Privacy, please...

[beccawrite]

OK, I have read in THREE camino books now and a few posts here on the forum, that people have witnessed couples having sex in the albergue dorms. Is this something I should expect? Am I a prude? This does not sound acceptable to me! Don't get me wrong, it's not a judgement thing, it's just that this seems to be something that should happen in private, not in a dorm with 80 people. Any thoughts or advise?

 

[Deleted member 3000]

Nothing is impossible in this world of reality TV, but I would attribute the writings to braggadocio, the locker room type. I have never witnessed anything even close in thousands of kilometers of pilgrimages.

 

[grayland]

I agree with falcon....I have seen some of the posts here from time to time, but never witnessed anything that would offend you. That includes a lot of albergues and kilometers between falcon and myself.
I have to think that it may be possible...but so is getting hit by lightning while sleeping in an albergue. I am sure that someone will now post amazing details of encounters. (real or imagined) :shock:

Lots of rude behavior and Europeans running around in speedo underwear...but no more than you would see on any beach in Europe.

 

[AJ]

I have not witnessed nor heard of any sexual activity in albergues on any of my caminos.

 

[beccawrite]

By this quote I am sure that Mr. Twain found sexual intercourse something beautiful to be shared in privacy; not something to turn into a filthy act by performing it in front of others!

 

[oursonpolaire]

In five Caminos I have only heard one reliable report of this, so I would not worry about it. Albergues tend to be very good as self-policing mechanisms.

 

[Anniesantiago]

I've walked the Camino 5 times now and have never seen anyone having sex.
I think maybe that's on equal ground with the "attack dogs" stories.
I mean, maybe one person saw it once upon a time... ?? Who knows!?

 

[cecelia]

Hi beccawrite,
There are few albergues with 80 people (thank heavens). Just to add to the comments about sex in the dorms...in 4 caminos I've never witnessed or heard anything that was out of place. But then again, I was so tired that I was asleep long before the night owls started hooting.
Certainly I met and talked with several young people who were only too delighted to head off into a private spot with a new 'friend' and several people I met stopped for an afternoon 'nap' at an hostal or pension. But in the albergues - not saying it couldn't happen - but most of those beds would not comfortably hold two - in any position.
Don't worry about it. It won't be a big issue even if it does happen once or twice.. I doubt that anyone would make a performance of it even if they did feel like a little cuddle before sleep. Mind you - I haven't been on the camino since 2009 so maybe things have changed dramatically. Who knows? But I'll be asleep and miss the whole thing anyway.
Buen camino

 

[Meredith1]

When I stayed at the large albergue in Portomarin last September, a couple draped ponchos, sheets, other items around their bottom bunk and pinned a note to the outside, something like "Private room." I don't know what the experience was like for those in bunks closest to them (the top bunk was unoccupied), but I never heard anything. Now, I'm not suggesting that everyone try that...

 

[William Marques]

A number of posts relating to a Mark Twain quote have been deleted as they were an unnecessary deviation from the thread and I would implore the people who wish to continue that particular discussion to do it by PM.

 

[beccawrite]

Thank you, everyone...
Not meaning to come across as a prude! I'm sure I will be way too tired to be worried about what others are doing! Thank you for your thoughtful answers!

 

[Al the optimist]

Returning my dried washing to my lower bunk at the Muni in Olveiroa I noticed that there were two young people in the bunk above. The room only had 3 sets of bunks and no one else present. I quickly and discreetly left and returned to the delightful bar opposite. I had the impression that they were just having a cuddle while enjoying a quite time together. I had the pleasure of walking with them for part of the next day. There was no embarrassment between us. They were just young and very much in love. I found them delightful companions and regretted not taking them up on their invitation at Hospital for me to change my mind and walk with them to Muxia, but I stuck to my original plan to go to Finisterra.
allan

 

[sillydoll]

This is something that is discussed in hospitalero training and of the 42 people I have trained, 4 have said that they have come across pilgrims having sex in the dorms.

The question they are asked, is how would you handle this if a pilgrim reported it to you.
The answer is to close the door and leave. Not 'throw a bucket of water over them' as one trainee suggested, or 'stop them and tell them to get a room' which was another response!

 

[Deleted member 3000]

One of the things that you give up when you sleep with dozens of strangers is privacy. I would think that appropriate training would have more concern for the other pilgrims than the amorous couple. "Please do that elsewhere" comes to mind.

 

[sillydoll]

Correct Falcon.
But only after the fact (act??)

 

[Deleted member 3000]

What does the hospitalero training say to do when I tell them to stop it, and create a bit of a scene?

 

[sillydoll]

Come on Falcon. This could be drawn out into a dozen different scenarios.
The scenario in the hositalero training is dealt with during role play between 'pilgrim' and 'hospitalero'.
The pilgrim goes to the hospitalero to report what he/she has seen.
Q: What would you, as a hospitalero do or say?
A: The hospitalero should say 'Close the door and leave them to it. Identify them to me at a later stage and I will have a talk with them.'
That is how HOSVOL like their hospitaleros to handle this particular situation.
No drama queens, no scenes. End of story.

 

[Deleted member 3000]

The inappropriate behavior should be the focus of the solution, not mollifying the situation. You never solve a problem by avoiding it! The amorous couple is completely wrong in this situation, and asking others to modify their behavior is simply not good training. The bucket of water is a poor solution, but better in the hands of the hospitalero than the hands of another pilgrim! If hospitaleros want their authority respected, they need to wield it professionally. Putting the onus on the victim is not professional.

 

[sillydoll]

The pilgrim goes to the hospitalero to report what he/she has seen.
Q: What would you, as a hospitalero do or say?
A: The hospitalero should say 'Close the door and leave them to it. Identify them to me at a later stage and I will have a talk with them.'

The transgression is reported. The hospitalero takes any responsibility for embarrasing action away from the pilgrim and asks the pilgrim to identify the transgressors.

The hospitalero does not avoid the problem. The hospitalero will not 'create a scene'.
The hospitalero will take the transgressors aside, at an appropriate time, and explain that their behaviour is not acceptable. He/she might use stronger language than that but it will be in private, not in front of other pilgrims.

If a pilgrim - such as yourself - has already created a scene, then you have taken away the responsibility from the hospitalero. It's like shouting at the waiter instead of speaking to the manager.

Nobody wins - but the scene maker might have some satisfaction!

HOSVOL don't expect every one of the hundreds of thousands of pilgrims who use the albergues to agree with them but that is how they like their hospitaleros to handle this particular situation.

 

[Deleted member 3000]

You could shorten the training with "stop the couple; throw them out." I am reminded of the Seinfeld episode

Mr. Lippman: It's come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?
George Costanza: Who said that?
Mr. Lippman: She did.
George Costanza: [pause] Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorence on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon... you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time.
Mr. Lippman: You're fired!
George Costanza: Well, you didn't have to say it like that.

If someone lit a cigarette in the dormitory, I doubt the hospitalero would suggest he finish it, but not do it again!

 

[David]

Throw them out? Bit garden of Edenish don't you think? :lol:

I have never encountered copulation in refugios .. but, people can get carried away.

The highest Camino point is only 1515 metres - under the 1609 metres needed, otherwise we might have queues to join the Mile High Club. :wink:

 

[MichaelB10398]

There is no need to be overly concerned. What is a fact is that you are joining humanity on a very long pilgrimage that attracts individuals of all types and each has their own reason for doing the Camino. They range from the very religious to the most mundane. Wherever humanity exists good things occur and bad things occur; it has to do with being human.

It is possible that you will see one of the real exceptions in human behavior. If so, please just ignore it unless the behavior gets out of hand. If it does, speak up just as you would speak up in any situation where behavior has become boorish. Use humor as often as possible and be direct when humor fails.