired and in such despair that I gave up and decided to end my Camino by waiting on the side of the road for a car to come past which I intended to flag down, hitch a ride to the nearest town with a bus or a train, get back to Madrid and fly home.
It is a lonely road with little traffic and so while I sat on the side of the road waiting for a vehicle I fell asleep.
While I slept, I dreamt.
In my dream my friend came to me and in his own imitable style told me to get over my self pity, get up and get going and so when I awoke that is what I did.
I kept walking until just after O Cebrerio, where the Legionella finally got the better of me and I collapsed in a tiny bar where I had stopped to rest.
The caring locals in the bar called an ambulance for me which carted me off to Lugo hospital, initially following the Camino route. As I rode the ambulance I looked out the rear window, noticing the other pilgrims as we sped past with sirens blaring and I again thought to myself that this surely was the end to my Camino.
At the hospital they diagnosed the Legionella and severe dehydration. It took an experienced nurse nine goes to get a drip into one of my veins and they said that if I had of managed another day walking then my kidneys would have packed up and stopped working because of the dehydration.
They have excellent medical care in Spain and so five days later, at my insistence, they discharged me into the care of a good friend who drove up from Portugal to pick me up and take me back to his home to fully recover.
After recovering in Portugal for a week my friend drove me back to O Cebrerio and I continued my Camino, finishing in Santiago de Compostela on the 20th of July.
Did I get what I expected from my Camino?
Good question, I certainly had a grand adventure but I didn't say goodbye to my friend, I finally did that when I returned last year to walk the Camino Madrid, when I stopped for a picnic lunch at the spot where I fell asleep. I had lunch there, took some photos, meditated for a while and then said goodbye to my friend.
As it transpired, that 2019 trip wasn't my last because I returned last year and hopefully will continue returning in the future until I am physically incapable of walking a Camino.
I did get something from that first Camino though. I learnt that I am a stubborn old b**stard and that even when all seems hopeless a little bit of time and effort on my part will see me through.
As @trecile says, best to go without expectations and get what you get.
I walked my first Camino at a time when numbers were only 1 or 2% of today's totals. Sometimes going a day or two on the Camino Frances without seeing another pilgrim. When I got home a friend asked if I had found it lonely. The thought had never crossed my mind. That sense of continuity with earlier generations of pilgrims was intensely strong at times.It is a sometimes strange and wonderful experience. But, you are walking among the spirits of millions of pilgrims, religious and secular, who have been making this seminal journey for nearly 1,200 years (844 - 2024 AD). At times, in the silence of the Camino, you can sense or feel an otherworldly presence. I have, on several occasions over the years, had these deeply moving and personal experiences.
I feel the same especially the time out from home responsibilities part. Never felt so free, no worries, no problems etc as I did when I walked. It was a great recharge for my mental health.I don't think i learnt anything from three caminos. Just love the challenge, adventure, exercise, meeting pilgrims from all around the world plus time out from home responsibilities.
I went without expectations, other than having a big adventure and to challenge myself. The biggest advantage is that you have hours and hours to think while you walk. As you walk in a vast landscape you may feel how small you and your problems are in the grand scheme of the world. This doesn't diminish you or your problems, just gives you another perspective.Hi,
I'm wondering if doing the Camino changed you/your life in any concrete way. I'd like some examples. Did you have expectations of wanting to change something in your life before starting? Did you get surprised how it changed you, or maybe it didn't change you?
I want to do Frances form Saint Jean. I feel like my life is in a bit of a rut but I don't know what I want from the Camino. I guess I'm just curious what others find in it.
Also, how did you manage going back home once you were done? Was it very difficult going back to a job and the normal every day life?
Beautifully written, succinct, and exactly the way I feel.Walking the camino restored my faith in humanity. Walking the camino restored my faith in myself. And with that, restored my faith in "God".
Period and explanation point.
My friends and family now avoid me. They are so tired of hearing about my Camino. My wife has developed the ability to pretend she's listening.Hi,
I'm wondering if doing the Camino changed you/your life in any concrete way. I'd like some examples. Did you have expectations of wanting to change something in your life before starting? Did you get surprised how it changed you, or maybe it didn't change you?
I want to do Frances form Saint Jean. I feel like my life is in a bit of a rut but I don't know what I want from the Camino. I guess I'm just curious what others find in it.
Also, how did you manage going back home once you were done? Was it very difficult going back to a job and the normal every day life?
Michelle, I love this simple sentence as it says so much.I see it as one who has asked to find out the end of the story before opening the book.
After SJPP to Sarria I did get annoyed at first by the increase in crowds. But I came to the conclusion that many have that we all walk our own walk and that I shouldn't be upset with those whose life situation is different from my own. Some can only get time off work to walk the Sarria part. I am fortunate in that I'm retired and do as I like. I want to walk the Frances again but my brother would prefer coastal scenery. I can always go back another time for Frances! And I most certainly shall!I walked my first Camino in 2012 and with limited time, only walked SJPDP to SDC, taking a train in the middle. I remember sitting on the plane and telling my husband that I was glad I had done it because I never had to do it again…I hated the crowded Sarria to SDC part! But the Camino provided a tremendous gift that first walk. I had several home break ins and was assaulted when I was younger. I never felt safe any place I lived and always thought of strangers as someone with the potential to harm. The Camino showed me the kindness of others and I pretty much lost the fear of strangers that first trip. Many hiking trips later, I feel there is far more good than bad in this crazy world. But then, last fall on the Norte, my long abusive marriage crossed a line and I called a divorce lawyer from Santander. It’s been “challenging” for the past few months but I’m starting to breathe again and it’s time for a pilgrimage. I’m going back to the Frances solo this spring, with zero expectations…but it would be wonderful to have fun and laugh again! If it’s miserable and I hate the Frances, I’ll jump off to another trail. If it’s wonderful and amazing, I’ll be grateful. Either way, it’s a good start to a new beginning.
You’ll love the Norte, it’s gorgeous! I’d love to go back and finish the route at some point but need a break from the memories first. Maybe next year.After SJPP to Sarria I did get annoyed at first by the increase in crowds. But I came to the conclusion that many have that we all walk our own walk and that I shouldn't be upset with those whose life situation is different from my own. Some can only get time off work to walk the Sarria part. I am fortunate in that I'm retired and do as I like. I want to walk the Frances again but my brother would prefer coastal scenery. I can always go back another time for Frances! And I most certainly shall!
I believe the "bad" memories make us appreciate how we've improved our life situation. I also have some bad ones from other trips when I was with my alcoholic spouse. Travelling solo is (for me at least) very liberating. I love being able to not plan everything and consult with someone who doesn't have the same interests as I do.You’ll love the Norte, it’s gorgeous! I’d love to go back and finish the route at some point but need a break from the memories first. Maybe next year.
I don't know that it changed me hugely. Others may say differently. People have said that I came back from my 2016 Camino more relaxed and less stressed. I don't know that I was too surprised.Hi,
I'm wondering if doing the Camino changed you/your life in any concrete way. I'd like some examples. Did you have expectations of wanting to change something in your life before starting? Did you get surprised how it changed you, or maybe it didn't change you?
I want to do Frances form Saint Jean. I feel like my life is in a bit of a rut but I don't know what I want from the Camino. I guess I'm just curious what others find in it.
Also, how did you manage going back home once you were done? Was it very difficult going back to a job and the normal every day life?
Solvitur ambulando.I am afraid that my thoughts have come too late.
The Camino is a very personal journey. It is different for everyone, the way it should be. But asking to get the answers before walking will now colour your personal experience. Either way, your own experience will now be compared to all who have given their personal experience to you.
I see it as one who has asked to find out the end of the story before opening the book. But no, I do not see it as cheating. No. Apprehension before taking on such an unfamiliar challenge is certainly to be expected. In this case, I recommend that the Walker, and also the Poster, consider where faith in themselves stands?
As one who has failed to complete the Camino Frances, twice, so far, I can, from my experience, suggest that you be gentle with yourself. Do what you can, finish if that is possible for you and allow the experience to teach you, find what it has done to your faith, or confidence.
Finally, as I see it, the Camino is not there to give answers to life, problems, experience, personal challenges. It is there to allow you to give those issues the time they need to be resolved, if possible. I say this as the Camino offers no guarantees, but it does provide guidance, in a very, very gentle way.
Buen Camino.
It sounds like if you do decide to do another Camino, then you are ready for it, and if you do I hope that this time you find the beautyI struggled on my Camino in many ways. I went with expectations and got the opposite. When I got home, it took me months to process..."why did I have such a strong calling to do the Camino yet all the Camino gave me was struggle?" This has led me to an inner journey of healing my past. I realized where all my struggle was coming from. Now I am torn about doing the Camino again. I feel a strong pull that the Camino is not finished with me, yet afraid of doing it again. I think I just need more time, but I do still think of the Camino every day, if not every moment.
Thank you - that's very kind and means alot to me.It sounds like if you do decide to do another Camino, then you are ready for it, and if you do I hope that this time you find the beauty
I fully agree with the views expressed by others - leave your expectaions at home and be receptive to whatever comes your way....Hi,
I'm wondering if doing the Camino changed you/your life in any concrete way. I'd like some examples. Did you have expectations of wanting to change something in your life before starting? Did you get surprised how it changed you, or maybe it didn't change you?
I want to do Frances form Saint Jean. I feel like my life is in a bit of a rut but I don't know what I want from the Camino. I guess I'm just curious what others find in it.
Also, how did you manage going back home once you were done? Was it very difficult going back to a job and the normal every day life?
I am a loner and tend to back away from social events.Hi,
I'm wondering if doing the Camino changed you/your life in any concrete way. I'd like some examples. Did you have expectations of wanting to change something in your life before starting? Did you get surprised how it changed you, or maybe it didn't change you?
I want to do Frances form Saint Jean. I feel like my life is in a bit of a rut but I don't know what I want from the Camino. I guess I'm just curious what others find in it.
Also, how did you manage going back home once you were done? Was it very difficult going back to a job and the normal every day life?
"make peace with your past..." I think you just gave me a walking mantra. Thanks for posting!I fully agree with the views expressed by others - leave your expectaions at home and be receptive to whatever comes your way....
I undertook my first camino in 2017 - never having ventured far from Australia's shores, this was a bit leap into the inknown and my approach was to "abandon myself to the Camino". This has nothing to do with the mantra "the camino will provide" but rather a willingness to go with the flow and treat each day as a new experience.
Part way through, I began musing on a life changing event of some 45 years ago that had remained with me ever since, and within a day or two, I had mapped out a way forward on this matter. Ultimately, once home and certain actions completed, I began to see this event more as a spectator than as a participant - the monkey was (largely) off my back.
Strangely, I then chanced on a comment on this forum to "take the time on the Camino to make peace with your past...". Sound advice!
Stop wondering. Just do.Hi,
I'm wondering if doing the Camino changed you/your life in any concrete way. I'd like some examples. Did you have expectations of wanting to change something in your life before starting? Did you get surprised how it changed you, or maybe it didn't change you?
I want to do Frances form Saint Jean. I feel like my life is in a bit of a rut but I don't know what I want from the Camino. I guess I'm just curious what others find in it.
Also, how did you manage going back home once you were done? Was it very difficult going back to a job and the normal every day life?
I agree. I sometimes learn much later that I have missed a short side trip to see a castle, or even a special museum I may have found interesting by not doing enough research ahead of time..."too little, too late".I don't necessarily agree that you should go without looking at anything in advance. I love a good guidebook and sometimes you will walk by something very cool and not even know it is there if you don't read or look at bit ahead.
Not for me. I spoke with a family member who had walked a few years before, read Laurie Dennett's "A Hug for the Apostle", bought the CSJ guide and borrowed Elias Valiña's guidebook and then booked my trains to SJPDP. No films, no blogs, no social media, no YouTube videos. I'm very glad that I had not walked the route vicariously through anyone else's camera lens first. A lot of the particular joy of that first walk was in discovering things that were completely new to me.For sure, I'd been mopping up every Camino related film/book/Youtubes for several years before I went. It's all part of the dreaming, the planning, the romance and pull of the Camino right?
But, I don't think it's as simple as discovering something new in that sense. You can walk down the same street a hundred times and discover or notice something new each time. It's your approach to it that counts, not your expectations.Not for me. I spoke with a family member who had walked a few years before, read Laurie Dennett's "A Hug for the Apostle", bought the CSJ guide and borrowed Elias Valiña's guidebook and then booked my trains to SJPDP. No films, no blogs, no social media, no YouTube videos. I'm very glad that I had not walked the route vicariously through anyone else's camera lens first. A lot of the particular joy of that first walk was in discovering things that were completely new to me.
I disagree - I think that a one-to-one verbal conversation is very different from watching someone else's edited and formatted presentation of their Camino experience on video.Speaking to a family member who had walked the Camino is in effect no different to reading a book/blog/YT.
I understand where you are coming from, and of course, they are made to be appealing and get likes etc. But even a person's personal opinion is just that, potentially edited in line with their version of the world, and maybe nothing like what you might experience.I disagree - I think that a one-to-one verbal conversation is very different from watching someone else's edited and formatted presentation of their Camino experience on video.
When I walked the Camino de Madrid, I did a lot of research first. I found it really useful, and it enabled some really nice detours from the route that I found worthwhile. It also helped make sure I passed by some places that I really wanted to see when they were open. I don't regret a moment of that research or anything I learned from it.Not for me. I spoke with a family member who had walked a few years before, read Laurie Dennett's "A Hug for the Apostle", bought the CSJ guide and borrowed Elias Valiña's guidebook and then booked my trains to SJPDP. No films, no blogs, no social media, no YouTube videos. I'm very glad that I had not walked the route vicariously through anyone else's camera lens first. A lot of the particular joy of that first walk was in discovering things that were completely new to me.
Before walking a new route I usually read up about it to get some understanding of distances, terrain, facilities and so on. I do like to have some idea of where I am and where I am going. Especially true when going well out of my previous experience in places like Sweden, Norway and in particular Japan. But I avoid watching videos of the route in prospect. I don't watch many videos of routes afterwards either unless they are particularly recommended by my pilgrim friends. I feel quite strongly that Caminos are for walking rather than watching. Videos are such a thin insubstantial substitute for immersion in a place and time. I may watch the occasional cookery programme on TV but I'd far rather be cooking and eating for real!But I didn't get too far into the videos before I stopped watching them. It was too much like walking the Camino before I walked the Camino. I'm enjoying watching them now, though.
in all things i keep my expectations low. i'm rarely disappointed.Hi,
I'm wondering if doing the Camino changed you/your life in any concrete way. I'd like some examples. Did you have expectations of wanting to change something in your life before starting? Did you get surprised how it changed you, or maybe it didn't change you?
I want to do Frances form Saint Jean. I feel like my life is in a bit of a rut but I don't know what I want from the Camino. I guess I'm just curious what others find in it.
Also, how did you manage going back home once you were done? Was it very difficult going back to a job and the normal every day life?
Shells - I greatly enjoyed your post!Hi there—my own experience is that you may not be able to help having expectations or hopes, but you may receive I fell asleep instantly at night and slept dreamlessly. It’s funny: I never thought about all the things that were plaguing me at all—even when I consciously tried. And when I reached the end of my Camino, I somehow knew exactly what to do next. I didn’t gain answers to my questions, but rather peace. And outrageous, unexpected, brilliant joy.
Dear Marska—thank you! When I read your words, it was like reading my own thoughts…what a strange feeling…Shells - I greatly enjoyed your post!
I fell asleep instantly at night and slept dreamlessly. As did I !!!!!
Neither did I think about troubles at home, at all. I hurt sometimes. I was tired,
I was hot, cold and wet and sometimes miserable, yet strangely content. I wondered if I could make it to the village, to someplace shady and cool, and the next day seeking a place that was warm and dry.
I cursed the holes in my shoes. I cursed the rain and I cursed the sun. I laughed and laughed and shared chocolate and wine everyday.
In olden-days cathedrals I felt awe and experienced the sublime, while deeply questioning the church. Why did they take gold and make art rather than using it to educate and feed people? Why is there such a need to control a populace? Yet, I felt blessed with the presence, And confused. I slept with people I didnt know. I almost asked for forgiveness.
Dear Sebastián,Hi,
I'm wondering if doing the Camino changed you/your life in any concrete way. I'd like some examples. Did you have expectations of wanting to change something in your life before starting? Did you get surprised how it changed you, or maybe it didn't change you?
I want to do Frances form Saint Jean. I feel like my life is in a bit of a rut but I don't know what I want from the Camino. I guess I'm just curious what others find in it.
Also, how did you manage going back home once you were done? Was it very difficult going back to a job and the normal every day life?
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