..., so now you have to walk for both of us.

[Tingeling]

I started Camino Frances after hard work for long time to be able to take time off to walk from St Jean to Finisterre/Muxia. The first time I walked Camino Frances was in 2015 - also in between jobs. This time I was looking forward to the wonderful mix of solitude, being outside all day, seeing nature and landscape change - take photographs of some of it, meeting nice people and to eat when hungry and sleep when tired. And I had a desire to walk in a rather slow pace - but to walk quite long distances if my body and feet allowed it. And it did. This is most likely because I had walked a lot during the pandemic- I usually always walk a lot. One of the nicest most relaxing meditative 'thing' I do. Did.

Mid October I started in St Jean:
St Jean - Burquete:
Burquete - Trinidad de Arre
Trinidad de Arre - Cirauqui
Cirauqui - Villamayor de Monjardin
Villamayor de Monjardin - Longrono
Logrono - Azofra
Azofra - Belorado
Belorado - Atapuerca
Atapuerca to Burgos (transport) - Burgos - Hontanas
Hontanas - Fromista
Fromista - Calzadilla de la Cueza
Calzadilla de la Cueza - Sahagun
Sahagun - Mansilla de las Mulas
Mansilla de las Mulas - Leon
Leon - Astorga

I felt strong from the beginning and I felt even stronger every day. It was sad to see how the pandemic had changed the life, business and income to the worse in the villages along the Camino Frances.
I loved the feeling of being physically exhausted every evening, share meals with nice people. Sleep when tired. Every day I sent photos and description of the daily route and Camino life to my father - and when I had reached Astorga I sent a photo of the wonderful bridge - the national monument at Hospital de Orbigo as I knew he would love it. Then he called and said: "I can't walk - the ambulance just arrived and will take me to the hospital". I work within health and was sure that it was a brain stroke and told him I would return as fast as possible. He said that it couldn't be so serious so I didn't have to return. He then told me to continue my Camino and said: "I can't walk, so now you have to walk for both of us."

I of course bought a new ticket and took the bus to Santiago. I flew via some other countries to my home country and then a little later to his home town. When I left Astorga in a bus, I was sure that I would never want to go back to Spain to walk the 'remaining part' from Astorga to Muxia. I felt guilty for not being able to be at the hospital the first days after he was admitted. But I spent much time at the hospital with him days and nights where we shared so many nice moments and memories. And I managed to tell him all the nice things he deserved to hear. He died unexpectedly a few weeks later. I organized the funeral. And started my new job in all this. So here I am - I have stopped walking, I am completely passive and lack initiative - I feel exhausted, sad and overwhelmed. I eat unhealthy. I have to do something. Change something.

Today I had a nice walk in freezing cold weather and snow - and it felt good. I will go back to walking long walks every day - in the woods where I live - even if I don't feel like it. I will eat (healthy food) when hungry - as during the Camino - not as now. I will try to sleep enough. And I am planning to walk from Astorga to Muxia maybe next fall/winter - November 2022. Earlier seems impossible due to the pandemic, work and family. But Galicia is wonderful in itself. And it will be nice. It feels good to think about it. So I will continue my walk at home and in Spain. I am doing it for myself - and my father will be there in a way.

I wish you all a healthy new year!

 

[Mycroft]

November is a pleasant, albeit possibly damp, time to walk but since you are from Norway you will have no problem dealing with shorter daylight hours and wet weather.
Time in mourning takes its toll. I applaud your plans to treat yourself well and as you deserve, by caring for your body (and thereby, mind/spirit).

 

[Stellamaris]

Your post touched me to the tears, I can feel your sadness and the misleading appearance of the lack of light going through the mourning process.
You were there with him and for him it’s the greatest gift
and he is here with you and within you, that’s the greatest gift. Buen Camino.

 

[VNwalking]

Heartfelt condolences to you, @Tingeling. So good that you followed your gut and went home!

I am completely passive and lack initiative - I feel exhausted, sad and overwhelmed

There are layers of loss in your story, so it is not surprising you feel this way. Grief manifests in so many ways.
Not to mention it being dark and cold.

Your resilience is inspiring. Every day in spite of how you feel - because of it - putting one foot in front of another. Honoring the losses, but not bemoaning them.

May you have all strength for the way, peregrino!
May the planning lead you onward.

 

[JRO]

I started Camino Frances after hard work for long time to be able to take time off to walk from St Jean to Finisterre/Muxia. The first time I walked Camino Frances was in 2015 - also in between jobs. This time I was looking forward to the wonderful mix of solitude, being outside all day, seeing nature and landscape change - take photographs of some of it, meeting nice people and to eat when hungry and sleep when tired. And I had a desire to walk in a rather slow pace - but to walk quite long distances if my body and feet allowed it. And it did. This is most likely because I had walked a lot during the pandemic- I usually always walk a lot. One of the nicest most relaxing meditative 'thing' I do. Did.

Mid October I started in St Jean:
St Jean - Burquete:
Burquete - Trinidad de Arre
Trinidad de Arre - Cirauqui
Cirauqui - Villamayor de Monjardin
Villamayor de Monjardin - Longrono
Logrono - Azofra
Azofra - Belorado
Belorado - Atapuerca
Atapuerca to Burgos (transport) - Burgos - Hontanas
Hontanas - Fromista
Fromista - Calzadilla de la Cueza
Calzadilla de la Cueza - Sahagun
Sahagun - Mansilla de las Mulas
Mansilla de las Mulas - Leon
Leon - Astorga

I felt strong from the beginning and I felt even stronger every day. It was sad to see how the pandemic had changed the life, business and income to the worse in the villages along the Camino Frances.
I loved the feeling of being physically exhausted every evening, share meals with nice people. Sleep when tired. Every day I sent photos and description of the daily route and Camino life to my father - and when I had reached Astorga I sent a photo of the wonderful bridge - the national monument at Hospital de Orbigo as I knew he would love it. Then he called and said: "I can't walk - the ambulance just arrived and will take me to the hospital". I work within health and was sure that it was a brain stroke and told him I would return as fast as possible. He said that it couldn't be so serious so I didn't have to return. He then told me to continue my Camino and said: "I can't walk, so now you have to walk for both of us."

I of course bought a new ticket and took the bus to Santiago. I flew via some other countries to my home country and then a little later to his home town. When I left Astorga in a bus, I was sure that I would never want to go back to Spain to walk the 'remaining part' from Astorga to Muxia. I felt guilty for not being able to be at the hospital the first days after he was admitted. But I spent much time at the hospital with him days and nights where we shared so many nice moments and memories. And I managed to tell him all the nice things he deserved to hear. He died unexpectedly a few weeks later. I organized the funeral. And started my new job in all this. So here I am - I have stopped walking, I am completely passive and lack initiative - I feel exhausted, sad and overwhelmed. I eat unhealthy. I have to do something. Change something.

Today I had a nice walk in freezing cold weather and snow - and it felt good. I will go back to walking long walks every day - in the woods where I live - even if I don't feel like it. I will eat (healthy food) when hungry - as during the Camino - not as now. I will try to sleep enough. And I am planning to walk from Astorga to Muxia maybe next fall/winter - November 2022. Earlier seems impossible due to the pandemic, work and family. But Galicia is wonderful in itself. And it will be nice. It feels good to think about it. So I will continue my walk at home and in Spain. I am doing it for myself - and my father will be there in a way.

I wish you all a healthy new year!

I am so sorry for the loss of your father - and the loss of your dream of the entire walk....at least for now. Grieving is a journey much like the Camino; the only way to heal is to walk the journey. It will take time, but it seems you have found the best plan for you to journey, and that is to walk in grief as you walk your camino, taking time and doing what you need to do when you need to do it. I also lost my dad this year, the incident was quite similar. I am beginning to find that I am so grateful that I was able to be there, caring for him before, and then just being with him in hospital. I send you good wishes for this current journey to healing, and the journey you are already planning when you are able.

 

[Marbe2]

Thank you very much for sharing such an intimate journey with us. I was very touched by it. Having the time and presence those last days with your dad was a special gift and grace for you that I am sure you treasure.

You appear to be rising from your initial grief. Walking again is a good sign and healthy response and suggests you are already on the road to reengaging with life and normal routines. There will be ups and downs in the process of recovery. Writing about and sharing your experience here, is also a therapeutic step in your healing process. You may also want to consider journaling as well.

The Dual Process Model of Grief: Navigating the Spiral

The Dual Process Model of Grief: Many people experience normal grief as a back-and-forth between loss-oriented & restoration-oriented responses.

mindfulnessandgrief.com

 

[Anniesantiago]

Take care of yourself.
You did the right thing.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sending you strength and peace.

 

[PNeer]

I started Camino Frances after hard work for long time to be able to take time off to walk from St Jean to Finisterre/Muxia. The first time I walked Camino Frances was in 2015 - also in between jobs. This time I was looking forward to the wonderful mix of solitude, being outside all day, seeing nature and landscape change - take photographs of some of it, meeting nice people and to eat when hungry and sleep when tired. And I had a desire to walk in a rather slow pace - but to walk quite long distances if my body and feet allowed it. And it did. This is most likely because I had walked a lot during the pandemic- I usually always walk a lot. One of the nicest most relaxing meditative 'thing' I do. Did.

Mid October I started in St Jean:
St Jean - Burquete:
Burquete - Trinidad de Arre
Trinidad de Arre - Cirauqui
Cirauqui - Villamayor de Monjardin
Villamayor de Monjardin - Longrono
Logrono - Azofra
Azofra - Belorado
Belorado - Atapuerca
Atapuerca to Burgos (transport) - Burgos - Hontanas
Hontanas - Fromista
Fromista - Calzadilla de la Cueza
Calzadilla de la Cueza - Sahagun
Sahagun - Mansilla de las Mulas
Mansilla de las Mulas - Leon
Leon - Astorga

I felt strong from the beginning and I felt even stronger every day. It was sad to see how the pandemic had changed the life, business and income to the worse in the villages along the Camino Frances.
I loved the feeling of being physically exhausted every evening, share meals with nice people. Sleep when tired. Every day I sent photos and description of the daily route and Camino life to my father - and when I had reached Astorga I sent a photo of the wonderful bridge - the national monument at Hospital de Orbigo as I knew he would love it. Then he called and said: "I can't walk - the ambulance just arrived and will take me to the hospital". I work within health and was sure that it was a brain stroke and told him I would return as fast as possible. He said that it couldn't be so serious so I didn't have to return. He then told me to continue my Camino and said: "I can't walk, so now you have to walk for both of us."

I of course bought a new ticket and took the bus to Santiago. I flew via some other countries to my home country and then a little later to his home town. When I left Astorga in a bus, I was sure that I would never want to go back to Spain to walk the 'remaining part' from Astorga to Muxia. I felt guilty for not being able to be at the hospital the first days after he was admitted. But I spent much time at the hospital with him days and nights where we shared so many nice moments and memories. And I managed to tell him all the nice things he deserved to hear. He died unexpectedly a few weeks later. I organized the funeral. And started my new job in all this. So here I am - I have stopped walking, I am completely passive and lack initiative - I feel exhausted, sad and overwhelmed. I eat unhealthy. I have to do something. Change something.

Today I had a nice walk in freezing cold weather and snow - and it felt good. I will go back to walking long walks every day - in the woods where I live - even if I don't feel like it. I will eat (healthy food) when hungry - as during the Camino - not as now. I will try to sleep enough. And I am planning to walk from Astorga to Muxia maybe next fall/winter - November 2022. Earlier seems impossible due to the pandemic, work and family. But Galicia is wonderful in itself. And it will be nice. It feels good to think about it. So I will continue my walk at home and in Spain. I am doing it for myself - and my father will be there in a way.

I wish you all a healthy new year!

Yes he will be there... I am confident in this

 

[IngridF]

I am so sorry for your loss. Grief has so many layers and takes us by surprise each and every day.
As a fellow pilgrim on this journey, I thank you for sharing yours.
Light and Love, Ultreia. Ingrid

 

[Rex]

More prayers and a blessing for your spirit. Be well and take the journey one step at a time. Losing a parent with whom you are especially close is hard and hard to recover from... been there, and it takes a while to feel like the world is all right once again. Still miss Mom... four years on.
Ultreia

 

[barbgarvey]

I started Camino Frances after hard work for long time to be able to take time off to walk from St Jean to Finisterre/Muxia. The first time I walked Camino Frances was in 2015 - also in between jobs. This time I was looking forward to the wonderful mix of solitude, being outside all day, seeing nature and landscape change - take photographs of some of it, meeting nice people and to eat when hungry and sleep when tired. And I had a desire to walk in a rather slow pace - but to walk quite long distances if my body and feet allowed it. And it did. This is most likely because I had walked a lot during the pandemic- I usually always walk a lot. One of the nicest most relaxing meditative 'thing' I do. Did.

Mid October I started in St Jean:
St Jean - Burquete:
Burquete - Trinidad de Arre
Trinidad de Arre - Cirauqui
Cirauqui - Villamayor de Monjardin
Villamayor de Monjardin - Longrono
Logrono - Azofra
Azofra - Belorado
Belorado - Atapuerca
Atapuerca to Burgos (transport) - Burgos - Hontanas
Hontanas - Fromista
Fromista - Calzadilla de la Cueza
Calzadilla de la Cueza - Sahagun
Sahagun - Mansilla de las Mulas
Mansilla de las Mulas - Leon
Leon - Astorga

I felt strong from the beginning and I felt even stronger every day. It was sad to see how the pandemic had changed the life, business and income to the worse in the villages along the Camino Frances.
I loved the feeling of being physically exhausted every evening, share meals with nice people. Sleep when tired. Every day I sent photos and description of the daily route and Camino life to my father - and when I had reached Astorga I sent a photo of the wonderful bridge - the national monument at Hospital de Orbigo as I knew he would love it. Then he called and said: "I can't walk - the ambulance just arrived and will take me to the hospital". I work within health and was sure that it was a brain stroke and told him I would return as fast as possible. He said that it couldn't be so serious so I didn't have to return. He then told me to continue my Camino and said: "I can't walk, so now you have to walk for both of us."

I of course bought a new ticket and took the bus to Santiago. I flew via some other countries to my home country and then a little later to his home town. When I left Astorga in a bus, I was sure that I would never want to go back to Spain to walk the 'remaining part' from Astorga to Muxia. I felt guilty for not being able to be at the hospital the first days after he was admitted. But I spent much time at the hospital with him days and nights where we shared so many nice moments and memories. And I managed to tell him all the nice things he deserved to hear. He died unexpectedly a few weeks later. I organized the funeral. And started my new job in all this. So here I am - I have stopped walking, I am completely passive and lack initiative - I feel exhausted, sad and overwhelmed. I eat unhealthy. I have to do something. Change something.

Today I had a nice walk in freezing cold weather and snow - and it felt good. I will go back to walking long walks every day - in the woods where I live - even if I don't feel like it. I will eat (healthy food) when hungry - as during the Camino - not as now. I will try to sleep enough. And I am planning to walk from Astorga to Muxia maybe next fall/winter - November 2022. Earlier seems impossible due to the pandemic, work and family. But Galicia is wonderful in itself. And it will be nice. It feels good to think about it. So I will continue my walk at home and in Spain. I am doing it for myself - and my father will be there in a way.

I wish you all a healthy new year!

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in April, and am struggling through the many layers of grief. Life won't be the same. I promised him, before he died, to walk a Camino for him. You might want to consider that for your father. Have his name put on the Compostela? Just a suggestion. Prayers for you in this very difficult time.

 

[Myra13]

Best condoleances to you Tingeling.
I reconized your story. Same for me. Made time to walk from Lourdes to Finisterra last september-november. Went home because my father was in hospital and it didn't go well. Had time to be with him. He died in november.
Had to pull myself together. I started walking long walks. It also made me feel better. And longing to go back to walk the camino.

 

[ElaineM]

I started Camino Frances after hard work for long time to be able to take time off to walk from St Jean to Finisterre/Muxia. The first time I walked Camino Frances was in 2015 - also in between jobs. This time I was looking forward to the wonderful mix of solitude, being outside all day, seeing nature and landscape change - take photographs of some of it, meeting nice people and to eat when hungry and sleep when tired. And I had a desire to walk in a rather slow pace - but to walk quite long distances if my body and feet allowed it. And it did. This is most likely because I had walked a lot during the pandemic- I usually always walk a lot. One of the nicest most relaxing meditative 'thing' I do. Did.

Mid October I started in St Jean:
St Jean - Burquete:
Burquete - Trinidad de Arre
Trinidad de Arre - Cirauqui
Cirauqui - Villamayor de Monjardin
Villamayor de Monjardin - Longrono
Logrono - Azofra
Azofra - Belorado
Belorado - Atapuerca
Atapuerca to Burgos (transport) - Burgos - Hontanas
Hontanas - Fromista
Fromista - Calzadilla de la Cueza
Calzadilla de la Cueza - Sahagun
Sahagun - Mansilla de las Mulas
Mansilla de las Mulas - Leon
Leon - Astorga

I felt strong from the beginning and I felt even stronger every day. It was sad to see how the pandemic had changed the life, business and income to the worse in the villages along the Camino Frances.
I loved the feeling of being physically exhausted every evening, share meals with nice people. Sleep when tired. Every day I sent photos and description of the daily route and Camino life to my father - and when I had reached Astorga I sent a photo of the wonderful bridge - the national monument at Hospital de Orbigo as I knew he would love it. Then he called and said: "I can't walk - the ambulance just arrived and will take me to the hospital". I work within health and was sure that it was a brain stroke and told him I would return as fast as possible. He said that it couldn't be so serious so I didn't have to return. He then told me to continue my Camino and said: "I can't walk, so now you have to walk for both of us."

I of course bought a new ticket and took the bus to Santiago. I flew via some other countries to my home country and then a little later to his home town. When I left Astorga in a bus, I was sure that I would never want to go back to Spain to walk the 'remaining part' from Astorga to Muxia. I felt guilty for not being able to be at the hospital the first days after he was admitted. But I spent much time at the hospital with him days and nights where we shared so many nice moments and memories. And I managed to tell him all the nice things he deserved to hear. He died unexpectedly a few weeks later. I organized the funeral. And started my new job in all this. So here I am - I have stopped walking, I am completely passive and lack initiative - I feel exhausted, sad and overwhelmed. I eat unhealthy. I have to do something. Change something.

Today I had a nice walk in freezing cold weather and snow - and it felt good. I will go back to walking long walks every day - in the woods where I live - even if I don't feel like it. I will eat (healthy food) when hungry - as during the Camino - not as now. I will try to sleep enough. And I am planning to walk from Astorga to Muxia maybe next fall/winter - November 2022. Earlier seems impossible due to the pandemic, work and family. But Galicia is wonderful in itself. And it will be nice. It feels good to think about it. So I will continue my walk at home and in Spain. I am doing it for myself - and my father will be there in a way.

I wish you all a healthy new year!

Buen Camino

 

[Tingeling]

November is a pleasant, albeit possibly damp, time to walk but since you are from Norway you will have no problem dealing with shorter daylight hours and wet weather.
Time in mourning takes its toll. I applaud your plans to treat yourself well and as you deserve, by caring for your body (and thereby, mind/spirit).

Thank you @Mycroft. I also think November is a good Month - I went home from Astorga in the beginning of November 2021. I packed (and will pack for my next November camino) clothes and gear for all kinds of weather and I like the cold crispy mornings, expect some snow (that I am used to) and more wet weather and shorter daylight hours.
I wish you all the best.

 

[Tingeling]

Your post touched me to the tears, I can feel your sadness and the misleading appearance of the lack of light going through the mourning process.
You were there with him and for him it’s the greatest gift
and he is here with you and within you, that’s the greatest gift. Buen Camino.

Thank you @Stellamaris for the lovely and comforting words.

 

[Tingeling]

Heartfelt condolences to you, @Tingeling. So good that you followed your gut and went home!


There are layers of loss in your story, so it is not surprising you feel this way. Grief manifests in so many ways.
Not to mention it being dark and cold.

Your resilience is inspiring. Every day in spite of how you feel - because of it - putting one foot in front of another. Honoring the losses, but not bemoaning them.

May you have all strength for the way, peregrino!
May the planning lead you onward.

@VNwalking - thank you for writing these words that will also lead me onward. I am also so glad I went home. No I am thinking about the last part of the camino with a smile.

 

[Tingeling]

I am so sorry for the loss of your father - and the loss of your dream of the entire walk....at least for now. Grieving is a journey much like the Camino; the only way to heal is to walk the journey. It will take time, but it seems you have found the best plan for you to journey, and that is to walk in grief as you walk your camino, taking time and doing what you need to do when you need to do it. I also lost my dad this year, the incident was quite similar. I am beginning to find that I am so grateful that I was able to be there, caring for him before, and then just being with him in hospital. I send you good wishes for this current journey to healing, and the journey you are already planning when you are able.

Thank you @JRO , I am so sorry for the loss of your father. You are so right when it comes to feeling grateful for the extra time and experiences.

 

[Tingeling]

Thank you very much for sharing such an intimate journey with us. I was very touched by it. Having the time and presence those last days with your dad was a special gift and grace for you that I am sure you treasure.

You appear to be rising from your initial grief. Walking again is a good sign and healthy response and suggests you are already on the road to reengaging with life and normal routines. There will be ups and downs in the process of recovery. Writing about and sharing your experience here, is also a therapeutic step in your healing process. You may also want to consider journaling as well.

The Dual Process Model of Grief: Navigating the Spiral

The Dual Process Model of Grief: Many people experience normal grief as a back-and-forth between loss-oriented & restoration-oriented responses.

mindfulnessandgrief.com

Thank you for your nice and comforting words @Marbe2, and thank you for the link.

 

[Chris Taggart]

Your story touched my heart, the love between your father and yourself, the special moments and memories you now have are such a blessing.
Take especial care of yourself during the coming time until you are ready to walk with your father beside you in spirit, but always in your heart.