My Mother is freaking out !

[wendolin]

Hello friends. I am scheduled to fly into Paris in a few days (March 30) and travel by train t0 SJDP to begin my first Camino. Recent events are causing my poor mother much concern. She called today trying to persuade me to postpone. I can be (intentionally) out of touch with news and media and of course being buried in Camino plans has amplified my oblivion. So the question I would like to send out to my fellow pilgrims is "Does Mother really know best?" Any thoughts? I welcome your opinions.

 

[MichaelSG]

I would spend as little time as possible in the unsecured areas of the Paris airport and train station but otherwise, just go ahead with my plans. Pretty much every year, cows kill more people than terrorists do in western countries so the radicals don't frighten me. Taking sensible precautions is wise but letting terrorists win is wrong. I'd give the same advice to my only son.

Now, if we could only figure out how to get the cows to target the would-be terrorists...

 

[mspath]

All life is chance; things are or are not. Do not worry about what you can't control but do hope for the best while trying to make things better....Keep on walking.

 

[Anniesantiago]

I am 64 this year and my 82 year old mother worries about me every year I go on the Camino.
I think it's just what moms do.
Go and enjoy yourself.

 

[RobertS26]

Over 65 million Americans travel overseas every year. On average, only 200 of them die of unnatural causes. The number one reason? Drowning. The number two reason? Car and motorcycle accidents. The number three reason? Drug overdoses.

Statistically speaking, walking the Camino is safer than living in the United States. In fact, the most dangerous part of your Camino will be the drive from your house to the airport.

Life is a risk. You can live it locked in your house or take it head on. Be brave.

 

[GreatDane]

It's a Mom thing. My 88 year old Mom is concerned about my upcoming trip. I was concerned in 2005 when my son and 30 of his best friends were going to be touring London and then performing at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival just weeks after the London Tube Bombings. Rick Steves says be vigilant, be aware, exercise caution. Just like you should be anyway.

 

[Lachance]

I'm with your mum. Stats be blowed. I'd be saying, not Paris! Can't you change the flight? My kids don't listen either.

 

[marbuck]

We fly into Paris in couple of days time, we are not cancelling. One night in Paris and then train to our start point at Condom.

 

[NualaOC]

Hi @wendolin, as a mother I can understand why your mom is worried. I will worry about my sons when they travel this year - especially my younger son who lives and works in London and will be spending time in Paris for the soccer finals later this year. I'll be worried sick about that - but probably not as much as I should have worried when he travelled around south east Asia on dodgy bikes and buses!

My mother will no doubt worry about me when I travel to Madrid for my Camino. However, I won't stop travelling in Europe and I won't ask my sons to change their plans. I've weighed up the risks and for me, they don't add up to a reason for not travelling. As others have said, there are so many other events more likely to cause us harm, yet we choose to keep moving/smiling/loving and bear those risks.

I hope that you decide to go ahead with your Camino. If you do, I suggest that you read the threads on this forum about road safety. IMO, that's the biggest risk that we face when walking.

Buen Camino!

 

[MTtoCamino]

Go, life for a parent is always concern.
Buen Camino

 

[domigee]

I understand your mother's concerns, as @Anniesantiago said very rightly, it's what mothers do!!! I too worry when my children travel. My eldest daughter works for a French company and it involves going to countries in Africa, where recently there were terrorists strikes. I worry!
I worry about each of them, whether they're flying to go on holidays or working abroad or just living in London or Paris!
In turn, they worried when I walked across Europe to reach Jerusalem and tried to dissuade me.
I was recently asked if I had ever felt fear during that trip and my answer even surprised me: yes. I did fear for my life. And the only reason was? THE CARS. Walking for days on end by the roadside in Eastern countries WAS dangerous. (and the number of crosses and photos and flowers left by the roadside were proof of it...).

I hope you won't change your plans. Being ran over by a car is -imo - the biggest risk we face, wherever we are.

Wishing you well on your Camino

 

[William Marques]

This thread may also be useful "Those We Leave Behind"

 

[Introibo]

"Years to a mother bring distress. But do not make her love the less"

Buen Camino

 

[Angie94]

She called today trying to persuade me to postpone.

My older sister also contacted me and asked me NOT to go on the Camino (since our mom has passed I think she has taken over that role with the worry and concern!) But I told her I appreciate the concern and then related to her the many words of rationale given on this forum about this very topic. It seemed to help ease her worries.
I am not fearful, cautious but not fearful.
As previously mentioned by others I am more afraid of an accident with an automobile - while walking or driving...
My prayers this morning included those who were involved in this latest incident and for their families. So very sad.

 

[Saint Mike II]

One of the best responses I heard yesterday (following the "murder by the terrorists" - I refuse to even acknowledge that they claimed to be Islamic. Allah wouldn't have them!) - the man being interviewed said that he would, as far as possible, do everything he usually did on a Wednesday - have coffee at 10; meet friends for lunch and finish the day in his neighbourhood bar. Oh and say a silent prayer for the dead!
So yes allow your loving mother to express her fears; tell her you love her and strongly intend to return from Spain - possibly a few kilos lighter; a bit more tanned; a few blister scars on your feet and that you will see her as soon as you return.
PS - the advice offered by Michael SG (the first response) was spot on.
Buen Camino.

 

[Dutch]

Mothers worry, its their job. This does not mean they are always right.

For work we travel to Brussels, Paris and London frequently by plain, train and car. If i had to stop doing this because of fear and moms worries, i would have to buy a cardboard box to live in 'cause i wont be able to afford my house anymore.

Go and enjoy your trip and mom will see all will be fine.

 

[Deleted member 36903]

Hello wendolin, all the above posts offer wise and useful counsel, perhaps you can share some of the comments with your mother to offer her reassurance. Can I also suggest that you read the post by Faith (of natefaith) where she quotes from C S Lewis in her thread @Prayers for all in Brussels. For years I lived in London with the constant threat of IRA bombs. people learned to be attentive about possible dangers but otherwise life went on as normal, as it should, otherwise we are all held hostage to fear. Buen Camino!

 

[wendolin]

Thank you all so much for your wisdom, kindness and encouragement. I will share these posts with my mom. I know that I feel a lot better having read them. I am so happy to find this forum of amazing people. For now I will continue to prepare. Thank you again and Buen Camino!

 

[Larazet]

We fly into Paris in couple of days time, we are not cancelling. One night in Paris and then train to our start point at Condom.

Welcome to Condom! You will be nearly passing our house..... we are five minutes from Montréal. Lovely weather for walking at the moment.
Ultreia

 

[jpflavin1]

Hello friends. I am scheduled to fly into Paris in a few days (March 30) and travel by train t0 SJDP to begin my first Camino. Recent events are causing my poor mother much concern. She called today trying to persuade me to postpone. I can be (intentionally) out of touch with news and media and of course being buried in Camino plans has amplified my oblivion. So the question I would like to send out to my fellow pilgrims is "Does Mother really know best?" Any thoughts? I welcome your opinions.

Wendolin:

My wife worries every time her sons leave the house. They still call her each time they reach a destination. It is just part of the Mom DNA. Let her know you respect her view and that you will be extra careful on your journey.

Ultreya,
Joe

 

[enerol]

I am 64 this year and my 82 year old mother worries about me every year I go on the Camino.
I think it's just what moms do.
Go and enjoy yourself.

Ask your 82 year old mom to go with you. I am an 83 year old peregrina whose Camino was from SJPDP to Santiago then to Finisterre. My 53 year old daughter walked from Sarria to Santiago with me.

 

[Mark Lee]

Mom is just doing what mom's do, but no doubt there is probably more chance of an encounter with a lightning bolt or a shark than an encounter with a terrorist.
cheers and ultreia

 

[rometimed]

Hehe I love moms. You should have heard my very reserved British mom trying to dissuade me from walking for 3 weeks in Turkey by myself, telling me all kinds of stories of people vanishing. As mentioned the crowded public places and shadowy alleys in cities at night maybe avoid when you can, but places like the Camino, Hostels, etc are almost always safe. Same with tourist locals.

 

[waveprof]

I'm with your mum. Stats be blowed. I'd be saying, not Paris! Can't you change the flight? My kids don't listen either.

Why would anyone EVER avoid going to Paris? It's one of the greatest cities in the world.


The irrational fear of terrorism is in danger of crippling Western civilization. I'd be more scared walking down the street of most american cities (of things other than terrorism) than I would be traveling to Paris.

 

[Aidan21]

Yep it is in mother DNA, part of their job description, what they do; worry. People most often display unconditional love towards their children. The loss of any child is one of the most awful things a parent will ever have to face. So their worry for the safety of their children is absolutely understandable. However for life to evolve children have to colour outside the lines, bend the rules, do outrageous things because they do not know any better or for want of a better description, live life. So it is absolutely understandable that children do lots of things that cause worry to parents, especially mothers.
As for the fear factor generated by terrorists I think the media have an element of responsibility. If the media focused on the hundreds or thousands of people killed weekly on the roads of the world in the same way as they do with terrorists, then we would all be afraid to get into our cars. Ditto for holiday deaths world wide, ditto for drug and alcohol deaths. I suggest that we say no to fear and live our lives the way we wish to live them. Of course take sensible precautions and pay attention to your environment but say yes to life.
We all have to die some day, in the mean time live this wonderful life as best we can.
Buen Camino.

 

[Mark Lee]

Why would anyone EVER avoid going to Paris? It's one of the greatest cities in the world.


The irrational fear of terrorism is in danger of crippling Western civilization. I'd be more scared walking down the street of most american cities (of things other than terrorism) than I would be traveling to Paris.

True dat....
I would say that the cell phone (iPhone, smartphone, etc) is one of the most dangerous instruments in America. I would be willing to bet that annually more Americans are killed by distracted driving on the roadways than 10 years of terrorist related deaths.
Travel to and walk the Camino fear free from terrorists. Just don't walk it while looking down at your electronic device.

 

[willydp]

Not only, but especially, moms are worried.
When I talk about the Camino Francès I want to do next year, more people tend to tell me I'm crazy to even think about walking 800km.
Worrying about my safety... I can feel happy that they care
So be happy your mom loves you
Talk to her and show her some pictures and movies from the Camino and tell here you are never alone out there.
Don't worry about flying to Paris, it is a wonderful city.
Enjoy life.

 

[Atlas Traveler]

Your can help calm your mother's fears by:

1. Share your itinerary
2. If available, provide in-country telephone and contact information
3. Register for the US Dept of State's STEP program which notifies your family if something does go wrong
4. Purchase a low-cost travel insurance policy which covers political evacuation

This might not change your mother's mind but it will give her peace of mind if something were to happen, she will be notified and you will access to help.

Safe travels!

 

[hsabs]

Don't change your plans - just keep in touch with her regularly. Security will probably be heightened at airports etc, but there can be accidents in any walk of life and we cannot live in a state of constant fear. Paris is a wonderful city (as is Brussels), don't let recent tragic events spoil your plans. If we all did that there would be no integration at all.
Your Mum will probably worry regardless - it's just what they all do.
Buen Camino

 

[MTtoCamino]

Why would anyone EVER avoid going to Paris? It's one of the greatest cities in the world.


The irrational fear of terrorism is in danger of crippling Western civilization. I'd be more scared walking down the street of most american cities (of things other than terrorism) than I would be traveling to Paris.

I must agree, we have made our country much more dangerous to the general population due to our lack of common sense over firearms.
Have fun!

 

[SeaHorse]

Mothers do worry. The level of worrying doesn't depend on outer circumstances but on the Mother herself. Which means if there is obvious cause to worry, she will worry about that, it that cause is removed/never existed, she will find another.
Right now is safer than last week or a while later - the security is high, all services looking for the guilty ones, they are more concerned with fooling the followers than next action. They do need some time to group again.

 

[Urban Trekker]

Hello friends. I am scheduled to fly into Paris in a few days (March 30) and travel by train t0 SJDP to begin my first Camino. Recent events are causing my poor mother much concern. She called today trying to persuade me to postpone. I can be (intentionally) out of touch with news and media and of course being buried in Camino plans has amplified my oblivion. So the question I would like to send out to my fellow pilgrims is "Does Mother really know best?" Any thoughts? I welcome your opinions.

Worrying is what mothers and grandmothers do. Worrying way out of proportion is what they do best. Gently but firmly tell your mother you are going and will be extra careful. It's probably safer to travel now because of heighten awareness of the public and security personnel. Buen Camino

 

[Sheffield James]

The only thing I can add to the sound advice already provided is the question: "for how long might you be expected to postpone the trip?" The uncertain times in which we live currently makes it nigh on impossible to predict an almost entirely safe time to travel. That said, SeaHorse (#31) and Urban Trekker (#32) both make a very good point that fits your timeframe perfectly. Buen Camino.

 

[Kanga]

There are some posts in this thread that may also help your mother : https://www.caminodesantiago.me/community/threads/very-scared-of-terrorism.39233/

... I'd be more scared walking down the street of most american cities (of things other than terrorism) than I would be traveling to Paris.

It is not only American cities; in any city in the world there is far more danger from cars than terrorism. When I analysed the reports of unnatural death on the camino not one was caused by terrorism, almost all were vehicle related deaths.

 

[Dan S.]

I am glad I will not die without having seen Paris. Or Venice. I think the same about my own upcoming camino. To not do these things and see these places is to already be dead (for me). Life happens outside of the comfort zone - but that does not give us permission to be foolish. So be careful on your drive to the airport!

 

[Felipe]

Pack or wolves are not anymore roaming the forests around Roncesvalles looking for tasty pilgrims.
Road bandits have been replaced for tourist shops.
Population has grown considerably, so you will be seeing an inhabited place most of the time.
Instead of Templars patrolling the Camino, we have ambulance and patrol cars with cell phones.
Bloodletting or applying leeches to patients are no longer in use in hospitals.
So, in perspective, we have one of the safest caminos in history.
Don’ t worry. As a dad (you know, worrying about childrens is not only a mom's thing) I know that I tend to rationalize my fears around a particular thing (or apparently convincing argument). If it were not safety, it would be another thing. I concur that the first answer to your question gave very sensible advice. Go, you will have a great experience.
Buen camino!

 

[kelleymac]

Fears are unreasonable. -- You may want to just listen to your mother, and then ask her what you can do to be safer. Perhaps she would like you to text her every evening, or not stay too long at the airport. Just listening to her fears and concerns will calm her, and strengthen your relationship. --My husband has unreasonable fears. I headed to Chicago via Amtak a few years ago with our sons and wanted to go to a park as we had a 7 hour layover until we caught our next train. I figured we'd have a picnic, throw the frisbee around, and go for a swim. My husband wanted me to stay in the 1st class waiting room, stay with a 7 and a 10 year old boy. For 7 hours-- after being on a train for 10 hours and before getting on a train for 23 hours. --He was worried we would be attacked. I got facts to show the low crime rate at the park. He worried about being mugged on a bus. -- I finally realized that facts would not alleviate his fears, rather facts made him feel his concerns were ignored. His fears come from the time first wife was a victim of violence --when he was not home and unable to protect her. His fears are not baseless-- I try to acknowledge that, without letting his fears hobble me. --

 

[ess1113]

My personal philosophy is the same when I was deployed. I will do the best I can to minimize the chances but I will not live in fear of anything or anyone.
This trip is about opening doors and closing others but clearly it cannot be lived in fear. Be safe, have fun, but live well.

 

[tpmchugh]

Hello friends. I am scheduled to fly into Paris in a few days (March 30) and travel by train t0 SJDP to begin my first Camino. Recent events are causing my poor mother much concern. She called today trying to persuade me to postpone. I can be (intentionally) out of touch with news and media and of course being buried in Camino plans has amplified my oblivion. So the question I would like to send out to my fellow pilgrims is "Does Mother really know best?" Any thoughts? I welcome your opinions.

I grew up in Belfast where bombs were not like now, they were daily events. Yes many people are killed the world over in incidents like this but we learned to just go about our daily business. As my old Granny used to say, 'If you are born to be hanged, you will never drown'. Be careful, stay away from what would be termed potential targets but dont put your life on hold in case the sky might fall. Remember that you will be travelling to some of the safest places in the world that are less dangerous than the USA where some 50,000 Americans are killed each year by Americans. Terrorist incidents in Europe are actually quite rare but the few that happen are what the perpetrators call 'a spectacular' because it grabs the headlines. They carry out more attacks in places that dont grab the headlines. Between Paris and Brussels there have been at least 3 in Turkey. So come on the camino and trust in God. I will be flying around Europe at least 4 times before going back on the camino in September and it wont cost me a thought.

 

[tpmchugh]

By the way folks, lets have less than this 'Mom dna' nonsense. I am a dad and worry sick about my adult kids when they are out. When my son and grandkids come to visit, he still has to ring me when he gets home safely. When any of 3 adult kids still living with us are out for the evening, I dont sleep till I hear the key turn in the lock. I guess thats what parents do, not just Moms. When my son walked his first camino before I knew what it was, he had to txt me every night as soon as he was indoors but I would never ask them to stay home wrapped in cotton wool. Its not really a big bad world out there. The vast majority of people are good and kind

 

[amorfati1]

'If you are born to be hanged, you will never drown'.

that's a great quote!
marvelous.
with your and your grand-mum's permission - I shall now use it as well. May i ?

 

[Jeff Crawley]

In 2015 law enforcement officers in the USA killed, on average, 100 people per month.

My daughter is going coast to coast in the fall stopping off at Los Angles (283 murders in 2015), Las Vagas (136), New Orleans (164) and New York (339).

Quite honestly I'd rather she went to Paris!

 

[newfydog]

Why

I'm with your mum. Stats be blowed. I'd be saying, not Paris! Can't you change the flight? My kids don't listen either.

Stats are real. Paris is five times safer than New York.

 

[dougfitz]

Rick Steves says be vigilant, be aware, exercise caution.

That's great advice, but who is Rick Steves?

 

[Mark Lee]

That's great advice, but who is Rick Steves?

He's a travel guru of sorts here in the US. He has a radio show, website and a series on public television here as well as books on travel.
Not a bad chap. His shows are pretty good. I'm not going to knock him as it was his show on northern Spain some years ago that made me aware of the Camino. I'm forever grateful for that. The show wasn't entirely about the Camino, but it was covered as was San Fermin in Pamplona.

 

[Mark Lee]

In 2015 law enforcement officers in the USA killed, on average, 100 people per month.

As a former copper, all I got to say is at ease with statements like that on here.

 

[Albertagirl]

One of the interesting things about fear is how irrational it is. Fear is a gift that helps human beings stay alive. Like most other feelings it is based on experience, our own or that of the people who have influenced us. I met a Korean girl on the camino frances last fall who was deathly afraid of pet cats and dogs. I don't know what caused this fear in her, but I had a hard time being sympathetic to a fear so irrational and severe. She was quite hysterical about meeting a cat which was interested in pilgrims as a good source of lunch (but don't get the wrong idea). I, on the other hand, do not have the sense to be afraid of much of anything, at least, anything physical. As a child, small and harmless spiders terrified me. But, as an adult, grizzly bears do not. I have met a couple. I try to judge my fears realistically, like the real danger of a moment's inattention when crossing a busy road. I know some people are practically paralyzed by fear. Considering statistics of persons killed while driving or riding on road or recreational vehicles, more people die through lack of fear than through excess. But those of us who love adventure choose not to live our lives paralyzed by fears, reasonable or otherwise. Fortunately for me, my mother was a fearless woman who always encouraged me to go on adventures, and sometimes accompanied me. On one occasion, I was travelling alone in the mountains, forced by deep snow to detour and struggling to manage a backpacking trip which was turning into a survival challenge. My father was worried sick about me, but my mother said, "She can take care of herself." What a wonderful gift of trust she gave me! But she might have been wrong.

 

[wendolin]

That is an amazing story, Thank you for sharing. Fear is a complicated thing for sure. Too much or too little can cause us suffering. .......Perhaps it is the avoiding suffering I should be trying to avoid...

 

[Kanga]

The original poster was asking about how to handle her mother's fears and we seem to have strayed somewhat. I think the thread has run its course.