Having troubles....

[Charlie Mason]

I am planning on leaving to start my Camino on the 29th or 30th of September and have run into some trouble. I was all psyched up and ready to go and got a phone call that my father passed away....I just don't know if I can handle a trip like this right now... I just want to live on and embrace the stories and experience of completing the Camino. but, lets' just say, all my desire to complete the Camino has gone out the window and I am struggling to stay focused. Any suggestions? Thanks,

Charlie

 

[wayfarer]

My condolonces on the death of your father, it is a tough time to cope with. The answer to your question can only come from you. You can wait for a while until you feel better about walking or you could walk now and dedicate your Camino to the memory of your dad. I believe they can add your fathers name to your compostella if you ask at the Pilgrim Office in Santiago.

 

[alansykes]

So sorry to hear of your loss. Losing a parent is a terrible blow and it is little consolation to be told that, in time, the desolation will diminish.

I'm afraid you are the only person who can decide what's best for you. I did my first camino in the 2010 Holy Year, shortly after my mother's death, and dedicated my plenary indulgence to her. I found the experience very therapeutic as well as wonderfully satisfying in so many other ways and it certainly helped my grieving process, but everybody is different and it might not work for you.

 

[Charlie Mason]

Thanks Alan!
My dad would want me to go on this trip;I know he would! We spoke several times about the trip and he always told me to go for it and never look back! It's just hard getting over things in your head.... it plays games as you know. Keeping good vibes. Thanks for the kind words!

 

[tyrrek]

Hi Charlie. I can just offer my condolences and repeat the advise of others. The answer will come from you in the end.

I guess you must consider what you'll do instead if you decide not to do the Camino now. Also to what extent you are relying on a support network at home, or if you are part of someone else's.

If you postpone it, think carefully about when you will do it instead. Pilgrim numbers drop off pretty quickly in October, and postponing by a month or so will make it very much an autumnal rather than late summer Camino. You may want to be quite firm and put it off until next year so that it doesn't weigh on your mind in the meantime.

Very best wishes to you.

 

[Charlie Mason]

Tyrrek,
If I don't do this later this month, I will in fact do it next Spring. I chickened out last year May and have been regretting that for some time now. I guess I was just reaching out to the Camino community for some sort of advice. Thanks for your words,

Charlie

 

[Scott Sweeney]

There cannot be enough words offered for your loss, prayers are with you and your family. Family can be gone in a blink this Camino will be their tomorrow. You will make the right choice for you and your family.

 

[greggfr]

I am planning on leaving to start my Camino on the 29th or 30th of September and have run into some trouble. I was all psyched up and ready to go and got a phone call that my father passed away....I just don't know if I can handle a trip like this right now... I just want to live on and embrace the stories and experience of completing the Camino. but, lets' just say, all my desire to complete the Camino has gone out the window and I am struggling to stay focused. Any suggestions? Thanks,

Charlie

Hi Charlie, a good friend of mine died only 1 week into my walk. I went to the funeral and returned to the walk at pons. A secind death of another friend I had grown up with further rocked my head. Im still walking. At trabadelo. 110 miles to go. My legs are killing me and I've a cracked rib. Sorry to hear about your loss. Commence the walk when your ready. Buen Camino.

 

[s. brown]

I am planning on leaving to start my Camino on the 29th or 30th of September and have run into some trouble. I was all psyched up and ready to go and got a phone call that my father passed away....I just don't know if I can handle a trip like this right now... I just want to live on and embrace the stories and experience of completing the Camino. but, lets' just say, all my desire to complete the Camino has gone out the window and I am struggling to stay focused. Any suggestions? Thanks,

Charlie

Charlie, I want to offer my sincerest condolences on the death of your father. It is a difficult and painful experience I know only too well.

It has been my experience and observation that grief must be dealt with, it must be experienced. There are no shortcuts or ways around it. We all must go through it, even as hard as it is. When diversions happen they only postpone grief. Grief will find a way to rear its head, sometimes twofold, at a later date. I believe you might be better off honoring your father and your feelings of loss now, in the coming weeks and months. Go on your camino in the spring. Your head and your heart will be far more clear than they are now. I believe that at a later date you will see you need this time to mourn. While I do not know you or your father it is probably safe to say that your father would want what's best for you, to walk your camino in a better state of mind, not when sadness and loss have such a keen grip on your heart.

 

[Olivares]

Deepest condolences on your loss.

If you do not feel up to it, it is not your time to meet up with the Camino. There will be no questions or hesitations when the right time comes. Nothing meant to be is complicated.

 

[Arn]

My dad had his first heart attack at 43. He lived to be 80. I wouldn't say we were ever best friends. When I heard that dad had passed away, I flew from the East Coast to California. That 5 hour ride gave me plenty of time to think of so many things, but the one thought that went through my head, time and time again was..."I can't think of one person that didn't love my dad. Not one!"
We may not have been best friends, though many considered him theirs, but none could call him Dad. And, only he could call me son.
When you do walk the Way...and you will, know that your Dad is there every step of the Way.
Prayers to you and yours.

 

[Deacon Harbey Santiago]

Hi Charlie,

I'm so sorry for your loss, I will say a prayer for you and your dad. There is really no advice anyone can give you on this matter. However having lost my own mother I can give you this: One of most remarkable things about my mother's passing was that our relationship did not end; it changed. In some sense it felt as if she had gone in a long trip and on other I felt her passing brought me closer to her. When in mourning it is very easy to fall in deep holes of despair, but the fact is these are of our own doing. Life goes on, like the Camino you only have to take one more step to keep going.

If you decide to do the Camino remember he will only be as far as your memories.

"Viva Cristo Rey!!"
Camino bound in two days!!

 

[Dreamwalker33]

I am planning on leaving to start my Camino on the 29th or 30th of September and have run into some trouble. I was all psyched up and ready to go and got a phone call that my father passed away....I just don't know if I can handle a trip like this right now... I just want to live on and embrace the stories and experience of completing the Camino. but, lets' just say, all my desire to complete the Camino has gone out the window and I am struggling to stay focused. Any suggestions? Thanks,

Charlie

Sorry for your loss, Charlie. You have about a month to gather yourself. Wait a bit before deciding. Tough losing a parent.. Your Dad was happy for you to take the Camino journey. Wishing you the best.

 

[november_moon]

Your situation is very personal to me. My husband and I were walking the Camino in June when my husband's mother passed away. We ended our Camino and rushed home - that was a surreal experience, to say the least. It has been 2 1/2 months since we got back and not a day has gone by that I don't think of the Camino and make plans to go back. Originally we had planned to walk from Leon to Santiago because that is the amount of time that we had available. Now we are planning to walk from SJPdP to Santiago over the course of 3 trips (again, can't take enough time off at once to do it in one go, so we will break it up). If it was entirely up to me, I would return to the Camino next year, but my husband is hesitant. I think the loss of his mom is too fresh and he can't recommit to the Camino yet. Like others have said, this is a really personal thing.

 

[MaryLynn]

My condolences to you also, Charlie. I know it is a difficult time. A couple things stood out to me in your messages: your regret at 'chickening out' on the Camino last May and the fact that your father wanted you to do it--to go for it. To me it sounds like walking the Camino is very important to you and it sounds like you have his "permission" to go now. I can't think of a better place than the Camino to work through the grief of losing a parent, to share your stories of your father, to celebrate his life, and to experience the caring support that you would get from others along the way...and to lose yourself in the beauty and rhythm of the Camino and its landscape. I know that whatever you ultimately decide to do will be the right choice.

 

[rubyslippers]

I'm sad to hear of your loss. The Camino was an emotional and a Spiritual journey for me. Everyone has their own personal reasons for walking, but even those who think they will do it for the exercise, may end up with a profound emotional experience. You may find yourself overwhelmed, but then many do. It might be just the ticket for dealing with your grief. Many carry stones and carry those stones as they meditate and pray on certain issues they are dealing with. I carried 5 stone. I found myself sitting on a flat rock in the middle of a field of Lavender as the sun came up. I began to weep and probably cried for an hour or more that day. People acknowledged me, but gave me privacy. I've never been the same. It took me the entire 6 weeks before I could lay down that final stone. The Camino can be life changing and what ever you decide you are in my thoughts and prayers. Kindest regards.

 

[Kanga]

Oh Charlie, how sad. Losing a parent is like the ground dropping out under our feet; for me it was like that even when my father was old and ill. Lots of good advice in this thread. Whether to walk or not is a question of the heart, and only you will know. I found the Camino a wonderful place to celebrate the life of those who I'd loved and who were no longer with me - it gave time to contemplate and remember. But you also want it to be joyful and if you are just tooooo sad you may be better to wait until spring. It may also be a question of those around you - are there people who are also grieving and with whom you want to share time and stories and remember and to console? If yes, I'd think about postponing. If not, then the Camino is a wonderful place to heal.

 

[Meredith1]

Charlie, I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. There are not many words a stranger can say to bring you comfort, but I hope you will find it in good memories.

I set out on the camino in September 2012; I had just lost my older brother a few weeks before. He and I had talked about walking together, but it wasn't to be. As a way to keep him with me, I took along a recording of about a dozen songs he had written and performed and listened to it over and over as I walked. I also had the pleasure of sharing some of the songs with camino friends met along the way. When I listen to the songs occasionally now, I can often picture a specific part of the camino that the song brings back.

If you decide to go now, perhaps you have some keepsake of your father's that you could carry with you to keep you company. But as others have said above, only you can decide - and no doubt you will decide correctly, whatever you do.

Best wishes, and buen camino.

 

[mikevasey]

Sorry for the loss of your father, I really can not add much to what has been said already. My closest friend died unexpectedly 8 weeks before my 2012 Camino, I felt at the time that I had to go more than ever in honour of him. After having quite a difficult Camino for various reasons I feel now that if I was in a similar situation again I would only go if I really wanted to, doing it for any other reason ie I have planned it etc, would probably lead to problems on the Camino.

 

[Anniesantiago]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your father, Charlie.
I think I would go if it were me - the Camino is a wonderful place to get away from the world and think, remember good times, and sort through troubles.
But in the end, you must follow your own heart.
The Camino will be there another year - it's not going away.

 

[Stephen Nicholls]

Charlie - sincere condolences.
However ..... would your Dad want you to cancel your camino because of him?
He loved you - and would want you to be happy, and to continue your life.
Walk the camino for him. Say a prayer for him as you walk.
Rejoice in the love you shared.
And walk for him.....

Buen camino, Charlie!

 

[naplesdon]

Charlie - sincere condolences.
However ..... would your Dad want you to cancel your camino because of him?
He loved you - and would want you to be happy, and to continue your life.
Walk the camino for him. Say a prayer for him as you walk.
Rejoice in the love you shared.
And walk for him.....

Buen camino, Charlie!

I totally agree.
My father passed away on the first day of a 4 week trip to France and Italy in 2007. My daughter and I had meticulously planned a culinary tour, where reservations were required, of some of the top restaurants in Paris, Lyon, Marseilles, Monaco and Rome. I received the words about his death in the form of a message at our hotel in Paris upon our check-in. We looked at each other and rationally concluded that we could best honor his memory by lighting candles in every possible church and cathedral on our trip rather than flying back to the US. I loved my father but his death was not unexpected.
My sincere condolences but walk and rejoice in his life!

 

[david g]

So many true, heart felt responses, which is such a powerful testament to how the Camino connects people. I'd agree with Kanga, that if there is someone at home (Mother/siblings) who is in need of comforting, stay home and walk next spring. But I also feel as Marylynn, that the Camino is a wonderful place to get in touch with feelings and to remember your Father in a special way. It may seem odd to imagine sharing thoughts about your Fathers passing with total strangers, but I found that more often than not pilgrims could give me better insights than friends or family. (I had lost my Mother a few months before). Ultimately, it's your decision, and it will be the right one. Good luck and blessings to you.

 

[AnnieY]

I am planning on leaving to start my Camino on the 29th or 30th of September and have run into some trouble. I was all psyched up and ready to go and got a phone call that my father passed away....I just don't know if I can handle a trip like this right now... I just want to live on and embrace the stories and experience of completing the Camino. but, lets' just say, all my desire to complete the Camino has gone out the window and I am struggling to stay focused. Any suggestions? Thanks,

Charlie[/QUOT

I am planning on leaving to start my Camino on the 29th or 30th of September and have run into some trouble. I was all psyched up and ready to go and got a phone call that my father passed away....I just don't know if I can handle a trip like this right now... I just want to live on and embrace the stories and experience of completing the Camino. but, lets' just say, all my desire to complete the Camino has gone out the window and I am struggling to stay focused. Any suggestions? Thanks,

Charlie

my condolence's to you Charlie - it must be a strange time for you, I have a different situation to you, but similar and the dilemma of it all means a decision to be made and have decided to go should nothing happen in the intervening week - I am sure you will find your path

 

[Charlie Mason]

I want to thank all of you for the unconditional condolences and support! Thanks especially to Stephen Nicholls. Your words are so to the point and are ones that I need to hear. Again, thanks to all that responded. Buen Camino!

 

[jennie]

My condolences to you also, Charlie. I know it is a difficult time. A couple things stood out to me in your messages: your regret at 'chickening out' on the Camino last May and the fact that your father wanted you to do it--to go for it. To me it sounds like walking the Camino is very important to you and it sounds like you have his "permission" to go now. I can't think of a better place than the Camino to work through the grief of losing a parent, to share your stories of your father, to celebrate his life, and to experience the caring support that you would get from others along the way...and to lose yourself in the beauty and rhythm of the Camino and its landscape. I know that whatever you ultimately decide to do will be the right choice.

That is really tough,i am so lucky my parents are still alive but i know my world as i know it would end if any thing happened to them,But i dont deal with grief very well ,i cant really talk about it unless my mind is in right place.So i think the first place i would run to is the camino,as if you want to talk or vent you can or if you want to be alone you can,from my brief times on the way i walked for a time with great people that were walking with issues on their minds but it was kind of an unwritten rule to be there if needed but not to ask too many questions.some people need SPACE to get their head straight and not be pushed into conversation about dealing with the issue.you will do both the Camino and the grieving in YOUR OWN TIME AND WAY.!