Trepidatious Wife

[jimabfalter]

My wife is concerned about doing this trip. Can anyone send us some advice to cheer her on?

 

[C clearly]

My wife is concerned about doing this trip. Can anyone send us some advice to cheer her on?

There's a blog by a forum member (@Magwood ), called Trepidatious Traveler that should be perfect for her!

Other than that, there must be a million posts here on the forum, most of which are enthusiastic about the Camino.

What in particular does she need cheering about, and when are you planning to travel?

 

[Icacos]

What is she concerned about? Bed bugs ... aching muscles, sleepless nights, snorers, no hot water, same old, same old bocadillos, blisters, no toilet when she needs one, being caught without tp, stuffy albergues, can't find a bed ??? What's the problem? It's all good.
Buen Camino.

 

[CaptBuddy]

Some people are ready, and some are not.
Best wishes to you both.

 

[scruffy1]

My wife was also very trepidatious before the Camino - and she didn't even walk! "You will get sick! Its too long a distance! You will lose or have stolen any and everything of value! The bears/wolves/wild boars will eat you!" . Five caminos later and she is no longer trepidatious. Just glad to see me go and out from underfoot! Ease her into this with short distances, start with alternative lodging -pensions and little hotels then ease her into albergue life-a private bathroom can compensate for a lot of grief experienced while walking or a sleepless night in an albergue, lots of rest stops with visits to see the beautiful art in churches all along the Camino, as a last resort try alcohol-the wine and the beer are great.

 

[Biff]

I plan on doing the Frances one day. I would like my wife to accompany me.

So, this year we did the last half of the Potuguese Way, from Tui to Santiago, staying in hotels. It was so we both could get a flavour of the Camino, and to show Mrs Biff that it could be fun, interesting and to prove that we could do it carrying all the gear we needed. However, as it was May, her hayfever hit her every couple of days. But, we had fun, it was interesting and our packs weren't any problem. And we met some very nice people along the way and on the Way.

Maybe next year, we'll do the Ingles Camino. Hotel to hotel again. In the Autumn!

Buen Camino,
Biff

 

[Kanga]

Is it walking the Camino that scares her, or the trip to Spain?

If it is the Camino, sometimes it's a great relief to people when they realise it is voluntary. She can pull out at any time. All she has to do is say "I've had enough" and she can be on a bus or train to a big city.

My bet is that as soon as she connects with other walkers, she will be fine. Friendships make a huge difference.

 

[wayfarer]

I think everyone feels trepidation on the run up to a Camino, thats perfectly normal but after the first few steps when you get into a rythm it all fades away. She will be fine and as Kanga says its voluntary, this makes it even easier to loose your fears.
Buen trepidatous free Camino to you both.

 

[David]

I have seen mainly happy couples but I have also seen many couples - walking and cycling - where the man has the better kit, where the man walks on ahead and the woman struggles to keep up, where the man is grumpy (why?) and the woman for some reason doesn't stuff a custard pie in his face. I have seen couples at cafe tables who don't speak to each other, don't share with each other ...

So if you want to encourage your wife I would say let her know that regardless of what happens she will be paramount in your thoughts. That you will walk at her pace, not yours, that you will be happy to stop when she wants to stop - that whatever happens she will be your number one priority.

There again - you want to go and she is hesitant ... so - is she only going because you want to go? If so there is a possible disaster ahead! If this is the case then go alone. Talk to her about this and be willing to be silent and listen to her - but do remember that hesitations and fear is a normal part of pre-Camino preparation

Buen Camino!

 

[Griffin57]

I have seen mainly happy couples but I have also seen many couples - walking and cycling - where the man has the better kit, where the man walks on ahead and the woman struggles to keep up, where the man is grumpy (why?) and the woman for some reason doesn't stuff a custard pie in his face. I have seen couples at cafe tables who don't speak to each other, don't share with each other ...

So if you want to encourage your wife I would say let her know that regardless of what happens she will be paramount in your thoughts. That you will walk at her pace, not yours, that you will be happy to stop when she wants to stop - that whatever happens she will be your number one priority.

There again - you want to go and she is hesitant ... so - is she only going because you want to go? If so there is a possible disaster ahead! If this is the case then go alone. Talk to her about this and be willing to be silent and listen to her - but do remember that hesitations and fear is a normal part of pre-Camino preparation

Buen Camino!

Yes! What David said is exactly right!

I remember using that EXACT word before I went! Trepidatious!!!! Even though it was my idea to go!
I 'conned' sorry convinced my partner to come with me and he loved it! However he chooses not to go again and I will be returning this time on my own.

Is she worried about her physical ability? Shared accommodation? If we know her specific worries maybe we can help more? It truly is the trip of a lifetime but she has to want to go for herself not just to please you?
There is a movie called 'What women want' - the answer? David said it - to be listened to!
Buen camino
Sarah

 

[nidarosa]

Have you walked a lot together, and/or traveled a lot together? Do you know each others' physical limits, grumpiness threshold, walking pace, how do you walk up hills - steam ahead or stop frequently to catch your breath, look back and take photos? If you take your wife, in her camino gear, for a nice walk somewhere with some hills and some flat terrain, with spare shoes in the pack and the promise of a delicious lunch en route, I am sure you can figure out a lot of the stuff that can make her trepidatious. I was slightly worried when I took my husband on the camino for our honeymoon, since he had never been before, but it turns out he loves it and now wants to go back!

Remember that what makes the camino is hard to explain properly, the best way is to act it out, go for walks, test the rain gear by running out in a downpour, make it fun and manageable and you will both be better prepared for the real thing.

 

[jimabfalter]

Have you walked a lot together, and/or traveled a lot together? Do you know each others' physical limits, grumpiness threshold, walking pace, how do you walk up hills - steam ahead or stop frequently to catch your breath, look back and take photos? If you take your wife, in her camino gear, for a nice walk somewhere with some hills and some flat terrain, with spare shoes in the pack and the promise of a delicious lunch en route, I am sure you can figure out a lot of the stuff that can make her trepidatious. I was slightly worried when I took my husband on the camino for our honeymoon, since he had never been before, but it turns out he loves it and now wants to go back!

Remember that what makes the camino is hard to explain properly, the best way is to act it out, go for walks, test the rain gear by running out in a downpour, make it fun and manageable and you will both be better prepared for the real thing.

Thanks for your input. Ann (wife) suggested this to me as it is something that has been on her mind for years. I was a consummate backpacker in younger days and so know my aging limits. Ann wasn't and as we get ready to leave she is worried. I keep telling her that is what busses are for. It is not wilderness packing! We will be fine as we have traveled through our years together and she is the best person I have ever traveled with when things go awry.

 

[edandjoan]

My husband and I have walked thousands of miles (and been together for many more miles in cars and airplanes). You don't always have to have verbal conversation to be present in the moment. And some times we aren't side by side when we are walking...perhaps a few meters apart. It sounds like you have been together a long time, just be extra aware of her physical, mental, or spiritual needs. Relax. be patient,, and be in the moment. I am always amazed at how all works out if we allow it. The emotions of the unknown are natural but there are so many kind folks along the Way that once you are going I think most of that will dissipate.
Buen Camino!

 

[Peter Fransiscus]

My wife is concerned about doing this trip. Can anyone send us some advice to cheer her on?

Hi, your wife will be fine no doubt about that. My wife walked the Camino Frances in 2013, at that time we where married for 27 years. It was the first time that we where sapperated for so long. She had a great time. Last year we walked together from Sarria to Finistere and we had a lovely time. And this year I walked the Camino Frances and it was fantastic. The point is your wife will be fine. Wish you both well and a Buen Camino, Peter.

 

[Tia Valeria]

The fact that you are concerned and asking should be an encouragement to her.
Can I suggest that you read the thread Walking with a Companion together. @TerryB started it after our walk in 2011 as a result of comments made to us by some other pilgrims. A number of interesting and helpful contributions - and you might be able to add more.
Buen Camino

 

[vgen5122]

My wife is concerned about doing this trip. Can anyone send us some advice to cheer her on?

It was a little different for me because I was the one who was ready to go at a moments notice. Luckily, so was my husband. Half way up the mountain on the way to Orrison all my douts started to flood into my mind. "What in the world are you doing here, I thought." "Am I taking too much of a risk? I've never done anything like this before. Will I die on the Camino of a heart attack. " all these negative thoughts! How did it turn out? I had the time of my life. I am looking forward to go back again.
I fell in love with all the challenges, the people, Spain, and the beauty of the Camino. Go before you talk yourself out of it. Buen Camino.

 

[Anemone del Camino]

Trepidation is what we all feel, camino after camino. If she suggested somethng may be calling her. She will only feel right the minute she starts walking. And the shéll feel nervous again at night planimg for the next day. And on the CF there are buses, taxis, hotels, pensiones. She can bail and do a parallel camino to yours, budget permitting. Just don't let her loose in large irban centers with good,food and shopping. Let her know she can do it at he rythm, for as long as she wants to, that she doesn't have to walk in the rain(she will be the first one ready in the am), etc.

 

[tploomis]

On training walks walk a little behind her and comment occasionally about how you're having trouble keeping up. Pretty soon both of you will start believing it, and your roles will be reversed! I tried this with my wife, and the results were amazing. Of course I then had to live with being the weakest link!

 

[HeidiL]

You will have days when you're the strongest and days when she is. Just don't worry, wait for each other, and whoever is strongest that day gets to carry most of the water, the weaker one uses the poles. That's how my husband and I ensure that we'll walk at roughly the same pace.