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. . . . . . . I was walking with somebody who was a much stronger and faster walker than me. Tiredness build up then exhaustion.
Hello Koby,koby said:But I can anticipate there might be periods of loneliness -- does a slow, elderly walker invite companionship from time to time? Is age an issue in this respect? I am considering asking someone to join me but I sense even before leaving it might be a mistake for some of the reasons already given -- even with my family members. At home I enjoy friendships of all ages.
Any thoughts?
It is a whole new camino when you take responsibility for someone else."I don't want to be the Daddy!"
Bruce Dern
Middle Age Crazy, 1980
Tia Valeria said:Agree 'Oldbikerider'; walking with my husband of 42 years was important, it was part of the reason for our pilgrimage. We didn't have to talk or walk together all the time (see original posts above) but we had worked out our walking pattern. Communication - well we often hear the other's thoughts before they are spoken :lol:
For those who are walking with family, or long term friends, there can be issues which need thinking about. For those walking with new friends or looking here for a walking companion there is always the possibility of being incompatible. There needs to be much 'give and take', even admitting that it is best to walk alone after all or with a different group of people, as 'juju' says.
Those of us able to work things out before going on the Camino are fortunate and blessed. I am so glad that Terry walked alone on his first Camino, because it was right at the time, and that we are working on walking together again this year
Pilgrims do that on all the routes, but there aren't that many pilgrims around on some routes, so the comment is most pertinent on the Camino Frances, where there is a continuous stream of pilgrims most of the year. I walked the reverse route from Fisterra to Santiago, a reasonably well-traveled route. At one intersection that was not marked for a reverse route, I had to wait about a half-hour until pilgrims walking the correct direction appeared. So if you pick a less-traveled route, expect to be on your own!I liked the comments about people informally keeping an eye out for other pilgrims.
This time I walked with five companions. People ask me how the Camino was and I say it was very different this time. Then they look at me and wonder if they should ask why. And it was different. One of the people I walked with this time is someone I met on the Frances. We have a similar walking pace, we enjoy companionable silence sprinkled here and there with a little conversation, and we have similar tastes in food, etc. We agreed that when we do this again, it will be just the two of us! (Notice that we are already talking about doing it again.)
Taking people with you who have heard the stories but are not prepared for the reality and its demands can be a substantial change in the experience. "I know you said it was hard, but I didn't think it was going to be THIS hard." "You're the leader, YOU tell us where the arrow is" (when there are no arrows and no one else takes any initiative to noodle it out). "I don't like the alberques--sharing a bathroom, having to wait, listening to all the noise, having to share space........ Why don't we stay in a hotel?" It was draining at times to be with people who wanted what you had but were not willing or able to let themselves be opened to it. It was also difficult managing all the different expectations, the unwillingness at times to communicate that someone wanted to go slower or faster and that it was OK for others to move along at their own pace, the whining when things did not go as planned--as though someone else could have made it much better. I think it is best to do your own Camino by yourself the first time so that you know for yourself what it makes it work for you. I know there are those (believe me, they were the ones who wanted to go but only if someone else took the responsibility) who would never attempt this by themselves--but if I learned anything this time around, it is that the Camino cannot do its work if you are distracted by trying to push spaghetti around on a plate!
In addition, when you are moving along as a "pack" it is harder to encounter and get to know fellow pilgrims who are not part of the group. I/we did but it took special effort. And later in the walk, when there was enough grumbling that we began staying in hostels rather than alberques, it was even more difficult. I treasure the challenges of sharing space with people who are not always kind or considerate or even sane.
I finished this time with a sense of incompleteness. Perhaps it was that we walked for only two weeks. Perhaps it was because the group dynamics required so much energy and I discovered that I barely had any time to journal. Perhaps it was because two of our number were chatters. Who knows exactly what gave me this sense but it is there........ And yet when I returned home, I discovered that peace/serenity had indeed entered my heart and gave me strength for the whirlwind I encountered first thing.
I hope you mellow a bit. You must have some deserving friends! You have learned the lessons of a camino buddy, so you can make it different next time. Certainly avoid the high maintenance companion, but I hope you would open to sharing the camino experience with some normal friends.But I promised myself to never again bring anybody with me.
Reading this thread is thought provoking. It reads to me as giving insight into 'how to walk with a companion' rather than whether to do so or not. It goes well with the thread about walking as a couple.The decision of walking or being on the Camino is made (I suppose) because of a personal need or hope. We choose this Way by ourselves. I think we should walk it by ourselves. It doesn't mean that we don't have wonderful friends or family to walk or be with. It means that we (should) look for an experience to fulfill our need or wish. That will never happen with a companion. There are also his/her needs to consider which unwillingly will have an impact on your own needs. Please, have, walk, live your Camino, and then, if you feel like, walk with a companion.
My girlfriend and I are going on our first trip abroad in December...litter picking on the Camino!
Maybe I should be worried....
My girlfriend and I are going on our first trip abroad in December...litter picking on the Camino!
Maybe I should be worried....
Do I detect a note of sarcasm, Nellpilgrim? It will be very romantic. I've even bought 'his and hers' gardening gloves from Poundland.....and they say Romance is dead.........
It will be very romantic. I've even bought 'his and hers' gardening gloves from Poundland.
We've got a nice hotel booked in Madrid on the way back so she'll be spoilt a little bit. (I believe the room even has its own sink!)
Do I detect a note of sarcasm, Nellpilgrim? It will be very romantic. I've even bought 'his and hers' gardening gloves from Poundland.
We've got a nice hotel booked in Madrid on the way back so she'll be spoilt a little bit. (I believe the room even has its own sink!)
I doubt anyone will want to walk with me for the first week or 2 as i will be one hell of a cranky old mare cusing continiously and crying alot asking ,why the heck did i think this was a good idea, my poor husband will no doubt get a few abusive pgone calls .
When we started this thread we had met a few folk who did seem to be really struggling, if not regretting, walking with their spouse/friend. This seemed so sad when some basic communication and thought could have made a different situation. However it may well have reflected their actual usual relationship.What a fascinating thread. And some very wise counsel. I can see that we will have some serious 'communication planning' to do ahead of time
I can really see the joy and freedom one gets when walking alone. And to some extent I envy that. But quite honestly I cannot imagine walking without my 'soul mate' and sharing the experience. I'm sure through good communication and planning before we depart, we'll be fine.
Some great tips here. Many thanks to those who have shared.
After note: Whilst I cannot imagine making this journey without my 'soul mate' I am not naïve enough to think it will be a 'walk in the park' from a relationship perspective. Does anyone regret walking the Camino with their spouse?
When we started this thread we had met a few folk who did seem to be really struggling, if not regretting, walking with their spouse/friend. This seemed so sad when some basic communication and thought could have made a different situation. However it may well have reflected their actual usual relationship.
Like you Robo I cannot imagine at present walking without my 'other half', although he would be willing for me to do so if it was right (for both of us). So we continue to make our future Camino plans for walking together. Situations change, and age and health mean that next Camino may well be more 'organised' for accomodation than previously as we need to know we have a bed and also will lighten our loads by not carrying sleeping bags. Our next Camino (postponed from this year) will be celebrating 45 years of marriage (and communication, thinking of one another's needs, looking after one another etc)......So personally we have never regretted walking together, neither in training nor on the Camino.
Buen Camino
Oh yeah. In 2011 coming from Canada I met a French friend on the Camino Frances. The next year we joined to walk the Portuguese route and met another friend from Germany. Last year the 3 of us walked from Le Puy. This year we are joined by an American who we met on the Camino and the 4 of us will walk to Rome in Oct. If we keep this up we will have our own football team in a few yearsLast year I walked the CF alone but after Burgos was part of a Camino family of 6 initially and 4 ultimately. This companionship and support was wonderful.
In September I am walking the Le Puy route with one of the 4. It will be interesting to see how this dynamic will evolve.
I will be the one with the phone and the French.
Did anyone else walk another Camino with someone "picked up" from a previous year?
AMDG56
Hello Terry, I am new to this forum and i will be walking the Camino in late 2017. There will be times that i will be by myself but it is always nice to be apart of a group or buddy up with someone. There are some follow countryman on this forum that have already walked the Camino and they have some interesting stories to tell. I hope there is someone out there planning there trip. Thank you for your advice and post.On our recent pilgrimage on the Camino Inglés we met a number of people who, like ourselves, were walking together. It can, it seems, raise a number of problems and tensions, some of which could possibly be avoided with a bit of 'forward planning'! This kind of comment for example
This year was my second Camino and my wife's first. In 2009 I walked from Santander on the Norte to Oviedo and then the Primitivo to Lugo, Melide and on to Santiago. Walking alone much of the time, I could manage 25 to 30 kilometers a day without any problem. I tackle hills by charging straight up with mini breathers as needed, and usually walked from 7.00 a.m. through to 1.00 / 2.00 p.m. with only one coffee break and very brief stops for water and a chew bar. Valerie plods steadily up and we communicate with each other at the 'breathers'.
Fortunately we do communicate with each other after 40+ years of marriage and had made the decision from the beginning that, this year, it was Valerie's Camino. I needed to let her decide on the daily distances and where to stop for food. This year on the Inglés we were averaging 12 to 15 kilometers a day. We had frequent stops for 'a little something' and we never walked past an open Cafe / Bar without thinking about stopping for a cafe con leche!As we had done all our training walks together we knew what to expect of each other. Among other things - we each walked uphill at our own pace. I waited at the top and then we walked on together.
If you are planning to walk with a companion, it is really helpful if you can do at least some training walks together beforehand. If you do walk at different speeds, have different metabolic needs or any other incompatibility, it is good for it to show up before disaster strikes! It would be so sad if what should have been a wonderful experience turns out to be the end of a long term friendship /relationship. Judging by some of the comments we heard that is a real possibility!
Having aired the subject, I need to say that we loved the time walking together and are looking forward to, and planning for, more of the same.
Blessings on your walking
Tio Tel
Love this article and totally agree with every word. The couple that plan together stay together. I walked the Frances last year with a Lady that was not my partner but a friend that shares my passion for walking. We trained together before and had an agreed plan that managed our different needs. The experience was fantastic and there was never ay tension, even on bad days like slogging through boot gripping mud for hours on the Meseta.On our recent pilgrimage on the Camino Inglés we met a number of people who, like ourselves, were walking together. It can, it seems, raise a number of problems and tensions, some of which could possibly be avoided with a bit of 'forward planning'! This kind of comment for example
This year was my second Camino and my wife's first. In 2009 I walked from Santander on the Norte to Oviedo and then the Primitivo to Lugo, Melide and on to Santiago. Walking alone much of the time, I could manage 25 to 30 kilometers a day without any problem. I tackle hills by charging straight up with mini breathers as needed, and usually walked from 7.00 a.m. through to 1.00 / 2.00 p.m. with only one coffee break and very brief stops for water and a chew bar. Valerie plods steadily up and we communicate with each other at the 'breathers'.
Fortunately we do communicate with each other after 40+ years of marriage and had made the decision from the beginning that, this year, it was Valerie's Camino. I needed to let her decide on the daily distances and where to stop for food. This year on the Inglés we were averaging 12 to 15 kilometers a day. We had frequent stops for 'a little something' and we never walked past an open Cafe / Bar without thinking about stopping for a cafe con leche!As we had done all our training walks together we knew what to expect of each other. Among other things - we each walked uphill at our own pace. I waited at the top and then we walked on together.
If you are planning to walk with a companion, it is really helpful if you can do at least some training walks together beforehand. If you do walk at different speeds, have different metabolic needs or any other incompatibility, it is good for it to show up before disaster strikes! It would be so sad if what should have been a wonderful experience turns out to be the end of a long term friendship /relationship. Judging by some of the comments we heard that is a real possibility!
Having aired the subject, I need to say that we loved the time walking together and are looking forward to, and planning for, more of the same.
Blessings on your walking
Tio Tel
Not directly, but when walking St Olav's Way, I stayed at the same herberge as a woman whose sons were taking turns walking with her. The one keeping her company at the time was unwell, and as a result, they were going to get a lift to the next major town the next day to arrange for treatment.However, knowing the wealth of experiences / opinions in this forum, I will still post this and see if anyone has had a similar experience, and any suggestions.
... as I am very tall (6ft 2 in bare feet) I tend to walk much faster than anyone I'm friends with. I am planning to do the camino with a friend next year, and it hadn't occurred to me prior to this that we will need to do quite a bit of training together so that I can adjust to her pace ...
Mutual acquaintances referred to me two local women who were planning to start the walk in Le Puy this September. So I inquired, and it turns out they've worked together on local community projects for several years, but: no travel together of any sort.
I encouraged them to have a conversation:
1) Are you an early riser or late? Are you early to bed or late?
2) Are you a picky eater? How flexible are you around menus?
3) How do you feel about time? Promptness? Schedules - both the developing and the observing?
4) How do you normally deal with challenges, discomforts, inconveniences, plans gone awry?
5) (discussion about walking/stopping style as outlined by previous posters here)
6) and a final reminder: you are not joined at the hip; you need to give each other space - and agree in advance that splitting up is perfectly fine. (Splitting up does not work well if one is language-proficient and the other is totally dependent. Be able to carry your own end of the communication load.)
We so often assume that everyone else is exactly like us, and surprises about how different we are can be unpleasant.
At times we can adjust our pace to walk together, at other times we have found what works for us (as in posts above). Walking too fast can damage joints, particularly hips; walking too slowly can be very tiring. However practise walks before the Camino allowed us to find what worked well. There are many suggestions on how to 'make it work' and IMHO it has to be two-way. He would struggle to walk at my slow speed uphill and I would struggle to maintain his pace.......So I am quite happy to slowly plod alone up hills (even that long one at Casa Julia) while Terry happily makes his quick way up and takes short breaks to check I am still OK and happy to keep going.
Maybe @Symphony will have to amble (not walk) along some parts of the Camino...., but it is good to see that there is already thinking and planning going on.
PS: Just noticed you are a new member so welcome @Symphony and Buen Camino
That is very honest of you and obviously you walk the Camino as is right for you. Others sadly find that they have difficulties walking with a partner/spouse/close friend while on the Camino. Sometimes with sad and lasting consequences. Others of us joyfully find it strengthens our relationships.I met many couples and small groups of friends, walking the Camino together. It's not for me. I meet new friends along the way, but I hate to compromise. And I relish the alone time. I have also found that it is almost always possible to get a bed in the albergue if you are alone. Much harder for two people.
I met my Camino ‘family’ late into my two month pilgrimage (autumn 2016). By then we were all ‘seasoned’ walkers & were able to separate when needed (sometimes just during the day; other times maybe one stopping earlier than the others & staying in a different village)....Joining up with others while on Camino is a very different issue. Yes - we have to compromise and adapt, as we said in or first posts. ...Making sure of joint accommodation can be an issue but sometimes actually makes it easier, accepting a shared room/double bed etc which some folk would not want.
I started to 'like' some of the first posts till I saw the dates! I still like them. I walk with a friend. We have walked the CF, from Porto to Santiago, and the Salvador. We are still friends... thank God!That is very honest of you and obviously you walk the Camino as is right for you. Others sadly find that they have difficulties walking with a partner/spouse/close friend while on the Camino. Sometimes with sad and lasting consequences. Others of us joyfully find it strengthens our relationships.
We have walked together through life for 50 years and walking together on the Camino is an expression of our gratitude as well as actually deepening our relationship. @Terry B started the thread after we met up with a couple for whom it was not working well.
Thinking ahead and about walking the Camino together we felt was an important part of preparation. Joining up with others while on Camino is a very different issue. Yes - we have to compromise and adapt, as we said in or first posts. Walking speed, the way we walk up hills, waiting for the slower walker etc are all important issues.
Making sure of joint accommodation can be an issue but sometimes actually makes it easier, accepting a shared room/double bed etc which some folk would not want.
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