I'm Worried about Walking with my Wife !

Robo · Oct 25, 2015

OK, let me explain.... she's not 'that' scary

This year I walked the CF from St Jean and found it to be a deeply profound experience. I think mainly because I walked alone. The solitude was what I needed. And I found the loneliness to be a really positive factor. It allowed me to ponder and reflect.

I sought out company when I felt I needed it. Company found me when others needed it. The journey was a challenge and a joy on so many levels.

OK....

Next year my wife Pat wants to walk with me. We plan to just walk from Sarria. She wants to 'sample' the Camino and also get a Compostella. So the 'final 100' seemed ideal.

But I've suggested we might try a couple of short earlier sections, to get a flavour of the other 'environments' the Camino has to offer. I mean let's be honest here. The final 100 kms is a very different section and not the best....

So we planned to walk a day to pass the Cruz de Ferro. And maybe a day on another really beautiful section. Pat is not really 'up to' a significant distance physically or emotionally. (just accept that for now)

Tonight we started talking about the 'meaning of life' our life's purpose, what makes us happy and so on. These things I managed to sort out very clearly in my head whilst walking this year. For her it's still confused and gets her down at times.

So I broached the idea of a longer walk together. Maybe three weeks. I found that two weeks got me into the 'zone' in terms of reflection and seeking answers. Three weeks was ideal. She's quite keen on the idea.

I explained that in my view, it's not at all about how far we walk, but merely hours, days and weeks on the road'. That time spent 'away from the World' and its distractions. Time to reflect, ponder, pray, question....

But now the scary bit.....

I found that it worked really well walking on my own. The isolation and loneliness actually enhanced the experience.

What on earth is it like walking with a 'significant other'? I can't imagine? It would totally change the experience.

I'm totally happy that it will be 'her Camino'. We'll walk at her pace etc. But we'll actually have each other for company all the time. We'll have each other to be concerned about. We'll have two sets of feet to take care of. We won't feel the need at times to 'seek out' the company of other Pilgrims. Or welcome the company of a lonely Pilgrim on the road. Because we'll have each other...

I suppose what I'm thinking, is that she won't be able to have the same experience I had, because that would mean walking alone. (which she would never do. Again, just accept that)

And will the 'partnered' experience be as valuable in terms of the soul searching element of the Camino. I would have found that really difficult being 'in company' all the time.

Sorry if this is not very coherent!

When we just planned to walk from Sarria, I was totally cool with the idea. After all, it's really just an extended Sunday walk in the company of a thousand, sometimes noisy, friends.

Whereas for me, in my very limited experience of one Camino, a walk of 2-3 weeks is a totally different thing....and a very different experience.

Maybe if you have walked alone and with a partner you could share your thoughts on what the main differences were? What you gained? What you missed out on?

Just thinking aloud here....

Peter Fransiscus · Oct 25, 2015

Robo said:
OK, let me explain.... she's not 'that' scary

This year I walked the CF from St Jean and found it to be a deeply profound experience. I think mainly because I walked alone. The solitude was what I needed. And I found the loneliness to be a really positive factor. It allowed me to ponder and reflect.

I sought out company when I felt I needed it. Company found me when others needed it. The journey was a challenge and a joy on so many levels.

OK....

Next year my wife Pat wants to walk with me. We plan to just walk from Sarria. She wants to 'sample' the Camino and also get a Compostella. So the 'final 100' seemed ideal.

But I've suggested we might try a couple of short earlier sections, to get a flavour of the other 'environments' the Camino has to offer. I mean let's be honest here. The final 100 kms is a very different section and not the best....

So we planned to walk a day to pass the Cruz de Ferro. And maybe a day on another really beautiful section. Pat is not really 'up to' a significant distance physically or emotionally. (just accept that for now)

Tonight we started talking about the 'meaning of life' our life's purpose, what makes us happy and so on. These things I managed to sort out very clearly in my head whilst walking this year. For her it's still confused and gets her down at times.

So I broached the idea of a longer walk together. Maybe three weeks. I found that two weeks got me into the 'zone' in terms of reflection and seeking answers. Three weeks was ideal. She's quite keen on the idea.

I explained that in my view, it's not at all about how far we walk, but merely hours, days and weeks on the road'. That time spent 'away from the World' and its distractions. Time to reflect, ponder, pray, question....

But now the scary bit.....

I found that it worked really well walking on my own. The isolation and loneliness actually enhanced the experience.

What on earth is it like walking with a 'significant other'? I can't imagine? It would totally change the experience.

I'm totally happy that it will be 'her Camino'. We'll walk at her pace etc. But we'll actually have each other for company all the time. We'll have each other to be concerned about. We'll have two sets of feet to take care of. We won't feel the need at times to 'seek out' the company of other Pilgrims. Or welcome the company of a lonely Pilgrim on the road. Because we'll have each other...

I suppose what I'm thinking, is that she won't be able to have the same experience I had, because that would mean walking alone. (which she would never do. Again, just accept that)

And will the 'partnered' experience be as valuable in terms of the soul searching element of the Camino. I would have found that really difficult being 'in company' all the time.

Sorry if this is not very coherent!

When we just planned to walk from Sarria, I was totally cool with the idea. After all, it's really just an extended Sunday walk in the company of a thousand, sometimes noisy, friends.

Whereas for me, in my very limited experience of one Camino, a walk of 2-3 weeks is a totally different thing....and a very different experience.

Maybe if you have walked alone and with a partner you could share your thoughts on what the main differences were? What you gained? What you missed out on?

Just thinking aloud here....

Hi Robo, I'm thinking aloud here also.
Mabe begin the day together till the first coffee of the day and after that walk alone till a place you both comfortable with. Yust an idea.
My wife and I will walk every two year together. She did the Camino Frances in 2013 alone. Last year we walked together from Sarria to Finistere. This year I walked the Camino Frances. And next year we walk together again from Porto to Santiago.
Mabe you can walk from Sarria to Finistere, that's nice to.
What ever you decide it will be a great experience.
Wish you both well and a Buen Camino, Peter.

Anne C · Oct 25, 2015

Robo said:
I'm totally happy that it will be 'her Camino'. We'll walk at her pace etc. But we'll actually have each other for company all the time. We'll have each other to be concerned about.

.

What a wonderful gift you are giving your wife and of course for you this Camino will be totally different to your previous one. I have walked alone and walked with friends and both were just right at the time for me. Buen Camino

amancio · Oct 25, 2015

not easy, you will have to be careful with her soft paws, but she will love it! I would recommend Porto-Santiago, that would be nice for two weeks, it isnot very demanding physically, yet you will find some good atmosphere too.

Good luck!

kmrice · Oct 25, 2015

My wife and I did the CF together in 2013. While we walked together the whole time, there were many, many hours of silence as each of us prayed, meditated, contemplated, etc. We had wax other's backs, but still had plenty of time to get into our own heads, we found. Our natural paces are about the same, though; it would have been different if one were holding back or struggling to keep up.

Anniesantiago · Oct 25, 2015

The Camino tends to give you the time we lack in our busy lives to dredge buried issues up to the surface, and force us to face them.
It can be a little scary for a couple, as well as being a great adventure!

Go with an open heart.
Be ready to communicate.

Let it REALLY be HER Camino.
You've done it.
Let her do it now.
Be helpful but not intrusive.

If you have plans to walk 28 kilometers and she is ready to quit at 20k, don't try to convince her to keep going... just stop and find lodging.
If she has only walked 4k and wants to stop because her feet are hurting and you know there is a bar 2k up the road, don't nudge her to "just go 2k more.".... just stop.
Don't prod her to go "just a little further."
Follow her lead.
And have a Buen Camino!

Anemone del Camino · Oct 25, 2015

You are changimg from wanting this to be a walk where she can see What you saw and did to one where you want her to experience what you did. The truth is that you May not experience What you did on your first Camino ever again, regardless of if you walk alone or not, and she May never experience What you did no matter the number of days and company. (By the way, love the nuance you bring regarding distance and number of days out on the Camino, so true, and still disqualifiés the last 100 unless you're a turtle ). Perhaps this will just be the sampler so she leaves her fears and she'll want to come back on her own to experience and not just see What things look like?

pilgrim b · Oct 25, 2015

Hi Robo do you remember we met each other. Just approaching Melide my wife and me,we had a drink together and shared our joys profound experiences and also our sufferings. You may remember that my wife walked the same distances as myself but not always at the same pace, so she was often in front of me. We made arrangements like "see you at the next bar" but most of the time we were in sight of each other but able to make our own way in silence or with making new friends. This worked out well for us both agreeing to do our own camino's. Annie also has some good ideas I like so Buen Camino mate. b

Annette london · Oct 25, 2015

Robo said:
OK, let me explain.... she's not 'that' scary

This year I walked the CF from St Jean and found it to be a deeply profound experience. I think mainly because I walked alone. The solitude was what I needed. And I found the loneliness to be a really positive factor. It allowed me to ponder and reflect.

I sought out company when I felt I needed it. Company found me when others needed it. The journey was a challenge and a joy on so many levels.

OK....

Next year my wife Pat wants to walk with me. We plan to just walk from Sarria. She wants to 'sample' the Camino and also get a Compostella. So the 'final 100' seemed ideal.

But I've suggested we might try a couple of short earlier sections, to get a flavour of the other 'environments' the Camino has to offer. I mean let's be honest here. The final 100 kms is a very different section and not the best....

So we planned to walk a day to pass the Cruz de Ferro. And maybe a day on another really beautiful section. Pat is not really 'up to' a significant distance physically or emotionally. (just accept that for now)

Tonight we started talking about the 'meaning of life' our life's purpose, what makes us happy and so on. These things I managed to sort out very clearly in my head whilst walking this year. For her it's still confused and gets her down at times.

So I broached the idea of a longer walk together. Maybe three weeks. I found that two weeks got me into the 'zone' in terms of reflection and seeking answers. Three weeks was ideal. She's quite keen on the idea.

I explained that in my view, it's not at all about how far we walk, but merely hours, days and weeks on the road'. That time spent 'away from the World' and its distractions. Time to reflect, ponder, pray, question....

But now the scary bit.....

I found that it worked really well walking on my own. The isolation and loneliness actually enhanced the experience.

What on earth is it like walking with a 'significant other'? I can't imagine? It would totally change the experience.

I'm totally happy that it will be 'her Camino'. We'll walk at her pace etc. But we'll actually have each other for company all the time. We'll have each other to be concerned about. We'll have two sets of feet to take care of. We won't feel the need at times to 'seek out' the company of other Pilgrims. Or welcome the company of a lonely Pilgrim on the road. Because we'll have each other...

I suppose what I'm thinking, is that she won't be able to have the same experience I had, because that would mean walking alone. (which she would never do. Again, just accept that)

And will the 'partnered' experience be as valuable in terms of the soul searching element of the Camino. I would have found that really difficult being 'in company' all the time.

Sorry if this is not very coherent!

When we just planned to walk from Sarria, I was totally cool with the idea. After all, it's really just an extended Sunday walk in the company of a thousand, sometimes noisy, friends.

Whereas for me, in my very limited experience of one Camino, a walk of 2-3 weeks is a totally different thing....and a very different experience.

Maybe if you have walked alone and with a partner you could share your thoughts on what the main differences were? What you gained? What you missed out on?

Just thinking aloud here....

DeadFred · Oct 25, 2015

Robo ... Don't over think this . It will be a great experience for both of you and a wonderful shared experience . Laurie and I walked in 2014 on the year for our 35th anniversary and had an incredible experience . Like you I worried the event to death but it became one of our best life experiences ( besides our 4 children and 12 grandchildern of course ) .
Don't fret ... enjoy
Joe

Annette london · Oct 25, 2015

Robo said:
OK, let me explain.... she's not 'that' scary

This year I walked the CF from St Jean and found it to be a deeply profound experience. I think mainly because I walked alone. The solitude was what I needed. And I found the loneliness to be a really positive factor. It allowed me to ponder and reflect.

I sought out company when I felt I needed it. Company found me when others needed it. The journey was a challenge and a joy on so many levels.

OK....

Next year my wife Pat wants to walk with me. We plan to just walk from Sarria. She wants to 'sample' the Camino and also get a Compostella. So the 'final 100' seemed ideal.

But I've suggested we might try a couple of short earlier sections, to get a flavour of the other 'environments' the Camino has to offer. I mean let's be honest here. The final 100 kms is a very different section and not the best....

So we planned to walk a day to pass the Cruz de Ferro. And maybe a day on another really beautiful section. Pat is not really 'up to' a significant distance physically or emotionally. (just accept that for now)

Tonight we started talking about the 'meaning of life' our life's purpose, what makes us happy and so on. These things I managed to sort out very clearly in my head whilst walking this year. For her it's still confused and gets her down at times.

So I broached the idea of a longer walk together. Maybe three weeks. I found that two weeks got me into the 'zone' in terms of reflection and seeking answers. Three weeks was ideal. She's quite keen on the idea.

I explained that in my view, it's not at all about how far we walk, but merely hours, days and weeks on the road'. That time spent 'away from the World' and its distractions. Time to reflect, ponder, pray, question....

But now the scary bit.....

I found that it worked really well walking on my own. The isolation and loneliness actually enhanced the experience.

What on earth is it like walking with a 'significant other'? I can't imagine? It would totally change the experience.

I'm totally happy that it will be 'her Camino'. We'll walk at her pace etc. But we'll actually have each other for company all the time. We'll have each other to be concerned about. We'll have two sets of feet to take care of. We won't feel the need at times to 'seek out' the company of other Pilgrims. Or welcome the company of a lonely Pilgrim on the road. Because we'll have each other...

I suppose what I'm thinking, is that she won't be able to have the same experience I had, because that would mean walking alone. (which she would never do. Again, just accept that)

And will the 'partnered' experience be as valuable in terms of the soul searching element of the Camino. I would have found that really difficult being 'in company' all the time.

Sorry if this is not very coherent!

When we just planned to walk from Sarria, I was totally cool with the idea. After all, it's really just an extended Sunday walk in the company of a thousand, sometimes noisy, friends.

Whereas for me, in my very limited experience of one Camino, a walk of 2-3 weeks is a totally different thing....and a very different experience.

Maybe if you have walked alone and with a partner you could share your thoughts on what the main differences were? What you gained? What you missed out on?

Just thinking aloud here....

What a lovely post. Seriously what are you worried about? It can be seen from your post the love,respect and regard that you have for your wife shines through in bucketfuls and You sound like a lovely caring person andthink this will be a wonderful experience for both of you. It will be a different experience of course from what you described but it might even be a better one for yourself. Of course she won't have the very same experience as you did simply because she is not you but an individual in her own right and that's the same for everyone surely? Our first Camino was a wonderful experience in 2005 and we were surprised that this years one was even better. This time we stayed in hotels or pensions as we did not walk as pilgrims and did not think we should take a pilgrims bed, but it did not stop us meeting some wonderful people or wanting to walk then on our own,and group walking for us is a definite no no I'm afraid. We often walk together or sometimes at a different pace. We often chat and we often argue! We laugh a lot and talk to many along the way about where they come from etc. We listen to our own music or just enjoy the scenery and have have lots of coffee stops. Really I guess much the same as when we are at home but without the responsibilitys that brings. Would you think of walking the Meseta with the wide open spaces or the lovely section after hospital origba? Also why not get a bus now and then if your wife feels tired and not able to walk long distances or spend a few nights in a place that you both might like. The fact that pat wants to walk the Camino with you is testament to the peace that you so obviously found there. Like Pat I would not like to walk alone and have never walked distances on my own so can't comment on that. We walk thousands of km each year and so far so good! We are just lucky I guess to enjoy the same walking and you might find the same thing too. Walking anywhere really is a time for reflection whether on your own or with your significant other. Please forgive me if I have rambled too much but I feel in my bones that this will be a good time for you and your wife .

hecate105 · Oct 25, 2015

I cycled with my husband and loved nearly every moment...! We sometimes chatted, sometimes bickered and sometimes were silent. We were able to support each other and also helped others when we could. As a couple other people seemed more likely to approach us - especially younger folk. It taught us a lot about each other and our relationship has benefitted from it. We plan more Caminos together, cycling and walking, but would perhaps walk alone too.
I think it is just a different experience - like praying alone v praying together, meditating alone or in a group - the dynamic is different - not better or worse - just another rich experience.
Lets face it - if you get the chance to go on a pilgrimage in any way whatsoever - just do it!! Bon Camino..

rita n/ · Oct 25, 2015

i'm planning a camino and have friends that have discussed coming along including my husband. our plan is to walk at our own pace, together or not, and meet up at specific points down the road. i'm not sure that'll work for you and your wife, but it might.

Robo · Oct 25, 2015

pilgrim b said:
Hi Robo do you remember we met each other. Just approaching Melide my wife and me,we had a drink together and shared our joys profound experiences and also our sufferings. You may remember that my wife walked the same distances as myself but not always at the same pace, so she was often in front of me. We made arrangements like "see you at the next bar" but most of the time we were in sight of each other but able to make our own way in silence or with making new friends. This worked out well for us both agreeing to do our own camino's. Annie also has some good ideas I like so Buen Camino mate. b

It was great meeting you both

I think that's how we'll walk. I'll let Pat set the pace and distance for the day...

Robo · Oct 25, 2015

Thanks for sharing your thought folks.

And for reminding me that one can't really 'engineer' a Camino experience.

What happens......happens.

I'm probably 'over thinking it'

As always

Robo · Oct 25, 2015

Anniesantiago said:
The Camino tends to give you the time we lack in our busy lives to dredge buried issues up to the surface, and force us to face them.
It can be a little scary for a couple, as well as being a great adventure!

Go with an open heart.
Be ready to communicate.

Let it REALLY be HER Camino.
You've done it.
Let her do it now.
Be helpful but not intrusive.

If you have plans to walk 28 kilometers and she is ready to quit at 20k, don't try to convince her to keep going... just stop and find lodging.
If she has only walked 4k and wants to stop because her feet are hurting and you know there is a bar 2k up the road, don't nudge her to "just go 2k more.".... just stop.
Don't prod her to go "just a little further."
Follow her lead.
And have a Buen Camino!

Sound advice Annie. Thanks.

wawpdx · Oct 25, 2015

I am also thinking out loud here. I have both walked alone and walked for almost two weeks with someone I met on the Camino. I agree, it is totally different. Each has its own pros and cons so I am not certain which I would choose. Luckily the person I walked with had already walked the Camino and he almost never had any "avoid this", "wait for this" agenda or comments. We walked together at my (slower) pace although we had always walked about the same daily distances. I had been very comfortable walking alone but I learned that the same things are a lot more fun when doing them with another person. We laughed a lot and it was a thought provoking multicultural experience. For me, two weeks at a time is about my limit so I know that I might have needed to return for the final leg without the daily interaction.

On the other hand, almost all of my very specific memories of places, meals, new foods, trail sections, interactions with other people are from the time that I walked alone. Because I had had the two very different experiences, I wasn't sure how I wanted to spend the final walking day into Santiago. The night before we agreed to a meeting place and how long to wait there before going on. I started the day alone and on my own rising, organizing, eating schedule. In the end it seemed right to finish the journey walking together.

It will just be a different experience. I am pretty sure you made reservations ahead, that might make it more challenging to figure out the pace as you go so I wouldn't book too far ahead.

The last time, you had a very public Camino. Maybe choosing to let go of that would be a very different experience.

dougfitz · Oct 25, 2015

@Robo, I am in a similar position - planning to walk with my wife next year. When I showed her your post, her immediate reaction was 'Oh, no. I'll team up with Pat.'

As others have said, walking alone or largely alone is just one way, and the experience of walking for a large part of the way with someone else is a different way with different experiences. In my case, I walked with someone else out to Muxia and then Finisterre. We did not need to walk together, but found we both walked at much the same pace, wanted to stay in the same places, etc. I think walking with one's partner will require different approaches again, whether it is to the physical, intellectual, emotional or spiritual dimensions of how I will accommodate the needs of my wife. I also don't think this accommodation will be a one-way street. I know that I am likely to have demands on how things are done, perhaps unconsciously, that will need to be negotiated at the same time as I need to accommodate what my wife will want or need to do.

I think of these things as boundaries. When I walk alone, I have different boundaries to those times we do things together. The physical boundaries are perhaps more obvious, but the same phenomena exists in all dimensions of our lives. As others have suggested, there are times when you might undertake separate activities, such as walking apart and meeting up during the day, so that both of you can achieve your own goals. My wife and I do this, but try to make it a relatively small proportion of the time that we can be together. For us, after all, the time we can spend together is precious and we want to make sure that we get the balance right.

zzotte · Oct 26, 2015

From what I seen from other couples walking the camino I can only say that is like kayaking together YOU REALY get to know each other

Zzotte

Urban Trekker · Oct 26, 2015

Robo said:
OK, let me explain.... she's not 'that' scary

This year I walked the CF from St Jean and found it to be a deeply profound experience. I think mainly because I walked alone. The solitude was what I needed. And I found the loneliness to be a really positive factor. It allowed me to ponder and reflect.

I sought out company when I felt I needed it. Company found me when others needed it. The journey was a challenge and a joy on so many levels.

OK....

Next year my wife Pat wants to walk with me. We plan to just walk from Sarria. She wants to 'sample' the Camino and also get a Compostella. So the 'final 100' seemed ideal.

But I've suggested we might try a couple of short earlier sections, to get a flavour of the other 'environments' the Camino has to offer. I mean let's be honest here. The final 100 kms is a very different section and not the best....

So we planned to walk a day to pass the Cruz de Ferro. And maybe a day on another really beautiful section. Pat is not really 'up to' a significant distance physically or emotionally. (just accept that for now)

Tonight we started talking about the 'meaning of life' our life's purpose, what makes us happy and so on. These things I managed to sort out very clearly in my head whilst walking this year. For her it's still confused and gets her down at times.

So I broached the idea of a longer walk together. Maybe three weeks. I found that two weeks got me into the 'zone' in terms of reflection and seeking answers. Three weeks was ideal. She's quite keen on the idea.

I explained that in my view, it's not at all about how far we walk, but merely hours, days and weeks on the road'. That time spent 'away from the World' and its distractions. Time to reflect, ponder, pray, question....

But now the scary bit.....

I found that it worked really well walking on my own. The isolation and loneliness actually enhanced the experience.

What on earth is it like walking with a 'significant other'? I can't imagine? It would totally change the experience.

I'm totally happy that it will be 'her Camino'. We'll walk at her pace etc. But we'll actually have each other for company all the time. We'll have each other to be concerned about. We'll have two sets of feet to take care of. We won't feel the need at times to 'seek out' the company of other Pilgrims. Or welcome the company of a lonely Pilgrim on the road. Because we'll have each other...

I suppose what I'm thinking, is that she won't be able to have the same experience I had, because that would mean walking alone. (which she would never do. Again, just accept that)

And will the 'partnered' experience be as valuable in terms of the soul searching element of the Camino. I would have found that really difficult being 'in company' all the time.

Sorry if this is not very coherent!

When we just planned to walk from Sarria, I was totally cool with the idea. After all, it's really just an extended Sunday walk in the company of a thousand, sometimes noisy, friends.

Whereas for me, in my very limited experience of one Camino, a walk of 2-3 weeks is a totally different thing....and a very different experience.

Maybe if you have walked alone and with a partner you could share your thoughts on what the main differences were? What you gained? What you missed out on?

Just thinking aloud here....

If you have 2 to 3 weeks consider Porto, Portugal to Santiago. Beautiful walk. Not a lot of steep climbs. Great verity of accommodationsome and food venues. Buen Camino

Happy Trails

Robo · Oct 26, 2015

wawpdx said:
I am also thinking out loud here. I have both walked alone and walked for almost two weeks with someone I met on the Camino. I agree, it is totally different. Each has its own pros and cons so I am not certain which I would choose. Luckily the person I walked with had already walked the Camino and he almost never had any "avoid this", "wait for this" agenda or comments. We walked together at my (slower) pace although we had always walked about the same daily distances. I had been very comfortable walking alone but I learned that the same things are a lot more fun when doing them with another person.

It will be interesting. On my last Camino I was the slowest walker....... (due to injury) And I'll probably carry the same injury next year.
And Pat still walks at half my speed

Robo · Oct 26, 2015

dougfitz said:
@Robo, I am in a similar position - planning to walk with my wife next year. When I showed her your post, her immediate reaction was 'Oh, no. I'll team up with Pat.'

As others have said, walking alone or largely alone is just one way, and the experience of walking for a large part of the way with someone else is a different way with different experiences. In my case, I walked with someone else out to Muxia and then Finisterre. We did not need to walk together, but found we both walked at much the same pace, wanted to stay in the same places, etc. I think walking with one's partner will require different approaches again, whether it is to the physical, intellectual, emotional or spiritual dimensions of how I will accommodate the needs of my wife. I also don't think this accommodation will be a one-way street. I know that I am likely to have demands on how things are done, perhaps unconsciously, that will need to be negotiated at the same time as I need to accommodate what my wife will want or need to do.

I think of these things as boundaries. When I walk alone, I have different boundaries to those times we do things together. The physical boundaries are perhaps more obvious, but the same phenomena exists in all dimensions of our lives. As others have suggested, there are times when you might undertake separate activities, such as walking apart and meeting up during the day, so that both of you can achieve your own goals. My wife and I do this, but try to make it a relatively small proportion of the time that we can be together. For us, after all, the time we can spend together is precious and we want to make sure that we get the balance right.

Thank for sharing Doug. We will both (you and I) have an interesting time it seems

Robo · Oct 26, 2015

Urban Trekker said:
If you have 2 to 3 weeks consider Porto, Portugal to Santiago. Beautiful walk. Not a lot of steep climbs. Great verity of accommodationsome and food venues. Buen Camino

Happy Trails

That's certainly worth thinking about.

Though I suppose I'm thinking of the CF because I 'know' it and can therefore make an informed decision if Pat wants to slow down, miss a section or whatever. I'll know what we are 'getting into' as it were. A 'new' Camino could cause additional challenges. "Why didn't you research this better"? "Didn't you realise there were no places to stay here other than the Albergue"?

If I know what's ahead.......we stand a better chance of finishing still married

I'm being a bit unkind. But hey. Guys. Help me out here! Am I the only Husband that plans in this way?

Urban Trekker · Oct 26, 2015

Robo said:
That's certainly worth thinking about.

Though I suppose I'm thinking of the CF because I 'know' it and can therefore make an informed decision if Pat wants to slow down, miss a section or whatever. I'll know what we are 'getting into' as it were. A 'new' Camino could cause additional challenges. "Why didn't you research this better"? "Didn't you realise there were no places to stay here other than the Albergue"?

If I know what's ahead.......we stand a better chance of finishing still married

I'm being a bit unkind. But hey. Guys. Help me out here! Am I the only Husband that plans in this way?

With two exceptions, one of them being Casa Frenanda, we had our choices of accommodations. hotels, B&Bs, pensions, or albergues every night. The same applied to dinning choices. There were plenty of cafes and bars along to way to rest, refresh, and in our case dry off.

Buen Camino

Happy Trails

P.S. I don't much care for Brierleys guide books but his guide book was spot on with directions, accommodations, and food.

sempervivum · Oct 26, 2015

Robo, I see things a bit different.
At one point you said that you'll "actually have each other for company all the time. " If you are concerned about being together all the time it could mean that you two are not enough used to be with the other. Maybe you don't spend enough time together at the end of the day, maybe you don't have enough common things to do and enjoy, maybe you see things and life quite differently (as you said: "These things I managed to sort out very clearly in my head whilst walking this year. For her it's still confused and gets her down at times.").
I must say I went alone, so I don't have the experience of a companion all the way. Instead, I've seen couples having hard times when they shouldn't have, when they should have enjoyed walking on the Camino.
Also, she didn't have her Camino yet , despite the fact that you are very willing to consider the next camino as such. It seems to me that you felt a kind of urge of going on the Camino, while your wife feels like walking with you on the Camino, not otherwise.
In short, keep in mind that it is not about walking together, it is about walking together on the Camino.

Robo · Oct 26, 2015

sempervivum said:
Robo, I see things a bit different.
At one point you said that you'll "actually have each other for company all the time. " If you are concerned about being together all the time it could mean that you two are not enough used to be with the other. Maybe you don't spend enough time together at the end of the day, maybe you don't have enough common things to do and enjoy, maybe you see things and life quite differently (as you said: "These things I managed to sort out very clearly in my head whilst walking this year. For her it's still confused and gets her down at times.").
I must say I went alone, so I don't have the experience of a companion all the way. Instead, I've seen couples having hard times when they shouldn't have, when they should have enjoyed walking on the Camino.
Also, she didn't have her Camino yet , despite the fact that you are very willing to consider the next camino as such. It seems to me that you felt a kind of urge of going on the Camino, while your wife feels like walking with you on the Camino, not otherwise.
In short, keep in mind that it is not about walking together, it is about walking together on the Camino.

All Good points. We do actually spend a lot of time together. I often jest that being married to a Thai lady is rather like having a Vulcan Mind Meld

My comment about having each other for company was more from the perspective that it would be 'comfortable'. In that we wouldn't feel the 'need' to engage with other Pilgrims as much.

I think we'll just set out and see what happens. No pre conceived ideas or expectations....

movinmaggie · Oct 26, 2015

Robo said:
All Good points. We do actually spend a lot of time together. I often jest that being married to a Thai lady is rather like having a Vulcan Mind Meld

My comment about having each other for company was more from the perspective that it would be 'comfortable'. In that we wouldn't feel the 'need' to engage with other Pilgrims as much.

I think we'll just set out and see what happens. No pre conceived ideas or expectations....

It does sound like you had the ultimate experience whilst alone. And if your wife is not at the same place of certainty and contentment, is there even a remote possibility that she would do a section on her own? ..allowing her the chance to let it wash over her...as her.

Bobbi · Oct 26, 2015

Lots of great perspectives. Here is mine: if my husband and I went together we both jokingly say there would be a crime scene!!! I just got back from 6 weeks on the Camino Frances and agree with previous comments that for me the experience could only be done solo. I saw many couples together - some who appeared to be struggling/care taking a bit and others who seemed completely symbiotic. personally speaking I think the camino, as a searching or spiritual journey is a solo gig.....

Robo · Oct 26, 2015

movinmaggie said:
It does sound like you had the ultimate experience whilst alone. And if your wife is not at the same place of certainty and contentment, is there even a remote possibility that she would do a section on her own? ..allowing her the chance to let it wash over her...as her.

Never in a million years

But I think we might be able to work out a system like Pilgrim B suggested, whereby we walk with earshot of each other....

Robo · Oct 26, 2015

Bobbi said:
personally speaking I think the camino, as a searching or spiritual journey is a solo gig.....

I tend to agree.

But for those who for whatever reason, would not be able to walk alone, maybe we cam let them have an experience that is close.....

peregrina2000 · Oct 26, 2015

Hi, Rob,
Well, as someone who gave up walking with her spouse about 10 years ago because the Camino just isn't the way he wants to spend his time, I hesitate to jump in. But I wonder if those who suggest going to a different Camino, like the Portugués, are on to something. It sounds in some of your posts like you want to be your wife's "guide," but in others it sounds like you want to let her find out about the camino on her own. That's a very tricky balance, IMO, having tried it with a couple of friends. But if you were walking a new camino, there's a different dynamic -- you will still be the person "in the know" because of your experience last year, but you wouldn't be the guide. If you want to show her "your camino", that's a different mindset than for her to have "her camino." Complicated, but I assume you know what Pat wants, so you'll surely figure it out. Or maybe not, in which case, the Camino will unfold before you and mess with your expectations! Buen camino, Laurie

DurhamParish · Oct 26, 2015

Robo, I'm someone who took his wife on the Camino last April. (Sarria to Santiago.) I must note that my wife had never before done anything physical of this nature.

I was a two time solo walker (CP from Porto, and first half of CF). Another couple wanted to do the Camino and for us to join. It wound up being six of us with two other ladies joining. We went using a tour company, Marly Camino, but there are many others. It worked out wonderfully. Not so sure that it would have worked out so well if we had tried to do it with just the two of us looking for accommodations ourselves. As you did above, I'll give my thoughts in bullet form:

Having other people with us: It took the pressure off of our personal interaction with each other to have other people involved. It gave my wife other people to "commiserate with" as she found the daily walks quite tiring and I was still relatively fresh at the end of the day. (You wouldn't necessarily have to have friends to accompany you, though. On most tours there would be other people in the group who you would get to know, and could possibly become your "camino family".)

Using a tour company: It took the pressure off of me when it came to how far we walked that day, where we stayed, when and where meals were provided, and what time we started in the morning (my wife and I have diametrically opposed ideas on THAT subject).

Having a tour company with bus support meant we didn't have to carry heavy backpacks (just light day packs); and since the bus met us three or four times during the stages, if someone was too tired to continue (as it sometimes happened) that person was taken care of.

Our guide was invaluable. He made the ladies feel secure in that he exuded confidence that they could succeed; and he was also quite good at tending blisters and other pedagogical maladies as well as being a marvelous and wonderful young man.

In summary: This was a fantastic experience for my wife and I, as well as the others that were with us. Having a "planned tour" took a LOT of pressure off of our personal interaction with one another and instead added to our enjoyment. It has meant a lot to my wife to now be "A Pilgrim". I thoroughly enjoyed sharing my passion for the camino with her, And it also now makes it easier for me to plan to do the camino again, alone.

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.

DurhamParish · Oct 26, 2015

My wife and I are the two on the right. All of the smiles are genuine.

GreatDane · Oct 26, 2015

My husband likes to walk farther in a day and with longer legs (and type A personality) walks faster than I enjoy. And we have different amounts of annual vacation days at work until we both retire in 5 years. So we are working on our Caminos separate. We do plan in 2018 to meet in Lavacolla and walk into SdC together.

MTtoCamino · Oct 26, 2015

I have avoided my opinion because I won't do another until I can walk with my wife.
But I think you should keep it simple, get her to the starting location & just go. Like everything in life we just adapt. Have no expectations, just simply walk. All the rest will get worked out.
Buen Camino

J F Gregory · Oct 26, 2015

I have been enjoying this thread. My wife and I are walking the Camino March and April 2016. We have been married 43 years and do everything together. She has traveled independently internationally and so have I, but when we are together we are. We have backpacked in Germany, Switzerland and Africa, but this will be the first time on the Camino. We hike in the Cascade and Olympic mountains here in Washington sometime at our individual paces or together paces. We talk when we want and also live in silence for long periods of time. My wife had a complete knee replacement last January and another knee surgery in March, so we will take as much time as we need. For all of you individually or together.

Ultreya
Bien Camino

Anemone del Camino · Oct 27, 2015

Robo said:
I tend to agree.

But for those who for whatever reason, would not be able to walk alone, maybe we cam let them have an experience that is close.....

Don't undermine her, or let her undermine herself. Why on hearth would she not be able to walk alone? When I fist walked, going down the El Perdon I ran into. 74 year old Aussie woman who married at 18 and had since then NEVER spent a night away from her hubby. She felt like. 12 year old again, happy, light hearted, free, proud, and in love like never before.

Robo · Oct 27, 2015

J F Gregory said:
I have been enjoying this thread. My wife and I are walking the Camino March and April 2016. We have been married 43 years and do everything together. She has traveled independently internationally and so have I, but when we are together we are. We have backpacked in Germany, Switzerland and Africa, but this will be the first time on the Camino. We hike in the Cascade and Olympic mountains here in Washington sometime at our individual paces or together paces. We talk when we want and also live in silence for long periods of time. My wife had a complete knee replacement last January and another knee surgery in March, so we will take as much time as we need. For all of you individually or together.

Ultreya
Bien Camino

You will love the Camino together..

Robo · Oct 27, 2015

Anemone del Camino said:
Don't undermine her, or let her undermine herself. Why on hearth would she not be able to walk alone? When I fist walked, going down the El Perdon I ran into. 74 year old Aussie woman who married at 18 and had since then NEVER spent a night away from her hubby. She felt like. 12 year old again, happy, light hearted, free, proud, and in love like never before.

I understand your sentiment. But please don't presume to know my wife

When I say never in a million years...............I mean never in a million years would she walk alone. Please just accept that. You do not know her, her background, her culture, her life experiences. And I am not trying to be a 'controlling' husband...... Subject closed

Kanga · Oct 29, 2015

Hi @Robo. Having just finished a camino with an inexperienced friend, I've thought about this. In the end, for it to work, my sense is that the "leading" needs to be done by the person who has not walked before. But it can be hard to let go of one's personal expectations and preferences, particularly as we all think we know best. In my case I tried to put my experience to work to achieve what the other person wanted. She wanted to experience different parts of the camino in a limited time, and without discomfort. So I put my experience to work thinking about where it was feasible to catch buses, where it was not, what bits of walking were highlights, what albergues were unmissable, where was it better to stay in private accommodation, where in casa rurals. As my friend said, it was the Disney Camino.

For me, this camino was quite different to my usual practice (and preference), where I start walking and keep walking, carrying my own pack, and accepting accommodation as it arises. I still think that is the best way to walk a camino and brings with it the most rewards. But I feel rather proud of this camino because it was serving the needs of another, not myself. I rather imagine this is how @Anniesantiago feels when she takes a group.

For the record we did not try to claim a Compostela. The Pilgrim Office was quite delighted when I said that all we wanted was a stamp! We did not have to wait in line but were served immediately.

Robo · Oct 29, 2015

A nice approach Kanga and hopefully one that I can adopt too. I'll let Pat dictate the pace, where we stop etc, but gently guide / suggest suitable places to stay.

I look forward to seeing the Camino through her eyes...

But we'll definitely be walking the final 100. She wants a Compostella !

But prior to 'starting' at Sarria, we might do some short 'training' walks along some of the really nice parts. Maybe up past Cruz de Ferro. But not down to Molineseca! Don't want to put her off before we even get to Sarria....

Wokabaut_Meri · Oct 29, 2015

Hi Robo
Let me first present my credentials: my hubby and I have been married 41 years and have been hiking together, alone, with friends and in groups for most of that time. Our preference is long distance (2+ weeks) self supported treks in remote areas by ourselves. We've hiked extensively throughout Australia and overseas. We've also hiked at significant altitude (6500m) and THAT is a real test of a marriage. I blossom, he fades, he gets really grumpy.

We are still happily married!

We walked the Camino in April and May this year. We took 44 days with no rest days but had some very short days ie 7-10kms. We both find that it takes a bit of distance and several days to leave the world behind and get into the rhythm of a long walk. If your wife is not set on obtaining a Compostela perhaps starting back at Roncesvalles and treating it as the first stage of your Camino over time, could be an option.

We walked our Camino sometimes together but usually within sight of each other. We met lots of pilgrims - solitary, couples and groups - and sought out their company while walking and shared many a meal and too many glasses of Rioja. We are both comfortable in our own skins and can walk all day without the need to talk to each other so walking as a couple can be akin to a solitary experience.

The Camino is what it is and will be what each of you experience of it. Don't overthink or over worry. Just walk.

Robo said:
We'll have each other to be concerned about. We'll have two sets of feet to take care of.

but, on the upside, there'll be two sets of eyes to spot those elusive arrows and you'll both be a great support to each other when one is tired or aching.

Compañeros para siempre.

I could suggest a lot and bore you with our experiences but, to me, the greatest gift of walking together is having the most amazing shared experiences that we can reflect upon often. We're banking them for our (very) old age...

Lord Longpath · Oct 29, 2015

I had to laugh when I saw the title of this thread. You've had 'your camino', and I know what you mean, walking alone is a deeper, more healing experience. There are those who take offence at someone not being continuously sociable, or say it's 'dangerous' to walk alone but I've never accepted that.

I've had the good fortune to do many long walks alone in other parts of the world before doing the camino with my wife earlier this year, so I feel I've had my fair share of such experiences. My wife hasn't, so it was good to be able to 'take care of her' on the camino, being more used to hiking and travelling abroad than she is. In other ways she looks after me, beats me every time at remembering who everyone is, all the names and faces. We even became known as 'the couple that hold hands on the camino'. There are worse things to be known as.

Americanperegrino · Oct 29, 2015

Do NOT take your wife. Be straight with her, or not. You obviously don't want her with you-that doesn't make you a bad guy, it's just what is. There, it's been said.

Robo · Oct 29, 2015

Americanperegrino said:
You obviously don't want her with you-that doesn't make you a bad guy

Not sure where you get that idea from ?

I actually do want to walk with my wife, very much.

She is not the kind of person who would normally do something like the Camino though. Very much a City girl.

But if walking with me, she can even experience a part of what I did walking alone early this year, she'll have an amazing experience. And therefore so will I

It will be a challenge I have no doubt. I suspect that walking alone is so much easier in comparison.

november_moon · Oct 29, 2015

I think that walking the Camino together will be great for you guys. I definitely agree with the others to go into it as something entirely new. You've had the opportunity to go on your own and experience everything that your solo Camino was, and now you have the opportunity to go with your wife and experience this new Camino together.

My husband and I went together and it was a really cool experience - we didn't get to finish (go all the way to Santiago) so we are going again next year. We'll cover some of the same ground, but still we are prepared that this Camino will be its own experience. It was really interesting to go through the mental, emotional, and spiritual changes of the Camino in parallel - and to talk about the experience - have almost limitless time to explore topics. We had plenty of quiet time as well - lost in our own thoughts for hours and hours.

There are also some logistical benefits of walking with a partner:
* If you always take a top and a bottom bunk, you only bug your partner when you get up and down in the night, shift around, etc. And if you have the top bunk, you can always sit on your partner's bed to put on your socks.
* You don't have to take your valuables into the shower with you because you can watch each other's stuff when you are each in the bathrooms/showers
* You can divy up some stuff that you carry - only 1 guidebook, footcare kit, etc. between you.
* Definitely 2 eyes with which to look for arrows
* Mutual support - when the going gets tough, you're probably not both going to be tired, frustrated, and/or in pain at the same time - and if you are, well then you're in it together and get through.

Felipe · Oct 29, 2015

I don' t give advices in these matters, but this was my experience:
We used to walk together the weekends in a National Park near home, but the Camino was "my thing". So, when she said in a casual tone "Listen, when do you think we could go to the Camino?" I was both thrilled and a bit unsettled. I prepared some modifications to my usual routines: I would choose the best possible albergues, which implied reservations and set daily destinations; and shorter distances. But I was not prepared for the style she adopted: she wanted to follow the shorter and easier signposted way from village A to village B. That meant a lot of paved roads, even if she accepted a couple of what she called "detours". I was secretly a bit unhappy, until after some days I had an epiphany: I have had many Caminos, and (hopefully) will have more in the future. So, this one was hers, and my role would be this time that of a guide and organizer. That settled things to me, and I enjoyed more the way, her company, and her happiness when we finally arrived. And, certainly (besides the advantages above mentioned), I had real homely food for diner, not my usual "fresh from the can" or pasta stuff

Skandinaviangirl · Oct 29, 2015

Hey you!

I must admit, that these thoughts you have seem funny to me. I just turned 21, and when I was walking the camino, I was indeed walking it with my significant other, my one true love of 22 years. I don't know how old you are, but this is your wife you're talking about, right? Shouldn't these thoughts be long gone by your years of marriage?

I know that I am young, but my experience from walking the camino with my boyfriend was wonderful. Absolutely. I don't regret anything and I would do it again if he was up for it. Actually I invited him to my second camino, but he is not sure whether he is ready to walk again at that time.

Don't trouble yourself with these worries. If you truly love her, which I believe you do, because you wouldn't marry her if you didn't, you will experience, that it will not be a problem at all. Sore back? She will massage you. She has a sore ankle? You will massage her. You will talk forever, and sometimes not at all. Believe me. It is wonderful.

Much love,
Skandinaviangirl

Robo · Oct 30, 2015

Skandinaviangirl said:
Hey you!

I must admit, that these thoughts you have seem funny to me. I just turned 21, and when I was walking the camino, I was indeed walking it with my significant other, my one true love of 22 years. I don't know how old you are, but this is your wife you're talking about, right? Shouldn't these thoughts be long gone by your years of marriage?

I know that I am young, but my experience from walking the camino with my boyfriend was wonderful. Absolutely. I don't regret anything and I would do it again if he was up for it. Actually I invited him to my second camino, but he is not sure whether he is ready to walk again at that time.

Don't trouble yourself with these worries. If you truly love her, which I believe you do, because you wouldn't marry her if you didn't, you will experience, that it will not be a problem at all. Sore back? She will massage you. She has a sore ankle? You will massage her. You will talk forever, and sometimes not at all. Believe me. It is wonderful.

Much love,
Skandinaviangirl

Ahh......Young Love......I remember it well

I am 58 and my wife 47

Tia Valeria · Oct 31, 2015

@Robo - Terry walked alone and then we walked together. We walked at my pace for my distances as he said it was my Camino. We partly used albergues and partly booked ahead for the next night on the Camino Inglés. It worked well and we did the same again the next time on the Primitivo, booking each night ahead for the distance I could cover.
We met other couples and it was obvious that some had not thought through the issues of walking together, pushing beyond limits etc. Terry started a thread on Walking with a Companion, you and Pat might find it helpful and also have more comments to add. It is aimed at long term walking companions and couples rather than the companions met en route.
Buen Camino

TerryB · Oct 31, 2015

Robo said:
Not sure where you get that idea from ? I actually do want to walk with my wife, very much.
She is not the kind of person who would normally do something like the Camino though. Very much a City girl.
But if walking with me, she can even experience a part of what I did walking alone early this year, she'll have an amazing experience. And therefore so will I
It will be a challenge I have no doubt. I suspect that walking alone is so much easier in comparison.

In 2009 I walked the Norte / Primitivo solo. Since then every Camino has been with my wife (Tia Valeria

). I would say that walking together is neither better nor worse - just completely different! I would guess that your wife's experience will be different to yours, so don't expect her to react to things as you did - or you to react to things as she will. Just go with the flow and let the Camino do its work.
A few positives for you:-
1. You will have someone to "watch your back" when using cash machines etc.
2. You may well find, as I did, that conversation with others comes easier when you are a couple. Guys are not on the defensive that you might be after "their" girl, and women are not on the defensive that you are trying to come onto them!
3. I still tend to wait for others to break the ice - it is far easier as a couple to break into a group.

Finally, you may find it easier to walk a different Camino as couple, rather than trying to repeat what you have experienced (the Portugués sounds good). There will then be things that are new to you both that you can enjoy together for the first time. It worked for us.

Blessings on your planning.
Tio Tel

Smallest_Sparrow · Oct 31, 2015

Lots of great suggestions, for a wonderful/caring husband. as you state so eloquently, this will be her Camino. And you know her so well (her limits and desires), and want so badly to make it right for her...should go well indeed. Just don't drive yourself crazy trying to "make" it perfect...it will be what it will be. perhaps not like your last Camino, but isn't that part of the Camino appeal--it is always in the moment, unique and special to each?

It odd to hear people explain how to walk separately to get a "true" experience when so many times people are urging/extolling the "gaining" of "family" on the way. Not everyone needs or wants solitude. What is her goal--quiet self reflection? Then use the walk-together-in-silence or meet-you-up-ahead techniques. The chance to just walk quietly hand in hand with the man she loves? Time to discuss her dreams and hopes? Just to accomplish the task and get the t-shirt? All are good reasons, and if hers is not to walk alone, that's fine and does not decrease the value of the Camino. Some people are shy, and would love to get out and meet others but can't manage that without help. Some women through culture/upbringing/not-trivial safety concerns prefer walking companions. No right way to walk.

There were many times, self-declared solitude seeker that I am, that I saw something amazing and wished I was with a loved one to share the moment...who knows, what seems to be "her" Camino may become something entirely different...a new camino for you, or an "our" Camino.

My hope is to walk with my sister (16 years older than I, who was like a mother to me) one day. We will not be taking the more challenging or dangerous routes I took, we will not walk or sleep under stars, we'll probably take the train at times. Well also pay more attention to music and less time looking for keys to a locked up church. I think it will be magic. Because I will see it entirely new again with someone who means the world to me.

If all else fails, role play in the airport: introduce yourself, ask about her backpack, find you are both starting a Camino, and tell her you've been before and would like her to join you. if I had a quarter for the number of times I heard that on my walk...

Lua · Oct 31, 2015

Robo said:
OK, let me explain.... she's not 'that' scary

This year I walked the CF from St Jean and found it to be a deeply profound experience. I think mainly because I walked alone. The solitude was what I needed. And I found the loneliness to be a really positive factor. It allowed me to ponder and reflect.

I sought out company when I felt I needed it. Company found me when others needed it. The journey was a challenge and a joy on so many levels.

OK....

Next year my wife Pat wants to walk with me. We plan to just walk from Sarria. She wants to 'sample' the Camino and also get a Compostella. So the 'final 100' seemed ideal.

But I've suggested we might try a couple of short earlier sections, to get a flavour of the other 'environments' the Camino has to offer. I mean let's be honest here. The final 100 kms is a very different section and not the best....

So we planned to walk a day to pass the Cruz de Ferro. And maybe a day on another really beautiful section. Pat is not really 'up to' a significant distance physically or emotionally. (just accept that for now)

Tonight we started talking about the 'meaning of life' our life's purpose, what makes us happy and so on. These things I managed to sort out very clearly in my head whilst walking this year. For her it's still confused and gets her down at times.

So I broached the idea of a longer walk together. Maybe three weeks. I found that two weeks got me into the 'zone' in terms of reflection and seeking answers. Three weeks was ideal. She's quite keen on the idea.

I explained that in my view, it's not at all about how far we walk, but merely hours, days and weeks on the road'. That time spent 'away from the World' and its distractions. Time to reflect, ponder, pray, question....

But now the scary bit.....

I found that it worked really well walking on my own. The isolation and loneliness actually enhanced the experience.

What on earth is it like walking with a 'significant other'? I can't imagine? It would totally change the experience.

I'm totally happy that it will be 'her Camino'. We'll walk at her pace etc. But we'll actually have each other for company all the time. We'll have each other to be concerned about. We'll have two sets of feet to take care of. We won't feel the need at times to 'seek out' the company of other Pilgrims. Or welcome the company of a lonely Pilgrim on the road. Because we'll have each other...

I suppose what I'm thinking, is that she won't be able to have the same experience I had, because that would mean walking alone. (which she would never do. Again, just accept that)

And will the 'partnered' experience be as valuable in terms of the soul searching element of the Camino. I would have found that really difficult being 'in company' all the time.

Sorry if this is not very coherent!

When we just planned to walk from Sarria, I was totally cool with the idea. After all, it's really just an extended Sunday walk in the company of a thousand, sometimes noisy, friends.

Whereas for me, in my very limited experience of one Camino, a walk of 2-3 weeks is a totally different thing....and a very different experience.

Maybe if you have walked alone and with a partner you could share your thoughts on what the main differences were? What you gained? What you missed out on?

Just thinking aloud here....

Hi, I have done the CF with my wife, Loreto over 3 stages, 2009,2014 and finished in 2015 and it was the best experience ever. It was her idea. We spent time together walking and walking with other people we met along the way. Each person takes something different from the journey, even while walking together.
It is a great journey and experience to do together and share. Enjoy.
I am heading out again in May 2016 and starting in Sjpdp and intend finishing in Santiago, on a new journey.

Linda Johnson · Oct 31, 2015

Robo said:
OK, let me explain.... she's not 'that' scary

This year I walked the CF from St Jean and found it to be a deeply profound experience. I think mainly because I walked alone. The solitude was what I needed. And I found the loneliness to be a really positive factor. It allowed me to ponder and reflect.

I sought out company when I felt I needed it. Company found me when others needed it. The journey was a challenge and a joy on so many levels.

OK....

Next year my wife Pat wants to walk with me. We plan to just walk from Sarria. She wants to 'sample' the Camino and also get a Compostella. So the 'final 100' seemed ideal.

But I've suggested we might try a couple of short earlier sections, to get a flavour of the other 'environments' the Camino has to offer. I mean let's be honest here. The final 100 kms is a very different section and not the best....

So we planned to walk a day to pass the Cruz de Ferro. And maybe a day on another really beautiful section. Pat is not really 'up to' a significant distance physically or emotionally. (just accept that for now)

Tonight we started talking about the 'meaning of life' our life's purpose, what makes us happy and so on. These things I managed to sort out very clearly in my head whilst walking this year. For her it's still confused and gets her down at times.

So I broached the idea of a longer walk together. Maybe three weeks. I found that two weeks got me into the 'zone' in terms of reflection and seeking answers. Three weeks was ideal. She's quite keen on the idea.

I explained that in my view, it's not at all about how far we walk, but merely hours, days and weeks on the road'. That time spent 'away from the World' and its distractions. Time to reflect, ponder, pray, question....

But now the scary bit.....

I found that it worked really well walking on my own. The isolation and loneliness actually enhanced the experience.

What on earth is it like walking with a 'significant other'? I can't imagine? It would totally change the experience.

I'm totally happy that it will be 'her Camino'. We'll walk at her pace etc. But we'll actually have each other for company all the time. We'll have each other to be concerned about. We'll have two sets of feet to take care of. We won't feel the need at times to 'seek out' the company of other Pilgrims. Or welcome the company of a lonely Pilgrim on the road. Because we'll have each other...

I suppose what I'm thinking, is that she won't be able to have the same experience I had, because that would mean walking alone. (which she would never do. Again, just accept that)

And will the 'partnered' experience be as valuable in terms of the soul searching element of the Camino. I would have found that really difficult being 'in company' all the time.

Sorry if this is not very coherent!

When we just planned to walk from Sarria, I was totally cool with the idea. After all, it's really just an extended Sunday walk in the company of a thousand, sometimes noisy, friends.

Whereas for me, in my very limited experience of one Camino, a walk of 2-3 weeks is a totally different thing....and a very different experience.

Maybe if you have walked alone and with a partner you could share your thoughts on what the main differences were? What you gained? What you missed out on?

Just thinking aloud here....

Linda Johnson · Oct 31, 2015

Thanks so much for your post. My husband and I had to cancel our Camino this fall due to a fall injuring his knee one week prior to leaving. What you wrote made me reflect on your solitary walk and personal journey. Certainly our walk was not meant to be in a couple format for some reason and I accepted that. The walk was my idea not his and his heart was not fully into it. There may be another time for me to walk and reflect. Want to make God laugh! make some plans!

donnercruiser · Oct 31, 2015

I did the CP in 2014 allone. It was a very good experience. I flew away to solve out lots of probs and got back as a different person I went away. That time my wife was not able to come with me and I left her behind. The day I arrived back from CP she realized that there have been lots of changes in my life. I lost weight, I was more relaxed and I felt better. So what happend with me? It was a secret. A secret, cause the experience of camino was nothing she could realize. So we decided to go together CP in 2015. I was a bit angry, what will happen, if we stay together 24/7. What will happen, if she cannot catch the spirit of "my last camino"? Is she interested in sharing my last year experience only? So we startet talking about our thoughts, ideas and hopes. We found out, that walking "my last year camino" is not very sensful. But I wanted to show her places I´ve seen. So luckily we had the same pace, same distance to walk and we were hungry at the same time. I told here bevore, I allthough like to get in touch to other pilgrims. We took three weeks off, what meaned, two weeks for walking to santiago and one week rest together at the end. I realized that I can not do something simular to my camino allone. This is an outstanding experience, but this time with my wife was so great, I don´t regret....

fraluchi · Nov 1, 2015

My wife and I have happily walked seven long Caminos together, during various times of the years (spring and autumn) under sometimes extreme climate conditions and, obviously, physical endurance over many stretches. It always worked out well, because we agreed upon how to tackle each day. She likes to say that "we play it by ear"

and I think that this is a good approach.
Next year, when I'll be 78, I would like to walk the Camino Francés in the opposite direction from Santiago to Pamplona.

She's not so keen on the idea

We are gambling with the idea that she starts from Pamplona towards Santiago and that we'll meet up somewhere along the path.

And then perhaps, if we still have the energy, walk part of the Ebro to Montserrat.

Our main problem is to choose the period in the year for walking during a couple of months.

JOSEPH MUSCAT · Nov 2, 2015

Robo said:
OK, let me explain.... she's not 'that' scary

This year I walked the CF from St Jean and found it to be a deeply profound experience. I think mainly because I walked alone. The solitude was what I needed. And I found the loneliness to be a really positive factor. It allowed me to ponder and reflect.

I sought out company when I felt I needed it. Company found me when others needed it. The journey was a challenge and a joy on so many levels.

OK....

Next year my wife Pat wants to walk with me. We plan to just walk from Sarria. She wants to 'sample' the Camino and also get a Compostella. So the 'final 100' seemed ideal.

But I've suggested we might try a couple of short earlier sections, to get a flavour of the other 'environments' the Camino has to offer. I mean let's be honest here. The final 100 kms is a very different section and not the best....

So we planned to walk a day to pass the Cruz de Ferro. And maybe a day on another really beautiful section. Pat is not really 'up to' a significant distance physically or emotionally. (just accept that for now)

Tonight we started talking about the 'meaning of life' our life's purpose, what makes us happy and so on. These things I managed to sort out very clearly in my head whilst walking this year. For her it's still confused and gets her down at times.

So I broached the idea of a longer walk together. Maybe three weeks. I found that two weeks got me into the 'zone' in terms of reflection and seeking answers. Three weeks was ideal. She's quite keen on the idea.

I explained that in my view, it's not at all about how far we walk, but merely hours, days and weeks on the road'. That time spent 'away from the World' and its distractions. Time to reflect, ponder, pray, question....

But now the scary bit.....

I found that it worked really well walking on my own. The isolation and loneliness actually enhanced the experience.

What on earth is it like walking with a 'significant other'? I can't imagine? It would totally change the experience.

I'm totally happy that it will be 'her Camino'. We'll walk at her pace etc. But we'll actually have each other for company all the time. We'll have each other to be concerned about. We'll have two sets of feet to take care of. We won't feel the need at times to 'seek out' the company of other Pilgrims. Or welcome the company of a lonely Pilgrim on the road. Because we'll have each other...

I suppose what I'm thinking, is that she won't be able to have the same experience I had, because that would mean walking alone. (which she would never do. Again, just accept that)

And will the 'partnered' experience be as valuable in terms of the soul searching element of the Camino. I would have found that really difficult being 'in company' all the time.

Sorry if this is not very coherent!

When we just planned to walk from Sarria, I was totally cool with the idea. After all, it's really just an extended Sunday walk in the company of a thousand, sometimes noisy, friends.

Whereas for me, in my very limited experience of one Camino, a walk of 2-3 weeks is a totally different thing....and a very different experience.

Maybe if you have walked alone and with a partner you could share your thoughts on what the main differences were? What you gained? What you missed out on?

Just thinking aloud here....

Just a short answer.....I think the Camino should be something YOU want to do.....It's not something that you persuade someone else to do with you.... And I am not saying you are (speaking in general here). The camino you did seems to have served its purpose for YOU and that is why you appreciate it so much....I am doing mine next year and would love to do it with my wife who is quite active....But I feel she should feel the need to do it before we do it together....And I'm sure we'd have a great time....This is a pilgrimage and I'm sure if you both WANT to do it together it would be a great experience ...If you do...Enjoy and God Bless you both.

Shalaw · Nov 2, 2015

Hi Robo,

My fiancé and I just got back to Toronto on October 16 after walking together, from St. Jean to Santiago. It was a wonderful experience to share together!! Our rule was 'tired and sore' trumps everything, and we walked as fast as the slowest between to the two of us could, because after all, you can only get there as fast as the slowest person. We both had bad days, when we were either in pain or just grumpy, but thankfully we were not in pain or just grumpy on the same day and this was great because a big hug or telling each other to dig deep was what we needed to get through the day. Some days we talked non-stop and had some amazing conversations and other days, we didn't say a word. I've not walked it alone so I can't comment on what would be missed, but I can say that I was able to find something inside myself that I had lost, even though I wasn't walking alone. I do think that the social part of things is definitely different if you're walking alone, as people are less likely to approach a couple, but like you said, when we wanted other company, all we had to do was reach out.

Before we went, we had a meeting with someone who had walked the camino before we did. She said that when walking as a couple, to try and separate the odd time so that you could talk about your different experiences during the day. We weren't keen on this idea, so we didn't do it.

From my perspective as the lady of the couple, I felt a lot safer having my fiancé with me. I know there have been some incidents on the CF and especially after what happened to Denise Thiem, I was extremely thankful for his company. I remember thinking, 'wow, I definitely would not want to walk this part alone', because, as you know, some parts of the camino are very isolated and sometimes you don't see anyone for hours.

I say just go with it. You will have had the luxury of walking it alone and with your lovely bride, so I would say to go at her pace and just let the camino happen as it will!!

Buen camino!!

TerryB · Nov 2, 2015

ShaLaw said:
Hi Robo,

. . . . . . . . . . . We both had bad days, when we were either in pain or just grumpy, but thankfully we were not in pain or just grumpy on the same day and this was great because a big hug or telling each other to dig deep was what we needed to get through the day. . . . . . . . . . .

This is exactly what we felt walking the Inglés this year. We had already spent time on the "Ruta do Mar" and our feet were bruised and hurting. We both confessed that if we had been on our own we would have given up! Walking together, we encouraged each other through the bad patches. It did mean that we each had to put up with the other whinging and whining on occasions

but hey, that's what "walking with a partner" is all about

!

Blessings
Tio Tel

Gil A · Nov 2, 2015

El Camino was a blessing for us.
My wife of 43 years and I started two years ago by trying it and walking from Sarria.
That was enough for us to go back the next year and walk from Roncesvalles (the Napoleon pass was closed becasue of snow.
This year we walked El Camino Portugues from Lisboa.
We are closer than ever and we have become regular walkers.
Next February we will attempt el Camino Ignaciano, from Loyola (near Bilbao) to Montserrat and Manresa (near Barcelona), a bit more than 600 km
If you have a good marriage this will be an amazing experience.
We seldom talk while we are walking but we stop everyday somewhere in the countryside to pray the rosary and meditate a little.
I am sure you will enjoy the Camino and the company of your wife.
Buen Camino!

JabbaPapa · Nov 2, 2015

Robo, NO two Caminos are the same, so you're worrying about very little of real importance, except the most important of all -- your wife and your love

From all you've said, I'd frankly suggest that the two of you touch down at Bordeaux, then start walking from the airport towards SJPP then onwards, and do everything you possibly can to treat it like a holiday, except walking all the way.

Don't push her -- let her push you.

But still, those few days in France alone should easily be enough to sort matters out.

If each of you slows to the other's slowest pace, and you give your lovely wife all that she must deserve, the Camino won't be the problem, but the solution.

VNwalking · Nov 10, 2015

HI, Robo,
Not having a partner, I've refrained from commenting.
Just to add from sometimes challenging experience with a dear friend (who is still very dear--but it took a bit of energy on both our parts):
The camino will intensify whatever dynamics you have between the two of you--both skillful and unskillful.
And it will bring out latent tendencies in both of you that you may not now even be able to imagine--both skillful and unskillful.

So in addition to the good practical advice above (and your obvious mutual respect and love), do be prepared for surprises--both delightful ones and difficult ones. As you well know from your own journey...it's like a retreat. And on such a retreat, all sorts of things emerge!

(And I need no explanation whatever about some of the 'givens' that you and Pat will be taking into consideration. We western women happily march off into the sunset by ourselves, and with weight on our backs, but I can't imagine my Burmese or Thai women friends doing that.)

SYates · Nov 10, 2015

A few suggestions:

She can still walk alone (and feel safe) by you two simply separating by a few meters and agreeing on a time of silence during the day.
As her confidence increases you could even agree to walk completely separated during the day but meet up in the same albergue at the end of your walking day.

Walking all the time together might strengthen a relationship but also reduces the chance of making relationships/experiences outside your two-person-group.

Buen Camino and don't forget to pack the rice cooker

SY

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